Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[espeefoamer]

[:p]Auto Acronyms part II.PONTIAC,Poor Old Nitwit Thinks It's A Caddilac.[8D]Chevrolet,Cheap Heap,Every Valve Rattles,Oil Leaks Every Time.[:p]

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers [:D] [;)] [:p]



Uncle Joe had to get a job. The city factory where he
had worked had gone out of business, so this time he
tried a local ranch. The rancher took pity on him and
decided to give him a chance.

"This," he said, showing my uncle a rope, "is a
lariat. We use it to catch cows."

"I see," said Uncle Joe, trying to seem knowledgeable
as he examined the riata, "And what do you use for
bait?"



Daily Thoughts

"Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with all
Microsoft products." Ferenc Mantfield

[Anonymous]

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking
anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may
glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything
below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands
off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys
of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that
they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't
take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and
I will not object. However, in order to ensure that
your clothes do not, in fact come off during the
course of you date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can
kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am
the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get
to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not
do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely back at my house, and the only word I need from
you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with
me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise,
once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do
not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the
movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer
than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just
standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date
with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas,
or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where
there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to
wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything
other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka
-- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are
okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,
balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on
issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,
merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me
to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a
chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When
my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull
into the driveways you should exit the car with both
hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your
car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking
anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may
glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything
below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands
off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys
of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that
they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't
take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and
I will not object. However, in order to ensure that
your clothes do not, in fact come off during the
course of you date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can
kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am
the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get
to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not
do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely back at my house, and the only word I need from
you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with
me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise,
once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do
not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the
movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer
than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just
standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date
with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas,
or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where
there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to
wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything
other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka
-- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are
okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,
balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on
issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,
merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me
to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a
chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When
my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull
into the driveways you should exit the car with both
hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your
car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Rule 11: I too was once your age and therefore know of and have probably tried all of things that you are thinking about doing. Unless you you truly desire to experience first hand the life of a cra***est dummy, bani***hose thoughts you are harboring in your pea brain.

[Anonymous]

Thursday Humor Paper . . . . . . [:D]


Arkansas Farm Humor [8D] [}:)] [:p] [;)]


An Arkansas farmer got in his pickup and drove to a
neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.
A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw
home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into
town."

"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town
with paw."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with maw and paw."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting
from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked
politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you
want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message
fer paw."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really
wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother
Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to
talk to Paw about that", he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for
the bull and $25 for the boar hog to mate, but I
really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

[Kathi Kube]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]

You'd better believe it! Luckily for him, my daughter's boyfriend is a nice guy. He's also a guitarist and frequently shops at the music store where my husband teaches. The silly boy worships the ground my husband walks on, simply because he's a professional musician. It's a good thing.

Here's my Rule No. 12:

If you do anything at all that displeases my daughter in any way, know that I can take you out and you won't even see it coming.

My younger daughter's not allowed to date until she's 16, but she's taking Tae Kwon Do with me. She'll be able to handle herself just fine. [;)]

Kathi

[Anonymous]

Keep sending me the jokes, and I will post the better ones. [;)]

Here are a few funnies. [:D]



Just to be different, a farmer in Holland decided to
plant wheat one year instead of tulips. While he was
planting his crop, he noticed water oozing from the
dam which kept his field from flooding.

Thinking it didn't amount to much, and that the water
might be needed by the wheat, he let the leak alone.

Many months later, when it was time to harvest his
crop, he awoke to find his house filled with rising
water. The trickle of water from the dam had become a
gusher, and his fields were completely flooded.

Luckily, the farmer was able to improvise a raft from
one of the doors and found a board to use as an oar.
He was able to escape just before the dam burst
completely and washed his house away.

The moral of the story: As ye seep, so shall ye row.




Daily Thoughts

"Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even
keeping them in hot water will not make them tender."
Mary Lorraine Buckley


When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that
the Fire Department uses water.


"Indecision is like a stepchild: if he does not wash
his hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is
wasting water." African Proverb

[vsmith]

This came from a topic over on the Model RRing forum, where there's a great hoopla about who had the "biggest engine"

IOW, "Big Boy" vs "Allegenhy" vs PRR "S1" vs "Yellowstone" etc, etc.

