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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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Posted by Sterling1 on Thursday, May 26, 2005 6:16 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Murphy Siding

Dear Mr.Tharmeni : I frequent many forums, of many different interests. Someone like yourself usually shows up. What I can't seem to figure out is why? It would seem counter produtive. If you're on a forum, you must have something to say. If all you do is pick fights, it leads me to believe that a) you can't think of anything to talk about, or b) your best friend's name is Beavis. Being an optimist, I'm going to assume a). So.......your profile shows you're from Sarasota Springs, Florida. Where's that?, and what's the closest railroad to you?


Sarasota Springs is south of St. Petersburg / Tampa
It's actually southeast of Sarasota

Nearest RR is CSX or Seminole Gulf

Answering for the one who puts in fights in a humor column, a place to cool and chill out when the trains get a little . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, May 26, 2005 8:15 PM
Chad, just ignore him and he'll go away. He feeds on stirring s*** up. Willy
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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, May 26, 2005 8:51 PM
Excellent thread folks... keep em comming.
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Posted by miniwyo on Friday, May 27, 2005 12:14 AM
Also, when oyu do you muffler bearings and signal fluid, make sure you check your elbow grease and headlight fluid!


So, 2 Drums and a Cymbal fall off a cliff.

Ba Dum Shh.

:D

RJ

"Something hidden, Go and find it. Go and look behind the ranges, Something lost behind the ranges. Lost and waiting for you. Go." The Explorers - Rudyard Kipling

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Posted by Puckdropper on Friday, May 27, 2005 3:11 AM
Make sure all the nuts behind your steering wheel are nice and tight. We don't need any more of them falling while the vehicle is moving.
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Posted by zardoz on Friday, May 27, 2005 8:00 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

my wife wanted me to stop at a yard sale. I told her I have enough grass to mow thank you.(i know i know bad joke)
stay safe
Joe

Same with my wife. She wanted to stop at a garage sale; I told her we already had one.
[(-D]
So which joke is worse? Joe's or mine? [:D]
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Posted by chad thomas on Friday, May 27, 2005 9:05 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by RIRR80

Chad, just ignore him and he'll go away. Willy


Yup, That's the ticket. [8D]
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Posted by chad thomas on Friday, May 27, 2005 9:14 AM
Three guys are shipwrecked on a island in the pacific. After several days they are hungry and desperate. Then they find a magic lamp. A genie comes out of the lamp and anounces he can grant three wishes. So all three men get one wish a peice. When the first guy is asked what he would wish for he responds"I'm hungry and tired and I miss my family. I just wish I was back at home". Voila..in a puff of smoke he dissapears. When the second guy is asked what he wishes for he replies "Man that sounds good. I also just wish I was back home with my family". Viola... with a puff of smoke he dissapears. Then the genie asked the last guy what he would like to wish for he said"Man it's going to be really lonely around here without those guys, I wi***hey were back"
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Posted by Tharmeni on Friday, May 27, 2005 3:22 PM
I'll look past all the name calling that went on on this thread a few days ago and tell you I live very near the Seminole Gulf Railroad but it doesn't show up in these parts very often. On Monday a local (hmmmm...they're all locals) came through and one of the crew had a tree trimmer with him clearing the way. I wondered why he bothered since the loco seemed to be able to do the job just fine. I think of the ACL's fine varnish service from Fort Myers to NYC and cringe when I see what the right-of-way looks like today.. Line is cut south of here....they still spot a box car or two around Sarasota every week or so.
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Posted by Sterling1 on Friday, May 27, 2005 4:25 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Puckdropper

Make sure all the nuts behind your steering wheel are nice and tight. We don't need any more of them falling while the vehicle is moving.


At least you don't wan that to happen on the FLA turnpike on cruise control and 70mph!

. . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Puckdropper on Saturday, May 28, 2005 5:56 PM
Cruise control... I think I'll go make a sandwich...

