Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Ok so we all should know

I hate valentines Day...

I hated it when i was single, And i hate it now

VDAY = Expendature of Yd. (Yd being the symbol of Disposable income)
Whats worse is on stupid things like Those Red blue and purple chimps that Sing Elvis "Burning love" over and over and over...

NOPE, not for me

I usually lock myself in my room,
And think about all the people who are having a miserable day..

I know thats totally uncharacteristic of me.. but what the hell.. I only do that one day out of the entire year.

Valenines dya never treated me well as a kid, I hated it.. I think i'm scared for life now.

[Anonymous]

Get me a sanke, and i'll get you 300 Elvis-singing Monkeys, they will be RED and PINK, and i'll chuck them at your door, when they are singing.. Sound Fair?

[vsmith]

Well I might as well go ahead and get this over with...somehow I've managed to squander enough time to post 1000 posts.

Dont ask me how? I'm not that knowledgable about modern RR's but between the Garden RR forum, Model RR forum Classic Trains and THIS forum I've racked up what I dont necessarily think is a reward I've earned by being promoted to "Four Stars" .

I hope this doesnt make people think I'm some kind of expert around here, Lord know I'm not. I'm just interested and opinionated.

So given that my best contributions seam to have been here I'll make this my Big 1000 and its a simple one, but its a dousy. If your ears are not accustome to certain "Pardon My French" words I apologize now if too many are put off by it I'll come back and edit it ,

but for the big 1000 this is one of my favorites so hear it is Folks...



Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and

the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she's fuckin' Goofy".

[Anonymous]

Congradualtions Mr SMITH!!

and Welcome Aboard, my Friend!

[Anonymous]

ARe you kidding, that joke was said perfectly like that!

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

[edblysard]

Allright Vic,
You and Kevin within 24 hours or each other....
Watch out Mookie, they are gaining on you!
Ed

[Anonymous]

Vasectomy is never having to say you're sorry.

[Anonymous]

Time for the Tuesday edition . . . . . [:)]


Today's Joke

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to
their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since
they had never seen a live football game before, Madge
thought the free tickets would provide an excellent
opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium
overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the
kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth
struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader
performance that followed. Then came the second half.
When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff,
Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This
is where we came in."

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

Not too much but watch for matt hes getting sneakerer everyday!!
stay safe
Joe

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Allright Vic,
You and Kevin within 24 hours or each other....
Watch out Mookie, they are gaining on you!
Ed

Good Job Vic and Ed you not too far behind the Mookie either.
stay safe
Joe

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman



Get me a sanke, and i'll get you 300 Elvis-singing Monkeys, they will be RED and PINK, and i'll chuck them at your door, when they are singing.. Sound Fair?

Sorry already have a singing monkey.but I can get you a live version of Peppie Le pew.
stay safe
joe

[Mookie]

I couldn't resist this one - [:I] and it goes both ways!

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"

"I'll miss you" she replies!

Mook

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

QUOTE: Originally posted by cherokee woman

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

A fake rat in your mother in laws refrigerator only hurts for a littlewhile.
stay safe
Joe

[tdn]JOE, how much TROUBLE did you get in for the fake rat[?]

Not too much but watch for matt hes getting sneakerer everyday!!
stay safe
Joe

Noqw thats my kind of child...

Anyone got any Fake sankes for immediate Post to Canada, Ie. my place?

[edblysard]

Last week, President Bush was leaving the White House, when he noticed someone had written "Bush sucks" in the snow by spelling it out while uninating.

Madder that all get out, he demanded the Secret Sevice get a sample of the unine, and give it to the FBI for DNA analysis.

"I want to know who this person is, so we can make an example out of him" demands Mr Bush
.
A few days later, his top aide rushes to the Oval Office, and tells the President,

"Mr PPPPresident, we have good news, and bad news about the writing on the lawn" he stammers.

"Great, so what the good news" askes Mr Bush.

"Well Sir, we have identified the person through DNA testing, and we know exactally where and how to pick him up"

"Okay, so who is he?" askes the President.

"Its the Vice President, Sir"
replies the aide...

"Thats the good news? shouts the President!

"What the heck is the bad news?"

"Well Sir" stutters the aide, "Its in your wife's handwriting"

Ed
[(-D]

[espeefoamer]

Someone should feed the singing monkeys to the rattlesnake from the untellable joke.[:D]
I thought of that joke too,but there is no way of cleaning it up enough to tell.[}:)]

[CShaveRR]

Build your own un-tellable joke:

Think about the evidence left in Ed's joke a couple of posts above this, and what would be about the worst thing that could happen if a rattlesnake were around.

Think about the cure for a snakebite which Ed said wouldn't work, in his post on snakes.

Think of the alternative to the "cure" (i.e., death).

And if the bitten person's buddy were presented with the choice...

