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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 5:27 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Another funny for Hump Day [:o)]


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Funny Quote Courtesy of The-Mouth.com

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television
by candlelight."

- George Gobel

Now who remembers George G.? Who remember what he hocked on tv?


I remember seeing Gobel on the Tonight show with Johnny Carson, Ed and a guest would flick their cigarette ashes ( this was way back in the stone age) into his drink when he turned to talk to Johnny, the audience was howling and poor George had no idea what was going on behind his back but got flustered and said, " Did you ever feel like a brown suit in a room full of Tuxedo's?" [:D]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 11:16 AM
Originally posted by edblysard

I used to work nights with him!
Ask Mookie about "midnight switchman" and his boots!
Ed[:D]

Let's just say he "aired all his differences".....[censored]




She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 10:37 AM
Another funny for Hump Day [:o)]


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Funny Quote Courtesy of The-Mouth.com

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television
by candlelight."

- George Gobel

Now who remembers George G.? Who remember what he hocked on tv?
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 7:33 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

[sigh] I missed Zardoz!

OK now, I missed the rest of you guys, too (I don't have a computer at home and yesterday was very busy here at work), but I also actually missed the movie "Zardoz". A private TV station from a small town here in Croatia showed it last thursday, and I learned about it on friday.
On friday, on the other hand, our national TV was showing "Peacemaker" with Nicole Kidman and George Clooney, starting with a train chase with a Russian steam locomotive and a Russian diesel, and I think later you get to see a Croatian locomotive or two and some Croatian actors, but I didn't watch the rest of the movie this time, and it has been long since I saw it for the first time, so I don't remember it too well. [:I]
Hope I made myself clear, and if not, it doesn't matter anyway, you're not missing much.

Have fun,
Oliver


Gee, and here I thought you meant you missed me!![;)]



Why of course I did! (key words are ",too" and "also", see my first sentence) [:D]

Thanks for the link, Zardoz! [8D]
Does anybody happen to know if American DVD's are compatible with the European ones? I know VHS is different - NTSC in America, PAL/SECAM in Europe, but DVD - still in the realm of magic to me. [%-)][?]
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 1:16 AM
Hump Day Helpers [:D]


Last Laugh

Two husbands, Jon and Dave, were discussing their
married lives. Although happily married, they admitted
that there were argument sometimes.

Then Dave said, "I've made one great discovery. I now
know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said Jon, "How do you manage that?"

"It's easy," replied Dave. "My last words are always
'Yes, Dear.'"
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Posted by edblysard on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 8:14 PM
I used to work nights with him!
Ask Mookie about "midnight switchman" and his boots!
Ed[:D]
QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Whistle the theme to Good, Bad and the Ugly while reading this one...

A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots.

So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy said, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home with her....and I did.

"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt, .... so I did....

"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I did...

"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So I did...

"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to town cowboy....

"So here I am!"






No, he wasn't from Arkansas. [:p]

He was from . . . auuu . . . well I better not say. [;)]


Man, that cowboy was one DUMB cowboy!!!!!!!!

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 5:31 PM
Darn, We need region 6 For canada.

Lookie, I started page 42
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 9:14 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

[sigh] I missed Zardoz!

OK now, I missed the rest of you guys, too (I don't have a computer at home and yesterday was very busy here at work), but I also actually missed the movie "Zardoz". A private TV station from a small town here in Croatia showed it last thursday, and I learned about it on friday.
On friday, on the other hand, our national TV was showing "Peacemaker" with Nicole Kidman and George Clooney, starting with a train chase with a Russian steam locomotive and a Russian diesel, and I think later you get to see a Croatian locomotive or two and some Croatian actors, but I didn't watch the rest of the movie this time, and it has been long since I saw it for the first time, so I don't remember it too well. [:I]
Hope I made myself clear, and if not, it doesn't matter anyway, you're not missing much.

Have fun,
Oliver


Gee, and here I thought you meant you missed me!![;)]

BTW-you can order the movie Zardoz (VHS or DVD [region 1]) for about US$7 through the following site:
http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?style=MOVIE&pid=1579392&cart=174390553
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Posted by rrnut282 on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 8:05 AM
Who was dumber, the cowpoke or the redhead? Afterall, she let him leave without saying a word.[#wstupid]
Mike (2-8-2)
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 8:04 AM
Yeah, I can do Christmas shopping in about 25 minutes for 6 people.. and SHE always seems to be in a huff...

I always say this line: Honey, I'm DONE MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!

and i always hear:
IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN, I"m going to bring something down on your head!!

she takes about 5 months for 2 people.. shes must be slow or somehting

My underwear costs, and Not thyat I want to get too personal, but I think its a 5 for 5, 5 for 5 bucks, And her underware, which i need a magnifying glass to see anyways, made with shotty, holy, material costs 9.95

i'll NEVER get that.
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Posted by cherokee woman on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 6:39 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Whistle the theme to Good, Bad and the Ugly while reading this one...

