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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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Posted by Mookie on Monday, February 23, 2004 6:43 AM
Heard on the radio - "the only reason I took up excercise is to hear heavy breathing again!"

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Posted by cherokee woman on Monday, February 23, 2004 7:57 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

Sorry, Oliver, locomutt got me sidetracked, and I lost my train of thought.

Maybe find a HUGE potato fryer, and put the boss in it?

Hey Mook, can YOU think of anything?


Oh, it's OK, I guess if I really didn't like him that much, it would be wiser to turn away from the job than to try to turn anybody into vegetables. (Am I a philosopher, or what?[:o)])
But how do you know the fryer should be HUGE? Who told you my boss was.... how do you say, elegantly rounded? [:I]


Sorry Oliver,

I just figured since just about every other adult if taller than I am (4'7"), it would need to be a huge fryer. I had NO IDEA how tall, big around, or anything else your boss is[:D][:p][:p]
Angel cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist."
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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, February 23, 2004 8:59 AM
Hey all [:)]

Just for the record . . . . . Don't take too much "stock" in the Why God Invented Children joke. I know it is a joke but the facts are a little "off" from the events recorded in the Bible. Laugh at the joke if you want, but don't count it as "gospel".
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Posted by zardoz on Monday, February 23, 2004 10:34 AM
QUOTE: Who told you my boss was.... how do you say, elegantly rounded? [:I]



Elegantly rounded......I like that!
[:D]
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Posted by vsmith on Monday, February 23, 2004 10:45 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Heres a old one,

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the armadillo how it's done!

I know, boo hiss....
Ed


This ones way, way,way, way, older...

Why did the Chicken cross the raod?

To get away from Col. Sanders....




Oooucch! I can feel the pain from that one...[xx(]

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by zardoz on Monday, February 23, 2004 10:45 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Hey all [:)]

Just for the record . . . . . Don't take too much "stock" in the Why God Invented Children joke. I know it is a joke but the facts are a little "off" from the events recorded in the Bible. Laugh at the joke if you want, but don't count it as "gospel".


PLEASE NO PREACHING ON THE FORUMS ! Or at least start a different thread for religious and / or political discussions.

My dad frequently said that the two best ways to get people to argue is to discuss either religion or politics. And considering the intensity some threads get when discussing something as mundane as 'which is better emd or ge', I can only imagine how heated other subjects could become.
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Posted by dharmon on Monday, February 23, 2004 11:52 AM
Religion and politics ......here on this forum..never happen.....besides we got enough to fight over already.......taking the Canada out of CN or supporting the troops or whether the wind is out of the North Northwest or West Northwest., plain or peanuts........no time for religion or trains
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Posted by Mookie on Monday, February 23, 2004 1:18 PM
Well, that's good to know - because my boss keeps having "come to Jesus" meetings with his boss, so we have enough religion in this department!

Moo

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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, February 23, 2004 2:49 PM
Actually religion and railroading, and politics and railroading go back longer than any of us in the forums, even as long as railroading itself. Years ago I remember seeing an article about "church cars" on the railroads. These cars held church services. And everyone knows that politics worms its way into everything one way or another. Amtrak--politics, mergers--politics, railroads foldings--politics, politics is behind everything in one form or fashion. Politics and religion will always surface given the correct set of events. We have seen very little religion here in the forums, we have certainly seen much more politics--especially in two very recent threads.
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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, February 23, 2004 2:57 PM
Well, here is my Two cents,

I believe every subject in the world has a place on this forum.

I'm not to sure what happened above, because frankly I don't quite understand.

Look, I'm very religious person,and attend church every sunday, However, I'm a very liberal person, and i'm really hard to offend in matters such as that.

Not sure that has helped any, except for the fact this is helping my potsing numbers
[:D]


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Posted by JoeKoh on Monday, February 23, 2004 5:30 PM
KIds
been there! spoiled my neices and nephews and sent them home now its matt can have that chocolate um later!
stay safe
joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by CShaveRR on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 12:28 AM
The joke about Adam and Eve arrived here via a relative, ahead of the forum posting. So what if the Bible didn't use modern vernacular, and the joke didn't mention the serpent or go into the punishment? It was still funny...and if our God doesn't have a sense of humor, Heaven help us!

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 8:28 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
I have no children, but I like this:

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "Don't!" "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve, we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their lives teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day (or better yet, take care of you if they want any kind of inheritance).