Do you get it now, Kevin?

[vsmith]

well now that I've batted 1000, I'm going to take a real chance and tell the untellable...at least one version of it...Pleeeeze dont banish me for this...


Two guys are walking in the desert when one has to go to the bathroom, he walks over to a bush and starts to urinate, not seeing a ratllesnake which startled, strikes at the shower source, biting him on his [censored]

He starts screaming, and his buddy calms him down, "dont worry , I got my cell phone, i'll call a doctor" so he calls 911 and gets someone on the line,

he explains hurridly what happened, the doctor says " look, you have to act fast, first you have to remove the poison from the wound, you'll have to suck all the poison out, get ALL of it out, this is very important ...."

"Well what did he say dammit!" says the bite victim "What did he say!"

The second guy closes his phone, turns to his buddy and says...

"The doc says you're gonna die..."[xx(][:D][8D][;)]

Something tells me this was a bad idea[censored][D)][:-,][%-)][(-D][X-)]

The more this day goes by I Really think this was a bad idea[D)][D)][D)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Anyone got any Fake sankes for immediate Post to Canada, Ie. my place?

Some people will never learn . . . . . [}:)]

Hey Ed, what that saying about . . . . . buy their books and send them to school? lol

Something tells me it will be better NOT to be in Montreal this Valentine's Day. [;)]

Kevin, a word to the wise, NO SNAKES , read my lips (or post) NO SNAKES.

There is another old saying about Hell has no furry like a scorned women. Kevin, if you know what is good for you, stay away from snakes, live, frozen, plastic or otherwise. You just made 1000 posts, we would all like to have you around for at least another 1000. And don't get any ideas about rats in the icebox either. Be a little old fashioned for one day of the year and buy Christa (such a beautiful name) a nice box of chocolate in a lovely red heart shaped box and a dozen red roses. Trust me, you will fair much better with these than with SOMETHING ELSE. [:D] [;)]

[Anonymous]

I was at Home Depot today and the lady running the cash register had a little figure setting on the register. I asked her if that was Mr. Home Depot. She told me it was Mr. Wonderful. OK, I know I don't get out to the mall very often (it takes a team of wild mules to get me there, and then keeping me there is another story--I HATE shopping) so I am a little behind on the latest "things".

But Mr. Wonderul is a little guy (man) figure that says things that a women would absolutely love to hear from her guy. Sorta like this, "I don't want to watch the game today dear, I just want to be with you." Or, "Honey, let's cuddle." LOL, now I know that women think differently then men. So guys, this might be a "nice" gift this Valentine's Day IN ADDITION to the roses and candy and dinner. Just a little helpful thought from one guy to another. [;)]

Oh KEVIN, I hope you read this 3 times. [:)] [:p] [:D]

<Kevin, you will not get a snake for Christa.>

<Kevin, Christa wants Roses, and a wonderful Dinner at a nice restaurant.>

<Kevin, you are getting sleepy.>

<Kevin, when you awake, you will forget all about snakes.>

[Anonymous]

Now if my previous two posts weren't enought help, it is time for Hump Day Helpers.



Daily Thoughts


Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like
football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds,
the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy
of the purchase.




To my neighbors who let their dog use my yard as a
bathroom: "I'm gonna do the same thing to your yard,
and I don't have a dog!" [}:)] [:D] [;)]

[Anonymous]

If this joke isn't 'working', don't blame the translator [angel]

An American tourist is driving (rent-a-car, OK?) through the Croatian woods, headed for the beautiful Adriatic coast, when suddenly he spots something rather unusual. Under a large oak tree near the road in the middle of nowhere, a man and a bear are sitting at a table, playing chess! He pulls over, takes out his digital camera, and says: "Good afternoon, sir! I hope you don't mind me taking some pictures of you and your incredibly smart bear playing chess?" "Him 'incredibly smart'?!" exclaims the man, " And how come then that I'm leading 5:3?!" [:I]

A question for Vic (vsmith) - do you like the fabulous furry Freak Brothers comics? I saw you mention them in the MR forum. I think they're great! I have one of them in my computer (6 pages, each a 140KB .jpg image - I can email it to you if you wish?)

Best regards,
Oliver

[Mookie]

Ed - did anyone get any candy on Halloween - or just small rodents! I have a healty respect for anything that low to the ground and if one of them was at my door on Halloween - I am not sure I would give out candy. Maybe just throw it out in the yard!

I did "pet" Julius Squeezer one time - I think his name says it all - and found out something about the anatomy of a snake. And that's all I'm gonna say!

[Mookie]

[JoeKoh]

Mookie
I was talking about one you could pet(unless you want one from the middle of the road)
and me has a Name?
Welcome to the Forums Christa!!!!
stay safe
joe

[zardoz]

Oliver-

I would like it very much if you emailed the Freak Bros to me; I used to really like them!!

ps--your joke was great! I love that kind of humor.

