Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Time for the . . . . . Finally Friday edition of the paper. [8D] [:o)] [8)] [:o)] [:p]


Since I was kinda harsh on Willy2 this week I dedicate this joke to him. [:D] [;)]



Rabbit Anyone


How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.



My mother told me this joke eons ago. She came home from work and though it was just the cutest joke. It might also show her age (and mine) if you remember the commercials.


What do dinosaurs eat?
Things.
What do dinosaurs drink?
Coke.
Why do dinosaurs drink Coke?
Because things go better with Coke.

[Anonymous]

<---------------------the big 8-0-0

[Mookie]

I am probably going to ruffle your feathers with this - but I seriously believe that if you do the crime, you do the time. No one seriously believes prison is a picnic, but some people fail to think of that when they break the law. They don't put you in prisons for doing your job and keeping yourself out of trouble. I don't have a problem with any of the severity of the items you posted above. And it obviously isn't horrible enough, because so many people repeat.

Jen

[ironhorseman]

[:(]I fail to see the humor in this...[V]

The following is an attempt to bring the truth out of what prison life is really all about. It's not all fun and games. It's a day to day struggle of threats and intimidation from other inmates, drug addiction, homosexuality, rape, and death tugging day to day at the prisoner's shoulder. [xx(]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Subject: work VS prison

IN PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON
You can't leave your cell without permission. You might even share a cell with 2 or 3 other inmates. You may or may not have a window. Any windows are 3 inches wide, 3 feet tall.

AT WORK
You can leave your cubicle, go to the bathroom in a private stall, eat lunch in a break room or restaurant, walk around, go to meetings, look out picture windows, etc.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
You get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK
You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
yourself.

IN PRISON
You don't get a choice in what you eat and you eat when you are told and what you eat is usually [censored]

AT WORK
Yeah, but you can choose where you go to lunch, sometimes when you go, and what you eat.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK
You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

In prison it takes years and years and years and year, (and did I mention years?) to get time off for good behavior. If fact that's not always the case. New laws are doing away with time off for good behavior. Judges are handing out stiffer sentences based on politicians laws based on public demand that prisoners serve their full terms.

AT WORK
You get more work because that's where you choose to work. Work makes the world go round. Instead of an office job perhaps you'd rather work at a gas station?

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK
You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors
yourself.

IN PRISON
Exactly right. You don't get a choice when that guard unlocks that door for you. You may have to wait 23 hours before you get to leave the cell.

AT WORK
This is for your protection, from those criminals we lock up everyday. One day at my mother's work place some guy running from the police hid in the building and some people walked by this man who was crouching in a stairwell panting heavily. If this guy had a weapon, or even if he didn't, he could have harmed someone. Also, women going to work at this place have been robbed by purse snatchers who end up knocking them down.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK
You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON
You can watch TV and play games WHEN THE GUARDS SAY YOU CAN! Sure, you've got a choice in prison: the choice to do or not to do something. Usually prisoners don't WATCH TV they have to LISTEN to TV. The guards give them headphones and decide for them what program they'll listen to.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
You get your own toilet.

AT WORK
You have to share.

IN PRISON
You get your own toilet IF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CELL. Usually cells are shared. The toilet doesn't have a seat. It's stainless steel (cold stainless steel). It's unsanitary. If clogs often (because the prisoner usually sabotages it and when he's not sabotages it it's because of bad plumbing). You only get limited amount of toilet paper.

AT WORK
There is more than restroom with more than one toilet with plenty of toilet paper and the restroom is regularly cleaned by custodians. There are no custodians in prison. Prisoners ARE the custodians.

I've never seen a more false statement than the one below:

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK
You can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON
You visit family though a glass wall and talk over a telephone. The number of visitors are limited. The frequency of visits is also limited. Something like once or twice a year in some places

AT WORK
Ever hear of bring your son/daughter to work day? I stopped by all the time at my mother's place of work and her boss didn't have any problem with that.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

Thank the politicians for this one. But they'll claim you, the taxpayer, wanted these prisons. It was public demand. Get tough on crime, etc.

QUOTE:
IN PRISON
You spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside
wanting to get out.

AT WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Don't need to add to this one.

QUOTE:
Humm?
Which Sounds Better?