Well I got a little fed up with all the "smoke and wind amounting to nothing" and decided to reveal the legend of the "Big Joe", a Russian cold war monster engine that exist now only in legend...told to me by the Grandfather of a friend in college who spoke sofetly and carefully, as if he was still being watched...

Since I know NONE of you will believe this story is true I'll post it here in the humor thread and you can take it as such....[;)]

"The Legend Of the "BIG JOE"

It’s a Little Known Fact that during the early 50's the Russians decided to claim the "Worlds Largest Locomotive" title by building the nuclear powered "Big Joe" a 4-12-12-0+0-12-12-0 monster engine built in super secret isolation at a secret military base located on the frozen Siberian tundra. Intended for the Moscow to Vladivostok Trans-Siberian run. The idea was to eliminate the need to stop for water or fuel so the train would run non-stop pulling trains up to ten-miles long.

The "Big Joe's" were apparently quite Amazing sight to behold. Imagine the largest articulated locomotive you've ever seen. A 4-12-12-0 in a cab-forward designation. The forward cab was 2 levels and looked more like a jet plane than a steam loco. Now take a second section 0-12-12-0 articulated with a secondary crew cab dormitory at the rear. Now imagine, straddling between these two monsters, pivoted mid-way on the articulated portions like a large square steel boiler section of a Bayers-Garret, looking much like a huge transformer, the Reactor Core, whose nuclear heart was the boilers heating source. To feed these steam monsters 3 huge water tenders trailing behind.

Once completed, it was rolled out of the train shed onto the tracks only to realize that it was too big to go through any tunnels and far too long for any curves, and while they were figuring out what to next, the heat from the nuclear reactor melted the permafrost under the engine, where upon it crashed thru the rails, the crews leaping from the two-story control cab, sinking under its own ocean liner weight, the heat of its atomic heart burning thru the soil to the center of the Earth, never to be seen again....

All records were destroyed to prevent word of this huge embarrassment from reaching Western ears, the crews and builders were dispatched to the gulag's were they were put to work perfecting the Trabant automobile. Stalin died soon after, some say the night he received word of the loss, and rumor has it, is buried with the only surviving photograph of the Big Joe in his coat pocket.

Accounts are only now coming to light as the old timers who survived the gulag's recount the story to their great grandchildren on cold Russian winter nights...they tell them, if you put your ear to the ground, you can still hear the whistle bellowing deep under the Earth...


Well there it is... Believe it, or ....whatever....

[CShaveRR]

Didn't this thing resurface in India a year or so ago?

<ducking for cover with a wide grin for an umbrella>

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Didn't this thing resurface in India a year or so ago?

<ducking for cover with a wide grin for an umbrella>

I remember that and I bet a few oldies on here will too! What a hoot!

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Didn't this thing resurface in India a year or so ago?

<ducking for cover with a wide grin for an umbrella>

If your referring to that mysterious nuclear engine that only ONE person has seen and of course, not a single photo, or train fan sighting, or proof other than his own word... No, The Big Joe wasn't that one, as I said it sank under its own titanic weight completely out of sight. The Rusky's filled in the sink hole and converted the military base to a Reindeer milk dairy.

Of Course... maybe the Ruskies sold the Indian Gov whatever schematic drawings that survived not being thrown into the Kremlin's heating boiler? Hmmmm.

[Anonymous]

You know what this is the BIG 8-9-9??

DARN!! see below

[Anonymous]

You know what this is?

The Big 9-0-0

Isn't there a steam locomotive neamed after me now?

I'm kidding.

[Anonymous]

Time for the Finally Friday editon of our paper . . . . . [8D]


I received these from Mookie. I tried to post them early this morning but the bed called and I just had to answer. So here they are for your viewing enjoyment.


Some of you may remember George from his glory days!

GEORGE CARLIN STRIKES AGAIN



1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in the swimming pool?
3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make
the Tennessee Titans?


4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one
enjoys it?


5. There are three religious truths: a) Jews do not recognize Jesus
as the Messiah, b) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
The Christian faith, c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person, who plays the piano, called a pianist but a
person who drives a race car not called a racist?


11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?


12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys>deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners>depressed?


13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?