Btw, I'd love to see a few railroad jokes on here of anyone's got them.
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Posted by zardoz on Sunday, May 29, 2005 8:10 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Puckdropper

Cruise control... I think I'll go make a sandwich...

Btw, I'd love to see a few railroad jokes on here of anyone's got them.

Fine. Here ya go:

A time freight rear-ended a local peddler freight one night, and the ensuing investigation centered on whether or not the crew of the first train had flagged the second train sufficiently.
“Now, then,” said the superintendent to the peddler’s rear brakeman, “were you flagging your train that night?”
“Yes, sir,” he said.
“And were you at least a half-mile from your train?” asked the super.
“Yes, sir,” said the brakie.
“And did you attempt to flag the express down?” asked the super.
“Yes, sir, and they went right on past me,” the brakie said.
“And did you use a red lantern?” the super asked.
“Yes, sir,” the man said. “Of course.”
Well, the railroad couldn’t decide who was at fault, so the investigation was closed.
“You did just what I asked you to,” said the conductor of the local freight to the rear brakeman after the hearing. “You told the truth. But were you nervous at all?”
“You bet!” replied the brakeman. “I was hopin’ that guy wouldn’t ask me if the lantern was lit!”
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Posted by zardoz on Sunday, May 29, 2005 8:13 PM
And again:

A engineer is driving north on a fairly winding rural road and spots his conductor heading his way. The conductor is driving the same road but in the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the conductor leans out the window and hollers "PIG." The engineer just smirks, sticks up his central finger. and yells back "B------." They each continue on their way. As the engineer rounds the next curve, he runs into a huge pig that is just lying in the middle of the road. The engineer is killed instantly in the accident.
The moral of this story? If engineers would only listen…
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Posted by zardoz on Sunday, May 29, 2005 8:18 PM
Once upon a time a Japanese Railway and an American Railway company decided to have a boat race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced hard and long to raise their peak performance. On the big day of the race the Japanese won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became very discouraged and morale sagged. The American team's management decided that a reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A new American "Management Team" made up of management from Omaha, St. Louis, Houston, and Los Angeles was formed. They would investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Japanese Team had (8) people rowing and (1) person steering. While the American team had (1) person rowing and (8) people steering. So the American Railway's management hired another American efficiency consulting company and paid them incredible amounts of money and they advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to (4) Steering Supervisors, (3) Steering Superintendents and (1) Assistant Superintendent Steering Manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the (1) person rowing the boat greater incentives to work harder. It was called "The Rowing Team Quality First Program." with meetings and dinners and many free pens for the rower. We must give the rower enpowerment and enrichments they said, through our "Quality First Program".
The next year the Japanese team won by at least two miles. Humiliated, the American Railway company's management laid off the rower for poor performance, and halted capitol investments for new equipment. They then gave a special "High Performance" award to the (7) steering managers and distributed the moneys they saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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Posted by zardoz on Sunday, May 29, 2005 8:21 PM
Why Railfanning is better than Deer Hunting


Train lovers don't get mad at you for shooting "Thomas The Tank Engine."

You can't use a scanner to tell when deer are getting close.

No arguments when two people shoot the same train at the same time.

No boring "Deer Hunting" stories.

Nobody cares if you use a railroad crossing sign to "sight in" your camera.

Three words: "Hunting License Fee."

SD90MAC's don't need to be field dressed.

Working models of deer? Yeah, right.

There's no limit on how many trains you're allowed to shoot or bring home.

Unless they're really dumb, your buddies won't mistake you for a diesel locomotive.

A warm train room beats a tree stand any day.

Trains can be shot all year long.

No taxidermist fee needs to be paid when "mounting" your best trophy shot.

Wife wouldn't object too much to having your "trophy shot" hang over dining room table or displayed in the front room.

Kids don't run away sobbing "BAMBI" when you bring a "trophy" home.

