Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[CShaveRR]

39. It sounded like me.

(However, I'm more interested in the fact that this should be the 1500th response to this thread...very significant number!)

[Anonymous]

There are more posts in this thread than the never ending story!

[Puckdropper]

I got a 41, but it was wrong about being the center of attention... I hate being the center of attention in Public. People annoy me, persons, however, are usually ok.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR



(However, I'm more interested in the fact that this should be the 1500th response to this thread...very significant number!)

And over 15,000 views. That is something. [8D] [:)]

Personally I think it is time to pull the plug on the NES though. I think people are using it just for "stars". I don't even read it anymore. No offense to anyone who does post there, but I just think it is time to end it. That is just my opinion thought. <Jim the old fogey and his views sometimes should be kept to himself but he sometimes has a hard time doing that.> [;)] Now the Humor thread, it is a different story altogether. Not only it is funny and entertaining, it many times give us knowledge. Now you can't beat that with a stick. [;)] [:D]

And that is a better deal. [;)] [;)] [;)]

[Puckdropper]

Here's one that describes me...

From repairfaq.org's humor section (Warning: Don't go there if you have only a short amount of time!!! The light humor will take you an hour or better to read!)

An Engineer in Paradise
(From Glenn E Wilkop ([e-mail]).)

This one comes from our beloved Mr. Tibbs... Enjoy!

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared on the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree.

One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was", he answered, "But where did you get that rowboat?" "Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree." "But what did you use for tools?" asked the man. "There was an unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a particular temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But enough of that," she said, "where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter." "To be honest, I have just been sleeping on the beach," he said. "Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly.

She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid around a palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. "It's not much but I call it home."Inside she said, "sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?" "No, thanks," said the man. "One more coconut juice and I will throw up." "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. I have a crude still out back so we can have authentic Pina Coladas." Trying to hid his amazement, the man accepted the drink and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No," the man replied. " I was clean shaven all my life till I ended up on this island." "Well, if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device that was honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to guess how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom. Then he went back downstairs. "You look great," said the woman. "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling of gardenias. returned revealing a gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked, "We've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely...is there anything you really miss? Something that all men and women need? Something that would be really nice right now?" "Yes there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long but on this island it was well...impossible." "Well, it is not impossible any more" the woman said. The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly, "You mean you actually figured out some way we can check our e-mail here?"

[Anonymous]

You know I draw a conclusion, Every Canadian that has taken Mike's test has wound up with a 44+ score.

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [:)]

(A little late, but better late than never. [;)] )


Do this apply to YOU? [:0] (Sometimes it does apply to me [B)] )


http://www.dobhran.com/humor/GRhumor263.htm

[CShaveRR]

My second-cousin, despite her own political views, sent me this:

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how
we came to have an oil shortage here in America.

Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

All of our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma.

All of our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

[locomutt]

Carl,

Very well said. But I thought dipsticks were under the hoods of cars, NOT in D.C.
Imagine my chagrin [:(]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR



(However, I'm more interested in the fact that this should be the 1500th response to this thread...very significant number!)

And over 15,000 views. That is something. [8D] [:)]

Personally I think it is time to pull the plug on the NES though. I think people are using it just for "stars". I don't even read it anymore. No offense to anyone who does post there, but I just think it is time to end it. That is just my opinion thought. <Jim the old fogey and his views sometimes should be kept to himself but he sometimes has a hard time doing that.> [;)] Now the Humor thread, it is a different story altogether. Not only it is funny and entertaining, it many times give us knowledge. Now you can't beat that with a stick. [;)] [:D]

And that is a better deal. [;)] [;)] [;)]

Just using the neverending story for stars, we wouldn't dream of it! [:-^]

Have you seen the never ending story in the model railroader forum? Over 190 pages! [:0]
We've got nothing on them.

