Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Mookie]

well, gee, what's to argue about that? Congressional Pork Barrel? Sound familiar?
Rep and Dems both to blame? Yes, enough on both sides of aisle to go around. Plus the way I hear it, the legislature in Calif is Democrats. But realistically, what does he bring to the table but money and muscle - only the muscle is what Gray Davis didn't have. Doesn't smell good to me!

Jen

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by drailed1999

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

Well, VSmith and Marty - you Californians didn't disappoint this small midwestern town girl. At least Arnold won't be bothering us back here, trying to run for office. Now that is a big joke!

La Mook

Anything will be better than that moron Davis. When I will have to pay $288 a year to register my 1988 suburban and my mother in Oregon pays $42 every 2 yrs. for a 1999 TrailBlazer, there's something wrong with this picture. Also our utility bills allmost doubled because of his tidy little power deals. Arnold will be a badly needed breath of fresh air for this state. Ijust hope he can stick with his plan or else he'll be out in three years [8][^][B)]

Come on, pay attention to the facts! IT BOTH PARTIES FAULT!

Give me a break, how come every blames the Govenor for the Legislatures fault? Dont like the deficit? who controls the purse strings in Sacramento? Not Davis, but the Legislature. The same group that blindly believed that the Dot.com boom dollars would flow forever. So they spent like mad, both REPS and DEMS. and when the bubble burst, they wouldnt cut a nickle from their own constituients special interest pork funding, thats for BOTH DEMS AND REPS.

I find it funny how we managed to have a budget for 150 years BEFORE the Dot.com debacle and now we cant seem to find anyway to balance the special interest catered budget. The STUPID reps who think that raising taxes is a sin against God, and the STUPID Dems and Reps who wont cut special interesest $$$ out of the budget.

BTW it was PETE WILSON who lead the DEREGULATION agenda that ALLOWED the power companies to screw you and me. Davis had no choice but to make a deal with the Devil regarding power rates.

Isnt it odd how the power crisis suddenly went away AFTER the companies got their fat long term deals? Also it was DAVIS who pushed the investigations that got those SAME companies to give back alot of those rates.

Also what in the hell is Ah-nold going to do, if someone as polically savey as Davis couldnt get the Legislature to move whats a TOTAL NOVICE going to achieve?

His entire campaign platform could be paraphrased as "I'm not going to tell you what I will do but just trust me" Yeah right! And I've got a great used car I'd like to sell you, trust me, it runs great. The fact that he's a real jerk away from his wife has been ignored by the so-called "liberal media" (just how liberal IS Bill O'Reilly and Rupert Murdock?).

I actually heard a woman Ah-nold supporter say in response to the groping charges "well, its not as bad as what Clinton did.." Like grabbing women AGAINST there will IS OK??? Group gang-bangs are OK, but consentual relationships (with a woman who self-admittely threw herself at the President) are EVIL??? Whats with these people??? are they on DOPE?

I am so SICK of this republican double-standard we are being fed, "Do as we say, not as we do". BTW I was a republican at one time but got sickened by the evil minded, backstabing nature under King George the 1st.

How come we didnt have impeachment over Iran-Contra? Crapping on the Constitution and selling weapons to terrorist's using cocaine funded drug money while supporting Dictators death-squads that wipe out whole villages of women and children is OK , great with us and fine and dandy, but getting a BJ in the oval office is the greatest Crime of the Century ? GOD I"M SICK OF THE HYPOCRACY !

All I can say is that Muscle-Boy had better deliver as an Party-Bridger, and not be a Pete Wilson Trojan Horse or there will be Hell to pay...by the people who are getting sick of this crap...

Enough ranting, I feal better now...

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by drailed1999

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

Well, VSmith and Marty - you Californians didn't disappoint this small midwestern town girl. At least Arnold won't be bothering us back here, trying to run for office. Now that is a big joke!

