Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[CShaveRR]

Well, Ms. Cherokee, according to Forum legend, I'm already there!

Actually, I found that joke about "Da Udder UP" refreshing (having some in-laws who lived there for a while and are just as good at poking fun at that accent).

[cherokee woman]

Is there room on the couch in the corner for Carl and Larry? Those jokes are baaaddddd.[}:)][:P]

[JoeKoh]

Or the cubs won the world series.(eventhough I'm a reds fan)
stay safe
Joe

[tree68]

Two guys from Marquette, Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Vell, ya know, we're from Nordern Michigan, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit ya know."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?" Again the two guys reply, "Vell, like we told you yesterday, we're from Nordern Michigan, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a vee bit ya know."

This gets the devil quite steamed so he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself." The two Michiganders reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much varm weather up dere in Marquette, Michigan we've just got to have a fish fry when the veather's this nice." The devil is absolutely furious; he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan and gna***heir teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Michiganders. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"

The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, If hell froze over dat must mean da Lions von da super bowl!!!"

[zardoz]

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
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You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
=================================================================
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
====================================================================
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
================================================================

[Anonymous]

Mook you think that is bad.. you should hear the joke about the Trash can

Actually nevermind, it really Stinks.

[Mookie]

That is so horrible I can smell it clear over here in Newbrasskey

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

I was having lunch yesterday with a bunch of retired railroaders, and this one came out:

There once was a guy who, after many unhappy years of marriage, finally had it. He decided that his wife must go. Of course, he couldn't kill her, so he called his cousin.

"No, I couldn't kill somebody I knew. But I'll send over this friend of mine..."

Next day there was a knock at the door. "I'm Artie. I hear you have a problem I might be able to help with."

The husband explains. Artie responds, "Sure, I can handle that. But it will cost you $10,000, and I need $5,000 of that up front."

Sadly, the husband says, $10,000 is no problem, but I only have one dollar on me right now."

Artie, noting the husband's ovious disappointment, says, "That's OK. Just give me the buck, and I'll take care of it."

The next day, the unsuspecting wife goes shopping at the local Safeway store. She enters the parking lot. And as she gets out of her car, Artie is there. He quickly grabs her by the throat and strangles her. After he eases her lifeless body back into the car, he takes a nervous look around. He realizes that two cars down a guy had seen the whole incident, and was rushing into the store to tell someone.

Quickly Artie tackles the guy and strangles him, too. But by this time there were quite a few witnesses. Artie is helpless, and eventually the whole story comes out. The newspaper headline the next day:

ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR $1.00 AT SAFEWAY

I BE CHOKED, on this one.

"It might choke Artie, but it ain't gonna choke me!" ...Stymie, from Hal Roach's Little Rascals.

[Anonymous]

Hey I don't like artie-chokes. [}:)] [;)] [:D]

[CShaveRR]

I was having lunch yesterday with a bunch of retired railroaders, and this one came out:

There once was a guy who, after many unhappy years of marriage, finally had it. He decided that his wife must go. Of course, he couldn't kill her, so he called his cousin.

"No, I couldn't kill somebody I knew. But I'll send over this friend of mine..."

Next day there was a knock at the door. "I'm Artie. I hear you have a problem I might be able to help with."

The husband explains. Artie responds, "Sure, I can handle that. But it will cost you $10,000, and I need $5,000 of that up front."

Sadly, the husband says, $10,000 is no problem, but I only have one dollar on me right now."

Artie, noting the husband's ovious disappointment, says, "That's OK. Just give me the buck, and I'll take care of it."

The next day, the unsuspecting wife goes shopping at the local Safeway store. She enters the parking lot. And as she gets out of her car, Artie is there. He quickly grabs her by the throat and strangles her. After he eases her lifeless body back into the car, he takes a nervous look around. He realizes that two cars down a guy had seen the whole incident, and was rushing into the store to tell someone.

Quickly Artie tackles the guy and strangles him, too. But by this time there were quite a few witnesses. Artie is helpless, and eventually the whole story comes out. The newspaper headline the next day:

ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR $1.00 AT SAFEWAY

[Anonymous]

Common Jim, I'm waiting for RR history!

[Anonymous]

And Now the News . . .

This Day in History . . . I love History [:D]


In 1943 . . . . President Franklin D. Roosevelt becomes the first president to fly while in office. The flight was to a meeting with Prime Minister Winston Churchill. He boarded in Miani and flew to French Morocco.


