The other day, as I drove back to work after lunch, I followed an armoured car. The amoured day faced the back. Hanging in the lock, was the keys.
Thanks to Chris / CopCarSS for my avatar.
Those posters are HILARIOUS!!!
tree68 Hey - what ever happened to the rest of that state list? I'm pretty sure I didn't miss it...
Hey - what ever happened to the rest of that state list? I'm pretty sure I didn't miss it...
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not Really An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!
Mookie And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work..... Think about it!!!!! Indignant Mookie Ann
And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work..... Think about it!!!!! Indignant Mookie Ann
Eh? What? I had to read that VERY carefully
Dennis
Definition of an optimist:
It's Nov.18th. Winter is almost here in our part of the world. In fact, last week, the western end of our state had a blizzard. Today's paper said there were still remote areas without power.
A new store just opened in our town. The owners built a new building from the ground up. It's full to the hilt, and ready for that big rush that comes with the opening of a new store.
The business is calledt Dan's Mopeds. Now, there's an optimist!
He might want to throw some snowmobiles in there.
Some of my own.....
Arizona - Open carry, so we don't have to guess what your packing.
California - Going green, by polluting your state.Idaho - Famous potatoes And fireworks !!!
Nevada - Guns, booze, whores and gambleing, Need we say more.
Oregon - Stay a little longer, enjoy the scenery, at 55Mph it's not hard to do.
Utah - Got wives?
Washington - Got Starbucks? (It's a California inferiority thing)
Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores.
Carl
Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)
CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)
A Touching Story One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He then turned her over gently, and ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping?" she whispered. He whispered back, "I found the remote."
At a local bible college, they decided to create a center for Judaic studies. For this, they hired an ancient rabbi with a long flowing white beard. One day, he was crossing the campus when he met two students.
One of them said "Look, it's Father Time."
The other one said "No, it's Father Abraham."
The rabbi replied "I am neither. I am Saul, sone of Kish, out searching for my father's asses, and lo, I have found two of them!"
Tom
COAST LINE FOREVER
It is better to dwell in the corner of a roof than to share a house with a contentious woman! (Solomon)
A contentious woman is like a constant dripping! (Solomon)
Shopping Trip
Yesterday, I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pets, Shane and Codette. I was in the checkout line, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.
I told her, "No. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear, and a car hit us both."I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Target won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
chad thomas Some of my own.....Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores.
The only place where you can get a Margarita to go!
I saw this over in the MRR forum and had to steal it for you all.... Sorry if its been posted already...
lvanhen Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". "What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash!"
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash!"
RJ
"Something hidden, Go and find it. Go and look behind the ranges, Something lost behind the ranges. Lost and waiting for you. Go." The Explorers - Rudyard Kipling
http://sweetwater-photography.com/
miniwyochad thomas Some of my own.....Wyoming - We prefer drive through liquer stores. The only place where you can get a Margarita to go! I saw this over in the MRR forum and had to steal it for you all.... Sorry if its been posted already...lvanhen Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector."Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?""In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". "What if that had been vandalized?""Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash!"
Hi guys,
Can someone start "Part 2" of this thread and link back to this version. At over 230 pages, it's grown WAY too big for the forum to pull around.
Thanks,Erik
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