Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[edblysard]

Heres a old one,

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the armadillo how it's done!

I know, boo hiss....
Ed

[edblysard]

He forgot a few...
like
Ouch,
often used along with
Yonder,
as in
"He's ouch younder, by tree". (he is out there by the tree)

And "rat"
As in,
"I'll be rat back" or "I'll be back rat sun" (I will be right back, or I will be back right soon)

And we use "earl" as a way to describe the black gold that comes out of the ground around these parts...

Ed

[CShaveRR]

Yeah, but the capital of 'Bammer is really Montgomery!

Also, I retard every day I work, so when I'm retard, I won't retard any more. Hmmm...

[Anonymous]

LOL JIM

Is that what your Teacher learned you in Schoo...?

1-1-0-0

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

It seems there was an indian that stood on a street corner and every time a pretty lady
would go by, he'd say"Umm. Chance."

This went on for quite a while. Finally, a lady walked by and he said "Umm. Chance."
She turned and asked him, "How come you don't say 'how'?"

He looked back and said, "Me knowum how, me wantum chance."

reminds me of the old TV show F Troop, Sarg asks the Hekawee Chief Wild Eagle how the tribe got its name he tells him that many years ago while looking for a new home, after wandering the praries for several months the chief stepped forward and proclaimed, "we' the heck are we?"

[cherokee woman]

Those are really good, Jim: got anymore for our northern friends to learn?

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . . . [:o)] [:D]


Dictionary for Yankees (To know what we Southerners are saying) [:D] [}:)] [;)]


HEIDI: (noun) Greeting.

HIRE YEW: (complete sentence) Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD: (verb) Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH: (noun) The state north of Florida. Capital is
Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck."

BAMMER: (noun) The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is
Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through
Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS: (noun) A calendar division. Usage: "My brother
from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd
from him in munts."

THANK: (verb) Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank
ah'll have a Coke."

RANCH: (noun) A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage:
"I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL: (noun) A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I
sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup
truck."

FAR: (noun) A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother
from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,
that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR: (noun) A rubber wheel. Usage: "I hope that
brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my
pickup truck."

TIRE: (noun) A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and
the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel
Tire in Pars sometime."

RETARD: (verb) To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw
retard at age 65."

FARN: (adjective) Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint
unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn
country."

DID: (adjective) Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen. Usage:
"He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR: (noun) A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy,
stay away from that bob war fence."

[JoeKoh]

Jim Usually posts one for Sunday but heres one my sister in law sent.
to you
If god had a refrigerator your picture would be on it
if he had a wallet your pic would be in it
he sends flowers every spring
and a sunrise everymorning
whenever you want to talk he listens
he could live anywhere in the universe but chose you heart
face it freinds he is crazy about us!God didnt promise us days without pain,laughter without sorrow,sun without rain.but he did promise strength for the day,comfort for the tears,and a light for the way.
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by nance69

Kevin; We have just received a message from the International Society for the Protection of Mr. Potato Heads and they tell us they are on the way to your place to protest your treatment of your Mr. Potato Head! They probably will have pickets up shortly with signs, "Kevin--unfair to Mr. Potato Head.
AND ED,-- the second message from the scociety says that they will be by your place to reassure you thAt ---Yes, Ed, Mr. Potato Head IS a Real Pet, so take good care of him!
nance69

Yeah, your right, I should be nicer to the poor fellow. Anyone know where to get one of those Bop toys you punch and they spring back up, they are filled qwiht air and the bootom has some sort of weight attatched to them.. they were popular many years ago, the dotors office still has them for little kids...

I really don't want my Potato head to call Potato head protection service on me

I take it all back... [:D]

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . [8D]



ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES


Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy

British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni

Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board

Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Police Discovered Potted Plants Were Really Cannabis

Headless Body Found In Topless Bar

[Rick Gates]

Ok Mookie.....I lied. Here's a few......[}:)] SHE WAS SOOOOO BLONDE...She thought a quarterback was a refund. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. She thought Boyz ll Men was a day care center. At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote " Sagittarius." She Was Soooooooo Blonde.....She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. She sent a fax with a stamp on it. Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked ON Phonics." She Was Soooooooooooo Blonde.....She tripped over a cordless phone. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." She told me to meet her at the corner of 'WALK" and "DON'T WALK." She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She Was Sooooooooooo Blonde....She studied for a blood test. She sold her car for gas money. When she missed bus #44 she took bus#22 twice instead. When she went to the train station and saw a sign that said "Train Station Left," she turned around and went home. She Was Sooooooo Blonde...When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thought that if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." She was Soooooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde....She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. [8]

[Granny74]

Kevin; We have just received a message from the International Society for the Protection of Mr. Potato Heads and they tell us they are on the way to your place to protest your treatment of your Mr. Potato Head! They probably will have pickets up shortly with signs, "Kevin--unfair to Mr. Potato Head.
AND ED,-- the second message from the scociety says that they will be by your place to reassure you thAt ---Yes, Ed, Mr. Potato Head IS a Real Pet, so take good care of him!
nance69

[cherokee woman]

It seems there was an indian that stood on a street corner and every time a pretty lady
would go by, he'd say"Umm. Chance."

