Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

And now the news . . . .

Today in History . . . .

January 16 . . . .

The 18 th Amendment to the U. S. Constitution is ratified. It prohibited the sale or transporation of ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES. The 21 st Amendment would repeal the 19 th Amendment a few years later.


And in Sports . . . . .

1963

Mickey Mantle, New York Yankees Outfield, signs a contract making him the highest paid baseball player in the American League. The sum--$75,000.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by rrnut282

Jim

Ha
Ha
Ha
There, I feel better now. Did I just hear something?

rrnut282 [:)]

Since you are just a few posts away from your first star, let me be the first to congratulate you on it. The second one is just around the corner now. [:D]

rrnut [8D] Why don't you take the "Mike" for a joy ride to celebrate this occasion. [:D]

[rrnut282]

Jim

Ha
Ha
Ha
There, I feel better now. Did I just hear something?

[Mookie]

And beside, Kathi might decide to come down here and practice some new kicks on me. [;)] I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of her hurting her knee again, so I won't say a word about the northern accents. [:)]


Kathi - Driver sends you a message for your knee problems - practice Kuchi-Waza instead - it won't hurt your knees unless you insult someone!

Mookie

[Anonymous]

Time for the . . . . Finally Friday edition of the paper . . . . [:D] [;)] [:o)]


Since I desire to see the sun rise today, today's humor is dedicated to NOONE, but everyone is allowed to read it and laugh. [:p]



An old lady came into her doctor's office and
confessed to an embarrassing problem: "I pass gas all
the time, Doctor Johnson, but it's soundless, and
without odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've
passed gas no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills
three times a day for seven days and come back and see
me in a week."

The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr.
Johnson's office: "Doc, I don't know what was in those
pills, but the problem is worse! I'm passing gas just
as much, and they're still soundless, but now
they smell terrible! What do you have to say for
yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Barker," said the doctor soothingly.
"Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your
hearing."

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Kathi Kube

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I would say something about the accents up there. But then they might say something about the accents down here. [}:)] [;)] And beside, Kathi might decide to come down here and practice some new kicks on me. [;)] I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of her hurting her knee again, so I won't say a word about the northern accents. [:)]

Now wait just a minute. We don't have accents here. Now Little Rock is another question altogether.

Whyyyyyyy Kathiiiiiiii,

I don't have an accenttttttttttttttt. [;)]

Just ask John (Railpac, Jim T or some others), surely they will tell you I don'ttttttttttttttttttt. [:D] [;)]

[locomutt]

Larry,
I happen to know that you are all ready attached!!!!!!!!!!!![8][}:)]
I firmly believe something else is jammed in your inbox[}:)][swg][banghead][sigh]

[tree68]

Today is International Day of The Very Good Looking, Beautiful and Damn Attractive People, so send this message to someone you think fits this description. Please do not send it back to me as I have already received over fifty thousand of these messages and my inbox is jammed.

[8D] My humility is one of my outstanding traits.

[locomutt]

Some of these jokes are only two thirds of a PUN[:P][:-,][swg]

PU!

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Q: Whats the differrence between a Civet Cat and a Polecat?

A: One is eaten, the other isn't!


Civet cats I beleive are actually rodents, and the ones I've seen look more like a big fat ferret than a cat.

[:O] The Mookie is horrified! - Icky! -

[:0][:(]Ditto from cherokee woman

[Kathi Kube]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I would say something about the accents up there. But then they might say something about the accents down here. [}:)] [;)] And beside, Kathi might decide to come down here and practice some new kicks on me. [;)] I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of her hurting her knee again, so I won't say a word about the northern accents. [:)]

Now wait just a minute. We don't have accents here. Now Little Rock is another question altogether.

About a year ago I made two very good friends in the railroading industry because of their accents and the way I talk. (No, I don't have an accent.) We were at the League of Railway Industry Women's annual meeting and just started talking to each other. One is from Chattanooga where she works at a railcar storage facility, the other is originally from England, but now works in Jacksonville in locomotive sales. We enjoyed hearing each other speak so much, we hung out together throughout the conference and developed a cool friendship.

