Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[zardoz]

This article was found on the "Oddly enough" section of Yahoo.com.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=2&u=/nm/20030930/od_nm/transport_britain_vasectomy_dc


I would make some comment, but I do not think I can top the article itself....

[zardoz]

I see Mookie already posted about this. Sorry, I posted before I read.

[mudchicken]

At the end of the inning:

Mookie 1

Zardoz 0

(*) Limited Clear sent to the showers

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

I see Mookie already posted about this. Sorry, I posted before I read.

Ya gotta get up earlier in the morning!

Mookie

[dharmon]

Or move to the east coast

[Puckdropper]

Or stay up later at night

[JoeKoh]

ouch!
gives new meaning to stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

Or move to the east coast

I live waaay west.

[Anonymous]

WOW LOL....

Hey what is a vesectomy anyways??









I'm kidding..

[dharmon]

It's a way of making some people environmentally friendly.

[zardoz]

Well, Mookie, I get up at 0400 CDT, and start work at 0500. But I usually have too much work to do for the first few hours. By the time I can do the web, its usually around 0900.

SOME of us have actual work to do [;)][:D]

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

Well, Mookie, I get up at 0400 CDT, and start work at 0500. But I usually have too much work to do for the first few hours. By the time I can do the web, its usually around 0900.

SOME of us have actual work to do [;)][:D]

Hiss!!!!!!!!

Gotcha' beat by 10 min - alarm goes off at 3:50 - at work by 5:30 - have an hour for forums, not nearly long enough usually. But I am off by 3 pm and turn off lights for night about 8:30 - asleep at 8:30.5

And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work.....

Think about it!!!!!

Indignant Mookie Ann

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

Well, Mookie, I get up at 0400 CDT, and start work at 0500. But I usually have too much work to do for the first few hours. By the time I can do the web, its usually around 0900.

SOME of us have actual work to do [;)][:D]

Dude,

What a bummer. I'd find a new career. Work is way over-rated anyway. It's nothing but a lie perpetrated by the man to keep the brothers down.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Hey what is a vesectomy anyways??

Kevin, Try it you'll like it. [}:)] [:p] [:0]

Just kidding [}:)]

Now who remembers THAT commercial. (And will show your age by admitting it.)

[JoeKoh]

kevin its a big owie!
jim he likes it hey mikey!
stay safe
Joe

[Trainnut484]

Jim,

Do you think Mikey likes put-puts too? LOL[:D][:D]

Take care[:)]

Russell

[Anonymous]

Jim isn't that mikey form the snapple commercial?

I watch alot ov TV land...

[Anonymous]

OK Someone did good starting this thread, now we have a place to share all of funny / stupid email. OK here goes, ( I have several to share but will only do one a day) :


Retirement Plan: .

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you
would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With
Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the
beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer
then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you
would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle. This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK Someone did good starting this thread, now we have a place to share all of funny / stupid email. OK here goes, ( I have several to share but will only do one a day) :


Retirement Plan: .

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you
would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With
Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the
beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer
then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you
would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle. This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.

Thats really funny, but the last part doesn't apply to me.
Kevin- happy green

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Alaskaman

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK Someone did good starting this thread, now we have a place to share all of funny / stupid email. OK here goes, ( I have several to share but will only do one a day) :


Retirement Plan: .

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you
would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With
Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the
beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer
then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you
would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle. This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.

Thats really funny, but the last part doesn't apply to me.
Kevin- happy green

Alex, yes it does. Start now--SAVING not drinking. My dad always told me that I should save a little of the money I made mowing lawns, hauling hay or whatever I did. NOW I wish I would have listened to him. Start a savings account or buy a saving bond, but do something and do start NOW. Let interest work for YOU not you work for interest. It is funny how stupid our parents can be when we are growing up. But as we do grow up they become smarter. There are many forum members who will be glad to offer advise, pic and choose the best and learn from others mistakes not your own. [:)]

[Puckdropper]

Maybe a little too free with advice at times ;0) (Not referring to N E thing here, just some adults in general.)

Mark Twain made a comment about when he was growing up, his dad was the dumbest man in the world. When he became an adult, he was surprised at how much his father had learned.

[Anonymous]

I like the Budweiser plan. I enrolled in it today.
TIM A

[Anonymous]

Next email of jokes, etc.

