Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[vsmith]

well now that I've batted 1000, I'm going to take a real chance and tell the untellable...at least one version of it...Pleeeeze dont banish me for this...


Two guys are walking in the desert when one has to go to the bathroom, he walks over to a bush and starts to urinate, not seeing a ratllesnake which startled, strikes at the shower source, biting him on his [censored]

He starts screaming, and his buddy calms him down, "dont worry , I got my cell phone, i'll call a doctor" so he calls 911 and gets someone on the line,

he explains hurridly what happened, the doctor says " look, you have to act fast, first you have to remove the poison from the wound, you'll have to suck all the poison out, get ALL of it out, this is very important ...."

"Well what did he say dammit!" says the bite victim "What did he say!"

The second guy closes his phone, turns to his buddy and says...

"The doc says you're gonna die..."[xx(][:D][8D][;)]

Something tells me this was a bad idea[censored][D)][:-,][%-)][(-D][X-)]

The more this day goes by I Really think this was a bad idea[D)][D)][D)]

[CShaveRR]

Build your own un-tellable joke:

Think about the evidence left in Ed's joke a couple of posts above this, and what would be about the worst thing that could happen if a rattlesnake were around.

Think about the cure for a snakebite which Ed said wouldn't work, in his post on snakes.

Think of the alternative to the "cure" (i.e., death).

And if the bitten person's buddy were presented with the choice...

Do you get it now, Kevin?

[espeefoamer]

Someone should feed the singing monkeys to the rattlesnake from the untellable joke.[:D]
I thought of that joke too,but there is no way of cleaning it up enough to tell.[}:)]

[edblysard]

Last week, President Bush was leaving the White House, when he noticed someone had written "Bush sucks" in the snow by spelling it out while uninating.

Madder that all get out, he demanded the Secret Sevice get a sample of the unine, and give it to the FBI for DNA analysis.

"I want to know who this person is, so we can make an example out of him" demands Mr Bush
.
A few days later, his top aide rushes to the Oval Office, and tells the President,

"Mr PPPPresident, we have good news, and bad news about the writing on the lawn" he stammers.

"Great, so what the good news" askes Mr Bush.

"Well Sir, we have identified the person through DNA testing, and we know exactally where and how to pick him up"

"Okay, so who is he?" askes the President.

"Its the Vice President, Sir"
replies the aide...

"Thats the good news? shouts the President!

"What the heck is the bad news?"

"Well Sir" stutters the aide, "Its in your wife's handwriting"

Ed
[(-D]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

Not too much but watch for matt hes getting sneakerer everyday!!
stay safe
Joe

Noqw thats my kind of child...

Anyone got any Fake sankes for immediate Post to Canada, Ie. my place?

[Mookie]

I couldn't resist this one - [:I] and it goes both ways!

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"

"I'll miss you" she replies!

Mook

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman



Get me a sanke, and i'll get you 300 Elvis-singing Monkeys, they will be RED and PINK, and i'll chuck them at your door, when they are singing.. Sound Fair?

Sorry already have a singing monkey.but I can get you a live version of Peppie Le pew.
stay safe
joe

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Allright Vic,
You and Kevin within 24 hours or each other....
Watch out Mookie, they are gaining on you!
Ed

Good Job Vic and Ed you not too far behind the Mookie either.
stay safe
Joe

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

Not too much but watch for matt hes getting sneakerer everyday!!
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

Time for the Tuesday edition . . . . . [:)]


Today's Joke

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to
their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since
they had never seen a live football game before, Madge
thought the free tickets would provide an excellent
opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium
overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the
kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth
struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader
performance that followed. Then came the second half.
When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff,
Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This
is where we came in."

[Anonymous]

Vasectomy is never having to say you're sorry.

[edblysard]

Allright Vic,
You and Kevin within 24 hours or each other....
Watch out Mookie, they are gaining on you!
Ed

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

[Anonymous]

ARe you kidding, that joke was said perfectly like that!

[Anonymous]

Congradualtions Mr SMITH!!

and Welcome Aboard, my Friend!

[vsmith]

Well I might as well go ahead and get this over with...somehow I've managed to squander enough time to post 1000 posts.

Dont ask me how? I'm not that knowledgable about modern RR's but between the Garden RR forum, Model RR forum Classic Trains and THIS forum I've racked up what I dont necessarily think is a reward I've earned by being promoted to "Four Stars" .

I hope this doesnt make people think I'm some kind of expert around here, Lord know I'm not. I'm just interested and opinionated.

So given that my best contributions seam to have been here I'll make this my Big 1000 and its a simple one, but its a dousy. If your ears are not accustome to certain "Pardon My French" words I apologize now if too many are put off by it I'll come back and edit it ,

but for the big 1000 this is one of my favorites so hear it is Folks...



Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and

the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she's fuckin' Goofy".

[Anonymous]

Get me a sanke, and i'll get you 300 Elvis-singing Monkeys, they will be RED and PINK, and i'll chuck them at your door, when they are singing.. Sound Fair?

