Trains.com

Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

173368 views
3436 replies
1 rating 2 rating 3 rating 4 rating 5 rating
  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:03 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:08 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Southern Fried Opossum, Mmm Mmmm Mmmmmmm

dem's goood eaten'


tastes like chicken[:p]
  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:09 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith
[br
I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


Thank you. I'll be stuck with that visual in my mind for the rest of the day.[xx(]
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:18 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith
[br
I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


Thank you. I'll be stuck with that visual in my mind for the rest of the day.[xx(]



Dan [:)]

It could be worse you know, he might decide to wear just green boxers or . . . once again I think I will stop there. [}:)] [;)] [:p] [:D]
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:21 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Southern Fried Opossum, Mmm Mmmm Mmmmmmm

dem's goood eaten'


tastes like chicken[:p]



. . . . . . . and THEY say that rattlesnake does too. Sorry, but I don't ever plan on sampling either, thank you. [:0] [B)] [:p] [8D]
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:24 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Southern Fried Opossum, Mmm Mmmm Mmmmmmm

dem's goood eaten'


tastes like chicken[:p]


Is that dirty chicken or just regular chicken? [?] [}:)] [:p] [;)]
  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:26 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Southern Fried Opossum, Mmm Mmmm Mmmmmmm

dem's goood eaten'


tastes like chicken[:p]


Is that dirty chicken or just regular chicken? [?] [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Doesn't matter....it all tastes like Tobasco anyway
  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:57 AM
This ones pretty risky business so be warned...

This gave me the biggest belly laugh I've had in a lonnnnnnnng time......



You'll enjoy this one even if you're not into pickles!!!
-----------------

Yossel Abramovitz worked in a pickle factory. Unfortunately, he had a very
great and powerful desire to put his p*nis in the pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and Yossel couldn't stand it any more. So he decided
to seek professional help. He spent a few months with a shrink who finally
gave up and told Yossel that since Yossel's desire was so powerful to put his
p*nis in the pickle slicer, the only way to get over it was to do it.

Yosselgladly agreed to do it the next day at work.

The next day he came home from work very early, about 11 AM. His wife Sarah
was very worried and asked why he was home so early. Yossel explained to her
for the first time the desire he had to put his p*nis in the pickle slicer.

Heexplained that he couldn't take it any more and today he did it and he got
fired as a result.

Sarah gasped and ran over to him, yanked down his pants and briefs, only to
see his p*nis perfectly normal and intact. She looked back up and said, "I
don't understand.....what happened to the pickle slicer?"

"I think she got fired too."

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 11:08 AM
Vic,

I gotta say, I liked that one....

since you headed to the couch in the corner with me, bring another beer and some chips too

......just keep the kilt pointed the other way though
  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: US
  • 13,488 posts
Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 12:04 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!
Can I peek?

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: US
  • 13,488 posts
Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 12:08 PM
Possums, pickle slicers and kilts - guess we covered all the major news now!

[xx(] The green kitty.....

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 12:12 PM
Even though I have a fair amount of Irish blood in me, you,ll never catch me in a kilt.[:0] But I,ll definetly be having a beer or two.[:D]
  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: US
  • 13,488 posts
Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 12:31 PM
50% German/ 50% English - don't drink beer - green or otherwise - ick! But fur looks good on anyone! And a diamond collar - well - Cat's Meow!

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 12:34 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?
  • Member since
    November 2003
  • From: West Coast
  • 4,122 posts
Posted by espeefoamer on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 2:30 PM
Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen,Patrick Fitzhenery & Henery Fitzpatrick?[}:)]
Ride Amtrak. Cats Rule, Dogs Drool.
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 2:49 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?


naaa Dan, it means Half of him wants to get drunk, and theres no way in hell the other half will pay for it!
  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:07 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?


I'm actually Scotch-Irish-English and Swedish, I hate myself, the left hand always wants to fight the right hand, I like bad food, a peculier fondess for fish (swedish side?), but have impecable tastebuds for alcohol, and yes, I have a cheap streak, I say i'm Shrewd. I wont buy something because its cheap, I try to get that expensive stuff for the lowest price possible, how about a $180 LGB locomotive for $40?[:0] $150 Piko building for $50?[;)]

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:08 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by drailed1999

Even though I have a fair amount of Irish blood in me, you,ll never catch me in a kilt.[:0] But I,ll definetly be having a beer or two.[:D]


somehow I dont think it would take too many beers to get you into one of your wives skirts...[:0][}:)][:D][8D][:o)][:I]

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:12 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?


naaa Dan, it means Half of him wants to get drunk, and theres no way in hell the other half will pay for it!


Funny, I dont remember ever seeing you at my pub?

