Carl
Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)
CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
Originally posted by zardoz I fear this thread is in imment dager of dying. few contributors, and few viewers. Perhaps this will help; it is a story similar to the one that I used to start this thread.... LONDON (Reuters) - A British man who accidentally shot himself in the testicles after drinking 15 pints of beer was jailed for five years on Tuesday for possessing an illegal firearm, a court spokesman said. David Walker, 28, was arguing with a friend at a pub in South Yorkshire, northern England, when he went home to get his sawed-off shotgun, which he jammed into his trousers. But as he walked back to the pub, the gun went off, blasting pellets into his testicles. Doctors later removed what remained of his testicles during emergency surgery. Walker admitted possessing a prohibited weapon at a hearing in June at the court in Sheffield. http://news.myway.com/odd/article/id/414758|oddlyenough|07-13-2004::13:11|reuters.html [/quote [}:)][}:)]OH OH, OH OH, OH OH[:0] cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist." espeefoamer Member sinceNovember 2003 From: West Coast 4,122 posts Posted by espeefoamer on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 5:10 PM That Dueling Banjos thread was hilarious![:p] Ride Amtrak. Cats Rule, Dogs Drool. locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:40 PM It seems that there was a man walking a large dog,and had to go into the bank;he asked one of the Tellers if it was okay to bring the dog in with him. She said "yes","but DON'T let Him make a Deposit!" Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:38 PM dharmon, The one on "Aviationism" is too true.[^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! dharmon Member sinceAugust 2003 From: Bottom Left Corner, USA 3,420 posts Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 12:52 PM So how do you plead Mr Walker? Guilty your Honor <in a falsetto voice> Or would it be...... I'd give my left _ _ _ for another pint! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 12:47 PM I fear this thread is in imment dager of dying. few contributors, and few viewers. Perhaps this will help; it is a story similar to the one that I used to start this thread.... LONDON (Reuters) - A British man who accidentally shot himself in the testicles after drinking 15 pints of beer was jailed for five years on Tuesday for possessing an illegal firearm, a court spokesman said. David Walker, 28, was arguing with a friend at a pub in South Yorkshire, northern England, when he went home to get his sawed-off shotgun, which he jammed into his trousers. But as he walked back to the pub, the gun went off, blasting pellets into his testicles. Doctors later removed what remained of his testicles during emergency surgery. Walker admitted possessing a prohibited weapon at a hearing in June at the court in Sheffield. http://news.myway.com/odd/article/id/414758|oddlyenough|07-13-2004::13:11|reuters.html dharmon Member sinceAugust 2003 From: Bottom Left Corner, USA 3,420 posts Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 11:25 AM Aviationisms............. 1. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death . I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the SR-71operating location Kadena, Japan). 2. You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot) 3. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 4. From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. 5. If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe. 6. When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. 7. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. 8. Never trade luck for skill. 9. The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh &^%$ !" 10. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 11. Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant. 12. Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight. 13. A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication. 14. I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous. 15. Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there! 16. Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries 17. Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. 18. When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. 19. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. 20. Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible. 21. The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot) 22. A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut) 23. If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot) 24. If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the *** down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator) 25. Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. 26. There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,1970). 27. The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there) 28. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to. 29. Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there. 30. You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Monday, July 12, 2004 10:27 AM HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE: 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others. 5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and cc: them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room. 14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 16. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 18. Honk and wave to strangers. 19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. 21. type only in lowercase. 22. don t use any punctuation either 23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 27. Ask people what gender they are. 28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 29. Sit in your yard pointing a hair drier at passing cars to see if they slow down. 30. Sing along at the opera. 31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Monday, July 12, 2004 10:05 AM HOW TO DUMP A MAN: Dear _______________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply) 1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. 2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. 3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! 4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality. 5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. 6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands! 7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants. 8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess. 9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you. 10. ___You have a hairy back. 11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. 12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. 13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. 14. ___You still live with your parents. 15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting. 16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. 17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner. 18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application. 19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip. 20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time. Sincerely, _________________________________ zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Monday, July 12, 2004 10:01 AM The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling. "Careful...CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! WE NEED MORE BUTTER! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK! CAREFUL! CAREFUL!!! TURN THEM! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!" The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving with you sitting next to me." locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Saturday, July 10, 2004 9:18 PM Mikey, That was rather,well..............................................................................................[:D] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! Mikeygaw Member sinceJuly 2003 From: Philadelphia, PA, USA 655 posts Posted by Mikeygaw on Saturday, July 10, 2004 9:05 PM http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blagger/the_duel.html something rather... weird that i got by e-mail Conrail Forever! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Friday, July 9, 2004 7:59 AM TOP 10 THINGS IN THE OFFICE THAT SOUND 'DIRTY', BUT ARE NOT: 10. I need to be done in 5 minutes. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, now!! 5. Hmmmm....I think it's out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so old ...it takes for ever to finish. 3. It's an entry-level positon. 2. When do you think, you'll be getting off today? And the #1 thing in the office that sounds dirty but isn't: 1. It's not fair....I do all the work while she just sits there!! cherokee woman Member sinceNovember 2003 From: Louisville, KY 9,002 posts Posted by cherokee woman on Friday, July 9, 2004 7:58 AM Zardoz, Good one. It's only dirty if your mind is in the gutter!! cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist." zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Friday, July 9, 2004 7:55 AM TOP 10 THINGS IN GOLF THAT SOUND 'DIRTY' BUT ARE NOT: 10. Nuts... my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked that ball. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it. 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't: 1. Hold up... I need to wash my balls first. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:44 PM [(-D][(-D] Man some people... oh boy I'd be like banana and SPLIT![(-D][(-D] QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... [(-D] Wouldn't want to be haging around that funnel too long, mind you! Edit vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit « First«52535455565758»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!
QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... [(-D] Wouldn't want to be haging around that funnel too long, mind you! Edit vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit « First«52535455565758»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... [(-D] Wouldn't want to be haging around that funnel too long, mind you!
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed....
Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0]
Have fun with your trains
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit « First«52535455565758»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)]
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day.
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit « First«52535455565758»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,026 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit « First«52535455565758»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D]
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0]
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help.
QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off.
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V]
Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.