Speaking of getting posts counts up, WHERE HAS DOGGY BEEN???????
I'm starting to miss that guy and all his capitals.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Personally I think it is time to pull the plug on the NES though. I think people are using it just for "stars". I don't even read it anymore. No offense to anyone who does post there, but I just think it is time to end it. That is just my opinion thought. <Jim the old fogey and his views sometimes should be kept to himself but he sometimes has a hard time doing that.> [;)] Now the Humor thread, it is a different story altogether. Not only it is funny and entertaining, it many times give us knowledge. Now you can't beat that with a stick. [;)] [:D]

And that is a better deal. [;)] [;)] [;)]

Just using the neverending story for stars, we wouldn't dream of it! [:-^]

Have you seen the never ending story in the model railroader forum? Over 190 pages! [:0]
We've got nothing on them.

Speaking of getting posts counts up, WHERE HAS DOGGY BEEN???????
I'm starting to miss that guy and all his capitals.

I did post some in the NES in the MR forum. I post there and see what is going on over there too. So yes I did know they had a NES. They (the MR forum) had theirs first, at least compared to the one in this forum.

Now about Doggy, I did see a post by him just a few days ago in the MR forum. He hasn't been in our msn messenger chat family either. I don't know if he has msn messenger or not, if he does he hasn't been in any of our chats. But everyone is welcome.

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . [:p] [:p]


Some Odd Stories


WE'RE IN **** CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE

A MOBILE phone cost three men their lives when it was dropped into an open toilet in Mombassa, Kenya. After the owner offered a pounds 9 reward, the first victim descended a ladder but failed to emerge.

His concerned friend went down to investigate but slipped and disappeared.

Another man then attempted to rescue the others but was quickly overcome by noxious fumes. A fourth man was about to climb down too but police managed to stop him.

PLUG UGLY ORDEAL

A WOMAN undergoing abdominal surgery was awake for 45 minutes during an operation because the machine that pumps the anaesthetic hadn't been plugged in. Paralysed by a muscle relaxant, the woman was unable to signal that she was in agony. Her ordeal lasted until the arrival of a replacement doctor who noticed the tears in her eyes. The woman, from Vienna, is now suing for pounds 55,000.

THE BELLS, THE BELLS

A THEATRE company adapted the title of the classic Hunchback of Notre Dame to avoid offending disabled people. Oddsocks Productions called it The Bellringer of Notre Dame.

HIGH OCTANE

A DRIVER got a bigger deal than he expected when he bought a Chevrolet - and found 22lb of cocaine in the boot. The car, imported from Mexico, had been auctioned by Customs in Hamburg but officers failed to spot the 11 bags of coke. The man gave the drugs back.

A NO-BRAINER

POLICE arrested an Egyptian who provided budget brain surgery. Despite having only a primary school education, he treated 200 people a week for pounds 2.50 per head. The survival rate of his patients is not known.

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT ABDUCTION

POLICE called to rescue a "kidnapped" teenage girl found her naked and tied up in the back of a car.

But after taking the 17-year-old to hospital in Edmonton, Canada, and arresting a man, they realised the couple were playing a kinky sex game. Angry officers said the pair had wasted taxpayers' money.

IT'S A STICK-UP!

A VIAGRA-MAD pensioner robbed his local pharmacy four times in one year. The only thing the Frenchman ever took was the anti- impotence drug and the day's takings.



YULE BE AMAZED AT AMERICAN TV

A TV programme showing only a Yule log burning in a fireplace accompanied by a soundtrack of seasonal songs was the highest-rated morning show in New York on Christmas Day.

STRAW ALONG THE

WATCHTOWER ...

A VISITING judge caught out work-shy prison guards in Brazil when he noticed something odd about the man in the watchtower. On closer inspection, the warder was found to be a scarecrow dressed in a police uniform who had been the only "guard" stopping the 755 inmates from escaping for some days.


These came from ArcaMax.

[edblysard]

Got a 39 also, but though the answer on some of the questions were rather limited,(I dont do any of the things listed in the question about stance when talking to people) but the summary was pretty close to what others have told me about how they view me.
Could do without the elevator music....

Ed

[JoeKoh]

what did the snail say when he rode on the turtle?




wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
stay safe
joe

[Anonymous]

QUOTE:
THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT ABDUCTION

POLICE called to rescue a "kidnapped" teenage girl found her naked and tied up in the back of a car.