[Anonymous]

Ok so we all should know

I hate valentines Day...

I hated it when i was single, And i hate it now

VDAY = Expendature of Yd. (Yd being the symbol of Disposable income)
Whats worse is on stupid things like Those Red blue and purple chimps that Sing Elvis "Burning love" over and over and over...

NOPE, not for me

I usually lock myself in my room,
And think about all the people who are having a miserable day..

I know thats totally uncharacteristic of me.. but what the hell.. I only do that one day out of the entire year.

Valenines dya never treated me well as a kid, I hated it.. I think i'm scared for life now.

[vsmith]

This jokes a little risque but as they say "no risque, no gain"

Texas Midget

There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his privates ached almost all the time.

As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem.

The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under the left side and told the midget to turn his head and cough - the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Aha!" said the doc, and putting his finger under the right side, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his privates were no longer aching.

"Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked.

The doc replied,

"I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

Speaking of refridgerators...

Once when we were having a stint of food dissapearing from the office fridge, I decided to see if i could smoke out the thief. Being in the construction trade we usually have a lot of material samples laying around. I found a floor tile sample , about 3 inches square that looked exactly like a chocolate fudge brownie, I placed it on a paper plate with a napkin over it and put it in the fridge...Sure enough about mid afternoon we hear..."Hey who put this $%#^ tile in the fridge!" the food thief was fingered.

No broken teeth but a bit embarrased, to make ammends,the thief ended up buying lunch for all of us.[:D]

[JoeKoh]

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[edblysard]

CW,
Two stars already!!!
Funny, but the snakes we raise belong to my wife, Aimee.
Seems for some reason, either women love the silly things, or hate them with a passion.
Might have to do with the Adam and Eve thing, who knows.
But we have 7 boas, and one Texas rat snake.
The momma boa is 6'8" and weighs in around 45lbs.
My wife and daughters love Halloween, they all dress up as witches, and each carries one of the snakes.
Sorta brings a new twist to the trick part of trick or treat!

Again, congrats on your 2nd star...
Ed

[locomutt]

Kev,
If you want that joke send me an e-mail and I'll give it to you.
And I really agree with CW, if you did that to GF,your "LIFE" as you knew it;
wouldn't be!

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Aw, Gee, Ed, you just spoiled my one snake joke.

I couldn't have put it here, anyway, but you may know it already: it's the one where the punchline is, "The doctor says you're gonna die!".

OK Someone tell me that joke... It sounds funny!

I don't know it..
Hey Ed, you got any spare snakes that would make great valentines gifts?

The thought of seeing my GF shreak then faint kind of amuses me.

Kevin, Girlfriend (when she regained consciousness) wouldn't even bother with a level swing, she'd flat out kill you probably, if you did that. Shame on you[:(]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Aw, Gee, Ed, you just spoiled my one snake joke.

I couldn't have put it here, anyway, but you may know it already: it's the one where the punchline is, "The doctor says you're gonna die!".

OK Someone tell me that joke... It sounds funny!

I don't know it..
Hey Ed, you got any spare snakes that would make great valentines gifts?

The thought of seeing my GF shreak then faint kind of amuses me.

[Anonymous]

Well, at least we know the rattlesnake joke has pretty much made it around the country. lol

Ok, now we will switch animals and go to dogs. Walt send me this e-card today. It has a very good message. It just shows that "how you see things" maybe different from how other people see things. And this is good for our GE vs EMD war that always seems to spring back up just when we finally get it laid to rest (we think). I don't know about you but I would love to bury it for good.

Anyway, click on the link and view the story.


http://www.funbab.com/1/puppy.htm

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Jim,
Now that was truly funny, and yet, at the same time not so funny, but very true.

And yeah, Carl, "the doc says your gonna die!"
I doubt there is anyway to clean it up enough to post here, but still a funny joke.
Ed

That is a very old joke. Good but old. And if you tried to clean it up to post,
it wouldn't be funny anymore[:D]

Now, did you hear the one about.....................[?]

[edblysard]

Jim,
Now that was truly funny, and yet, at the same time not so funny, but very true.

And yeah, Carl, "the doc says your gonna die!"
I doubt there is anyway to clean it up enough to post here, but still a funny joke.
Ed

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

Aw, Gee, Ed, you just spoiled my one snake joke.

I couldn't have put it here, anyway, but you may know it already: it's the one where the punchline is, "The doctor says you're gonna die!".

Brother Carl - even your big sister has heard this one! It is funny!

[Anonymous]

This was sent to me on 1 -31 04. These fun pages take a while to load and because they are so slow I many times don't open them until the weekend. This one is not funny but I believe it does offer a message that many of us will agree with. I really try to not be too political (you really would agree if you had seen the post I almost posted about 2 days ago, but because the thread starter is a 7 th grader I chose not to hurt him and turn his thread into a political rucus so I deleted all but one line of my intended post). Meanwhile back at the ranch life goes on, good for some, not so good for others, as the link will point out.


http://www.debsfunpages.com/attackappalachia.htm