Daily Thoughts

If thine enemy offendeth thee, give his child a drum.

I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily
in the right order.
=======================================================

Ladies, seems like there's a message here
someplace.LOL

Last Laugh

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to
change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking,
running around at all hours of the night, and more.
She taught me to enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, how to dress well and how to invest
in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so
much time trying to change you."

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just
isn't good enough for me."

[Kathi Kube]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

If thine enemy offendeth thee, give his child a drum.

That one cracks me up. Ya gotta know my husband's been drumming many, many years. (He teaches about 85 students private lessons weekly, and plays in two bands, plus with our church's worship team.) Our daughters, 17 and 13 also play drums. We've got not one, but TWO, drumsets in our basement and host band practices at least twice a week.

*sigh*

It's a good thing I love them all to bits and appreciate their music. But they put up with a lot from me, too, so it all evens out, I guess.

Kat

[Anonymous]

K K [:D]

Glad you enjoyed it. My self-appointed purpose is to bring a little humor into the world. Heck, I laugh every time I look in the mirror. [:D]

HAVE A GREAT DAY. [:p]

[Anonymous]

O K, here is another one:

Keith called his golfing partner to withdraw from
their Tuesday night golf league.

His partner inquired why after many years would he
resign.

"My wife and I are taking Russian lessons. The only
available evening for both of us is Tuesday," Keith
told him.

"Does this have anything to do with the little Russian
baby you both have just adopted?" replied his partner.

"Yes it most certainly does," Keith replied, "We want
to do everything right for this child and afford it
every opportunity. So we're learning to speak Russian
so when the child starts to talk we will understand
what it says."
=======================================================

[Anonymous]

OK More funny stuff

There are from high school essays ENJOY

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh
Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he
was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and
she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame... maybe from stepping on a land mind or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire
hydrant.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98
missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a
generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a
band tightened. It hurt the way your tongue hurts
after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

[dharmon]

Okay a little from the uniform side.....


A US Navy ship is sailing at night and the crew sees a light on a reciprocal course in the distance.

The captain orders on the bridge tries to radio the other ship to no avail, so he orders the crew to signal it by flashing lights. After some time, they get a response.

The captain sends.....this is a US Navy ship, request you alter your course to the right.

The other vessel responds...you alter your course to the right.

The Captain, now kind of irritated sends......I am a US Navy WARSHIP, alter your course to the right now.

The other vessel responds ...you alter your course to the right.

The Captain, now thoroghly irritated sends......I am a US Navy Aircraft Carrier, conducting flight operations, alter your course to the right NOW.

The other vessel reponds......I am a light house, you choose.

[vsmith]

This was in my collection of jokes, so I'm posting it here to see what ya'll think.

Its Official, the Worlds Funniest Joke for 2002 is named.



LONDON (AP) - Drum roll, please - an online search for the world's funniest joke has produced a winner.

In a year-long experiment called LaughLab, a British psychology professor asked thousands of people around the world to rate the humor value of a list of jokes; they could also add their own favorites.

In December, Richard Wiseman and his associates announced the front-runner, a hoary old gag involving fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his sidekick, Dr. Watson. But in the final tally of some 2 million votes for 40,000 jokes, announced Thursday, a new joke emerged as a round-the-world rib-tickler:

``A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

``The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

``The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, are you sure he's dead?'

``There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'''

[dharmon]

Okay one more......but then strictly train stuff.......

This one was told to me just before the war....

An Iraqi commander had just finshed placing his troops in a defensive position, when over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better that any ten Iraqi soldiers!". Seeing this challenge, he picks ten of his best men and sends then over the hill. A quick firefight ensues, then silence.

From over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better than any fifty Iraqi soldiers!". Okay, maybe this man could defeat ten men, but surely not fifty, so he sends fifty more over the hill. Again a firefight ensues, then silence.

From over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better than any hundred Iraqi soldiers!" This time, he will not be tricked.....he sends one hundred men over the hill and then a couple of minutes later another hundred men....two hundred in all. This time a battle roars for some time, then silence. He watches in amazment as a single wounded soldier, crawls back over the hill. He runs up to the soldier and asks what has happened....."It was a trap sir, there were two of them!"