16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ?..they're cramming for

their final exam.


17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

You know what this is?

The Big 9-0-0

Isn't there a steam locomotive neamed after me now?

I'm kidding.

Yeah it's an 0-0-0 .......


He shoots...he scores.....GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLL!

[:D]

[zardoz]

(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.

The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.

(11 August 1999) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the sun.

(25 May 1999, Ukraine) A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish. In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.

(16 August 1999, Germany) A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own dog on Monday. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in the Black Forest. A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his bereaved dog was howling inside the car. The animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul play.

(1991, Nicosia, Cypress) Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.

(August 1999, Australia) Drinking oneself to death need not be a long lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits. A Sydney, Australia hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday, with a 100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for beer to 8 points for hard liquor. Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236, (winners never quit!) which had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0.353, 7 times greater than Australia's legal driving limit of 0.05%. After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence, the bathroom, Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour and 40 minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but Allan had vomited several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid by Allan was much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the equivalent of $13,100 US dollars for not intervening. It is not known whether Allan required any further embalming.


(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh) Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices. Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stomping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar. "Their wives could not even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported.



(5 September 1999, Jerusalem) The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions.

Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]

Dan, I bet youre going to give your Daughters Boyfriend the 'ol I was in the core, and when you go to open the door and he offers to shake your hand.. your going to salute him and say.. "sorry, it's the memories of the core" Then when he calls you Sir.. your going to say, "Corprol Son..! Not Sir!"

You know how I know that happens... I have a Girlfriend and i had to meet her dad.. Oh boy, do i know these things happen..

what about you Ed.. what protective messures have you taken? [:D]

[Anonymous]

oh and dknelson, congrats on your 4th star, it looks excellent!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Kathi Kube

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]

You'd better believe it! Luckily for him, my daughter's boyfriend is a nice guy. He's also a guitarist and frequently shops at the music store where my husband teaches. The silly boy worships the ground my husband walks on, simply because he's a professional musician. It's a good thing.

Here's my Rule No. 12:

If you do anything at all that displeases my daughter in any way, know that I can take you out and you won't even see it coming.

My younger daughter's not allowed to date until she's 16, but she's taking Tae Kwon Do with me. She'll be able to handle herself just fine. [;)]

Kathi

LOL

I thought my 10 cents would be useful here. I remember when Kevin met my dad, he started telling him how he had been in the core and all that stuff, You know he tried to scare Kevin off, well he failed, he later admitted that he wasn't part of the core, or any military group, with me watching him. See now every time there is a game on, a Hockey game, they will be down stairs watching it.. they both like the same team Montreal Canadiens, They both hate the same Referee, they both share the same views, and they both swear very loudly when a penalty has occured, matter of fact I wouldn't want to be my own neighbours. Those two get a long like ..uh...two things that get along.

See Kathi, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 either, I know kevin's Dad kept asking where his Girlfriend was when he was 12.. of course that was whenever his mom was out of ear shot, Kevs parents don't agree with each other on the whole dating process.

My dad I think, given the oppertunity, would adopt Kevin into our Family.. wait thats gross... that would make us.. gross, ex that out.

It took my Mom less then two secondes to realize that Kevin, was not a typical teenager. He could be very mature, and very funny at the same time. He didn't have chains hanging from his pants, or Skulls on his shirt, which my parents would hate.

So all in all, Everyone gets along, Kevin gets along with my younger sister which I didn't even thing was going to happen, He gets along with my younger brother aswell.

But you should have seen Kevins face when my dad was giving him the riot act.. you would have paid a million dollars to see this. He was so terrified!

[JoeKoh]

Me
nice to see you again!
stay safe
Joe

[JoeKoh]

Well here we go
if this was already posted I apologize

HANG ON TO YOUR TEXAS QUARTERS

The us dept of the treasury has announced the recall of the texas state quarter.Action is being taken because they wont work in meters vending machines toll booths etc.
the problem is the unique design of the quarter designed by a texas a&m grad.apparently the duct tape holding the 2 dimes and nickel together are jamming the coin operated devices.(is this true ed?)

stay safe
Joe

[edblysard]

Very true, Joe,
But a Texas Tech group came up with the solution, replace the duct tape with electrical tape, seems to work much better...

