Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[vsmith]

"Sweet Nebraskaland, sweet Nebraskaland,
Upon thy burning soil I stand.
I look across the plains,
and wonder why it never rains...
In Nebraskaland, sweet Nebraskaland...."

OK I have been knocking my brains out trying to find the rest of the lyrics to this anonomous folk song that I have heard on both an NPR story about the history of Nebraska and on Ken Burns "The West" but I cant find diddly-squat on the worthless internet. It could be Depression era or 19th century.

Has anyone else ever heard these lyrics before ?

Maybe fill in the rest?

[Anonymous]

QUOTE:
> 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
> sources of rivers.

That's what I don't get ....... it doesn't rain salt water right? So hasn't someone figured out how the earth evaporates the salt water, then turns it into fresh water and then it rains down?

Isn't that the key to figuring out desaltation and solving the worlds water problems?

Is there something I am missing here, it seems like it would be easy to figure out?

Anyone shed some light on this?

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . [:)]

Two Robins

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

"I m so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.

"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.

"O K," said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...

"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."

[Hugh Jampton]

QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy

QUOTE:
> 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
> sources of rivers.

That's what I don't get ....... it doesn't rain salt water right? So hasn't someone figured out how the earth evaporates the salt water, then turns it into fresh water and then it rains down?

Isn't that the key to figuring out desaltation and solving the worlds water problems?

Is there something I am missing here, it seems like it would be easy to figure out?

Anyone shed some light on this?

erm,,, sslt water doesn't evaporate,, only the water evaporates and the salt is left behind. Go to Utah and have a look.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto, disguised as a door, gets his knob shot off.

Canadian Temperature Guide:
50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably, Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) Italian cars won't start, Canadians drive with the windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0° C) American water freezes, Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat, Canadians have the last barbecue of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes, Canadians Girl Guides sell cookies door to door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole, Ottawa's Rideau Canal (the world's longest skating rink) opens for skating.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol freezes, Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg of beer.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE:
erm,,, sslt water doesn't evaporate,, only the water evaporates and the salt is left behind. Go to Utah and have a look.

Yeah, that's what I thought, can't someone invent some sort of machine that would evaporate the salt water, leaving the salt behind therefore solving the worlds fresh water problems?

All they would have to do is speed up the evaporation times and the salt would be left behind just like in nature and they could make an abundance of fresh water from salt water.

Sounds like it wouldn't be that hard to me......

[Anonymous]

Better yet why don't they just build a pipeline from the ocean to these big salt plains and then nature can evaporate the water and leave the salt behind on it own, returning more fresh water back to the earth as rain.....

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:p] [:)] [;)]

I hope most of you know that I do have a serious side. Things said with humor are easier to remember. I hope that many of you have also noticed that I am an encourager. It is important to build people up and not tear them down. I try very hard to do this both in the forums and anywhere I go. I do post items to be funny, but I also post items to encourage, teach, or provoke though. Here is something good to read and a "life lesson" as well.

Something along the same line is a thought I have been wanting to share. Many of the older crowd will agree with my following statement. Many of the younger ones will just have to learn it through experience. But I will throw it out and we can chew on it and the item in the link as well. (I better post the link now or I will forget to do it.)

http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire11.htm


Now for the thought I was going to share.

Many things happen in life that are out of our control. Many times we jump to conclusions. Things happen and we just lose control or lose our "cool". However, what we thought at first was simply too much to handle after a few days just isn't as bad as we first thought it was. Things are not always as bad as they first seem. Instead of blowing a gasket, loosing our cool and jumping to conclusions we should step back and "see" things in a different light as they say. What is sooo bad today, tomorrow isn't as bad as it first seemed to be. Therefore, before we say something we will regret or do something we will regret, just stop. Pause, and think it over. Even a few minutes of calmness now can make a big difference in our life tomorrow. I need that just as much as anyone else does. <I guess Jim was preaching to himself, he really did need it.>


Don't forget to read the story in the link.


Look, Listen, and Live.

Stop, Think, and be glad. [:)] [;)]

<OK, Jim is putting up the soapbox now.>

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Hugh Jampton

QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy

QUOTE:
> 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
> sources of rivers.

That's what I don't get ....... it doesn't rain salt water right? So hasn't someone figured out how the earth evaporates the salt water, then turns it into fresh water and then it rains down?

Isn't that the key to figuring out desaltation and solving the worlds water problems?

Is there something I am missing here, it seems like it would be easy to figure out?

Anyone shed some light on this?

erm,,, sslt water doesn't evaporate,, only the water evaporates and the salt is left behind. Go to Utah and have a look.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto, disguised as a door, gets his knob shot off.

Canadian Temperature Guide:
50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably, Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) Italian cars won't start, Canadians drive with the windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0° C) American water freezes, Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat, Canadians have the last barbecue of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes, Canadians Girl Guides sell cookies door to door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole, Ottawa's Rideau Canal (the world's longest skating rink) opens for skating.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol freezes, Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg of beer.

LOL ain't it the truth..

and you know what is the be..worst?

The girl-guide cookies sales women come around dresse in these little short skirts...
makes you want to purchase the whole damn truckload!

i have to keep thinking in my head when they are at the door... 14... jail bait...14... jail bait...14...

[:D]

[locomutt]

Jim,

I thought you were preaching to the choir,but in this case ;
YOU SAID IT VERY WELL!



p.s. I did read the story!