I know that last question is supposed to be rhetorical question but I'll answer that one: WORK

Don't forget to mention everyone that goes in prison is likely to get raped within the first few days, maybe even killed. Drug abuse is rampart. Sexual abuse is rampart. Murder and suicide is high. You have to belong to a gang survive. You could get AIDS and STDs and hepatitis in prison. You are confined to a cell which is torture on the human psyche. The safest prisons are the Super Max prisons. There, prisoners are completely isolated from other prisoners and they gradual work their way out of isolation and regain human contact and privileges. However, if you find yourself in a Super Max you must be a violent, uncontrollable offender sent there from another prison.

Prison messes with the mind and body. We send people there for 40-50 year stretches and they end up more messed up than before they went. And that's not to mention the thousands of people who are innocent of their crimes who are still in prison. And the unknown number of innocents on death row. Thank the politicians for the current state our prisons are in and they'll thank us, the taxpayers, the voters, the citizens, who demanded it be this way.

Everyone passes the buck and no one takes responsibility.

I believe it was Johnny Cash who said:
"I wear [black] for the Prisoner who has long paid for his crime/
But is there because he's victim of the time"

How true...

Think about the reality of prison before any of you go comparing your lives to prison life. The Discovery Channel, A&E, Court TV, and the History Channel all run excellent programs on what prison is really like. Shocking and horrible, that's all I can say.

P.S.--> I almost forgot to say: You can quit your job, but you can't quit prison.

[Anonymous]

Some more goodies for the Thursday edition of our paper [8D] [:p]



NASA Ingenuity

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they
quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work
in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade
and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any
surface including glass and at temperatures ranging
from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

******************************************************
Intelligence

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.

One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole
digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in
the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I will ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss.

"Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing
in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean,
'intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I will show you. I will put my
hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your
fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit
the boss's hand.

The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the
tree.

The boss said, "That is intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend
asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here
because of intelligence."

"What is intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said,

"Take your shovel and hit my hand."

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This link is not for the faint of heart. [}:)]

I include it because it is very different than what we would do here.

Here we pay to get rid of these, THERE they feed them. I won't tell you what I did with the last one I found outside. [:p]


http://www.joke-of-the-day.com/dailypic.php3


This is not much of a joke of the day tho.

[sigh] Please, please, be so kind & tell me what was the joke of the day that day, by clicking at the link I only get today's pic and joke.

Thanks,
Oliver

The picture changes every day. The pic from this one day was from India. It showed an elderly lady pouring milk into a large but shallow bowl on the floor. There were many mice/rats drinking from the bowl and were not brother by her being there.

The pic the next day was a small child (in Thailand I think) setting in a large tube bathing. He was accompanied by a Boa that was many, many times his size. The child held the snake's head in the tube with him and was "washing" the head of the snake. I try to post the link for this pic but was unable to. It always went back to the pic of the mice/rats.

There is probally a way to check on past pics. Just go to the site and investigate.

They show some strange pics.

Thanks, Jim! Your comments made me wonder, I just had to know who's feeding who and who's getting rid of what. Now I think I've seen something very similar, it was a temple where they sort of worship rats [:O]. Holy rat!
And about putting a baby in a tub together with a big Boa - [X-)].

I forgot to tell yesterday that the joke (not the picture) of the day was railroad-related, about railroad track gauge (I think that it was actually the joke of the day before yesterday because later during the day it was changed, and there's 6-8 hours' time difference between Croatia and the U.S.). If you don't figure out the way to get to it, let me know, I try to tell it to you in my words [:I]

Thanks again!
Oliver.

Yes, I saw the track guage article. It has been talked about here in the forums probally more than once. I also didn't want to copy and paste the article. I try to stay away from doing that in a copywrited article.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

awwww there so Cute

I could use some brownie points, So i'm goinna send them to you-know-who..

KevMacMan [;)]

You send that rat pic to ME and you might as well pull the couch outta the corner and into the doghouse. Now think about it. Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Do you really want to send her the rat pic now. [}:)]

[Anonymous]

awwww there so Cute

I could use some brownie points, So i'm goinna send them to you-know-who..

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This link is not for the faint of heart. [}:)]

I include it because it is very different than what we would do here.

Here we pay to get rid of these, THERE they feed them. I won't tell you what I did with the last one I found outside. [:p]


http://www.joke-of-the-day.com/dailypic.php3


This is not much of a joke of the day tho.

[sigh] Please, please, be so kind & tell me what was the joke of the day that day, by clicking at the link I only get today's pic and joke.

Thanks,
Oliver

The picture changes every day. The pic from this one day was from India. It showed an elderly lady pouring milk into a large but shallow bowl on the floor. There were many mice/rats drinking from the bowl and were not brother by her being there.

