Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Follow the yellow brick road ... ur link. [}:)] [;)]

This pic give new meaning to the term "BAD Hair Day". [:D]

http://www.funny-pet-pictures.com/pics/dogs/81.html

(I guess it would help to post the link . . . yes, Jim was blond in his earlier years.) [:)] [:p] [}:)] [8D] [;)]

[vsmith]

No comments, just read......


A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that **** again"

[Rick Gates]

These are responses you may use when caught sleeping on the job:

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap a described in the management course you sent me."

"Whew! Guess I left the cap off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

"I was doing Yoga excercises to relieve my work related stress."

"Darn! Why did you interupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken......"

"Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot....."

"......in Jesus' name. Amen." [angel]

[locomutt]

That was a GOOD one Vic!!!!!!!

I'm still LMAO!!

[Anonymous]

I am going to start the Wednesday edition just a little early. [8D]

Hump Day Helpers [:)] [:p] [;)]


This from Top-Greeting.com


Chain Letters

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in
2003:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good
for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle
infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because
they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and
sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me
to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from Hell
with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens
they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are
nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonald's
can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I
will get sick from the rat *** and urine.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account, a sick
girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.
Funny, that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.

* My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for
a paid vacation to Disneyland.

IMPORTANT NOTE:
Unless you tell 1,200 people in the next 10
seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7 PM.

[CShaveRR]

Thank Goodness you posted this the night before...[i]after 7 PM![/!]

The danger is gone, right?

Oops, it's now after midnight...now I'm in really deep....!

[Anonymous]

Opps it's past midnight Now i'm in a very deep tiredness

DOGGY

[Anonymous]

Birdy, birdy in the sky,
Dropped a whitewash in my eye,
I'm not sad,
I don't cry,
I'm just glad
that cows don't fly!!

Unknown author.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by emory

Birdy, birdy in the sky,
Dropped a whitewash in my eye,
I'm not sad,
I don't cry,
I'm just glad
that cows don't fly!!

Unknown author.

just wait a few more years!

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by emory

Birdy, birdy in the sky,
Dropped a whitewash in my eye,
I'm not sad,
I don't cry,
I'm just glad
that cows don't fly!!

Unknown author.

played cow chip bingo before.I'll let the helpers double check the card.[:)]
stay safe
Joe

[vsmith]

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob and Rebecca whisper for a second or two, then Jacob says to the pharmacist:

"We've decided we'd like to use this store for our Bridal Registry"!

[vsmith]

Male or Female???

You know how they say a boat is referred to as "She" and classified as female?
Well, I believe everything in this world actually does have a gender,
and here are some of them:

ZIPLOC BAGS are male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.

SHOES are male, because they are usually unpolished, with their tongues
hanging out.

PHOTOCOPIERS are female, because once turned off, they take a while
to warm up.

TIRES are male, because they go bald and are often over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS are male, because to get them to go anywhere you
have to light a fire under them and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

THE SUBWAY is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

AN HOURGLASS is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.

HAMMERS are male, because they haven't evolved much over the last
5,000 years, but they are handy to have around.

A REMOTE CONTROL is female .. Ha! You thought I'd say "male". But
consider this: it gives men pleasure, they'd be lost without it, and
while they don't always know the right buttons to push, they keep on trying.

[cherokee woman]

Vic, both of these are good!

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . [:)]


Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.



A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.




Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."




The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for
chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the
chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.

[zardoz]

jhhtrainsplanes,

Where do you get these? They are so corny!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

jhhtrainsplanes,

Where do you get these? They are so corny!

Corny -- yes, but still good for a chuckle. [:p] [:)] [:D] [8D] [;)]

[cherokee woman]

Jim, am surprised you didn't have something ralating to APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!!

Your little funnies are cute (some of them, anyway) as well as being CORNY.

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [^] [:o)] [8D]


Some more "Corny" jokes. [:D] [;)] [:D]


While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one." [:0] [B)] [}:)]



Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say [censored] afterwards. [:0] [B)] [:p]

[Anonymous]

LOL hahahahahaha
LOL hahahahahaha

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

My advice, when asked for advice, just shutie-upa.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

Hmmmmmmm, Kevin in a bikini, PERI***HE THOUGHT. [}:)] [:p] [;)] [8D] [:D]

<Jim wonders if it has POLKA-DOTS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [:0] [:)] [:p] >

[cherokee woman]

Hmmm, Let's all hope Kevin is referring to Christa and not himself[}:)]

BTY, where is she? Haven't seen any posts from her lately.

[espeefoamer]

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

jhhtrainsplanes,

Where do you get these? They are so corny!

ZARDOZ:

Jim has some stock invested in KELLOG'S

[edblysard]

Tragicly true, and funny at the same time....
Ed

QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

[UPTRAIN]

I agree with edblysard.

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . [:o)] [:)]


And YOU think you are having a bad day. [;)]

http://c.send4fun.com/redir.cfm/2317/18141/2222/262645

[cherokee woman]

Way to go Jim!! That is SO FUNNNYYY!!

Another good one from Jimbo.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

Hmmmmmmm, Kevin in a bikini, PERI***HE THOUGHT. [}:)] [:p] [;)] [8D] [:D]

<Jim wonders if it has POLKA-DOTS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [:0] [:)] [:p] >

No, but on the more Serious side, I did apply at "bikini village" for a summer job...

Still waiting on their call.....

I figure, i can only look at so many freight cars a day before i want to gouge my eyes out with a cattle prod, but theres infinate amount of....

I think you get where i'm heading with this.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

Very Funny it's true

DOGGY

[UPTRAIN]

I always thought the Canadians were ahead of our time!!!