Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[edblysard]

Oh great, who sold the Italians a working toilet?
Geeze, next thing you know, they will want a working sewer system to hook it up to...of course, then they would want a working water system too!

Ed

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Oh great, who sold the Italians a working toilet?
Geeze, next thing you know, they will want a working sewer system to hook it up to...of course, then they would want a working water system too!

Ed

Working water...they had one. The Romans built an outstanding system of Aquaducts..some are still used..mostly for irrigation through....back to that building for posterity.............as for building for the posterior........they have an efficient sewage treatment system...it's called the Mediterranean.

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:D] [:D]

This may or may not be funny depending on IF you just bought gas for your car.

In our local newspaper on Tuesday was a picture of a sign in California at one of the gas stations there. Someone was polking a little humor at gas prices but I bet not everyone was amussed. Anyway here is what the sign read:

Gasoline

Regular Unleaded . . . . . . . 2.33 9/10

Plus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .A R M

Premium . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . L E G

[edblysard]

Kinda says it all, they get their water from somewhere else, and dump their crap into the comunity swimming pool...

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Oh great, who sold the Italians a working toilet?
Geeze, next thing you know, they will want a working sewer system to hook it up to...of course, then they would want a working water system too!

Ed

Working water...they had one. The Romans built an outstanding system of Aquaducts..some are still used..mostly for irrigation through....back to that building for posterity.............as for building for the posterior........they have an efficient sewage treatment system...it's called the Mediterranean.

Dan- The romans did indeed have a working water system. However, there was one slight tiny-winy problem. All of the pipes thta were used to carry the water were made out of Pb (plobium, Lead) Which intern made mostr of the citizens loppier then fruit loops, It is also believed to have been the leading cause for Caligula's weirdness, I believe from 37-41AD. Because he was so weird and loopey, he was assassinated.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Oh great, who sold the Italians a working toilet?
Geeze, next thing you know, they will want a working sewer system to hook it up to...of course, then they would want a working water system too!

Ed

Working water...they had one. The Romans built an outstanding system of Aquaducts..some are still used..mostly for irrigation through....back to that building for posterity.............as for building for the posterior........they have an efficient sewage treatment system...it's called the Mediterranean.

Dan- The romans did indeed have a working water system. However, there was one slight tiny-winy problem. All of the pipes thta were used to carry the water were made out of Pb (plobium, Lead) Which intern made mostr of the citizens loppier then fruit loops, It is also believed to have been the leading cause for Caligula's weirdness, I believe from 37-41AD. Because he was so weird and loopey, he was assassinated.

Their water system...yeah it was lead, but the silliness that afficted the ruling class had a little to do with syphillis and inbreeeding too..not just the pipes.....I was thinking more of the aquaduct system, which was and is a engineering marvel. While the tribes and heathens in Northern Europe were walking down to the river and getting water in animal skins, the Romans were bringing the water to the people, where there were no rivers. But like anything Italian..that whole maintenance thing kicked their butts.

And besides...lead was easy to work with...the the Roman EPA didn't know any better back then.......

[JDV5th]

My doctor said that I have a photographic memory..... but that I ran out of film.

I've got a map of the United States in my room.....lifesize. One mile = one mile. Took forever to fold that thing up.

Steven Wright

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

All of the pipes thta were used to carry the water were made out of Pb (plobium, Lead)

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

oh get out... no you couldn't!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

oh get out... no you couldn't!

W H O , would want to see that anyway. [B)]

N O T . M E . . . [:(!]

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [;)] [:p]

(Jim isn't feeling very humorous right now. [V] )


From Joke of the Day. (About 2 weeks ago though, I have 300 plus greeting cards and "things" I have not had time to get to. Needless to say I am running a bit behind.)


I CAN IDENTIFY WITH THIS "DRUG PROBLEM" you mentioned in an earlier email.

My generation just might have been lucky. I had a drug problem when I was young, but I turned out all right.

I was "drug" to church for wedding and funerals.

I was "drug" to family reunions no matter the weather.

I was "drug" to the bus stop to go to school every weekday.

I was "drug" by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers.

I was also "drug" to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be a better place.



I think we have some good kids in our forum family. I hope they are not offended by the above article. It takes all kinds to make the world go around (as they say). The baby boomer crowd can relate to the above article.

[Anonymous]

Hey Vic-

What song do you like more?

Dy're Mak'er or Video killed the radio star?

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Hey Vic-

What song do you like more?

Dy're Mak'er or Video killed the radio star?

Dy're Mak'er of course,

Led Zeppelin is my kind of music, add in The Who, Pink Floyd, Yes, Neil Young, Deep Purple, KISS, ACDC and a whole slew of other Head-bangers Hall of Fame bands and you just described my High School years,

add Punk and new wave bands like Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, Depesch Mode, Ths Smiths, The Cure, Madness, DEVO, and Talking Heads now you got me through College.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

oh get out... no you couldn't!

W H O , would want to see that anyway. [B)]

N O T . M E . . . [:(!]

Well shah! Thsoe famous Roman plumbers.......Plobiumus Maxiumus Crakius and his brother Primus Meridius Crakius

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

oh get out... no you couldn't!

W H O , would want to see that anyway. [B)]

N O T . M E . . . [:(!]

Well shah! Thsoe famous Roman plumbers.......Plobiumus Maxiumus Crakius and his brother Primus Meridius Crakius

And then his sister.....ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[lupo]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

oh get out... no you couldn't!