La Mook

Anything will be better than that moron Davis. When I will have to pay $288 a year to register my 1988 suburban and my mother in Oregon pays $42 every 2 yrs. for a 1999 TrailBlazer, there's something wrong with this picture. Also our utility bills allmost doubled because of his tidy little power deals. Arnold will be a badly needed breath of fresh air for this state. Ijust hope he can stick with his plan or else he'll be out in three years [8][^][B)]

He has a plan? We must have missed that here in the Midwest! However, he does have Omaha Nebraska's Warren Buffet as his financial advisor. I will just let that one lay there.

Jen

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

My wife presented me with a T-shirt with that saying on it after a fruitless weekend of late season duck hunting a couple of years ago.

I don't vote in CA, but living here and watching the spectacle has been entertaining to say the least. I wish Arnold the best, but the political quagmire that is CA will take more than one guy with good intentions to fix. I can't say that Davis was a bad governor, but once the recall frenzy took off, there was really no stopping it.

[;)] no wonder we get along ok - you sound like a middle of the road, Presbyterian like the Mook!

(Don't anyone else read this - I don't want to start a religion war!)

La M

Close. Actually a diet Catholic (Episcopal). All the tradition, half the guilt.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

Well, VSmith and Marty - you Californians didn't disappoint this small midwestern town girl. At least Arnold won't be bothering us back here, trying to run for office. Now that is a big joke!

La Mook

Anything will be better than that moron Davis. When I will have to pay $288 a year to register my 1988 suburban and my mother in Oregon pays $42 every 2 yrs. for a 1999 TrailBlazer, there's something wrong with this picture. Also our utility bills allmost doubled because of his tidy little power deals. Arnold will be a badly needed breath of fresh air for this state. Ijust hope he can stick with his plan or else he'll be out in three years [8][^][B)]

[edblysard]

Hi Jim,
What do you mean, it could be worse?
I was on vacation, and had to mark up today.
Called the crew caller, only to find out some one excersised thair seniority and bumped me!
Darn, now I have to hang around the house for two more days before I place my self!
You just gotta love it!
Wonder how the fishing is down at the bay?
Stay Frosty,
Ed[:D]

[Anonymous]

After the "MISSOURI" quagmire and the latest "topic gone bad" I don't care to see any war.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

My wife presented me with a T-shirt with that saying on it after a fruitless weekend of late season duck hunting a couple of years ago.

I don't vote in CA, but living here and watching the spectacle has been entertaining to say the least. I wish Arnold the best, but the political quagmire that is CA will take more than one guy with good intentions to fix. I can't say that Davis was a bad governor, but once the recall frenzy took off, there was really no stopping it.

[;)] no wonder we get along ok - you sound like a middle of the road, Presbyterian like the Mook!

(Don't anyone else read this - I don't want to start a religion war!)

La M

[dharmon]

My wife presented me with a T-shirt with that saying on it after a fruitless weekend of late season duck hunting a couple of years ago.

I don't vote in CA, but living here and watching the spectacle has been entertaining to say the least. I wish Arnold the best, but the political quagmire that is CA will take more than one guy with good intentions to fix. I can't say that Davis was a bad governor, but once the recall frenzy took off, there was really no stopping it.

[Anonymous]

The word "vegetarian" is derived from an old Indian
word meaning "bad hunter!"


Sorry for the lack of humor this day. It all seems to be pointing toward a bad day. First we have another actor who is going to play gov. I sure hope he doesn't want to play pres. We have the topic gone bad, which I know some of you know what I am talking about. It is Wednesday, but it could be worse, it could be Monday. I would ask "What else could go wrong?" but know if I did that I certainly WOULD find out.

In spite of everything bad let's all try to have a good day.

[vsmith]

I'm already digging the fallout shelter.

"That big asteroid".. will be Dah-noold's ego crashing to Earth when he realizes he can't get his special effects crews to make the budget problems vanish in one big CGI explosion...

BTW... GO CUBBIES!!

