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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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  • Member since
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Posted by cherokee woman on Monday, February 2, 2004 7:48 AM
Jim, WHERE in tarnation did you FIND this [censored][?] piece of [censored][?]

You guys REALLY take the CAKE!![:0][:p]
Angel cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist."
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Posted by locomutt on Monday, February 2, 2004 7:08 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Time for Monday Madness . . . . . [:)]

Jim and Vic [:D]
Yall should like these. [;)]



Word Play


Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is
two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead
giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your
count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but
broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the
key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: It taint yours and it taint
mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a
small medium at large.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.








Yeah,now about the "shotgun"wedding.

You know it is a "FORMAL AFFAIR" when the shotgun is painted white.

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, February 1, 2004 11:32 PM
Time for Monday Madness . . . . . [:)]

Jim and Vic [:D]
Yall should like these. [;)]



Word Play


Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is
two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead
giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your
count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but
broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the
key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: It taint yours and it taint
mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a
small medium at large.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.



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Posted by vsmith on Sunday, February 1, 2004 10:58 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt

Another good one for Sunday.

One year ago today,7 people give their all doing
a job that they wanted to do.

Space Shuttle Columbia 1 year later

Try the link at:http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRcolumbia.htm

locomutt


Heard a really really really bad and truely tasteless NASA joke the other day, but I dont want to offend anyone here so I'll zip it.

Tough enough the President wants to talk about sending astronuats back to the moon and onto Mars knowing it will take at least 10 more years just to relace the Shuttle system with a new vehicle. We aint going to be on Mars for another 50 years at the rate Congress supports space travel. Oh Well, the Russians will always have rockets we can hitch a lift on, right?

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, February 1, 2004 12:45 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt

Another good one for Sunday (anytime for that matter)

This comes from the"BOSS"
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire247.htm


That was a really good card Locomutt, thanks for sharing.
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Posted by locomutt on Sunday, February 1, 2004 8:27 AM
Another good one for Sunday (anytime for that matter)

This comes from the"BOSS"
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire247.htm

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by locomutt on Sunday, February 1, 2004 8:13 AM
Another good one for Sunday.

One year ago today,7 people give their all doing
a job that they wanted to do.

Space Shuttle Columbia 1 year later

Try the link at:http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRcolumbia.htm

locomutt

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, February 1, 2004 6:45 AM
Time for the Sunday Funnies . . . . . [:)]


Today is Sunday, a day many of us attend Church services. The following link is appropriate for Sunday. It is not a funny story, but a sad one. It does serve to remind us to look on the inside and see the heart and character and not just judge by the cover.

Thanks to Walt and Paula for sending me the story.


http://www.debsfunpages.com/ugly.htm
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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 31, 2004 8:35 AM
Saturday's Silly Season [:D]


Nora sent me this. [:I] [:o)]



Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One
for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you
one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and

rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan

and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When
the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the
fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if wecan
see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence yet were
still unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence
tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go
get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

......They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of
the boy on the bike.

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Posted by vsmith on Friday, January 30, 2004 12:19 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

And a headless Train conductor walks the now single track in search of his long lost head with a lantern that aways from side to side, a bright amber light that can be seen for miles..

or so they say...

I've walked those tracks many times, and i didn't see S**&.



Thats because you weren't drunk off your *ss walking home, startling a very surprised and angry Opposum which growled and hissed at your chemical filled mind leaving a very different memory,

Hence here in the southwest and Mexico we get the Legend of the Chupacabra![}:)]

Next time try walking the same stretch of track after downing a bottle of Vicks Formula 44 couch syrup, I garrentee you'll see something![:p]


So if I'm walking along the railroad tracks and I find the trainman's head....is it railroad property or can I keep it and sell it on Ebay?


Ebay Ebay

Thats like a cartoon from Gary Larsons "Far Side" where a teacher standing in front of her class saying" and now little Bobby will tell us all about what he found on the beach last summer.." we see little Bobby standing behind here carrying a large jar with a human head in it![xx(][:D]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 2004 12:11 PM
Thats if you even find the head, Dan, this conductor has been looking for 70 years! Fat chance you'll find it.
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Posted by Mookie on Friday, January 30, 2004 12:08 PM
[:D] again!

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 2004 11:41 AM
THATS RR PROPERTY SON! , The interior of the eye sockets will clearly read CP RAIL!
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Posted by dharmon on Friday, January 30, 2004 11:30 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

And a headless Train conductor walks the now single track in search of his long lost head with a lantern that aways from side to side, a bright amber light that can be seen for miles..

or so they say...

I've walked those tracks many times, and i didn't see S**&.