And For the Sports Fans . . . . . .

In 1973 the Miani Dolphins beat the Washington Redskins and became the first NFL team to be undefeated for the entire season. Super Bowl VII was played in Memorial Coliseum Los Angeles, California, with the final score Miani 14, Washington 7.

[Anonymous]

And thats exactly what I want... especually if its HER friends... Her friends are so ignoramous i want to beat myself with a lead pipe whenever i hear them speak.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Well i'm going downstairs, and i'm going to remove the welcome mat.

KevMacMan [8D]

Don't worry, they won't stay long, why with your charm and hospitality they will be beating down the door, TO LEAVE. [;)] [;)] [;)] [:p] [:p] [:p] [:D] [:D] [:D]

[Anonymous]

Hey it's -21 outside, Yes nice and warm!

We have no power! HORRAY! Who said Ge can';t make crap? theres a GE generator humming its little tune outside, keeping me here!

its a matter of time before we have half the neighborhood flocking to our house! YEY! jsut what I love! It's not that i don't have any hospitality in me, it's jsut that.. well... It's a little early and i don't like it when theres a billion people inside.

Well i'm going downstairs, and i'm going to remove the welcome mat.

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers [:D]


Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you
use the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
with the hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message
'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think
people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it
up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum
one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from
the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?


Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we
use them? If not then what was the purpose of the
bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you
kept drying your clothes would they eventually just
disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our
ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing
so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right,
so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to
knock something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard
sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the
stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as
it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right
answers?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is
man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?
Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the
year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just
a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but
when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with
the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do men forget everything and women remember
everything?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After
all there's no sense in two people remembering the
same things right?

Is the real reason women live longer then men because
they don't have to live with women?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing
it like your wife told you to?

[Anonymous]

HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

IT'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

WORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


[:)] [:p] [:I] [8D] [:o)] [:D] [:p] [^] [8D] [:p] [:)] [:D]

[CShaveRR]

Re: Texaco...

Fire Chief.

[CShaveRR]

QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt
Did some one foget to hit the TAB key[?]

I'm afraid if you hit the TAB key nowadays, you might get Diet Coke!

(Try not to think about it too hard!)

[Anonymous]

Does it still work?

I'll be danged!

[locomutt]

[%-)]
Kathi I'grasping for straws on your's,but would that be from
an old McDonalds commercial[?]

Carl, If you know the answer, spill it and lets see if you get
the prize[(-D] (which at nuttin' but an ATTABOY[swg])

[Anonymous]

P34 works for me too!!

maybe it hates AOL! that could be a reason..

[Anonymous]

Lets see does this work?

maybe you all just arent funny?

[locomutt]

Hey everyone out there, can someone come up with a smiley for OUTTOLUNCH[?]

That could be used several ways for several different meanings i.e. don't want to hear from anyone, or just gone to lunch, or just gone fishin'.

That's something like being 7 cans shy of a six pack.[:o)]

[locomutt]

[:-^][swg]Well how bout that[?][:D]

I'll be darned "DUELING COMPUTERS"[:P]

[cherokee woman]

No darlin, someone HIT the tab key and forgot to release it!!

[locomutt]

Bye the way: WHAT HAPPENED TO PAGE 34[?]
Did some one foget to hit the TAB key[?]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Kathi Kube

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

Kung Fu Kitties!

Oh, I LIKE the Kung Fu Kitties!!! Jab! Punch! Roundhouse kick!! Sweeeeeeeeet.

I remember most (but not all) these commercials. But here's one that goes way back in my memory.

"Grab a bucket and mop..." What was advertised is still around, but no one there looks like those scrawny young men dancing with their mops anymore. Any takers?

kathi

From the 70's....."..and all the kitties were kung fu fighting......"

[CShaveRR]

Re: Texaco...

I know! I know!

(Think about Ed Wynn)
Now that's really going back!

[Kathi Kube]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

Kung Fu Kitties!

Oh, I LIKE the Kung Fu Kitties!!! Jab! Punch! Roundhouse kick!! Sweeeeeeeeet.

I remember most (but not all) these commercials. But here's one that goes way back in my memory.

"Grab a bucket and mop..." What was advertised is still around, but no one there looks like those scrawny young men dancing with their mops anymore. Any takers?

kathi