The pic the next day was a small child (in Thailand I think) setting in a large tube bathing. He was accompanied by a Boa that was many, many times his size. The child held the snake's head in the tube with him and was "washing" the head of the snake. I try to post the link for this pic but was unable to. It always went back to the pic of the mice/rats.

There is probally a way to check on past pics. Just go to the site and investigate.

They show some strange pics.

Thanks, Jim! Your comments made me wonder, I just had to know who's feeding who and who's getting rid of what. Now I think I've seen something very similar, it was a temple where they sort of worship rats [:O]. Holy rat!
And about putting a baby in a tub together with a big Boa - [X-)].

I forgot to tell yesterday that the joke (not the picture) of the day was railroad-related, about railroad track gauge (I think that it was actually the joke of the day before yesterday because later during the day it was changed, and there's 6-8 hours' time difference between Croatia and the U.S.). If you don't figure out the way to get to it, let me know, I try to tell it to you in my words [:I]

Thanks again!
Oliver.

[Anonymous]

Here is the next edition of . . . . The Humor Thread Paper . . . . [:p]


Another link for Mookie and Willy2 (beer-NO, pizza-ok) [;)]


http://www.flowgo.com/funpages/view.cfm/636


Enjoy [8D]

[vsmith]

Subject: work VS prison



IN PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON
You get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK
You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
yourself.

IN PRISON
You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK
You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON
A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK
You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors
yourself.

IN PRISON
You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK
You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON
You get your own toilet.

AT WORK
You have to share.

IN PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK
You can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

IN PRISON
You spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside
wanting to get out.

AT WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Humm?
Which Sounds Better?

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by techguy57

For our friend from Alaska[:p]:

Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month; otherwise it was total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there stood a huge, bearded man.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road... Having a party Friday night... Thought you might like to come...About 5:00..." "Great," said Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars was leaving, he stopped and said, "Gotta warn ya...There's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem," said Tom. "after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."

Again, as he started to leave, Lars stopped and said, "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too! ." Tom said, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turned from the door, saying "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," said Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stopped in the door again and said,"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

Mike

Oooooooh! Yeeeooow! That one stings!!

gotta add this one to my collection...

[techguy57]

For our friend Alex from Alaska[:p]:

Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month; otherwise it was total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there stood a huge, bearded man.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road... Having a party Friday night... Thought you might like to come...About 5:00..." "Great," said Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars was leaving, he stopped and said, "Gotta warn ya...There's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem," said Tom. "after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."

Again, as he started to leave, Lars stopped and said, "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too! ." Tom said, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turned from the door, saying "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," said Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stopped in the door again and said,"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."


Sorry Alex but if I'd said Canada instead of Alaska the Canadians would've rioted. I'm sure you understand. After all it is the humor thread. If you have any Indiana jokes you can di***hem out at me!

Mike

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This link is not for the faint of heart. [}:)]

I include it because it is very different than what we would do here.

Here we pay to get rid of these, THERE they feed them. I won't tell you what I did with the last one I found outside. [:p]


http://www.joke-of-the-day.com/dailypic.php3


This is not much of a joke of the day tho.

[sigh] Please, please, be so kind & tell me what was the joke of the day that day, by clicking at the link I only get today's pic and joke.

Thanks,
Oliver

The picture changes every day. The pic from this one day was from India. It showed an elderly lady pouring milk into a large but shallow bowl on the floor. There were many mice/rats drinking from the bowl and were not brother by her being there.

The pic the next day was a small child (in Thailand I think) setting in a large tube bathing. He was accompanied by a Boa that was many, many times his size. The child held the snake's head in the tube with him and was "washing" the head of the snake. I try to post the link for this pic but was unable to. It always went back to the pic of the mice/rats.

There is probally a way to check on past pics. Just go to the site and investigate.

They show some strange pics.

[zardoz]

Very observant Kevin! I missed that.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

After downing a couple of cat pills.. I took a look at the current topics on the first page of the forum and here's what I come up with........

Nuclear powered locomotives? My vacation, to mars by rail
Hello To Everyone! FREE BEER AND PIZZA!
Mark W Hemphill's last paragraph... strange happenings in the southwest
propane tanks on the side of the tracks, Why didn't they just melt the snow?

Thats jsut like that picture with the three movies ontop of each other

ERIN BROKOVITCH
SCREWED
MY DOG SKIP

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This link is not for the faint of heart. [}:)]

I include it because it is very different than what we would do here.