This went on for quite a while. Finally, a lady walked by and he said "Umm. Chance."
She turned and asked him, "How come you don't say 'how'?"

He looked back and said, "Me knowum how, me wantum chance."

[locomutt]

Kevin, have you been emailing locomutt and conspiring with him? That's just about the same words HE used!!

cherokee woman

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

Sorry, Oliver, locomutt got me sidetracked, and I lost my train of thought.

Isn't the proper term... "Derailed my Train of thought?"

[:D]

[Mookie]

I have heard of turning into a gas station and a grocery store, but never into a potato.

And you have that backwards - you want to turn a potato into a boss, which shouldn't be too hard considering some bosses aren't as smart as some potatoes!

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

Could y'all be serious for a moment and tell me how to turn my boss into a potato? [dinner]

Sorry, Oliver, locomutt got me sidetracked, and I lost my train of thought.

Maybe find a HUGE potato fryer, and put the boss in it?

Hey Mook, can YOU think of anything?

[cherokee woman]

Give me time: the litttle Indian's thinking. Walt's been wondering why he smells smoke and neither of us have a cigarette lit. He's wondering who I'm sending smoke signals to.

He told me this is the INTERNET, not the INTERBLANKET[:0][:p]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

What,
My Mister Potato Head isnt a real pet?
Mom and Dad lied?
I bet my pet rock isnt a real pet either!
Darn...guess I will have to stick to snakes.
Ed

Speaking of "mister Potato heads" I have one i sit on my desk... it has all of it's ears and noses in a drwayer, ocasioanlly I change the way he looks.. I call him my pound potato... When i've had a REALLY bad day.. I punch Mr.P-H and all the ears and Eyes fly off... then I fetch them, re-attach them, and sit him back on my desk...

It really helps...


I should buy one of those ballon toys you punch and they come back up...

That would be even better...

[JoeKoh]

Guys and gals
bring your rocks. as the weather gets warmer its time for a snipe hunt.
stay safe
joe

[locomutt]

Find Him a Couch,a remote,a ball game and a beer[8][}:)]

[Anonymous]

Could y'all be serious for a moment and tell me how to turn my boss into a potato? [dinner]

[locomutt]

Jim, VERY COOL[^][:D]

Larry, Also watch Credit Card VERY closely[%-)][oops]

Ed,I can't tell you about Mr. Potato Head,
But you Might Have A ROCK Concert going[swg][:-^][}:)]

[edblysard]

What,
My Mister Potato Head isnt a real pet?
Mom and Dad lied?
I bet my pet rock isnt a real pet either!
Darn...guess I will have to stick to snakes.
Ed

[Mookie]

See - we ladies are pretty smart when it comes to men - of all ages! [8)]

[tree68]

NOTICE TO ALL MODEL RAILROADERS AND RAILFANS:

Be VERY suspicious if your significant other tells you that a potato will turn into an object you have been strongly suggesting that you would like to have!

[cherokee woman]

Jim,

That was really cute! Hmm, wonder what else that potato trick would work on??????

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . [:)]


How to turn a potato into a puppy.


http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire389.htm


Enjoy.

[Rick Gates]

[8] OK, Jen. No more almost dumb blonde jokes! Did you hear of the hot air ballonist who was lost and late? He was over a large field trying to spot a landmark and noticed a man in the field. So, he lowered his altitude and yells to the guy, "Hey Mr. can you help me out? I was supposed to meet a friend a half an hour ago and, I'm lost!" The man replies, "Well certainly. You're hovering in a ballon approximately 40 feet above here and your at 42 degrees, 14 minutes, and 6 seconds N. Latitude and, 82 degrees, 9 minutes, 7 seconds W. Longitude." The ballonist exclaims, "You must be a Hoghead!" Surprised, the man answers, "That right! How did you know?" Our hot air friend says, "Well, I'm sure that info. is technically correct however; I still have no idea where I am!" The hoghead says, "You must be a fireman!" The ballonist exclaims, "That's right! How did you know?" Our hoghead explains, Well, you don't know where you are, or where your going. You've already made a promise you can't keep. And, though we've just met. Now some how it's my fault!" [:p]

[Mikeygaw]

The story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.... wait a minute, no they haven't, there aren't any names IN the story!

Sales Riot



about a week ago a shoe store here in Philly was having a sale, and there was a lot of women there. Well, two of them got into a fight over the last pair of some shoe. This fight boiled over to a rather large riot that took nearly 50 police (two entire districts plus most of the wagons in the city) to quell, with four arrests. And neither woman ended up with the shoes