Hi guys,
Can someone start "Part 2" of this thread and link back to this version. At over 230 pages, it's grown WAY too big for the forum to pull around.
Thanks,Erik
miniwyochad thomas Some of my own.....Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores. The only place where you can get a Margarita to go! I saw this over in the MRR forum and had to steal it for you all.... Sorry if its been posted already...lvanhen Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". "What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash!"
chad thomas Some of my own.....Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores.
Some of my own.....
Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores.
The only place where you can get a Margarita to go!
I saw this over in the MRR forum and had to steal it for you all.... Sorry if its been posted already...
lvanhen Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". "What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash!"
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash!"
RJ
"Something hidden, Go and find it. Go and look behind the ranges, Something lost behind the ranges. Lost and waiting for you. Go." The Explorers - Rudyard Kipling
http://sweetwater-photography.com/
Shopping Trip
Yesterday, I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pets, Shane and Codette. I was in the checkout line, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.
I told her, "No. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear, and a car hit us both."I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Target won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
At a local bible college, they decided to create a center for Judaic studies. For this, they hired an ancient rabbi with a long flowing white beard. One day, he was crossing the campus when he met two students.
One of them said "Look, it's Father Time."
The other one said "No, it's Father Abraham."
The rabbi replied "I am neither. I am Saul, sone of Kish, out searching for my father's asses, and lo, I have found two of them!"
Tom
COAST LINE FOREVER
It is better to dwell in the corner of a roof than to share a house with a contentious woman! (Solomon)
A contentious woman is like a constant dripping! (Solomon)
A Touching Story One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He then turned her over gently, and ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping?" she whispered. He whispered back, "I found the remote."
Carl
Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)
CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)
Arizona - Open carry, so we don't have to guess what your packing.
California - Going green, by polluting your state.Idaho - Famous potatoes And fireworks !!!
Nevada - Guns, booze, whores and gambleing, Need we say more.
Oregon - Stay a little longer, enjoy the scenery, at 55Mph it's not hard to do.
Utah - Got wives?
Washington - Got Starbucks? (It's a California inferiority thing)
He might want to throw some snowmobiles in there.
Definition of an optimist:
It's Nov.18th. Winter is almost here in our part of the world. In fact, last week, the western end of our state had a blizzard. Today's paper said there were still remote areas without power.
A new store just opened in our town. The owners built a new building from the ground up. It's full to the hilt, and ready for that big rush that comes with the opening of a new store.
The business is calledt Dan's Mopeds. Now, there's an optimist!
Thanks to Chris / CopCarSS for my avatar.
Mookie And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work..... Think about it!!!!! Indignant Mookie Ann
And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work..... Think about it!!!!! Indignant Mookie Ann
Eh? What? I had to read that VERY carefully
Dennis
tree68 Hey - what ever happened to the rest of that state list? I'm pretty sure I didn't miss it...
Hey - what ever happened to the rest of that state list? I'm pretty sure I didn't miss it...
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not Really An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!
Those posters are HILARIOUS!!!
The other day, as I drove back to work after lunch, I followed an armoured car. The amoured day faced the back. Hanging in the lock, was the keys.
Really funny stuff, Michael. Thanks for posting it! - a.s.
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
arkansasrailfanwell here is a Link that is LMAO! http://theburningbiscuit.com/Demotivational%20Posters.html
From real life--funny, but sad, too...
We were driving on our way to visit the grandchildren (and their mother, of course!) when we passed a Krispy-Kreme doughnut shop. A lot of those shops, including this one, have been closed around here, and this one had the windows all papered up, etc. Still, there was one solitary car in the parking lot. A police car, naturally.
Truth is stranger than fiction department:
A city about 100 miles away from me, had a big company announce some major layoffs. I caught the tail end of a radio news story about it. The Mayor of the city had some forwarning that this was coming. In a prepared statement, he said they had prepared for this eventuality....and had already formed a committee....to decide on a timetable.....to announce their intentions......to acknowledge the layoffs...
zardozThis may not be humor as such, but it is so absurd it becomes funny. Strange things happen in Mookie's town! LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God. He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor. On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward. "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Polk wrote. Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he's found a hole in the judge's ruling. "The court itself acknowledges the existence of God," Chambers said Wednesday. "A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience." Therefore, Chambers said, "Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit." Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn't decided yet. Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081016/D93R8TH00.html
LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.
He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."
Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor.
On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward.
"Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Polk wrote.
Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he's found a hole in the judge's ruling.
"The court itself acknowledges the existence of God," Chambers said Wednesday. "A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience."
Therefore, Chambers said, "Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit."
Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn't decided yet.
Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081016/D93R8TH00.html
Ya drink from a bubbler. A water fountain is one of those tings they stick out in a pond, with water shooting out of the top.
Construction season seems to overlap winter now. From about March to October-November is Construction season. Most of June-July August it doesn't appear much work is done. Then a big push in October-November to finish up before the deep freeze.
Can be warmer by the lake in winter.
Don't forget about side-by-each, and outside-skirts of town. Should be easy enough to figger out.
