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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 6:38 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw

Warning to all dog owners

The Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout the state. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs!







I didn't no there was a Lee Harvey MeOwswald . . . [(-D][:D]

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Tuesday, June 7, 2005 10:10 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK More funny stuff

There are from high school essays ENJOY

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh
Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he
was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and
she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame... maybe from stepping on a land mind or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire
hydrant.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98
missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a
generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a
band tightened. It hurt the way your tongue hurts
after you accidentally staple it to the wall.







Yes I finally found to laugh at this one by going to the beginning of the topic forum . . .

I laughed pretty hard on this one . . . [:D]
Sometimes it pays to have a long break . . . but not always . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Tuesday, June 7, 2005 4:51 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good
dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Hour logically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I
can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of
the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment.

"Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"



I would hear this particular joke on a classic rock station out of NC that was often wired to FL in the morning

The name of the show is John Boy and Billy in the morning . . .

Lots of humor especially from "Dumb Crook News"

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 3:17 PM
A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street.

"Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You're not going to spend it on liquor, are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"You're not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money at a model train store to improve your layout, would you?" asks the man.

"No, never," says the bum, "I don't play with trains."

The gentleman then asks the bum if he would like to come back to his house for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they're heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.

The bum asks: "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play with trains."
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Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 3:25 PM
A man was walking along the beach one day, when he came across an old lamp. When he picked it up and wiped it clean, a Genie appeared... The genie said to the man, "Okay, I've been in there for a long time, and I really want to party, so make your three wishes quickly."

The man replied "Okay, for my first wish, I want a limo." Boom, a limo appeared. "For my second wish, I want the limo filled with money," the man said. Poof, it was done. "And for my last wish I want a railroad built to Hawaii," the man said.

The genie looked at the man, and said "Hang on a second, that's impossible! Do you know how long it would take me to try to build that??? Think of something else that wouldn't take as long," the genie begged.

The man thought for a second and finally said, "Okay, I want a better understanding of my wife."

The genie thought for a while and said, "Let's skip sidings and go for double tracks to start with from Honolulu to LA... and now did you want a steamer or a diesel with that?"
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Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 3:28 PM
What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?
"Technologically backward"

What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
"Economically underdeveloped."

What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
"United States of America"
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 6:06 PM
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in the cornflakes?


The police thought it was a cereal killer.
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 10:52 PM
Zardoz, I don't know where you find 'em, but keep em coming Willy
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Posted by zardoz on Thursday, June 23, 2005 11:40 AM
A man walked into a pet shop and asked the shopekeeper "how much is that duck?"

The shopkeeper replied "ten dollars, good sir"

"Great" the customer said, "could you please send me the bill later"

The shopkeeper looked puzzeled and said "I am sorry sir but you will have to take the whole bird".
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Posted by locomutt on Thursday, June 23, 2005 11:41 AM
That one 'quacked' me up !!!!!!!!

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, June 23, 2005 11:43 AM
"And the Hits just keep on coming" (in radio announcer voice)
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Posted by vsmith on Thursday, June 23, 2005 11:55 AM
T-shirt is saw this at a local trainshow, probably an old joke, but I liked it...

"I want to die in peace like my Grandfather,
not screaming in terror like his passengers..."

[:0][;)][8D]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by locomutt on Thursday, June 23, 2005 1:31 PM
"It's such a comfort to take the bus,and leave the driving to us,lucky us,.............................."[:O]

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, June 23, 2005 10:50 PM
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her
>faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
>
>One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles
>discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading
>rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
>
>The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some
>bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the
>bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about
>to
>leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious
>leopard!
>I wonder if there are any more around here?"
>
>Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
>terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the
>leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
>
>Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
>tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
>protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him
>heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something
>must
>be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and
>strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
>
>The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
>monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
>canine!"
>
>Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back
>and
>thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits
>down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet,
>and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle
>says: "Where's that *** monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
>another leopard!"
>
>Moral of this story..
>
>Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth
>and skill! Bullsh-- and brilliance only come with age and experience!


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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, June 24, 2005 12:20 AM
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE WILL GET THIS ONE?

From "The Philadelphia Story (movie version)", MGM, 1940.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

Traci Lord (Katherine Hepburn): "What are these so-called class distinctions. . . Between the upper class and the lower, give me the lower!"

McCauley Connor (Jimmy Stuart) sourly: "Only if you can't get a Drawing Room."

[;)]
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Posted by vsmith on Thursday, June 30, 2005 1:02 PM
WARNING News breifing stating more Terrorist names announced, be on the lookout for...

http://dr-joe.net/flash-files/DeNiro.htm

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, July 1, 2005 10:59 AM
I STOLE THIS FROM ANOTHER SITE:


Q: Why can't the engineer of an electric locomotive get electrocuted?

A: Because he's not the conductor. [^]
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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, July 1, 2005 2:11 PM
Since I had such a good time here, it is only good manners to leave one of my own.

An oldie but a goodie...


One day a cop is directing traffic. As a car stops at his request, he can't help but notice a great deal of commotion going on inside the car. Concerned, the cop approaches the car. Apon closer inspection he discovers the driver is transporting a rather large group of penguins.

"What do you think you are doing?" asks the cop.