A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots.

So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy said, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home with her....and I did.

"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt, .... so I did....

"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I did...

"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So I did...

"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to town cowboy....

"So here I am!"






No, he wasn't from Arkansas. [:p]

He was from . . . auuu . . . well I better not say. [;)]


Man, that cowboy was one DUMB cowboy!!!!!!!!
Angel cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist."
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 4:19 AM
[sigh] I missed Zardoz!

OK now, I missed the rest of you guys, too (I don't have a computer at home and yesterday was very busy here at work), but I also actually missed the movie "Zardoz". A private TV station from a small town here in Croatia showed it last thursday, and I learned about it on friday.
On friday, on the other hand, our national TV was showing "Peacemaker" with Nicole Kidman and George Clooney, starting with a train chase with a Russian steam locomotive and a Russian diesel, and I think later you get to see a Croatian locomotive or two and some Croatian actors, but I didn't watch the rest of the movie this time, and it has been long since I saw it for the first time, so I don't remember it too well. [:I]
Hope I made myself clear, and if not, it doesn't matter anyway, you're not missing much.

Have fun,
Oliver
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 2:34 AM
Time for the Tuesday edition . . . . oh boy. [:D]


If you have seen these before then . . . . blame the dog, why not, I do. [;)]


Dang, It's Good To Be A Man

- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

- You can open all your own jars.

- Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

- You can leave the motel bed unmade.

- You can kill your own food.

- You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.

- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or
she can still be your friend.

- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

- Everything on your face stays its original color.

- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger's seat.

- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

- You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid
is coming.

- You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours
without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

- You don't mooch off other's desserts.

- You can drop by to see a friend without having to
bring a little gift.

- You are not expected to know the names of more than
five colors.

- You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt.

- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

- You don't have to shave below your neck.

- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on
December 24th, in 45 minutes.


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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 2:27 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Whistle the theme to Good, Bad and the Ugly while reading this one...

A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots.

So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy said, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home with her....and I did.

"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt, .... so I did....

"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I did...

"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So I did...

"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to town cowboy....

"So here I am!"






No, he wasn't from Arkansas. [:p]

He was from . . . auuu . . . well I better not say. [;)]
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Posted by vsmith on Monday, January 26, 2004 11:49 AM
Whistle the theme to Good, Bad and the Ugly while reading this one...

A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots.

So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy said, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home with her....and I did.

"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt, .... so I did....

"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I did...

"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So I did...

"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to town cowboy....

"So here I am!"


   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, January 26, 2004 10:04 AM
Dan [:o)]

Do you have a fireplace? Ever tried burning coal? This Christmas you might get some. [:D] [;)] [}:)]
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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, January 26, 2004 10:02 AM
Santa is not laughing. [:p]

btw Dan I think you just made his list. But not the gift list. [;)] [}:)] [;)]
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Posted by dharmon on Monday, January 26, 2004 12:44 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Well it is after midnight (on the east coast anyway lol) so here is the . . . Monday Madness edition of the paper.


This really isn't humorus so we will call it a news story.




Service call of the month from a Baltimore Gas & Electric residential customer ....
BGE received a call from a customer saying:

"My power is out. When you come to fix it be sure to bring a truck with a tall enough bucket to remove the deer".

The customer service representative, prudently trying to gather helpful information to help diagnose the problem asked, "What deer"?

The customer replied, "There's a deer on top of one of the electric poles on Wilkes Road, about 1/2 mile west of Perimeter Road".

The customer service rep tried desperately to pull herself together and not laugh in front at the customer and replied, "We will dispatch
someone right away to investigate the power outage. Thank you for the call."

Upon completion of the call, the customer service rep shared the funny story with her coworkers in the office, and they all had a good laugh.

Well, lo and behold, the serviceman who repaired the problem stopped by the customer service office the following day with these pictures.


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00007.jpg


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00013.jpg



There is more to the story but I have lost the text of it. It turns out a train had hit the deer knocking it upon the poll. Like I said, not humorus but definately different.