W H O , would want to see that anyway. [B)]

N O T . M E . . . [:(!]

Well shah! Thsoe famous Roman plumbers.......Plobiumus Maxiumus Crakius and his brother Primus Meridius Crakius

And then his sister.....ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hey Kevin check out that glutus maximus and the rest ! T&A wheater wasn't it!

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

All of the pipes thta were used to carry the water were made out of Pb (plobium, Lead)

Plobium also spelled Plubium, today known as Plumbing, from the Latin Plobium.

....and you could still see their butt-cracks behind their Toga's.[:o)]

to-ga or not to-ga that is the question!

[Anonymous]

MOOKIE, what are we gonna do with that boy?

I guess we could nail the door shut so he couldn't get out of his room. [}:)]

I know. We can put him on the next Russian space shuttle and let him "see" space. [:p]

<OK, Dan, your set up now.> [:D]

[Mikeygaw]

past along in a yahoo group i belong to

in the KCS stockholders report:
a pic of locomotives in a roundhouse and one on a turntable

caption: These AC4400 locomotives comprise a portion of a modern
fleet that will be able to handle the projected volume over the next
decade.

In white lettering on the locomotive on the turntable: SD70MAC

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

past along in a yahoo group i belong to

in the KCS stockholders report:
a pic of locomotives in a roundhouse and one on a turntable

caption: These AC4400 locomotives comprise a portion of a modern
fleet that will be able to handle the projected volume over the next
decade.

In white lettering on the locomotive on the turntable: SD70MAC

Now THAT'S funny.[:D]

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . [:D]

Man I don't know if I can top Mikey's AC4400/SD70MAC or not. [;)]


There was an elderly couple in their 80s that was having trouble with their memory, so their doctor recommended they start writing everything down on paper.

A couple of days later the man started towards the kitchen and his wife asked him where he was going. "To get a drink of water" he replied. She asked "will you get me a bowl of vanilla ice cream while you're up" and he replied that he would. On his way to the kitchen, she warned him that he wouldn't remember and should write it down. He stated "I can remember a bowl of vanilla ice cream". She again stated "you better write it down...you won't remember".

She then asked if he might also put strawberries on top of that ice cream. He agreed. She warned him "you better write it down". Disgruntled, he stated "I can remember a bowl of vanilla ice cream with strawberries on it" She then asked "would you also put some whipped cream on top of that ice cream and strawberries?" He agreed. Once again she warned "you better write it down...you won't remember". He once again stated "I can remember a bowl of vanilla ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream on top". She finally said "well all right, but you know what the doctor said...and you won't remember".

The man finally arrived back from the kitchen after about 10 minutes and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She proceeded to get upset with him stating "I told you that you better write it down...that you wouldn't remember....YOU FORGOT THE TOAST!

-- Submitted by Jan



Busted?

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.

The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.

Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."



Insurance Claims

Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes found by a UK insurance company:

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On the M6 motorway I moved from the center lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming to apologize. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by the arms, and the first slapped me several times across the face. I knee'd the man in the groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in the shin."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."

"I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had convulsions and was blocked by a tanker."

"Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?"

"No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened."

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

"We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in- law and headed over the embankment."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."


These funnies are from the ArcaMax site.

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . [:)]

(Yeah, I know its late, the press broke down, and so did Jim. [;)] )


One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the
tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied
back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute
little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the
insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it
out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I'll
have enough parts for another one!"

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

past along in a yahoo group i belong to

in the KCS stockholders report:
a pic of locomotives in a roundhouse and one on a turntable

caption: These AC4400 locomotives comprise a portion of a modern
fleet that will be able to handle the projected volume over the next
decade.

In white lettering on the locomotive on the turntable: SD70MAC

OOPS![:D]

stay safe
Joe

[UPTRAIN]

You might be a railfan it...you wire your fog lamps to flash alternatly when you blow the horn.

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [;)] [:p] [:)]


Seconds In A Year

The teacher said, "Class, we know there are 60 seconds
in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day,
and 365 days in a year. Now, who can tell me how many
seconds there are in a year?"

The class looked very baffled by the question, except
for Billy, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.

"Ok, Billy, tell me how many seconds there are in a
year," the teacher said.

"There are twelve seconds in a year," exclaimed Billy.

"Twelve? Please explain how on earth you came up with
that number," the teacher said.

"Well," explained Billy, "there's January second,
February second, March second..."

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]


Many restaurants have specials on Tuesday such as 2 for 1, buy one get one free, and so on. The following story is definately a "get one free" lol lol lol [:D] [;)] [:D]


As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter
was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point,
she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny
fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!"
pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at
her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"


SORRY, I JUST COULDN'T RESIST THIS ONE. [}:)] [}:)] [:p] [;)] [:D]

[Anonymous]

I am still laughing over that one. [:D] [:D] [:D]

But it does remind me of the saying . . .

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but . . .

oh never mind. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I am still laughing over that one. [:D] [:D] [:D]

But it does remind me of the saying . . .

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but . . .

oh never mind. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

are you flicking bugers over the couch again Jim?[}:)]
stay safe
Joe

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I am still laughing over that one. [:D] [:D] [:D]

But it does remind me of the saying . . .

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but . . .

oh never mind. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

are you flicking bugers over the couch again Jim?[}:)

stay safe
Joe

Have you heard about the new law firm in town, Pickit & Flickit?
[:D][:D][:D]

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:)] [:)]


Reasons Why The English Language Is So Hard To Learn



1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must poli***he Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?