[dharmon]

Let's see in in 24 hrs, we had an earthquake (small one), tossed out the elected governor and replaced him with Ahhnold. And then a black NS unit showed up at the port this morning iin consist with 2 BNSFs and a UP. This has got to be a sign of some sort.

So now if the Cubs and Red Sox end up in the WS, it will be time to look out for that big asteroid that's coming to squash us.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by JoeKoh

Mookie has a "short" memory.regan was an actor before being govenor of california the President.Hmmmm.(and he played with monkeys)
stay safe
Joe

Joe - Mookie has no comment on the former president - she would have to use his name and she is loath to do that.

Jen

[JoeKoh]

Mookie has a "short" memory.regan was an actor before being govenor of california the President.Hmmmm.(and he played with monkeys)
stay safe
Joe

[Mookie]

Well, VSmith and Marty - you Californians didn't disappoint this small midwestern town girl. At least Arnold won't be bothering us back here, trying to run for office. Now that is a big joke!

La Mook

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

The following "joke" just goes to show you how the greedy bank will go out of their way the screw the common hardworking people of out every frickin penny they can get their greedy paws on. The following is not my story but was copied from an email.


READERS STORY

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her
for February and March for their monthly service
charge on her credit card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had
been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)

Oh My God! This is so true...

I've delt with CitiBank and this is the same dense thickheaded mentallity I headbutted with.

I'm convinced their building Robots and hooking them up to thier phone lines. Either that or they've figured out how to use lobotomized psychiatric patients to there own evil means or they're new hires get so much electro-shock if they arent working constantly they just end up lobotomised.

[Anonymous]

dHarmon [:p]

I like the marine joke. It is pretty good.

[Anonymous]

The following "joke" just goes to show you how the greedy bank will go out of their way the screw the common hardworking people of out every frickin penny they can get their greedy paws on. The following is not my story but was copied from an email.


READERS STORY

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her
for February and March for their monthly service
charge on her credit card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had
been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in
January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late
fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already
has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is
dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds
division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe
both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank:"...excuse me .?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the
part about her being dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my
supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late
fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her
lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given...
)

CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )

( After they get the fax. )

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you
could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really
think she will care...."

CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still
apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot
number given. )

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your
planet?!!"

[dharmon]

Okay one more......but then strictly train stuff.......

This one was told to me just before the war....

An Iraqi commander had just finshed placing his troops in a defensive position, when over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better that any ten Iraqi soldiers!". Seeing this challenge, he picks ten of his best men and sends then over the hill. A quick firefight ensues, then silence.

From over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better than any fifty Iraqi soldiers!". Okay, maybe this man could defeat ten men, but surely not fifty, so he sends fifty more over the hill. Again a firefight ensues, then silence.

From over the hill he hears...."one US Marine is better than any hundred Iraqi soldiers!" This time, he will not be tricked.....he sends one hundred men over the hill and then a couple of minutes later another hundred men....two hundred in all. This time a battle roars for some time, then silence. He watches in amazment as a single wounded soldier, crawls back over the hill. He runs up to the soldier and asks what has happened....."It was a trap sir, there were two of them!"

[vsmith]

This was in my collection of jokes, so I'm posting it here to see what ya'll think.

Its Official, the Worlds Funniest Joke for 2002 is named.



LONDON (AP) - Drum roll, please - an online search for the world's funniest joke has produced a winner.

In a year-long experiment called LaughLab, a British psychology professor asked thousands of people around the world to rate the humor value of a list of jokes; they could also add their own favorites.

In December, Richard Wiseman and his associates announced the front-runner, a hoary old gag involving fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his sidekick, Dr. Watson. But in the final tally of some 2 million votes for 40,000 jokes, announced Thursday, a new joke emerged as a round-the-world rib-tickler:

``A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

``The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

``The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, are you sure he's dead?'

``There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'''

[dharmon]

Okay a little from the uniform side.....


A US Navy ship is sailing at night and the crew sees a light on a reciprocal course in the distance.