Filet of GP7 just doesn't sound too appetizing.
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Posted by miniwyo on Monday, May 30, 2005 12:12 AM
Zardoz- Those were great, i fell out of the chair laughing so hard! Especially the last one, Being a deer hunter i understand all too much.

RJ

"Something hidden, Go and find it. Go and look behind the ranges, Something lost behind the ranges. Lost and waiting for you. Go." The Explorers - Rudyard Kipling

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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 8:05 AM
The Senior Citizen's Alphabet

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, But now it won't float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.


A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it be low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget ! what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P for prescription's, I have quite a few!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have--but just in my mind.
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 8:15 AM
Women's Humor


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied.

"What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
____________________

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
______________________

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
_______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
_____________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
_______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger..
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 8:17 AM
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't."

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just trying to envision how condoms are made!"
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Posted by Sterling1 on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 8:42 AM
I d*** near died from the humor . . . "with a rebel she cried more , more , more . . . "

I sent it to a friend in college now he should have some fun with these . . . .
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 9:19 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Posted by vsmith on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 10:37 AM
Kinda reminds me of a joke from Red Skelton talking about his relationship with the wife.

"...the last aurgument was my fault, she said, "Whats on TV?"

I replied "Dust!"

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by cherokee woman on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 1:34 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't."

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just trying to envision how condoms are made!"



Very good one, Zardoz!!!!!
Angel cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist."
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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, June 4, 2005 3:47 PM
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter..

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."
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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, June 4, 2005 3:54 PM
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were
lookina forward to da trip. Everyting wasa Okey Dokey till we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.' "So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to a dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' "So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

"Next time, I'ma gonna take a da bus!!"
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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 5:32 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were
lookina forward to da trip. Everyting wasa Okey Dokey till we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.' "So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to a dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' "So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

"Next time, I'ma gonna take a da bus!!"



You no what . . . I wonder if that conductor was a rules Nazi . . . had a great laugh . . . ridiculous . . . !!!

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 5:35 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Sterling1

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were
lookina forward to da trip. Everyting wasa Okey Dokey till we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.' "So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to a dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' "So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

"Next time, I'ma gonna take a da bus!!"



You no what . . . I wonder if that conductor was a rules Nazi . . . had a great laugh . . . ridiculous . . . !!!

Matt


Just reminded me of another joke :

"Grandpa told me you no eat, you die!" (spoken with an Italian accent)

611 posts = milestone N&W J class 4-8-4 #611

Thought I'd mention that while i'm at it . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 6:14 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by thebreeze05

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

To impress a woman:

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.



To impress a man:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.


or show up naked with beer


In my book show up fully clothed with flared jeans and some trains . . . no beer . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 6:17 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.



She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.



To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.



There are teachers, and then there are educators.




Heard that one before . . .

Guys I'm going to go thru the best ones and respond to them . . . as well as fwd them with the proper credit given . . . thy're going to a friend . . . he's in college . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]
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Posted by Sterling1 on Saturday, June 4, 2005 6:32 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

OK this was sent to me from a friend, so if yer from here and get offended, blame her, not me!!!


It's time to play .. Arkansas

A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow.
But she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they've raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-64 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
The driver replies, "'Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down! Yep. Pert near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss, too. Both books - poof! up in flames, and they hadn't even finished colouring one of them.

A new law was recently passed in Arkansas.
When a couple gets divorced they are STILL cousins.

At the scene of an accident a trooper asked the Arkansas driver what gear he was in at the moment of impact.
The driver replied, "Tractor hat and camouflage huntin' duds."

Folks in Arkansas now go to movies in groups of 18.
They were told '17 and under are not admitted.'

An Arkansas man phoned the local hospital, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?", the doctor asked.
"No, ya dummy!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"



I almost had to pull the AB on that one so I could put my retainers on to slow direct release . . . all ext. amusing . . . all while eatin' dinner an' all . . .

Matt
"There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.]

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