But after taking the 17-year-old to hospital in Edmonton, Canada, and arresting a man, they realised the couple were playing a kinky sex game. Angry officers said the pair had wasted taxpayers' money.

I could have told you that was from Canada, with my eyes closed! Actaully i'm surprised thats not Fromn Quebec..

[Hugh Jampton]

Today is Star Wars day...


May the 4th be with you...

[cherokee woman]

I needed a GOOD LAUGH on the day before my birthday[:D][swg]

That 's only 2/3 of a pun. P. U.![}:)]

[Anonymous]

Ed.. a 39??

Gotta be more lively, and vibrant, Comme moi! then you'll get top numbers!
All charm and no harm!

Ed you got to be more.. uhm.. Flamboyant! thats it, Go out and buy a Light blue suit with black around the edges, take it with you to work one day, and pretend your Buddy Love crossed with Elvis P.

thats got to give you a 47+ right there!

[:D]

HEY! keep that boa in that cage Mister!

[CShaveRR]

Let's all hope Doggy is outside enjoying the weather and chasing trains (there's a mental image for you!). Cabin fever could have been some of the problem.

[CShaveRR]

Hmmm...the Fourth is very powerful in young Jampton!

CVadeRR

[Anonymous]

Speaking of snails, did you hear about the snail that could drive and owned his own car?

That's right, and because he was a snail he had those personalized license plates with an "S" on them, and a big "S" painted on the sides of the doors.

Then everywhere that he went people would say, "Look at that S-Car Go!"

[:)]

[Anonymous]

Someone pleeeeeeeeeease put macguy out of his misery[(-D]

[locomutt]

To CVadeRR;

Ooh!

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by louisnash

Subject: Witch Doctor

After a few years of married life, a man finds himself unable to
perform. He goes to his doctor who tries several things but nothing
seems to work. As a last resort, the doctor then refers him to a witch
doctor.

The witch doctor says, "I can cure this." He furnishes the man with some
white powder and some instructions on its use, and all he has to do is
say is '123' and his manhood would rise for as long as he wishes.

The 'patient' then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over
and I don't want to continue?"

The witch doctor says, "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and
it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for another
year!"

The man goes home all excited and that night he is ready to surprise his
wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most expensive shaving lotion.
After he gets into bed and he is lying next to his wife he says, "123"
and lo and behold, it rises just as the witch doctor had promised.

His wife was facing the other way and turns over towards him and says,
"What did you say '123' for?"

Brian (KY)

At the murder trial,no jury would convict him.[:)]

[espeefoamer]

Took the Dr. Phil test. Got a 39. Had me nailed!

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Hugh Jampton

Today is Star Wars day...


May the 4th be with you...

Bad boy! Go to your room.[xx(]

[Anonymous]

Well, what did you want him to say........may the 5th be with you??????????[xx(][xx(]

[louisnash]

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely older lady, aged 75, decided it was time to get married.
She put a want ad in the local paper that read:
"HUSBAND WANTED. Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not
run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants must
apply in Person."
On the second day of the ad she heard the doorbell ring. Much to her
dismay, when she opened the door, there sat a man in a wheelchair. He
had no arms or legs.
She asked sardonically "You're not expecting me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you----you have no legs!"
The old man smiled, "Therefore no chance to run around on you!"
She snorted, "You have no arms either!"
Again the old man smiled. "Nor can I beat you!"
The old lady raised her eyebrows and gazed at him intensely.
"Are you still good in bed?" she asked.
The old man smirked and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Espeefoamer,
No jury trial here for this one. I guess it would be a hung jury.(Just a joke, not intended to offend anyone)

Brian (KY)

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by drephpe

Someone pleeeeeeeeeease put macguy out of his misery[(-D]

Come on, that one's a classic, [;)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Let's all hope Doggy is outside enjoying the weather and chasing trains (there's a mental image for you!). Cabin fever could have been some of the problem.

I am laughing at that mental image. [}:)] [;)] [:D]

(Maybe some cars too. lol)