The captain orders on the bridge tries to radio the other ship to no avail, so he orders the crew to signal it by flashing lights. After some time, they get a response.

The captain sends.....this is a US Navy ship, request you alter your course to the right.

The other vessel responds...you alter your course to the right.

The Captain, now kind of irritated sends......I am a US Navy WARSHIP, alter your course to the right now.

The other vessel responds ...you alter your course to the right.

The Captain, now thoroghly irritated sends......I am a US Navy Aircraft Carrier, conducting flight operations, alter your course to the right NOW.

The other vessel reponds......I am a light house, you choose.

[Anonymous]

OK More funny stuff

There are from high school essays ENJOY

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh
Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he
was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and
she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame... maybe from stepping on a land mind or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire
hydrant.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98
missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a
generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a
band tightened. It hurt the way your tongue hurts
after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

[Anonymous]

O K, here is another one:

Keith called his golfing partner to withdraw from
their Tuesday night golf league.

His partner inquired why after many years would he
resign.

"My wife and I are taking Russian lessons. The only
available evening for both of us is Tuesday," Keith
told him.

"Does this have anything to do with the little Russian
baby you both have just adopted?" replied his partner.

"Yes it most certainly does," Keith replied, "We want
to do everything right for this child and afford it
every opportunity. So we're learning to speak Russian
so when the child starts to talk we will understand
what it says."
=======================================================

[Anonymous]

K K [:D]

Glad you enjoyed it. My self-appointed purpose is to bring a little humor into the world. Heck, I laugh every time I look in the mirror. [:D]

HAVE A GREAT DAY. [:p]

[Kathi Kube]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

If thine enemy offendeth thee, give his child a drum.

That one cracks me up. Ya gotta know my husband's been drumming many, many years. (He teaches about 85 students private lessons weekly, and plays in two bands, plus with our church's worship team.) Our daughters, 17 and 13 also play drums. We've got not one, but TWO, drumsets in our basement and host band practices at least twice a week.

*sigh*

It's a good thing I love them all to bits and appreciate their music. But they put up with a lot from me, too, so it all evens out, I guess.

Kat

[Anonymous]

Next email of jokes, etc.

Daily Thoughts

If thine enemy offendeth thee, give his child a drum.

I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily
in the right order.
=======================================================

Ladies, seems like there's a message here
someplace.LOL

Last Laugh

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to
change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking,
running around at all hours of the night, and more.
She taught me to enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, how to dress well and how to invest
in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so
much time trying to change you."

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just
isn't good enough for me."

[Anonymous]

I like the Budweiser plan. I enrolled in it today.
TIM A

[Puckdropper]

Maybe a little too free with advice at times ;0) (Not referring to N E thing here, just some adults in general.)

Mark Twain made a comment about when he was growing up, his dad was the dumbest man in the world. When he became an adult, he was surprised at how much his father had learned.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Alaskaman

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK Someone did good starting this thread, now we have a place to share all of funny / stupid email. OK here goes, ( I have several to share but will only do one a day) :


Retirement Plan: .

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you
would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With
Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the
beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer
then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you
would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle. This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.

Thats really funny, but the last part doesn't apply to me.
Kevin- happy green

Alex, yes it does. Start now--SAVING not drinking. My dad always told me that I should save a little of the money I made mowing lawns, hauling hay or whatever I did. NOW I wish I would have listened to him. Start a savings account or buy a saving bond, but do something and do start NOW. Let interest work for YOU not you work for interest. It is funny how stupid our parents can be when we are growing up. But as we do grow up they become smarter. There are many forum members who will be glad to offer advise, pic and choose the best and learn from others mistakes not your own. [:)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK Someone did good starting this thread, now we have a place to share all of funny / stupid email. OK here goes, ( I have several to share but will only do one a day) :


Retirement Plan: .

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you
would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With
Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the
beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer
then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you
would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle. This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.

Thats really funny, but the last part doesn't apply to me.
Kevin- happy green