"What do you mean?" responds the driver.

"You are driving around with a bunch of penguins!" the cop exclaims.

"Yeah, so?" the driver says, rather puzzled.

"You can't do that, take them to the zoo right now!" the cop orders.

"OK." the driver responds.

The next day, the same cop is stuck doing traffic duty again. He immediately recognizes the same car with the same driver as it stops at the intersection. Once again, there is a rather loud commotion inside the car. And again, the cop is forced to investigate.

"Again?" the cop asks.

"What?" the driver responds.

"The penguins!" the cop barks, growing agitated.

"What about them?" the driver asks.

"I told you to take them to the zoo!!" the cop shouts, losing patience.

"Oh, yeah, I did." the driver confirms.

"So what happened?" the cop asks, rather puzzled.

The man suddenly smiles and says,

"We had such a great time, today we're going to the beach!!!"

SRT.
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Posted by Mikeygaw on Sunday, July 3, 2005 4:13 PM
taken from the Model Rail Road Forum's Coffee Shop

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would cra***wice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Conrail Forever!
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Posted by CShaveRR on Monday, July 4, 2005 11:16 PM
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!"

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!" Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

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Posted by zardoz on Friday, July 8, 2005 9:35 AM
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the ***s on the outside.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."
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Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with a "recipe".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this***..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
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Posted by morseman on Friday, July 8, 2005 7:34 PM
DEFINITIONS

Consultant - - A person who borrows your watch to tell you
what time it is.

Executive - - A person who takes a two hour lunch break
and no one notices.

Any definitions for conductors, engineers, dispatchers, etc. ????
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Posted by Anonymous on Friday, July 8, 2005 7:42 PM
A coordinator is someone who sits between two expiditors.
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 8:26 AM
SITTING BEHIND SEVERAL NUNS AT A BASEBALL GAME WHOSE HABITS PARTIALLY
BLOCKED THEIR VIEW, THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO MOVE.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH, I HEAR THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA, THERE ARE
ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO, THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS
LIVING THERE."


ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET, CALM, VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL .. THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."

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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 9:00 AM
The Cathouse Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say
something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 9:05 AM
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of beer. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a dadgum police roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight, and put labels on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?" "No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels..."Me and Bubba's on the patch.
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 12:48 PM
Warning--A real groaner

Once upon a time, in a far-off land, there was an ice cream truck driver named Bob. Everyone in the neighborhood knew when Bob's truck was driving by because of the giant inflatable clown head that he'd strapped to the roof. The clown head had speakers in it, and as Bob drove by he would talk into a little microphone, saying things like, "Hey, kids, buy ice cream!" And lo and behold, it sounded just like the giant inflatable clown head itself was talking. Bob liked his job because he got to make kids happy and eat a lot of ice cream himself. And so it went, for many years.

Until one day, the government of the far-off land decided to outlaw ice cream.

Yes, all of a sudden, the treats that Bob once sold had become controlled substances. Bob, fearing for his job, quickly converted his ice cream truck into a tuna-fi***ruck, but he kept the clown head and the speakers for old times' sake.

But instead of turning in his stocks of ice cream to the government, he kept them in the basement of his house, and every day he would take out a popsicle or a sundae cone and eat it in the privacy of his home. It got so Bob would eat more and more ice cream every day, which made him a bit of a jumpier person than he had been before, but nobody seemed to mind.

And so it happened that one day, Bob was rather erratically driving his tuna-fi***ruck around the neighborhood, having just eaten two pudding pops and an orange creamsicle. He picked up his microphone, as he had done so many times before, but when he switched the microphone on, the sugar buzz kicked in, and all he could say was: "T'nnufidgeiss ver'gyood! Buy'tnaow!"

And that's when Bob realized that he had a problem.

A problem...with truck head diction.



I did warn you.
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:00 PM
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&inside=1&url=http://www.trains.com/community/forum/forum.asp?FORUM_ID=111
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:25 PM
Human greeting rituals aren't quite weird enough.

I think when two people meet on the street, it should go more like this: one guy initiates the greeting by making a reflexively circular inquiry. Because the question has no sensible answer, this extends the courtesy of allowing the other person to answer anything without being wrong.

Then one of the people extends a fleshy bit of bio-matter at the other, and the other person grapples at it with his own, and in this manner the two people demonstrate that they aren't grossed out by each other.

Doesn't that sound like a polite and succinct way for people to introduce themselves to each other?

Oh wait, I just described saying "How do you do?" and shaking hands.
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 7:27 PM
Subject: FW: White Smoke (no booing, hissing or groaning)


As I understand it, Cardinal Ratzinger was not the Cardinals first
choice
for Pope. That was, interestingly, Cardinal Hans Grapje.  Grapje was
raised
in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become
a
priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years
co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost
his
left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving

spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa,
piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages
across the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe
when an
explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down

into the mine to administer last rites to those too severely injured to
move.  Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days,
suffering
multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver
content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition
characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a
scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders felt that he should never
ascend to the Papacy.

They felt that the Church would never accept a one-eyed, one-armed,
flying
purple Papal leader.

It's always a pleasure to share these tidbits of knowledge with you. 

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