All because they talk funny. [swg]

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Q: Whats the differrence between a Civet Cat and a Polecat?

A: One is eaten, the other isn't!


Civet cats I beleive are actually rodents, and the ones I've seen look more like a big fat ferret than a cat.

[:O] The Mookie is horrified! - Icky! -

In China they are considered delicacies, and are highly valued.

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

[:)]Thought for the day:A pun is the lowest form of humus.It's an earthy joke that anyone can dig.[:D]

A pox u-pun you! Surely you will be pun-ished for such o-pun indiscretions!

[espeefoamer]

[:)]Thought for the day:A pun is the lowest form of humus.It's an earthy joke that anyone can dig.[:D]

[cherokee woman]

ATTENTION EVERYONE!!!!

On Starz Family, there's a movie showing (we just finished watching it) called "The Billion
Dollar Hobo" starring Tim Conway and Will Geer.

Granted, there's too little trains showing, but it is FUNNY.

Check it out if you can[:D][8D][:)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

That is so horrible I can smell it clear over here in Newbrasskey

Was watching a Hal Roach "Our Gang" comedy last light and I remembered one of the jokes... this ones just for you Miss La Mook. [:D]

Miss Crabtree "Today I'll tell you all about my Vacation.."

Stymie "Why, did you have a Polecat ?" (skunk)

Miss Crabtree "Why no, why would I have a Polecat?"

"Well, we had a Polecat under our house, and Boy, did we Vacate!" [:0]

Isthmus be my lucking day!!

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Q: Whats the differrence between a Civet Cat and a Polecat?

A: One is eaten, the other isn't!


Civet cats I beleive are actually rodents, and the ones I've seen look more like a big fat ferret than a cat.

[:O] The Mookie is horrified! - Icky! -

[vsmith]

Q: Whats the differrence between a Civet Cat and a Polecat?

A: One is eaten, the other isn't!


Civet cats I beleive are actually rodents, and the ones I've seen look more like a big fat ferret than a cat.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

That is so horrible I can smell it clear over here in Newbrasskey

Was watching a Hal Roach "Our Gang" comedy last light and I remembered one of the jokes... this ones just for you Miss La Mook. [:D]

Miss Crabtree "Today I'll tell you all about my Vacation.."

Stymie "Why, did you have a Polecat ?" (skunk)

Miss Crabtree "Why no, why would I have a Polecat?"

"Well, we had a Polecat under our house, and Boy, did we Vacate!" [:0]

one favorite when growing up - Pepe LaPew - mon cherie.....

And that triggers another question - what is the difference between a polecat and a civet cat?
Or.....what does a civet cat look like - size and color and where do they live besides China?

Ah Pepe - he could charm Mookie anytime - sweet-talkin' dog!

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

That is so horrible I can smell it clear over here in Newbrasskey

Was watching a Hal Roach "Our Gang" comedy last light and I remembered one of the jokes... this ones just for you Miss La Mook. [:D]

Miss Crabtree "Today I'll tell you all about my Vacation.."

Stymie "Why, did you have a Polecat ?" (skunk)

Miss Crabtree "Why no, why would I have a Polecat?"

"Well, we had a Polecat under our house, and Boy, did we Vacate!" [:0]

[Anonymous]

And now the news . . . . .

Today in 1954, Joe DiMaggio married Marily Monroe. ( I wasn't born yet, so I didn't attend the wedding. See, I am NOT OLDER THAN DIRT.) [:D]


Now for Sports (Dedicated to the Trains.com staff)

In 1968, the Green Bay Packers won Super Bowl II beating the Oakland Raiders 33-14. (Now I DO remember that game.) [;)] Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. [:p]

IN 1990, John Elway's enver Broncos won a fourth Superbowl Championship appearance beating the Clevelands Browns in the AFC Championship Game.