Kevin,
I have shown my 16 year old where the ladder is, and where the cheapest Justice of the Peace is, now all she has to do is find a boy whos job dosnt involve fried fast food...I really, really want her room.
The 10 year old isnt allowed to date, till she is 20, 30 something like that, and Aimee has already said we are keeping the 4 year old forever.
Ed

[Anonymous]

Well Ed between you and me and everyone else, Kevin will never admit to this, because when he does say really nice things, he never admits to that, we were having a conversation the other day about parents and such.. Kevin was saying how he hopes that your girls get the best boyfriends in the world...

I wondered why for a second, but then he continued.. and he has a really really good point

Ed, whoever these guys are going to be, are going to be the luckiest guys on the earth

A)They have your daughter

B) They have you.. thats probobly the reason kevin won't say this, so he will be really embarassed to know I said this.. Ed they have you, Any guy can only dream of having a father like figure, such as you, in the family. Ed your intelligence, and brilliance is or MOST DEFENATELY should be appreciated by any guy on the planet, It's true too. I think Kevin could well do with your advice on a daily basis, i'm just not sure whod he'd be over to see, you or your daughter.

now he is going to go all red faced.. and say well uhhh.. you.. uhhh...uhhh..uhhh

and don't give me any credit for it, thats kevins saying this, not myself, And for once, I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season [:)]

I might get run outta town on a rail for these [}:)] [;)] [8D]



Sometimes true stories are funnier than fiction..


Colonoscopy humor: A physician claims these are actual
comments from his patients made while he was
performing colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no
man has gone before."


2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"


4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"


5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there
yet?"


6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."



7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"


8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."


9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"


10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"


11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."


12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
you?"


AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)


13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

[Anonymous]

I think that joke went over my head again, because i don't get it.

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

I think that joke went over my head again, because i don't get it.

Thats because your TOO YOUNG!!

Give it about 20 years and you'llknow all too well what its talking about...

A colonoscopy is a small camera thats inserted up your caboose to look for pollop's on your colon, as sign of possible cancer. Very important for men over 40 to get every couple of years. This technic is way better than the OLD WAY where the Doc slips on the rubber glove, a little KY jelly and HELLO! your engaged![:0]

[Anonymous]

Vsmith - Nasty, man

Ed... have you disowned your oldest daughter already? Is it the 40 million peircing phase, you know those unsightly peicerings in unsightly places.. or the tatoo phase right now? Or is she jsut a plain Rebel without a cause?

[espeefoamer]

What do you call an elevator that is going down?A descendor? A farm boy shows up at school,having been absent the day before.
The teacher asks him"Why weren't you here yesterday?The kid answers, "I had to take our bull over to Farmer Browns. He needed him for his cows."The teacher then asks, "coudn't your father do that?"The boy replies,"No mam,he ain't registered."

[Anonymous]

It's the . . . . . Sunday Funnies [;)] [:D]


Here is a link to a sad but cute story all in one. Locomut and Cherokee Women sent it to me. We you are getting to be sentimental in your old age, well join the crowd. Some might need a box of Kleenex for this one. [;)]


http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire180.htm

[Anonymous]

Well it is after midnight (on the east coast anyway lol) so here is the . . . Monday Madness edition of the paper.


This really isn't humorus so we will call it a news story.




Service call of the month from a Baltimore Gas & Electric residential customer ....
BGE received a call from a customer saying:

"My power is out. When you come to fix it be sure to bring a truck with a tall enough bucket to remove the deer".

The customer service representative, prudently trying to gather helpful information to help diagnose the problem asked, "What deer"?

The customer replied, "There's a deer on top of one of the electric poles on Wilkes Road, about 1/2 mile west of Perimeter Road".

The customer service rep tried desperately to pull herself together and not laugh in front at the customer and replied, "We will dispatch
someone right away to investigate the power outage. Thank you for the call."

Upon completion of the call, the customer service rep shared the funny story with her coworkers in the office, and they all had a good laugh.

Well, lo and behold, the serviceman who repaired the problem stopped by the customer service office the following day with these pictures.


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00007.jpg


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00013.jpg



There is more to the story but I have lost the text of it. It turns out a train had hit the deer knocking it upon the poll. Like I said, not humorus but definately different.