For the full story you'll have to go to the NSTB web site


Time/date: 02:35 25 Dec 2003
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa, USA
Weather conditons at time of event: 2000ft overcast, light snow, wind calm, visibility less than 3 statute miles, local altimeter setting 29.86
WX brief conducted prior to flight: No
IFR flight plan filed: No
Phase of flight: Takeoff
Pilot at controls: IFR rated, Commercial Pilot, multi-engine land, complex aircraft
Deice facilities utilized (if applicable): No
Alcohol/Narcotics involved: No
Voice recorder excepts:
Time 0234 CST
Event elapsed time 00:31
Santa 01: (audible warning heard) (voice) "Oh crap!"
00:36: (audible warning)
00:38: ground proximity alarm (audible) "Altitude, Altitude"
00:39: First Officer - "Santa, we lost Prancer and Dancer, they're just handing in the harness!!"
00:41: Pilot at Controls (PAC) - "Max power! Jettison Dancer and Prancer Now!"
00:46: First officer: " Letting them go now!" (note post flight analysis indicates that the two reindeer did not jettison and remained on incident aircraft creating adverse drag)
00:56: ground proximity alarm (audible)
00:59: PAC - "I think I gotta her" (note ATC radar records do not indicate that aircraft leveled at this time, but continued descent)
01:03: First Officer: (Illegible)......"too heavy, I told you (expletive deleted) we're too (expletive deleted) heavy!) (audible warning heard from flight management system - Airspeed, Airspeed, Altitude, Altitude)
01:04: (audible collsion sound)
01:08: First Officer: " Rudolph's gone sir, I think we hit wires!"
01:11: PAC: " I got her...We're climbing!"
01:15: First Officer- " Tower, Santa 01, We've got a problem"
01:17 ATC: "Santa 01, Do you require assistance?'
01:19 Santa 01 " That is affirmative, we lost three motors and hit something"
01:21 ATC: " Santa 01, are you declaring an emergency?"
01:23 Santa 01: That's a Charlie, Santa 01 declaring an emergency"
01:24 ATC: "99 All aircraft, the is Ottumwa Tower, we have an emergency in progress.Break break, Santa 01 request nature of emergency, souls on board, remaining fuel, and intentions"
01:26: Santa 01: " Just get us on the ground now buddy or your off the list!!"


Sometimes I crack myself up[:)]
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, January 25, 2004 11:39 PM
Well it is after midnight (on the east coast anyway lol) so here is the . . . Monday Madness edition of the paper.


This really isn't humorus so we will call it a news story.




Service call of the month from a Baltimore Gas & Electric residential customer ....
BGE received a call from a customer saying:

"My power is out. When you come to fix it be sure to bring a truck with a tall enough bucket to remove the deer".

The customer service representative, prudently trying to gather helpful information to help diagnose the problem asked, "What deer"?

The customer replied, "There's a deer on top of one of the electric poles on Wilkes Road, about 1/2 mile west of Perimeter Road".

The customer service rep tried desperately to pull herself together and not laugh in front at the customer and replied, "We will dispatch
someone right away to investigate the power outage. Thank you for the call."

Upon completion of the call, the customer service rep shared the funny story with her coworkers in the office, and they all had a good laugh.

Well, lo and behold, the serviceman who repaired the problem stopped by the customer service office the following day with these pictures.


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00007.jpg


http://www.trainweb.org/stlrailfanning/ATT00013.jpg



There is more to the story but I have lost the text of it. It turns out a train had hit the deer knocking it upon the poll. Like I said, not humorus but definately different.
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, January 25, 2004 7:22 AM
It's the . . . . . Sunday Funnies [;)] [:D]


Here is a link to a sad but cute story all in one. Locomut and Cherokee Women sent it to me. We you are getting to be sentimental in your old age, well join the crowd. Some might need a box of Kleenex for this one. [;)]


http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire180.htm



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Posted by espeefoamer on Saturday, January 24, 2004 5:28 PM
What do you call an elevator that is going down?A descendor? A farm boy shows up at school,having been absent the day before.
The teacher asks him"Why weren't you here yesterday?The kid answers, "I had to take our bull over to Farmer Browns. He needed him for his cows."The teacher then asks, "coudn't your father do that?"The boy replies,"No mam,he ain't registered."
Ride Amtrak. Cats Rule, Dogs Drool.
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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 24, 2004 2:22 PM
Vsmith - Nasty, man

Ed... have you disowned your oldest daughter already? Is it the 40 million peircing phase, you know those unsightly peicerings in unsightly places.. or the tatoo phase right now? Or is she jsut a plain Rebel without a cause?
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Posted by vsmith on Saturday, January 24, 2004 10:53 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

I think that joke went over my head again, because i don't get it.


Thats because your TOO YOUNG!!

Give it about 20 years and you'llknow all too well what its talking about...

A colonoscopy is a small camera thats inserted up your caboose to look for pollop's on your colon, as sign of possible cancer. Very important for men over 40 to get every couple of years. This technic is way better than the OLD WAY where the Doc slips on the rubber glove, a little KY jelly and HELLO! your engaged![:0]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 24, 2004 10:21 AM
I think that joke went over my head again, because i don't get it.
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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 24, 2004 8:02 AM
Saturday's Silly Season [:)]

I might get run outta town on a rail for these [}:)] [;)] [8D]



Sometimes true stories are funnier than fiction..