Here we pay to get rid of these, THERE they feed them. I won't tell you what I did with the last one I found outside. [:p]


http://www.joke-of-the-day.com/dailypic.php3


This is not much of a joke of the day tho.

[sigh] Please, please, be so kind & tell me what was the joke of the day that day, by clicking at the link I only get today's pic and joke.

Thanks,
Oliver

[Anonymous]

Time for the . . . . . Hump Day Helpers edition of the Humor Thread Paper. [:o)] [8D]


I don't know who to credit for the following poem. I ran across it at work.




The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem


I LOVE MY JOB


I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more every day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location. I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray, and piles of paper that grow each day!
I think my job is really swell, there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work amoung my peers, I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care. I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here, I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job--I'll say it again--I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today.
In clean white coats to take me away.

[dharmon]

After downing a couple of cat pills.. I took a look at the current topics on the first page of the forum and here's what I come up with........

Nuclear powered locomotives? My vacation, to mars by rail
Hello To Everyone! FREE BEER AND PIZZA!
Mark W Hemphill's last paragraph... strange happenings in the southwest
propane tanks on the side of the tracks, Why didn't they just melt the snow?

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jeremygharrison

From somewhere a bit colder than Seattle, the answer was - Yes - when it snows!

This one is for real (no urban legend here!) and is only accurate today.

Q: What do you get when you combine a foot of snow, 100,000 people, and no snowplows.

A: Tacoma, Washington.

Per my son, USAF[4:-)], stationed in the Tacoma area, they got blitzed today - easily a foot. It was a zoo.

Anyone who has ever been to Seattle should have had an easy time with that joke... I was there three days before I knew you could see Mt Rainer - and that was during the dry season...[;)]

[jeremygharrison]

From somewhere a bit colder than Seattle, the answer was - Yes - when it snows!

[Anonymous]

LOL

who knows what movie this is from, and if you can answer within 24 hours you'll get a prize.

"Sunscreen is good for me, It protects me from the sun, tee hee hee"

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

OHHHHHHHHH
[banghead]

hey that makes 756 posts, not long now before i join the Mile.. uhhh the Four Star Club!
[:-,]

OK, back to the corner!

[Anonymous]

OHHHHHHHHH
[banghead]
i get it!
[swg]
hey that makes 756 posts, not long now before i join the Mile.. uhhh the Four Star Club!
[:-,]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

i've stared at that joke for the last 20 minutes.

I don't get it

[#oops]

lol lol lol

KevMacMan [:D] [}:)] [;)]


The joke implies that the kid is 8 years old but has never seen it "Not Raining".

[JoeKoh]

Kev think about length of time.
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

i've stared at that joke for the last 20 minutes.

I don't get it

[#oops]

[Anonymous]

Man the first day back at work after the holiday period was a l o n g night. [:(]

Glad it is finally over. Now for the Tuesday edition of our Humor Thread Paper [;)]


Last Laugh

Sue arrives in Seattle on a rainy day. She wakes up
the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day
after that, and the day after that. And the
day after that.

Going out to lunch, she sees a young child and, out of
despair, asks, "Hey kid! Does it ever stop raining
around here?"

The child replies, "How should I know? I'm only 8."

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

tree68 [:)] [:D]

CONGRATS on the 2 new stars.

I guess that officially makes you a "two timer". [;)] [;)]

I wish you many more posts and a very happy new year.

Wait an apple polishing minute..

if two stars makes hima two timer

Dan now has three..That means Ménage a Trois![:-,]

Dan.. I never Knew!
[:D]

Sweet!!!!!! "I bet its been all those "Quickies with Mookie" [;)][}:)]

Four hundred and something more to go and I'll be an Admiral. Until then Vice Admiral will suffice..[:D]

You are bragging again - Ad Mire able!

Hmmm MAybe I should... naw I won't say it.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

tree68 [:)] [:D]

CONGRATS on the 2 new stars.

I guess that officially makes you a "two timer". [;)] [;)]

I wish you many more posts and a very happy new year.

Wait an apple polishing minute..

if two stars makes hima two timer

Dan now has three..That means Ménage a Trois![:-,]

Dan.. I never Knew!
[:D]

Sweet!!!!!! "I bet its been all those "Quickies with Mookie" [;)][}:)]

Four hundred and something more to go and I'll be an Admiral. Until then Vice Admiral will suffice..[:D]

You are bragging again - Ad Mire able!