Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[locomutt]

Larry,

Need a clothespin?!

[tree68]

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

[cherokee woman]

You are so right, Jim: the joke STINKS!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes




Laxative Cough Therapy

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and he always gets the orders wrong. His boss tells him if he screws up one more time, he is fired.
An old man walks in and orders cough syrup. He can't find any so he gives him a laxative instead. The man takes the laxative and leaves the store. The boss comes up and asks why he gave the man a laxative in place of cough syrup. He points towards the old man who is suddenly leaning on a lightpost and says, "Look at him -- he's afraid to cough."

Yeah, I know. That joke "stinks". lol lol lol [;)] [:D] [;)]

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [8D] [;)] [8D]

I will be working all weekend again. [;)] [:(]


Laxative Cough Therapy

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and he always gets the orders wrong. His boss tells him if he screws up one more time, he is fired.
An old man walks in and orders cough syrup. He can't find any so he gives him a laxative instead. The man takes the laxative and leaves the store. The boss comes up and asks why he gave the man a laxative in place of cough syrup. He points towards the old man who is suddenly leaning on a lightpost and says, "Look at him -- he's afraid to cough."

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]


Grocery shopping by the numbers. [;)]


My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned a short while later, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants and seven green peppers.

From Tops Greetins

[Mikeygaw]

bah that's nothing... my cousin is about 5'4" or 5'5" and her husband is about 6'6" or 6'7"

[JoeKoh]

cw
stacey is 5'1" im 6'3"
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [8D] [8D] [8D]


The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the
moment you get up in the morning and does not stop
until you get into the office. [}:)] [;)] [:p]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040622/ap_on_fe_st/stinky_plant_1

stumbled upon this and it reminded me of a Simpsons episode.

I wonder IF I can order that from FTD? Now let me see, who is next on my list to receive "flowers"? [}:)] [}:)] [;)]

[Mikeygaw]

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040622/ap_on_fe_st/stinky_plant_1

stumbled upon this and it reminded me of a Simpsons episode.

[cherokee woman]

Joe, buy her one of the gopher grabbers. I use it quite a bit, and we got one for our
neighbor across the street. Walt even uses it himself!!

BTW, how tall is Stacey? Bet she's taller than me!!

[JoeKoh]

Ok CW i buy my wife a step stool why do i have to keep getting stuff down from the top cupboard?
stay safe
Joe

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

So, CW is good at more than just level swings, huh? What'd you do to deserve that?

Carl,

What'd he do? He keeps calling me out to the computer to spell words for him:
and there's a DICTIONARY out here close to the computer[:0][:0]

[CShaveRR]

So, CW is good at more than just level swings, huh? What'd you do to deserve that?

[locomutt]

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".

Have you ever been hit by a 20 lb. dictionary before?!

[cherokee woman]

Jim,

I with you: I believe it to be true. It seems the news media likes to tell about only the
bad events over there and not any of the good.

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [8D] [8D] [8D]


I received an email today about a certain person. Actually a modern day hero fighting in Iraq. Some have cast doubt on the story but I believe the following link to be very valid.

http://www.usmc.mil/marinelink/mcn2000.nsf/lookupstoryref/200456162723

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:D] [:D] [:D]


- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every
problem begins to look like a nail.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

- My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for synonym?

- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it
all"?

- The speed of time is one-second per second.

- Is it possible to be totally partial?

- What's another word for thesaurus?

- Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you
explain whales?

- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

- It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like
one.

- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
chicken?

If it wasn't for the commercial,I never thought bufflo's HAD wings.

[cherokee woman]

It does make you wonder how serious a condition is, when the dr. says you have to
take a certain medication for the rest of your life; then, when he writes out the
prescription, he writes "No refills" on it!! Think I would CHANGE DOCTORS, FAST!!

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]


A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is
it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the
medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest
of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman
continued, "I wonder then, just how serious is my
condition? This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]


Where in the company, do you belong

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place
and put them in a room with only a table and two
chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any
instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see
what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in
Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign
them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud,
send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good
spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses
and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is
their niche. If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps
they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table
and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come
from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them
well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to
the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room,
assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks,
send them to Marketing.

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season [8D] [8D] [8D]

Quote of the Day

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper
is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the
tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the
America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the
three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush',
'***', and 'Colon'.

-Chris Rock

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:D] [:D] [:D]


- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every
problem begins to look like a nail.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

- My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for synonym?

- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it
all"?

- The speed of time is one-second per second.

- Is it possible to be totally partial?

- What's another word for thesaurus?

- Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you
explain whales?

- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

- It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like
one.

- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
chicken?

[zardoz]

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:
"HUSBAND WANTED, MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT
ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.
The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you....you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you! "She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:)] [:p] [:)]

JIm is getting forgetful in his old age. One day past 29 and I go to pot. [;)]


- I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I
don't know what to feed it.

- I had amnesia once -- or twice

- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

- Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were
Catholic.

- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make
me happy.

- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

- If the world was a logical place, men would ride
horses sidesaddle.

- What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

- They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.


- Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his
car onto a freeway.

- Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

- Experience is the thing you have left when
everything else is gone.

- What if there were no hypothetical questions?

- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about
other people.

[locomutt]

CW din't say what size she wears. Depending on the manufacturer,some where between a childs size 1-2. And in making the trip today to do this,she got wet from one of those things we weren't supposed to get.

(Remember she's only 4' 7" I try to water her ,but seems it is not working.[:D][}:)])

[cherokee woman]

Okay, everybody on the forum knows how old I am: 52.

But do any of you know of a woman my age, who has to get her shoes in the children's
section of the shoe department?

I went to KMart earlier this afternoon to get a new pair of sneakers and a new pair of
houseshoes. The following is what I could find (and ended up buying) in my size:

sneakers: have lights on the sides and also in the end of the Velcro fashteners.

houseshoes: terry cloth slippers with Barbie on them that came with a pair of Barbie
flip flops.

Disgusting, isn't it?

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:)] [8D] [:)]

Another story [:D] .

And yes, this one is true also. [:D]


While I was attending a Christian College years ago one of the students was from Japan. Man oh man did he make some darn good fried rice. One day I was over at his apartment when he received a care package from Japan. He was so excited and opened it and began eating all the "things" they had sent him. He was only too happy to share some of it with me. The one or two things I tried I just didn't care for at all, shucks no cheeseburger or fries. [:D] He then opened a package that I would say looked like a bag of potato chips. Only his "chips" were not potato chips they were dried minnows. He asked me if I wanted to try one? I replied, "No thanks, Masato, here we use those for fish bait."
[:D] [:p] [:D] [:p] [:D]

Dried minnows sounds like what I used to give the Cats for a treat![:D]

[vsmith]

After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: " What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"