Mike WSOR engineer | HO scale since 1988 | Visit our club www.WCGandyDancers.com
WISCONSIN-ISMS:A handy guide to the English language as spoken in Dairyland. A careful study of these terms is recommended before attempting conversation with the natives. AIN'A (Ayna) - Used in much the same manner as the Canadian HEY, this term is usually found at the end of a sentence, such as "We should get us a coupla cold brews, aina?" Closest literal translation would be "Isn't that so?" BETATAH (Buh-TAY-tuh) This is a starchy tuber grown and eaten in Wisconsin. Known as a potato outside of the state, this vegetable is usually eaten with meat. BRANDY (Distilled wine). Wisconsin consumes 90% of the brandy produced in the US. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. BRAT (Braht) Short for Bratwurst, Wisconsin's favorite sausage. Brats contain pork, beef, and spices. Lots of spices. A brat-fry is the social equivalent of the New England Clambake or the Texas Barbecue. Brats are not fried at a brat-fry, they are grilled over charcoal, simmered in a beer-and-onion broth, then served on a bun with mustard, onion, ***, and a cold brew. BREW (Brew-Ha, Brewski, Brewster) A bottle, can, or glass of beer. Also known as SUDS, BARLEY-POP, BARLEY-SODA, GOLDEN FOAMY, and MALTED MOTHERS MILK. BUBBLER (A drinking fountain). Originally named after the valve, which caused the water to "bubble up" when turned on. Ask where the water-fountain is, and the Wisconsinite will direct you to the nearest bubbler. CANNIBAL SANDWICH Raw ground sirloin served on dark rye bread and covered with thin-sliced raw onion. Obviously invented by someone who hated to cook, this is definitely an acquired taste. CHEESE-HEAD Originally coined as a derogatory term by the flatlanders to the south, the name has been adopted and may be used freely. COFFEE-KLUTCH A friendly gathering at which coffee is drunk, schnecks consumed, and gossip is spread. COOLER BY THE LAKE Meteorological condition where temperatures are lower in the immediate vicinity of Lake Michigan (the big pond). Most uttered phrase during summer weather reports. DAIRY AIR Also known as HEIFER-MIST. Although some may think that this natural by-product of the dairy industry smells like manure, to a dairy-farmer it smells a lot like money. Just watch where you're walking. DEER HUNTING The Wisconsin version of Marti Gras. Each November, thousands of male residents go up north to drink a brewski and bag a bambi. FIBS (Fibber) FIBS is an acronym for *** Illinois Bastards - those people "south of the border" who drive like wild maniacs (toll-free) all the way to the Dells. FROZEN CUSTARD A sinfully rich form of ice-cream made with real cream, real eggs, and real good! Not to be confused with "soft-serve", true frozen custard bypasses the digestive process and converts directly to body fat. GEMUTLICHKEIT Pronounced just like it is spelled. This German word means good-natured, genial, or friendly. The ability of people to make you feel welcome. GEORGE WEBB Bar-time four star restaurant. Most often populated from 6:00 A.M. to 11:30 P.M. by police officers. IMPORTED BEER This is any variety of brewski that is not produced in Milwaukee. When you ask for an imported beer in a Milwaukee tavern, you'll probably get a Coors. KETTLE-MORAINE A geological feature of Southeastern Wisconsin caused by the melting of the glacier. A kettle is a sharp depression, and a moraine is a hill or ridge composed mostly of mixed loose rocks. It makes for great scenery, but it's hell on road-builders. MOO JUICE (Mooooo Juice) Simply put, milk. PASTY (PASTE-Y) Meat, potatoes, and vegetables wrapped in a pie crust and baked. Imported to Wisconsin by Cornish lead miners. SCHNECK Any sweet pastry, roll, or doughnut. The proper way to eat a schneck is to dunk (doonk) it in your coffee. SMELT FRY In early spring, a small fish known as a SMELT migrates towards the shore of Lake Michigan during the night to spawn. Thousands of Wisconsinites show up at the piers with huge nets to catch the little buggers. They are then taken back to the tavern, beheaded, gutted, fried, and eaten (washed down with lots of brewski's). Truly, a right of spring. SODA If you want a carbonated soft drink, ask for a soda. If you really want soda (plain carbonated water) ask for seltzer. If you ask for pop, you'll get that smug grin that says "not from around here, are you?" SHEEPSHEAD This has nothing to do with the Godfather. It also has nothing to do with sheep. It is a card game. You have to be born here to understand it. It is played with only 30 of the 52 cards. Yes, sheepshead players are not playing with a full deck. STOP'N GO LIGHTS Traffic signals to you, but isn't that dull? After all, one light means stop, the other means go, so what else would you call them? UFF-DA A Norwegian expression which does not translate well. The closest equivalent would be the Jewish "Oy Vey". UP NORTH (pronounced "Up Nort") Where people go for vacation, fishing, or hunting. A very general term, up north is sometimes reached by traveling East or West. Anywhere 100 miles or more from where you are, and in a generally northern direction may be considered "up nort". UPer (Yooper) A native of Michigan's upper peninsula (UP). For these people, up north is Canada. WINTER (Also known as a "WISCONSIN WINTER"). This is one of Wisconsin's two seasons which lasts approximately 9 months. The other season is the ROAD CONSTRUCTION season, lasting roughly 3 months. Ya Der Hey! One can judge the sobriety of a Wisconsinite by the way he answers this question: "Hey Stan, wanna Brewski?" If the answer is "Ya Der Hey!", then Stan is only on his first six pack of Blatz. If he answers "Not now no more, eh?!" then he could only bowl a 110, and probably would not pass a blood-alcohol test (even if he studied for it).
Seen at the drivethrough of a local fast-food store:
It was even better first-person - even though the dog (note the pink hoodie, too) was clearly anticipating what was coming through the window, she didn't appear to get any of it....
Her "friend" was just as curious.
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