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    August 2003
  • From: Bottom Left Corner, USA
  • 3,420 posts
Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:17 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?


I'm actually Scotch-Irish-English and Swedish, I hate myself, the left hand always wants to fight the right hand, I like bad food, a peculier fondess for fish (swedish side?), but have impecable tastebuds for alcohol, and yes, I have a cheap streak, I say i'm Shrewd. I wont buy something because its cheap, I try to get that expensive stuff for the lowest price possible, how about a $180 LGB locomotive for $40?[:0] $150 Piko building for $50?[;)]


Sounds like me...my family's been kicked out of some of the finest countries in Europe. I think the German-Irish part has got the best of me..every time I tie one on I have this overwhelming desire to overrun Poland.......and then there's the French side of my wife's family.....hmmmm the song "there were three german's who crossed the rhine' comes to mind........
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:49 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes



Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all.

Don't eat tooooo much corn beef and green potatoes.

Don't drink toooo much green beer. [}:)] [:p] [;)]


Thanks on behalf of Clan Collin's on my Irish side and Clan Deas on the Scottish side of my family.

I'm wearing my kilt at work today, bit breeezy in cubeville!


So being a scot and irish......would that make you a cheap drunk?


naaa Dan, it means Half of him wants to get drunk, and theres no way in hell the other half will pay for it!


Funny, I dont remember ever seeing you at my pub?


Well your Prices aren't on my "to brag about" list

Your prices have to reange from FREE to FREE.
  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,681 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Wednesday, March 17, 2004 10:00 PM
Once a Baptist - Always a Baptist

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.

They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.

The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent.

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, March 18, 2004 12:52 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen,Patrick Fitzhenery & Henery Fitzpatrick?[}:)]


It took about 3 seconds and this one finally hit home. [B)]

Can't say I laughed though. More of a cringe. [:0]
  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: US
  • 13,488 posts
Posted by Mookie on Thursday, March 18, 2004 6:18 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Once a Baptist - Always a Baptist

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.

They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.

The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent.

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Being Presbyterian - I am in the minority here at work - this is funny - to me at least!

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
  • 10,743 posts
Posted by vsmith on Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:28 AM
Well since were on a religious bent today...

>The Preacher's Salary
>
>There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to
>the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and
>discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family
>expanded,
>so would his paycheck. After six children, this started to get expensive
>and
>the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's
>salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's
>additional children were costing the church.
>
>Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an
>act of God!" Silence fell upon the congregation. No one dare challenge the
>thought.
>
>In the back of the room a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
>said: "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we
>wear
>rubbers!"

   Have fun with your trains

  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:38 AM
Vic [:D] [:D] [:D]

LMAO

I guess you can "get" too much of a good thing.[}:)][;)]

I have to give your joke "two thumbs up".

And add to that the "5 Stars". [;)]
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:44 AM
Since nobody will want to follow that one I guess I will. [:p]

Thursday's Hunor Paper [:)]

Walter emailed me this link. [8D]

http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20040315,18N3

Exactly what we all wanted to know . . . . . What You Can Do With . . . . . Vodka [:0]

Funny, drinking it is not suggested. [}:)] [;)] [:D]
  • Member since
    February 2004
  • From: Balto. MD
  • 213 posts
Posted by Rick Gates on Thursday, March 18, 2004 11:28 PM
Did you hear about the Railfans. Let's call them, uh, Mikey and Jeff. They attended a local meeting of Raifans each week to exchange sightings, info, pics, stories, etc. They were so delighted with this fellowship of kindred spirits and, became such close friends, that they made a pact with each other to answer the question if there are railroads in heaven. The pact? Whoever dies first, must attempt to communicate with the other and let him know. Years pass, and Mikey passes on. After a week, his spirit appears to Jeff. Jeff says excitedly, "You kept the promise Mikey! Tell me, are there railroads in heaven! Mikey's spirit replys, "Jeff, my friend, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, there are railroads in heaven and we have great meetings all the time about them." Jeff says, "That's terrific! What's the bad news?" Mikey's spirit replies, " Well, you're leading tomorrow's meeting!" [:-^]
Railroaders do it on steel
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Friday, March 19, 2004 1:06 AM
Hey, I "knew" them. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Friday, March 19, 2004 8:34 AM
Finally Friday . . . . (and none toooo soon) . . . . [:0] [:)]


From the ArcaMax joke site:


To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally.

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."



lol, just MY luck. [;)] [:D]


I don't know if the following is true or not but some of the following are funny.


Arkansas Laws (supposedly, these are accurate)

A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"

A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

Fayetteville: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

It is illegal to kill "any living creature".

It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M., according to Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.









Join our Community!

Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.

Search the Community

Newsletter Sign-Up

By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy