Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[dharmon]

I had heard a similiar story to that one invloving Lear jets. When the Lear jets first came out they were basically the fastest civil airplane out there. The was some criticism about safety and to prove the point, Mr Lear was going to sit in the seat when they fired the chicken cannon at the plane. His folks were a bit concerned and faked an urgent phone call to get him out of the cockpit. Right after he left they fired it and it went through the windshield and cockpit bulkhead and imbedded in the rear of the plane. The irony was that they too had forgotten to thaw the chicken. I'm not sure if there is a windhield that can withstand a 600 kt collison with a frozen fowl.....a muddy one maybe, but why in the world would mudchicken be going that fast anyway?

[Anonymous]

zardoz [:p] [:)] [;)]

Sometimes ya just gotta let it all out. [:o)] [:I] [8)] [:X] [^] [:0] [B)] [:p] [:)]

Now there, feel better now ? lol [:D] [:D] [:D]

[zardoz]

sorry, just can't stop.....

The Inflatable Commuter (true story)
A Tokyo commuter Katsuo K. [last name abbreviated] caused havoc on a crowded tube train when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their original size in the event of a tidal wave.

"I am terrified of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48. Unfortunately he set them off accidentally while looking for a hard candy on a rush hour train. The swelling underpants began to crush everyone in the car to the walls until another passenger successfully stabbed them with a pencil.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the Judge Needs a Translator! Accident Report
At a wreck investigation, a brakeman was describing his version of the wreck: "The con was filipping the tissue in the doghouse; the hind shack was freezing a hot tub, near the hind end; tallow pot was cracking diamonds in the tank; Eagle Eye was down greasing the pig; and I was bending the rails when they hit us."
Under cross-examination this was translated to mean that the conductor was examining his orders in the cupola (of the caboose). The rear brakeman was cooling off a journal (bearing on which the axle rests). The fireman was breaking coal. The engineer was oiling the engine, and the head brakeman was throwing a switch, when the collision took place.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bed of Rails" Chicago Tribune 8/11/97
James Aliff knew right off that something was wrong when he awoke the afternoon of Aug. 2. It took just a few seconds to figure out what — he was lying on railroad tracks and a 109-car freight train was passing directly over him.
"Oh, there was no mistaking it." Aliff said from his hospital bed in Oak Hill, Florida. "They'd put the brakes on, and there was squealing and sparks flying all around me."
Aliff, a 39-year-old unemployed construction worker, emerged from the accident with a long list of injuries, none of them life-threatening. "I got a headache, let me tell you," he said. "About every three or four seconds an axle would come along and crack me upside the head. It's a good thing I wasn't on my back or that train would have torn my face off."
Police believe Aliff might have been drinking and passed out on the track. Aliff said he slipped on a rock while walking his dog and was knocked out. His wife backed that up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
British Rail & The Chicken Gun (unfortunately true...)
The US FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the aircraft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if very thing was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

stop me, stop me; oh please somebody stop me.........


Really, I'm done for today. Really. I promise. I can give it up any time if I want to.

[zardoz]

The Book of Rules Back during the war, when anyone could get a job braking, the D&H hired a new kid from Troy. The Superintendent gave him his copy of the Book of Rules and told him, "Now take this and study it. Keep it with you at all times on the railroad, because any situation that might come up is covered in the Book of Rules."

So the kid takes his book, says, "Thank you, Sir, I sure will!" and goes home to study the book. That night he gets a call for No. 7, the less-than-premier sleeper train from Troy to Montreal. He gets on the train at Troy, and the conductor tells him to go back and make sure the lanterns are all lighted and ready to go on the rear platform. The train pulls out while he's walking back through the sleepers, and up around West Waterford he's walking through one car when he sees a woman's bare posterior exposed through the curtains of an upper berth.

"Hmmmmm — How do I handle this? Oh yeah, the Book of Rules!" So he gets out the Good Book, then runs to the rear of the train, grabs a red lantern and hangs it on the berth. Next comes a traveling salesman, who sees parted curtains and the red light, and gets the entirely wrong idea. Needless to say, there was blood on the moon when the word got back to the Old Man the following day, and the kid had a message waiting on his return to report to the Superintendent's Office RIGHT NOW!

He walks in, and the Old Man inquires politely, "Son, what in the world were you thinking of when you hung that red lamp on that poor woman's berth on Monday night?" "Well, Sir," the new hire started, "you told me that anything that came up on the railroad was covered by a rule in the Book of Rules."

"Yes, I did," said the Old Man. "But where in hell did you find a rule to cover that one?" "Right here," the new guy replied. "It says, 'The rear end of a sleeper, exposed by night, must be protected by a red light."

Next day the kid was a Trainmaster.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steam or Diesel?
A man was walking along the beach one day, when he came across an old lamp. When he picked it up and wiped it clean, a Genie appeared... The genie said to the man, "Okay, I've been in there for a long time, and I really want to party, so make your three wishes quickly."
The man replied "Okay, for my first wish, I want a limo." Boom, a limo appeared. "For my second wish, I want the limo filled with money," the man said. Poof, it was done.
"And for my last wish I want a railroad built to Hawaii," the man said. The genie looked at the man, and said "Hang on a second, that's impossible! Do you know how long it would take me to try to build that??? Think of something else that wouldn't take as long," the genie begged.
The man thought for a second and finally said, "Okay, I want a better understanding of my wife."
The genie thought for a while and said, "Let's skip sidings and go for double tracks to start with from Honolulu to LA... and now did you want a steamer or a diesel with that?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Road Rage
A engineer is driving north on a fairly winding rural road and spots his conductor heading his way. The conductor is driving the same road but in the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the conductor leans out the window and hollers "PIG." The engineer just smirks, sticks up his central finger. and yells back "B------." They each continue on their way. As the engineer rounds the next curve, he runs into a huge pig that is just lying in the middle of the road. The engineer is killed instantly in the accident.
The moral of this story? If engineers would only listen…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Example
A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street.
"Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You're not going to spend it on liquor, are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You're not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at a model train store to improve your layout, would you?" asks the man.
"No, never," says the bum, "I don't play with trains."
The gentleman then asks the bum if he would like to come back to his house for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they're heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.
The bum asks: "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play with trains."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[zardoz]

A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him.
The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"
He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're *Mrs.* Forsythe for a little while? She says, "Oh, I'd like that."
He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a conductor for many years, one of my pet peeves is waking up and finding the engineer sleeping. - D. Koch
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three railroad construction workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch.
"Man," the Chinese man says. "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself."
"Man," the Italian says. "If I get another slice of pizza in my lunch, I'll kill myself."
"Man," the redneck says. "If I get another ham 'n' cheese sandwich in my lunch, I'll kill myself."
The next day, all three men get the same lunches, and they all three throw themselves in front of an oncoming train. At the funeral, everybody's crying.
"This is all my fault!" says the Chinese man's wife. "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day."
"This is all my fault!" says the Italian's wife. "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day."
"Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He packed his own lunch."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?
One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?
"Technologically backward"

What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
"Economically underdeveloped."

What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
"United States of America"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming.
He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND swearing!"
Still nothing... and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one last time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, swearing, and smoking too!!!"
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed! He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said… "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Female Railfan Discovered: Experts Amazed
Scientists were shocked to find what is believed to be the first known female railfan. "This destroys every theory we've had about the species," said one anthropologist. The woman, a swimsuit model and avid train watcher, was found lurking around Amtrak's Beach Cove maintenance shops with a camera and notepad. One witness heard her quoting from The Diesel Spotter's Guide.
Anthropologists having discovered a living female railfan, apparently the first ever, Cherry Allen, 21. She was at first suspected of being a clever fake. Extensive clinical testing proved her to be an actual genetic female and a timetable-carrying member of the railfan community. Ms. Allen was able to answer a series of complex questions concerning the motive power roster of the Pennsylvania Railroad prior to 1950. She is also tall, slender and very attractive. When not out railfanning or working as a swimsuit model, Ms. Allen enjoys watching sports on TV and building super-detailed O Scale locomotives. In a recent interview, this blue-eyed blond from the sunny beaches of Las Vegas confessed she is "still looking for that special someone." Who is her ideal man? "Well," she said, "A guy who loves spending afternoons lounging in the hot tub and reading old issues of Trains magazine."
The discovery has stunned many. One man expressed surprise, commenting, "This means I have a chance at finding a girlfriend who won't make fun of me and my trains. An admittedly pretty small chance, but still..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

done for now, with more to come....................

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

We should be so lucky!
Ed[:D]

L M A O [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D]

[edblysard]

We should be so lucky!
Ed[:D]

[Anonymous]

MISSORI racing to a crossing.... LOL[:D][:D]
Three words: Post of the day. (ok, four)

[Anonymous]

LOL Missouri Racing to a Grade Crossing.. LOL

HAHAHAHAH!

wow..

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Alaskaman

I was looking at this picture http://www.railpictures.net/viewphoto.php?id=37427
and something weird caught my eye. When you first look at it, it seems normal.
But look at the car on the road right next (to the left) to the train. Will somebody tell me why the guy is driving on the wrong side of the road?

Well, it could be:

1. The driver's only previous driving experience was with slot cars
2. He's trying to see if a relative jumps off, so he can pick them up
3. It is in West Virginia nuff said....[:D]
4. It's the wife of the railfan photographer, who's had enough and is trying to run him down.
5. Or it's MISSOURI racing to a grade crossing......

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts for the day . . . put your thinking caps on [^]


=======================================================
Daily Thoughts

"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank,
it's time to turn off the sound." Pat Elphinstone

"On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of
weather. We had something like that where I grew up.
We called it a window." Dan Spencer

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs#8212;jolted by every pebble in the road."
Henry Ward Beecher

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Oliver Trzok

Well, Alex, the guy might tell the police that it was gravity of those big locomotives that pulled his small truck to the wrong side of the road...

I'll try to translate a joke from Croatian:

Three buddies get so drunk they can't walk, so they find themselves crawling on all fours in the middle of the railroad tracks. The first one says: "What a funny stairway, the steps are too far away and it's full of stones!" The second one: "And the handrails are so thick and too low!" The third one looks back and says: "But we're lucky, guys, here comes the elevator!"

Have a nice day everyone!
Oliver

Croatia - is that in Wyoming? [:o)]

(That's a little far for the Mookie to go on Amtrak - so I will just say welcome to the forum)

Mookie

[Anonymous]

Well, Alex, the guy might tell the police that it was gravity of those big locomotives that pulled his small truck to the wrong side of the road...

I'll try to translate a joke from Croatian:

Three buddies get so drunk they can't walk, so they find themselves crawling on all fours in the middle of the railroad tracks. The first one says: "What a funny stairway, the steps are too far away and it's full of stones!" The second one: "And the handrails are so thick and too low!" The third one looks back and says: "But we're lucky, guys, here comes the elevator!"

Have a nice day everyone!
Oliver

[Anonymous]

I was looking at this picture http://www.railpictures.net/viewphoto.php?id=37427
and something weird caught my eye. When you first look at it, it seems normal.
But look at the car on the road right next (to the left) to the train. Will somebody tell me why the guy is driving on the wrong side of the road?

[Anonymous]

Well, I gotta tell the joke sometime, right?
Here it is.
A drunk man walks home from a party. When he crosses a bridge, and sees a bunch of people on the river bank going in the water. He got curious and came down. So he asks a person "What are yo guys doing?" The person replies: "Take your clothes off, go into the water and you' ll find out" The drunk man did that. After he came out the same person asks "So, did you find Jesus, my friend?"
"No", the man replies. He tried one more time. Each time the same question was asked after he came out and each time the man replied "No". After fourth try the man answered "No, I didn't find Jesus. Are you sure this is where he went in?"

[Anonymous]

Now for a little (mind you I said little) humor. The poor joke writers are having writer's cramp after doing so well for a while, so during this dry spell the audience may throw in a joke or two or three. And of course the audience may throw jokes in at anytime. [8D]


Some much needed humor . . .


Last Laugh

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in
a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in
telling them to disperse some people who were
loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small
crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his
window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people."

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again,
"Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the
group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares
in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman
turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"


"Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen,
"especially since this is a bus stop!"


and . . .


One day Glenn was working late under a car and some
brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff
isn't too bad tasting" he thought.

Next day he told his buddy Scott about tasting the
brake fluid. "Not bad," he said. "Think I'll have a
little more today."

Scott got a little concerned but didn't say anything.

Next day he told about drinking a cup full of the
brake fluid. "Great stuff! Think I'll have some more
today." And so he did.

A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told
Scott,"This brake fluid is really great stuff."

His friend was now really worried. "You know that
brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You
better stop drinking that stuff."

"Hey, no problem..." Glenn defended, "I can stop any
time."

[dharmon]

Out here in the wild(fire) west, it makes its way down south of the border to live it's second life. I was cleaning out my garage the other day and moved some stuff out on the driveway. I had no less than 3 cars stop and ask if I was having a yard sale or getting rid of the stuff.....

..........Umm yeah, I'm getting rid of my table saw, let me help you load it.............and this rolling toolbox too........No, I'm keeping the garbage can and the empty cardboard boxes......

[Anonymous]

Observation and Question


Down here out city is real good about picking up almost anything you set out at the curb. The will not accept paint or chemicals or tires, but they will pick up and remove almost anything else. Wednesday is garbage truck day, (and now recycle pick up day -- good for them) and Thursday is the day anything else is removed. Anything you set out at the curb on Thursday is apt to be looked through by every other passer-by. Just this morning my neighbor set out about 6 boxes. Just a few minutes ago some lady in a small truck stopped and went through every box placing a few items in the bed of the truck. About two years ago I replaced my cook stove with a new one. The old one was set out at the curb and it wasn't but about 15 minutes before someone was loading it up into their truck. It wasn't the city picking it up just someone passing by.

This is my question. What do they DO with all this junk they rummage through and take away? Is this what becomes "Yard Sale" junk? Now we are not talking good merchandise here but junk and stuff people throw away. It also made me wonder about all the kids clothing that is bought at garage sales / yard sales. I hope whoever buy it washes it first. Anyway, just a few "off the top of my head" comments and questions for the "what is it worth" department.

[Anonymous]

Here we go again, it's time for . . . . . Hump Day Helpers [:D]


Thought for the day . .

Ever notice that it is when you are the brokest you have been in six months that all of the little extras become needed, things like coffee filters, trash bags, laundry soap, fabric softener sheets, any of the real expensive seasonings and spices, aluminum foil, sandwich bags, a new can of coffee, stamps and envelopes. It is also during this time that you notice your check book is low on checks and when looking for a replacement book find the box empty, just like your wallet or purse.

Freebie thought for the day . . .

Ever notice that the garbage truck always comes at noon. That is until you forget to put the trash out the night before. Then it arrives at your home at 7:30 am.

Another freebie . . .

Ever notice that the postman always comes just before noon. That is until you are trying to fini***he letter you are writing. Then he arrives 2 hours early.

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

10 out of 11 aint bad...

Congratulations - but we really prefer "Bad!"....

Mook

[edblysard]

10 out of 11 aint bad...

[zardoz]

According to the source from where this was from:

Answer to Trivia Teaser: Railroads

1. b-1829, used to haul coal.
2. d-Steam.
3. a-Cow catcher
4. c-The Interstate Commerce Commission.
5. c-Pot-bellied stoves.
6. c-The Pullman car.
7. a-London.
8. a-The golden age of railroads.
9. d-All of the above.
10. a-Diesel locomotives.
11. b-The U.S.A.

[vsmith]

Riddle
>
> >
> > Schwartzenegger has a big one
> >
> > Michael J. Fox has a small one
> >
> > Madonna doesn't have one
> >
> > The Pope has one but doesn't use his
> >
> > Clinton uses his all the time
> >
> > Mickey Mouse has an unusual one
> >
> > George Burns' was hot
> >
> > Liberace never used his on women
> >
> > Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his
> >
> > We never saw Lucy use Desi's
> >
> > What is it?
> >
> > Answer below! (this is really good)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > The answer is: "A Last Name."
> >
> > You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, now did you?

[edblysard]

1: C
2: D
3: A
4: C
5: C
6: C
7: A
8: A
9: D
10: D
11: B

[zardoz]

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives: (and to you, also, "the Antigates)


At a recent computer expo(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would cra***wice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[zardoz]

In the spirit of Abbott & Costello (who I borrowed from earlier).....

Who's calling?"
>"Watt."
>"What is your name, please?"
>"Watt's my name."
>"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
>"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
>
>A long pause, and then from Watt,
>
>"Is this James Brown?"
>"No, this is Knott."
>"Please tell me your name."
>"Will Knott."
>
>Why not?
>Huh? What do you mean why not?
>Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?
>But I told you my name!
>Didn't you say you will not?
>Not not, knott, Will Knott!
>That's what I mean.
>So you know my name.
>Of course not!
>Good. So now, what is yours?
>Watt. Yours?
>Your name!
>Watt's my name.
>How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
>Look I have been very patient and I have told you my
>name and you have not even told me yours yet.
>You have been patient, what about me? I have told
>You my name so many times and it is you who have not
>told me yours yet.
>Of course not!
>See, you even know my name!
>Of course not!
>Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
>Because I don't.
>
>[Pause]
>
>What is your name?
>See, you know my name!
>Of course not!
>Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?
>To find out your name!
>But you already know it!
>What?
>See, and you know mine!
>Of course not!
>Exactly!
>
>Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name
>is, what will be your answer?
>Watt's my name.
>No, no, give me only one word.
>Watt
>Your name!
>Right!
>
>[pause before it hits him]
>
>Oh, Wright!
>Yeah!
>So why didn't you say it before?
>I told you so many times!
>You never said Wright before
>Of course I did.
>Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?
>I do not.
>Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.
>I do not!
>Good!
>
>[pause before it hits him]
>
>Oh, Guud!
>Good.
>No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
>No, it's Knott!
>Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud.
>Yes Wright.

[zardoz]

How much do you know about:

Railroads

1. The first railroad line in America was 16 miles long. It was built by Delaware and Hudson Canal Co. in: a-1840, b-1829, c-1820, d-1850.

2. Early locomotives were powered by: a-Oil, b-Gasoline, c-Electricity, d-Steam.

3. The grill on the front of a locomotive was called a: Cow catcher, b-Bumper, c-Plow, d-Hot dogger.

4. In 1887, Congress set up an agency to curb the power of railroads called a- The Department of the Interior, b-The Department of Labor, c-The Interstate Commerce Commission, d-The U.S. Railroad Administration.

5. Early passenger cars were heated by: a-Kerosene, b-Oil, c-Pot-bellied stoves, d-Steam.

6. Since 1859, this railroad car made cross-country trips less tiring: a-The club car, b-The dining car, c-The Pullman car, d-The caboose.

7. The first underground railroad, or subway, was built in 1863 under: a-London, b-Chicago, c-Tokyo, d-New York City.

8. The years of 1900 to 1925 were called: a-The golden age of railroads, b-The developmental period, c-The Pullman era, d-The diesel era.

9. After World War II, railroad business declined because: a-Gas was no longer rationed, b- Airline travel increased, c-There were more trucks and buses, d-All of the above.

10. By the early '50s, there were many "growlers," or: a-Diesel locomotives, b-Freight loaders, d-Conductors, d-Electric locomotives.

11: Today, the only country that has not nationalized its railroads is: a-Japan, b-U.S.A., c-Italy, d-China.


answers tonight

[Anonymous]

Here we go again, more humor. [8D]


Daily Thoughts

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds
balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of
life." William Arthur Ward

Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot
of walls.


Mookie, this one is for you, I think you will enjoy it [:p]



Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's
Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing
house last Thursday, according to the Associated
Press.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback,
stupefied...


Yall have a great day as we start this new week. [:)] [:p] [8D] [:o)] [:I] [:p] [:D] [:)]

[CG9602]

This is in reply to a request made on the "Stupid Questions" thread.

The story has made the rounds of several groups of S Wisconsin railfans and RR employees:
A fellow was working the train that went from Janesville to Madison, and had stopped at a small community about mid-way to grab a bite to eat. It was still early enough in the eveningthat many locals were raoming around downtown. He had an individual, come up to him and ask a few questions.
"you work on the railroad?" apparently watching this employee climb down from the engine wasn't proof enough. The employee responded that he was the conductor of that particular freight train.

The individual then asked the conductor: "How do you manage to steer these things?"
To which the conductor told the individual about all the facts, like how trains travel via fixed guideways, how the wheels have flanges that help keep the cars on the rails, etc., etc. The individual acted as if the conductor was playing a joke on him the entire time![:)] He would say things like"You're kidding! Then what are those wheels for on the end of each car on the train?"

Conductor: " Those are hand brakes. You use them to secure cars when you cut them away from the train, or can't rely on the air brakes for an extended period."

Individual (who is now befuddled, and continues to think that there is a joke being played on him. He refuses to believe that the train can't be steered in the same sense that a car is turned) : "****, you're just pulling my leg! Those are steering wheels! Who do you think you're fooling? Those must be steering wheels, they gotta be!"

Conductor: " Seriously, sir, I'm telling the truth. We don't have steering wheels. The wheel sets are free floating, and they are guided into place by the flanges on each wheel. Would you like to look in the engine cab to see for yourself?"

Individual: " No, that's alright." With a disgusted look on his face, he went his way.

Clueless people.


It seemed funny to me when I first heard of it. I guess you just had to be there. [:D][:D]