Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[vsmith]

Subject: Science Project

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start

the experiment with the worms.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of stear semen.

The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol - dead.

Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.

Third worm in stear semen - dead.

Fourth worm in soil - alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class -

"What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex,

you won't get worms!"

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [8D] [8D]


Alzheimer's Test

Count the "F's" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

If you want to you can post your "count". Tomorrow I will post the answer and the "why" for it.

I will also post some more Idiot stories. [;)] [}:)] [:p]

Six

[Anonymous]

I count Six aswell

[espeefoamer]

I also counted six.

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [8D] [8D]


Alzheimer's Test

Count the "F's" in the following text:

1(F)INISHED 2(F)ILES ARE THE RESULT O 3 (F) YEARS O4 (F) SCIENTI 5(F) IC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE O 6(F) YEARS.

If you want to you can post your "count". Tomorrow I will post the answer and the "why" for it.

I will also post some more Idiot stories. [;)] [}:)] [:p]

Maybe I'll be in one of the idiot stories tomarrow, but I count only 4 F's![(-D]

....kinda like my elementary school report cards I rediscovered recently! [D)]

ACK! you right! 6 !!!!!! [%-)][D)][%-)][D)]

Wow, the caffine doesnt kick in till after lunch! [banghead]

Well Vic, I only counted 4 myself: maybe I'm not seeing all the Fs, but that's all I
found after looking at that sentence about 10 times!!

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:p] [;)] [:D]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [8D] [8D]


Alzheimer's Test

Count the "F's" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

If you want to you can post your "count". Tomorrow I will post the answer and the "why" for it.

I will also post some more Idiot stories. [;)] [}:)] [:p]

Do you think there are three?


How many ? 3 ?
Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind is further down.


The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is
a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends-it drives them crazy.


Now how many people got 3 but would not post it? Come on now, fess up. [:D]

<Jim did the first time> [^]


Well I hope everyone got a kick out . . . oF . . . it anyway. [:D]

[Anonymous]

Some more Idiot stories . . . . . . .[:o)] [B)] [:0] [:p] [8D]



Number Five Idiot of 2003

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!





Idiot Number Six of 2003

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . . . . . [:)]

Since April is tax month here is a tax joke. [V]



A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American
friend and was jokingly explaining about the red,
white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag
symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we
talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and
blue after we pay them."

"The same with us," the American said, "only we see
stars, too."

[JoeKoh]

simple tax form
name
how much did you make
send it in
sincerely the Irs
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

Jim, I picked up on the OF's

I need someoen to host my Profile picture! it's less then 20KB!

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Jim, I picked up on the OF's

I need someoen to host my Profile picture! it's less then 20KB!

[}:)][:D]BIG HEAD[?]

[locomutt]

I'm sorry;Kev.
I couldn't resist that one![:D]

[locomutt]

nothing

[locomutt]

nothing

[locomutt]

Sorry about the extra posts here. I got carried away with the thought, and fingers typed
faster than my brain digested info.

I have tried to get the extra posts deleted, but not being successful. Guess I'll have
to get in contact with the powers at Trains.com tomorrow to get this corrected.

Again, everyone, please accept my apologies.

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [:)]

Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." - Here are some other laws you may not have heard!

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Beach's Law: Interchangeable parts aren't.

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply.

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!

[Anonymous]

Oh i know Jim,oh I know- Stuff apears in the fliar all the time, and i go and they say "sorry were fresh out"

And then I wing up bad tempered, and then I wind u anghry at the world, and a cchatacalismic servies of events are set in motion..

Good stuff..

[Anonymous]

This is perfect for Monday Madness . . [:p]

But I still want one, anyone want to buy it for me? [?] [;)]

Bullet Proof -- yes, but will it survice an impact from an SD40-2 [}:)]

(That was just a joke, ok)


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/04/14/eveningnews/main611897.shtml

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is perfect for Monday Madness . . [:p]

But I still want one, anyone want to buy it for me? [?] [;)]

Bullet Proof -- yes, but will it survice an impact from an SD40-2 [}:)]

(That was just a joke, ok)


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/04/14/eveningnews/main611897.shtml

[:D] I'm waiting for a bulletproof Hummer.[:D]

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [:)] [:)]


http://www.funnies.com/amish.htm

This is a double good site. Not only do you get to read a funny joke, check out the pic below it called, "Overload Burden". (I might catch a little heck for the pic tho.) [}:)] [;)]

[zardoz]

A law-abiding man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the honest thing, and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heared a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him."


"I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker,and the chrome plated "Christian fish emblem" on the trunk.

"Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

[rixflix]

Wooooooooo!!!
Zardoz, that was wonderfully Zardonic.
Wooooooooo!!!

Rix

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]

http://www.funnies.com/winning.htm

Anyone for a cold Coke? [;)]

[Anonymous]

Thursday Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:)]


Southernisms

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess" (as in "a mess" of greens).

3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly. (generally pronounced dreckly)

5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin')

8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far (pronounced "fur")piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.


Hey I can relate to these.

They forgot the B B Q baked beans. And Southern Fried Catfish is "to die for".

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

[edblysard]

Whats a turn signal?

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

Ed
they dont use turn signals just hand signals after they cut you off.[:(!]
stay safe
Joe

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

You have obviously never experienced fried dough...[;)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

You have obviously never experienced fried dough...[;)]

Fish Fry, fried biscuits, fried rolls, don't forget the butter. [:D] [;)] [:D]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

It's an option on new cars that is not available to any car with CA emissions. Apparently the mysterious stick protruding from the steering column makes a clicking sound accompanied by flashing lights on the dashboard. This phenomenon has caused a multitude of accidents in CA with drivers losing control while attempting to dial cell phones to thier auto service while trying to read what the flashing "warning" light was indicating. Additionally, it was found that drivers in adjacent vehicles would become so mesmorized by the repetitive flashing that the confusion that they would start following the vehicle..sometimes for miles.

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

It's an option on new cars that is not available to any car with CA emissions. Apparently the mysterious stick protruding from the steering column makes a clicking sound accompanied by flashing lights on the dashboard. This phenomenon has caused a multitude of accidents in CA with drivers losing control while attempting to dial cell phones to thier auto service while trying to read what the flashing "warning" light was indicating. Additionally, it was found that drivers in adjacent vehicles would become so mesmorized by the repetitive flashing that the confusion that they would start following the vehicle..sometimes for miles.

Driving in any mid-to-large city is an awful experience. It amuses me to see a car commercial on tv where it shows the driver cruising along at high speed with no other cars nearby. Where the heck does that happen? Maybe in northwest Wyoming in winter.

So much rudeness on the roads, so much 'me-first-screw-you-I'm-in-a-hurry' attitude, so much aggression, so much stress. No wonder so many people are buying such large vehicles; some buy them so they can try to intimidate other drivers, others buy them for protection from the aformentioned drivers.

Yes, I know there are many drivers that are such idiots, I wonder just where they BUY their licenses. But does that justify the hostility?




Maybe sometimes. [;)]