Thats because you weren't drunk off your *ss walking home, startling a very surprised and angry Opposum which growled and hissed at your chemical filled mind leaving a very different memory,

Hence here in the southwest and Mexico we get the Legend of the Chupacabra![}:)]

Next time try walking the same stretch of track after downing a bottle of Vicks Formula 44 couch syrup, I garrentee you'll see something![:p]


So if I'm walking along the railroad tracks and I find the trainman's head....is it railroad property or can I keep it and sell it on Ebay?
  • Member since
    December 2001
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Posted by vsmith on Friday, January 30, 2004 11:07 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

And a headless Train conductor walks the now single track in search of his long lost head with a lantern that aways from side to side, a bright amber light that can be seen for miles..

or so they say...

I've walked those tracks many times, and i didn't see S**&.



Thats because you weren't drunk off your *ss walking home, startling a very surprised and angry Opposum which growled and hissed at your chemical filled mind leaving a very different memory,

Hence here in the southwest and Mexico we get the Legend of the Chupacabra![}:)]

Next time try walking the same stretch of track after downing a bottle of Vicks Formula 44 couch syrup, I garrentee you'll see something![:p]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 2004 10:54 AM
And a headless Train conductor walks the now single track in search of his long lost head with a lantern that aways from side to side, a bright amber light that can be seen for miles..

or so they say...

I've walked those tracks many times, and i didn't see S**&.
  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Smoggy L.A.
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Posted by vsmith on Friday, January 30, 2004 10:08 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I am putting this here as a P S A (Public Service Announcement).

I have my doubts as to "IF" it is true or not, but I would feel real bad if it were true and I didn't at least say something about it (and someone was hurt because of it). There is a ton of junk floating around on the interent that is nothing but pure garbage. Who starts it all I don't know. A lot of it finds it way into my email account. I read it and delete it most of the time. But I am going to share just a small piece of this email I received just as a precaution. As I said , I doubt it is true, but just to be safe I will pass a little of it on to you :


I have been asked by state and local authorities to write
this email in order to get the word out to car drivers of a very
dangerous prank that is occurring in numerous states. Some person or persons
have been affixing hypodermic needles to the underside of gas pump
handles!


OK, this is all I am going to cut and paste into this post. When you do buy gas in the near future, just to be safe, do check the handle of the gas pump BEFORE you touch it.

I am putting this here because this thread is one that most forum members check out at least once a day. I have also referred to it as The Humor Thread Paper, so it is "fitting" that it be here.

As Joe would say . . . Stay Safe.



Probably find this on the Urban Legends pages - it's been around for a long time. Not that some yahoo won't see it sometime and think it'll be fun to try...


URBAN LEGEND

AND NOT A GOOD ONE AT THAT...[:D]

Maybe I should start an Urban Legen tread, to "educate and inform" our fair reader as to recocnized when their being Bullsh***d....[:D]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by locomutt on Friday, January 30, 2004 9:50 AM
Way to go Mook. I won't say what Walt's comment was except it was [censored], and
said he didn't know how Tree would react to your statement[:O][8]

cherokee woman[}:)]

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Mookie on Friday, January 30, 2004 9:24 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes


On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If you're a tree.



I'm not 60, but I am Tree. So I'm really not old...
This brings up something I have wondered about for some time -

What happens when Tree and LocoMutt post really close together???????[censored]

Kind of like MudChicken and Mz Kitty.....[dinner]

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 2004 9:08 AM
This Day In History

Two unique items occured on this day, January 30, in past history.

IN 1847 the town Yerba Buena is renamed . . . . . an Francisco (wonder why [}:)] ).

The Long Ranger was heard on radio for the first time. The radio show became a tv show in the mid 1950s, but not before 2,956 episodes were "aired" on radio.
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Posted by JoeKoh on Friday, January 30, 2004 8:55 AM
Darwin winner?
How about someone cutting off a line of cars.no fender benders but cars #2 and 3 were happy to talk to them.I was car #6.oh 2 and 3 a state patrol and local cop.
stay safe
joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by tree68 on Friday, January 30, 2004 8:54 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes


On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If you're a tree.



I'm not 60, but I am Tree. So I'm really not old...

LarryWhistling
Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) 
Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you
My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date
Come ride the rails with me!
There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 2004 8:40 AM
Finally Friday . . . . aren't you glad, I know I AM. [:D]


A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer
listing interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean
City, Maryland beach.

I childproofed my house, but they still get in.

On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If you're a tree.

My reality check just bounced.

I'm not 50. I'm 49.95 plus tax.

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch
you from your car.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Physically pffffffft!

It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.

Dangerously under-medicated.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth
out with chocolate.

Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.

Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will
not have to tell lies at your funeral.