AND FINALLY: If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

Quick, send this on to 10 people within the next five minutes.
Nothing will happen if you don't, but if you do, 10 people will be laughing.

Have fun,
Oliver



Very good and true in so many ways!!! I enjoyed this and have passed it on to others. Thank you!!
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 8:48 AM
Tuesday's Humor paper . . . . [8D]


At the rate law schools are turning out lawyers by 2035 there will be more laywers than human beings.


Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional Courtesy.


What do you call 250 lawyers at the bottom of the sea.
A very good start.
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Posted by Mookie on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 12:21 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

KIds
been there! spoiled my neices and nephews and sent them home now its matt can have that chocolate um later!
stay safe
joe
Joe - !!!! Chocolate Um means Chocolate Cake! Missed out again!

Mookie

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Posted by vsmith on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 12:27 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR

The joke about Adam and Eve arrived here via a relative, ahead of the forum posting. So what if the Bible didn't use modern vernacular, and the joke didn't mention the serpent or go into the punishment? It was still funny...and if our God doesn't have a sense of humor, Heaven help us!


I dont know who said this first but...

..." the Platypus is proof that God has a sense of Humor..."

   Have fun with your trains

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Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 12:31 PM
or didn't know what to do with all the leftover parts.
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 7:11 AM
Would you believe..... (a little train-related humor)

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. (They say the train was named after some wind, and that it was a Greek word, beginning with a "Z", and that it had several cars with some kind of funny glass cupolas on top of them, now this can definitely only be fiction, right? [;)])
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. [zzz]
At 2:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"WOW! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. ([:P])
"Good," she replies. "Get up and get your own bloody blanket!" [:X]

Have fun & be gentle to each other.
Oliver
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Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 9:39 AM
Hump Day Helpers . . . . . [8D]


Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Weddings

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little boy whispered
to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the
happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping
it simple so the child would understand.
The boy thought about this for a second, then ask, "So, why
is the groom wearing black?"

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Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 9:41 AM
Its time to take a look at the topics again.....

Something I found in the closet
Slug
any quickies with Mookie or cops or such
P on signalposts

what kind of forum are y'all running here?
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Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 12:02 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

Its time to take a look at the topics again.....

Something I found in the closet
Slug
any quickies with Mookie or cops or such
P on signalposts

what kind of forum are y'all running here?


[:o)] A Darn Good One!

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Posted by CShaveRR on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 12:48 PM
How about pairing "P on the signal posts" and "Not a good day for the dispatcher"?

That, my friends, would not be a well-run railroad!

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

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Posted by dharmon on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 12:55 PM
or pleasant smelling......

always check snow color first
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Posted by Mookie on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 1:40 PM
You guys seem to have your "P's" in order.....

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by rrnut282 on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 5:06 PM
...but not your "Q"s
Mike (2-8-2)
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Posted by espeefoamer on Wednesday, February 25, 2004 9:35 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Heres a old one,

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the armadillo how it's done!

I know, boo hiss....
Ed




Well in all my Years, I never heard of that one before

The one Kevin says, although i'm not sure how it goes

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the answer involves a few metals from the periodic table and The derivative of Kai Square...

puts you to sleep after hearing it...

Here's a math Question for you all, one of Kev's favorite

If everyhting times Zero is Zero, and everyhting times infiniti is infiniti...

what's Zero times infiniti?

-Christa



47
Ride Amtrak. Cats Rule, Dogs Drool.
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Posted by Mookie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 6:42 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Heres a old one,

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the armadillo how it's done!

I know, boo hiss....
Ed




Well in all my Years, I never heard of that one before

The one Kevin says, although i'm not sure how it goes

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the answer involves a few metals from the periodic table and The derivative of Kai Square...

puts you to sleep after hearing it...

Here's a math Question for you all, one of Kev's favorite

If everyhting times Zero is Zero, and everyhting times infiniti is infiniti...

what's Zero times infiniti?

-Christa



47
Sorry again SP - you forgot to carry your 2 so it is really 46

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by JoeKoh on Thursday, February 26, 2004 7:40 AM
Mookie
You are starting to do math like the Govt.come back before its too late!!!
stay safe
Joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, February 26, 2004 8:37 AM
Zero Times infinit is the Derivative of Kai sqaure multiplied by the sum of all angles,

Ok the answer, supposedly, i don't beleiev it is one.

1
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Posted by zardoz on Thursday, February 26, 2004 8:56 AM
Actually, the answer is 42.


vsmith will confirm this.

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