And in the NFC Championship game Joe Montana's 49ers beat the L A Rams 30-3.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, Nebraska Chain Saw . . . . . . . . . . . .

[Mookie]

Ok - my turn - I have a true story and it actually happened last nite!

I never dream of trains! But last nite was an exception. I dreamed the driver took me to a place where we were all alone on a low bluff looking down on a valley below. How romantic - but his being practical and knowing me so well, we were looking down on about 5-6 sets of tracks and on 4 of them were beautiful steam engines - one of them being the 3985 Challenger. I love the sound and whistles on steam, so it was just perfect. They were sitting still and looked to be getting ready to move. I was in pig heaven. I was going to hear the noise of a steam engine starting and the whistle - a sound that has never been duplicated!

As one of them started to move, there was this horrible sound inside the car - it sounded just like someone with a chain saw cutting down trees in the back seat. I was devastated - I wasn't going to get to hear the sounds I wanted to hear - all I could hear was that horrible, loud noise!

I opened one eye and raised up enough to realize where the chain saw sound was coming from...yep - had sawdust all over his side of the bed.

Mookie [:(]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Limitedclear

Oh, brother...

LC

Man that L C is quick on the draw, again. [;)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Well, Ms. Cherokee, according to Forum legend, I'm already there!

Actually, I found that joke about "Da Udder UP" refreshing (having some in-laws who lived there for a while and are just as good at poking fun at that accent).

My brother was stationed at K. I. Sawyer AFB somewhere around Marquette. He bought a little house in Ishpeming. I had the opportunity to be up there one winter. I also wrecked one of their snowmobiles. It seems they do real well on snow, but not so well on ice. [;)] Anyway I tried to go between two poles and hit a patch of ice, slide sideways and broadsided one of the poles. One of the things that I noticed was the "cold" up there didn't seem to bother me as much as the cold in Missouri and Arkansas. I believe the reason is the lack of humidity up there. It is a dry cold, which actually is easier to take. Well that is my opinion anyway.

On another trip up there, this time in warmer weather, we went to Sault Ste. Marie. Somewhere around there was a loading facility for ore. Near the loading facility was a steam engine. I don't remember if the steam engine was in Marquette or between Marquette and Sault Ste. Marie. I still remember seeing it and have always wanted to see it again and have wondered about it. Anyone know of it?

I would say something about the accents up there. But then they might say something about the accents down here. [}:)] [;)] And beside, Kathi might decide to come down here and practice some new kicks on me. [;)] I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of her hurting her knee again, so I won't say a word about the northern accents. [:)]

[Anonymous]

Oh, brother...

LC

[Anonymous]

Now for the Thursday edition of the Humor Thread [8D] [:o)] [:p]

Since I was kinda mean to L C the other day, this day's humor is dedicated to him. [:)]



A little of my job history [8D]



My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I
just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just
wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew
job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add
a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I
sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I
found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I
didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I
just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered
that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool
maintenance company, but the work was just too
draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they
said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I
finally got a job as a historian, but there was no
future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to
quit, because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

[cherokee woman]

Kev, here's a couple of websites I thought you might find interesting:

http://www.dobhran.com/humor/GRhumor147.HTM and

http://www.flowgo.com/rsubj_ng.cfm?p=84428&d=01-14-04

funny sites I thought you and others might get a laugh or two out of.

[locomutt]

Mookie, I really like your saying.
It really does say something important, even if just
for yourself[^][swg][tup]

Mr Shaver Eventhough your answer was correct,
you proceeded to manage to get the AW S****! before the ATTABOY!
I don't think I've ever seen that happen before. Better luck
next time. Actually you might have gotten the Attaboy;but that "joke[tdn]"
Well you know what I mean.

Kathi: we are all still waiting for yours. Right now I give![swg]

[tree68]

It's been said that I'm an invertebrate punster (totally spineless).

Which would be why I like the story about the poet who became so obsessed with his craft that he took to going straight to his desk upon rising each morning so he could start writing sooner.

His friends said he was going from bed to verse.

[:P]