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Posted by Mookie on Friday, January 30, 2004 6:18 AM
[swg]

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by CShaveRR on Thursday, January 29, 2004 9:53 PM
Sent to me by my second cousin.
Carl (father of two blondes)



A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license.
The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and, sure enough, sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."


Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

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Posted by zardoz on Thursday, January 29, 2004 8:59 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

The first is an honorable mention because the
individual survived. A teenager was found in the
railroad yard unconscious with severe lacerations on
his face and head. When he regained consciousness, he
informed authorities that he got them by seeing how
close he could get his head to a moving train before
he could feel anything.



Back when I ran Suburban trains in Chicago, in order to either show bravery, or for thrills, the kids would sit below rail level, in between the vertical supports on the deck plate bridges. You could not see them until you were on the bridge itself, the view obscured by the supports. I cannot even imagine the ru***hose kids must have gotten as we zipped by at 70mph while they sat within three feet of our wheels. Yikes!
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Posted by tree68 on Thursday, January 29, 2004 6:47 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I am putting this here as a P S A (Public Service Announcement).

I have my doubts as to "IF" it is true or not, but I would feel real bad if it were true and I didn't at least say something about it (and someone was hurt because of it). There is a ton of junk floating around on the interent that is nothing but pure garbage. Who starts it all I don't know. A lot of it finds it way into my email account. I read it and delete it most of the time. But I am going to share just a small piece of this email I received just as a precaution. As I said , I doubt it is true, but just to be safe I will pass a little of it on to you :


I have been asked by state and local authorities to write
this email in order to get the word out to car drivers of a very
dangerous prank that is occurring in numerous states. Some person or persons
have been affixing hypodermic needles to the underside of gas pump
handles!


OK, this is all I am going to cut and paste into this post. When you do buy gas in the near future, just to be safe, do check the handle of the gas pump BEFORE you touch it.

I am putting this here because this thread is one that most forum members check out at least once a day. I have also referred to it as The Humor Thread Paper, so it is "fitting" that it be here.

As Joe would say . . . Stay Safe.



Probably find this on the Urban Legends pages - it's been around for a long time. Not that some yahoo won't see it sometime and think it'll be fun to try...

LarryWhistling
Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) 
Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you
My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date
Come ride the rails with me!
There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...

  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, January 29, 2004 1:39 AM
Now for some humor . . . The Thursday edition is here . . . . YEAH [:I] [:o)]



Hi folks...Just got home from work and heard a
couple of supposedly new Darwin award entries to clean
out the gene pool. Thought I'd pass them on in case
you haven't heard them.


The first is an honorable mention because the
individual survived. A teenager was found in the
railroad yard unconscious with severe lacerations on
his face and head. When he regained consciousness, he
informed authorities that he got them by seeing how
close he could get his head to a moving train before
he could feel anything.


The second is a winner...A individual attempted to rob
a liquor store. After the clerk gave him the money,
the robber decided to shoot the only witness to the
crime. The pistol did not fire. The robber looked
downed the barrel of the pistol to see why it didn't
fire. This time it did....


Also, in case you didn't read or see anything about
the two young men who thought it would be funny to
streak naked through a Denny's Restaurant. They parked
their running car out front with the door unlocked,
took off their clothes and entered the restaurant.
When they hastily returned to their car, it had been
stolen, along with their clothes.


I received these in an email and have not been to the Darwin Award site for a while. They could be true, but then again, they may not be. [8] [:p]
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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, January 29, 2004 1:27 AM
I am putting this here as a P S A (Public Service Announcement).

I have my doubts as to "IF" it is true or not, but I would feel real bad if it were true and I didn't at least say something about it (and someone was hurt because of it). There is a ton of junk floating around on the interent that is nothing but pure garbage. Who starts it all I don't know. A lot of it finds it way into my email account. I read it and delete it most of the time. But I am going to share just a small piece of this email I received just as a precaution. As I said , I doubt it is true, but just to be safe I will pass a little of it on to you :


I have been asked by state and local authorities to write
this email in order to get the word out to car drivers of a very
dangerous prank that is occurring in numerous states. Some person or persons
have been affixing hypodermic needles to the underside of gas pump
handles!


OK, this is all I am going to cut and paste into this post. When you do buy gas in the near future, just to be safe, do check the handle of the gas pump BEFORE you touch it.

I am putting this here because this thread is one that most forum members check out at least once a day. I have also referred to it as The Humor Thread Paper, so it is "fitting" that it be here.

As Joe would say . . . Stay Safe.
  • Member since
    April 2003
  • 305,205 posts
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 9:43 PM
LOL I jsut got it... No electricity means no Tv....

It took me 20 minutes staring at that joke!!

I GET IT!!!

LOL!!

HAHAAHAAAHA!!!!

[:D]

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