Colonoscopy humor: A physician claims these are actual
comments from his patients made while he was
performing colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no
man has gone before."


2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"


4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"


5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there
yet?"


6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."



7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"


8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."


9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"


10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"


11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."


12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
you?"


AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)


13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 23, 2004 8:59 PM


Well Ed between you and me and everyone else, Kevin will never admit to this, because when he does say really nice things, he never admits to that, we were having a conversation the other day about parents and such.. Kevin was saying how he hopes that your girls get the best boyfriends in the world...

I wondered why for a second, but then he continued.. and he has a really really good point

Ed, whoever these guys are going to be, are going to be the luckiest guys on the earth

A)They have your daughter

B) They have you.. thats probobly the reason kevin won't say this, so he will be really embarassed to know I said this.. Ed they have you, Any guy can only dream of having a father like figure, such as you, in the family. Ed your intelligence, and brilliance is or MOST DEFENATELY should be appreciated by any guy on the planet, It's true too. I think Kevin could well do with your advice on a daily basis, i'm just not sure whod he'd be over to see, you or your daughter.

now he is going to go all red faced.. and say well uhhh.. you.. uhhh...uhhh..uhhh

and don't give me any credit for it, thats kevins saying this, not myself, And for once, I totally agree.

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Posted by edblysard on Friday, January 23, 2004 3:44 PM
Very true, Joe,
But a Texas Tech group came up with the solution, replace the duct tape with electrical tape, seems to work much better...

Kevin,
I have shown my 16 year old where the ladder is, and where the cheapest Justice of the Peace is, now all she has to do is find a boy whos job dosnt involve fried fast food...I really, really want her room.
The 10 year old isnt allowed to date, till she is 20, 30 something like that, and Aimee has already said we are keeping the 4 year old forever.
Ed

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Posted by JoeKoh on Friday, January 23, 2004 3:05 PM
Well here we go
if this was already posted I apologize

HANG ON TO YOUR TEXAS QUARTERS

The us dept of the treasury has announced the recall of the texas state quarter.Action is being taken because they wont work in meters vending machines toll booths etc.
the problem is the unique design of the quarter designed by a texas a&m grad.apparently the duct tape holding the 2 dimes and nickel together are jamming the coin operated devices.(is this true ed?)

stay safe
Joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by JoeKoh on Friday, January 23, 2004 2:55 PM
Me
nice to see you again!
stay safe
Joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 23, 2004 12:57 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Kathi Kube

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

K K [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X] [^] [:)] [:D]


I think you will get a "kick" out of these. [:)] [:D] [;)]

The teenage boys might not think they are too funny tho. [}:)]



SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]



You'd better believe it! Luckily for him, my daughter's boyfriend is a nice guy. He's also a guitarist and frequently shops at the music store where my husband teaches. The silly boy worships the ground my husband walks on, simply because he's a professional musician. It's a good thing.

Here's my Rule No. 12:

If you do anything at all that displeases my daughter in any way, know that I can take you out and you won't even see it coming.

My younger daughter's not allowed to date until she's 16, but she's taking Tae Kwon Do with me. She'll be able to handle herself just fine. [;)]

Kathi



LOL

I thought my 10 cents would be useful here. I remember when Kevin met my dad, he started telling him how he had been in the core and all that stuff, You know he tried to scare Kevin off, well he failed, he later admitted that he wasn't part of the core, or any military group, with me watching him. See now every time there is a game on, a Hockey game, they will be down stairs watching it.. they both like the same team Montreal Canadiens, They both hate the same Referee, they both share the same views, and they both swear very loudly when a penalty has occured, matter of fact I wouldn't want to be my own neighbours. Those two get a long like ..uh...two things that get along.

See Kathi, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 either, I know kevin's Dad kept asking where his Girlfriend was when he was 12.. of course that was whenever his mom was out of ear shot, Kevs parents don't agree with each other on the whole dating process.

My dad I think, given the oppertunity, would adopt Kevin into our Family.. wait thats gross... that would make us.. gross, ex that out.

It took my Mom less then two secondes to realize that Kevin, was not a typical teenager. He could be very mature, and very funny at the same time. He didn't have chains hanging from his pants, or Skulls on his shirt, which my parents would hate.

So all in all, Everyone gets along, Kevin gets along with my younger sister which I didn't even thing was going to happen, He gets along with my younger brother aswell.

But you should have seen Kevins face when my dad was giving him the riot act.. you would have paid a million dollars to see this. He was so terrified!

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