[JDV5th]

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie of course!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JDV5th

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie of course!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!!

[locomutt]

JDV5th,
GO SIT ON THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have Kevin ,ED ,Dan;to keep you company!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . [8D] [^]

It is hard to tell days right now. The Humor Thread helps me know what day this is/was. Too much work and not enough free time now. [:(!] [:(] [V]


Today's Joke--Diagnosis


While making the rounds, Dr. Owens points out an X-Ray
to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because
his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Phil
Parker, what would you do in a case like this?"

He pondered for a second and answered, "I guess I'd
limp, too."

[Anonymous]

Ok that doctor is never treatring me, there are only Two types of Doctors that can treat me:

The ones with a proper medical background.. or the ones in the proper short skirts....

[Mikeygaw]

you forgot about the ones that can disco dance!!!

YMCA!!! (or for our interests, YWCA!!!)

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Ok that doctor is never treatring me, there are only Two types of Doctors that can treat me:

The ones with a proper medical background.. or the ones in the proper short skirts....

[}:)]Kevin, you better not let Chrysta see this thread: you'll wind up being in deep doodoo[:0]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt

JDV5th,
GO SIT ON THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have Kevin ,ED ,Dan;to keep you company!!!!!!!!!!!

ED, who sent Ed to the couch? I certainly didn't and I doubt very much that Mookie did. Up until now I thought that me and Mookie were the only ones sending people to the couch. Kev has a pernament seat "there" as he pretty much stays in the doghouse. [:D] [:p] [;)] Dan was send there, I think by Mookie but I am not sure now.

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season [:p] [8D] [:)]


I bet speeders on this hiway do a double take. [:D]

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20040514/od_nm/odd_italy_police_dc

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]


One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy
his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [8D] [:(] [:)]

Yeah, it's Monday, starting another week without a day off. [:(]

I need all the humor I can get <and then some>.



Daily Thoughts

Camping Tips

Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines
out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican
food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the
wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot
made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
makes excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does
absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on
a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.

Effective January 1, 2005, you will actually have to
enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be
used to strangle a snoring tent-mate.

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel
business." Dave Barry

[vsmith]

RE: Italian Police Get Lamborghini Patrol Car

ROME (Reuters) - If you are thinking about speeding on Italian highways this year, think twice. You might find yourself being chased by a Lamborghini.

Italian police took possession Friday of a sleek, 500 horsepower, two-seater Lamborghini Gallardo, which can hit a top speed of 185 miles per hour.


The sports car, painted in the police's distinctive blue and white colors, comes complete with a flashing blue light on the roof and will initially patrol the Salerno-Reggio Calabria motorway -- a road notorious in Italy for wild driving.

The Lamborghini will also be used to transport human organs for emergency operations.



HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAH HA![(-D][(-D][(-D][(-D]

185! On an ITAILIAN HIGHWAY[?]

it would bounce of the highway or flip over before it could even reach 70!![(-D][(-D]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

RE: Italian Police Get Lamborghini Patrol Car

ROME (Reuters) - If you are thinking about speeding on Italian highways this year, think twice. You might find yourself being chased by a Lamborghini.

Italian police took possession Friday of a sleek, 500 horsepower, two-seater Lamborghini Gallardo, which can hit a top speed of 185 miles per hour.


The sports car, painted in the police's distinctive blue and white colors, comes complete with a flashing blue light on the roof and will initially patrol the Salerno-Reggio Calabria motorway -- a road notorious in Italy for wild driving.

The Lamborghini will also be used to transport human organs for emergency operations.



HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAH HA![(-D][(-D][(-D][(-D]

185! On an ITAILIAN HIGHWAY[?]

it would bounce of the highway or flip over before it could even reach 70!![(-D][(-D]

North of Rome towards Verona or west to Milan maybe.....but RC and Salerno....holy boy......at 185 the only organs they be carrying away will be the driver's if they can find them....some of the worst roads in Italy. But then again we're talking about an Italian sports car, what's the chance that it'll start much less get up to speed (without catching on fire).....As they used to say in Naples..."The Italians have very stiff penalties for drunk driving"......"so what constitutes erratic"......."Obeying the law"


Actually reminds me of another one......How to stump a Neopolitan driver.....ask him if they have right on red in Naples......

[vsmith]

The road from Milan over to Rome , if you went over 50 mph you were risking life and limb.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

The road from Milan over to Rome , if you went over 50 mph you were risking life and limb.

On the Autostrada north of Rome, we had nothing but smooth sailing..fantastic roads......unless there was an accident which could take hours to clear. ....The Italians build for greatness...very spectacular bridges and tunnels...but but the mundane....road surfaces, toliets, light fixtures.....not so much....

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [:)] [:)]
A little slapstick humor this morning for yall.


Daily Thoughts

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He
told me to quit going to those places." Henny Youngman

"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day
cause that means it's going to be up all night."
Steven Wright

I told my doctor I can't exercise, because when I do I
start to sweat and burn off fat, it smells like bacon
and makes me hungry.

[JoeKoh]

Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [:)] [:)]
A little slapstick humor this morning for yall.


Daily Thoughts

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He
told me to quit going to those places." Henny Youngman

And have your toes avoid bookshelves![:)]
stay safe
Joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").