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok



A question for Vic (vsmith) - do you like the fabulous furry Freak Brothers comics? I saw you mention them in the MR forum. I think they're great! I have one of them in my computer (6 pages, each a 140KB .jpg image - I can email it to you if you wish?)

Best regards,
Oliver

Sure, I dig the underground comics from the 70's some of the most creative stuff ever penned. The Freak Bro's, Mr Natural, Fritz the Cat, I even have a copy of "Air Pirates" which Disney's Stormtrooper Lawyers sued the pants of the artist for copyright violations.

I look forward to seeing them, maybe a new desktop for my computer, eh? If you havent had a chance to see some movies on some of the comic artists, I can recommend some good movies.

[#offtopic]

"Comic Book Confidential" is very hard to find but its the single best movie on the subject, a history of comic book from William Gaines father who invented the comic book to the graphic novels of today. with interviews with all of the artists and almost all of the underground artists from the Haight -Ashbury era. Very good stuff, probably the best of this list.

"Crumb" about R.Crumb is a very good movie but a hard movie emotionally to watch, his life was pretty screwed up with his family and the movie captures it and his art . But definetly worth seeing.

"American Splendor" just out his year is a terrific film about Harvey Pikar, a VA file clerk who was a friend of R. Crumb, who liked his stories about his daily life and work and took his stories and drew the comics around them. Pikar's life was also pretty screwed up and the movie really catches it too through actors, interviews, and drawings. another very good film, its up for a Oscar, but I forget the catagory.

Later, Vic

PS I guess my telling the untellable joke didnt go over so well, Oh Well, I thought it was a hoot...Maybe I spoiled the mystery.

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper [}:)]


Today I am going to post a link that was emailed to me. I don't have time now to take a long look at the site but just a short look seems interesting to me.

I hope this is a site where you can email soldiers in the field and let them know how much you support them. I thought about making this a seperate thread but was afraid it would turn political. I believe we could all use a little break from the "political field" since several of the threads lately have turned into free for alls over politics.

If you would like to email our soldiers then check out the site and see what it says it do. I will, but it will be later when I can get to it. This is something I have wanted to do for a while but I just didn't know how to go about it.

Please forget about the politics and remembers the soldiers are our brother sand sisters, fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, counsins, friends, etc. I am sure a little encouragement from home would make them feel wanted and welcome.

http://www.adoptaplatoon.org/

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday's Humor Paper [}:)]


Today I am going to post a link that was emailed to me. I don't have time now to take a long look at the site but just a short look seems interesting to me.

I hope this is a site where you can email soldiers in the field and let them know how much you support them. I thought about making this a seperate thread but was afraid it would turn political. I believe we could all use a little break from the "political field" since several of the threads lately have turned into free for alls over politics.

If you would like to email our soldiers then check out the site and see what it says it do. I will, but it will be later when I can get to it. This is something I have wanted to do for a while but I just didn't know how to go about it.

Please forget about the politics and remembers the soldiers are our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, counsins, friends, etc. I am sure a little encouragement from home would make them feel wanted and welcome.

http://www.adoptaplatoon.org/

I didn't spend a lot of time on the site, either, but my contact with Adopt-a-Platoon has been much more than just email. In fact, some of the platoons simply don't have email - they are too far foward.

I work on a military installation, one from which a large number of troops are deployed to both Iraq and Afghanistan. The installation has a fairly active Adopt-a-Platoon program, My (civilian) organization has adopted a couple of platoons in the past several years, and I can tell you without question that the troops appreciate the support.

With the significant amount of NG and Reserve units being sent "over", it shouldn't be hard to find a local platoon to adopt. Check with your local National Guard and Reserve public affairs people, or, of course, the public affairs office at any military installation you may be near. If they don't have anyone deployed, they can probably point you to someone that does.

It's really best if a group adopts. That gives you more resources to obtain the stuff you send in the "Care" packages. What to send? Magazines (keep 'em clean - culture clash), phone cards, treats (except chocolate - it doesn't do well in the heat), cards and other games. Get a good rapport going with your unit and they'll tell you what they can use. It might be frivolous, it might be toothbrushes.

And don't underestimate community support of your group's efforts. A collection box in a local store (with a wish list) can be very productive.

Regardless of your politics, the troops need and deserve our support.

[tree68]

And, to get things back on a lighter note, an oldie-but-goodie:

Ontario's best known annual event is the Shakespearean Festival held in Stratford. Even the hotels go all out naming rooms after the Bard of Avon's plays.
A bride refused to spend her wedding nite in a suite called "Taming of the Shrew." The hotel staff showed the couple to another (as yet unnamed) suite.

The following morning, the blushing bride found she had spent the nite in the "Much Ado About Nothing" suite.