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Would you believe..... (a little humor) Locked

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Posted by Mookie on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 12:57 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK, another pic for today. [:)] Something tells me this one WON'T make Bergie's Pic of the Day. [:D]

Did someone call a plummer? [:D]

DON'T LOOK ETHYL. [:D] [}:)] [8D] [;)]

HERE WE GO . . . . . .

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?P=20031117

Ethyl YOU LOOKED. [8D]
[}:)] Mookie did too! Now she has a wrinkle in her whiskers!

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 9:58 AM
OK, another pic for today. [:)] Something tells me this one WON'T make Bergie's Pic of the Day. [:D]

Did someone call a plummer? [:D]

DON'T LOOK ETHYL. [:D] [}:)] [8D] [;)]

HERE WE GO . . . . . .

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?P=20031117

Ethyl YOU LOOKED. [8D]
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Posted by Kathi Kube on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 9:05 AM
Oh, my gosh, Oliver! Those are too funny! (And kinda scary at the same time!)

How long have you been speaking English? You write it very well—far better than some Americans do, that's for sure! And what was the hardest part about learning English? Just nosy.

Kathi
[:D]
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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 7:53 AM
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with
their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the
world. How cute!
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER
HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT
CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR. Sign in men's rest room in Japan: TO STOP LEAK TURN **** TO THE RIGHT. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO. One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE. A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. In a cemetery PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL **** IN TUB. Tokyo hotel's rules and
regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM. Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF
THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION. Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION. Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. From the "Soviet Weekly": THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS. Hotel,
Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK
FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ***? The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE. In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

You see? You are welcome wherever you go!
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Posted by Mookie on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 7:42 AM
Oliver - Perfect timing!

Mook

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 7:35 AM
I wonder if native speakers find this one as amusing as a former long-time foreign student of English (myself) does?

"EuroEnglish"

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).

In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'.
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the
hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords
kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Just don't show this to Mr. Schwartzenegger.
Yours truly,
Oliver
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Posted by JoeKoh on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 7:07 AM
correct me if I'm wrong but something about playing polar bear and camping?right kev?hmmmmm
stay safe
joe

Deshler Ohio-crossroads of the B&O Matt eats your fries.YUM! Clinton st viaduct undefeated against too tall trucks!!!(voted to be called the "Clinton St. can opener").

 

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Posted by edblysard on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 5:17 AM
Well, lets see.
Besides the Hooters girls, there was a young lady I remember you saying that stepped out of a shower, bucky tail naked, and you fainted, and then there was the time....
Still gotta wonder about that one.
Ha! back atcha...
Stay Frosty,
Ed

23 17 46 11

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 1:56 AM
Well now, for a while there I was carrying the humor load all by myself. Now everybody is getting into the act. Tonight has been a real hoot. Thanks all. [:D]

Sometimes even the funnyman needs to laugh a little. [;)]

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Posted by Puckdropper on Monday, November 17, 2003 8:14 PM
Actually, you just did. (This is still the humor thread... I'm just picking on ya a bit)
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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, November 17, 2003 7:31 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

You know, for a guy who has soooo much to say about the female anatomy....
Kinda makes you wonder about that boy!
Ed


Ok Ed, When was the last time i picked, commented (outloud or in typing) on the female anatomy.. huh? HUH? whats that.. I Can't hear you!! [}:)][8D]

[:D]

AAAAHHH HAA! I thought the answer would be zero!
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Posted by edblysard on Monday, November 17, 2003 6:54 PM
You know, for a guy who has soooo much to say about the female anatomy....
Kinda makes you wonder about that boy!
Ed

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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, November 17, 2003 6:15 PM
[:D] i'm being sighed now by all the Women!

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Posted by Kathi Kube on Monday, November 17, 2003 4:28 PM
Wow. So much to catch up on.

First, to Scottydog: I don't think any amount of thanks can come close to being enough for the sacrifices you and your family have made, but my absolute respect and gratitude, at least, you have in abundance.

Second, to Sask_Tinplater and Puckdropper: Oh, man. Serious groaners there! [:p]

Jim, delightful ones in there. (Especially the one about exercising!)

Mookie, quick on the uptake, eh? Watch a near-future issue of Trains for a story about the circus train. Very cool.

Kevin, *sigh* Oy. I'm just shaking my head.

To all: Have a nifty night; I'm headed home soon.

Kathi
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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, November 17, 2003 3:22 PM
Jim I think i got it Thanks

So thats what they call those Doctors in english!
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Posted by Mookie on Monday, November 17, 2003 12:47 PM
Jim - they are heading to DQ for a peanut buster parfait!

Mookie

She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw

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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, November 17, 2003 11:42 AM
Time for MONDAY MADNESS . . . . . . [:)]

I have a link to a picture for all to see today. It isn't a funny picture as such but it is interesting in the fact that when the circus (B & B) comes to a town they come in by train. The arena where they perform may be miles away. They have a convoy of wagons and animals to the arena. Some of you may have seen this. I don't know the history of this picture but it would not surprise me if this is an actual convoy of the circus to the arena or back to the train.

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?P=20031116

I hope you all enjoy the picture. [:)]
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Posted by dharmon on Sunday, November 16, 2003 7:31 PM
Originally posted by Scottydog

Thank you Jim once more, and Dan, no wounds. All my kids have been military one way or the other and I am prouder than hell of them. Dan you know, you and my daughter have something in common, the difference is you stay with your plane at all costs. This dopey broad jumped out of perfectly good flying aircraft and when I asked her why, she would give me a look and say, "Dad, I'm AIRBORNE."
[/quote

I feel bad about bringing it up. It may sound corny, but you and your family have done greater service and made greater sacrifice than most and it makes me honored to be in the company of such an outstanding American. God bless.


btw....what possesses anyone to leap from a plane is beyond me.
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 3:50 PM
Thank you Jim once more, and Dan, no wounds. All my kids have been military one way or the other and I am prouder than hell of them. Dan you know, you and my daughter have something in common, the difference is you stay with your plane at all costs. This dopey broad jumped out of perfectly good flying aircraft and when I asked her why, she would give me a look and say, "Dad, I'm AIRBORNE."
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 2:23 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]




Wrist surgery. Typing w/ evil left hand.


Dan [:(]

Sorry to hear about your wrist. Get well soon. You can't fly or hunt possumes with only one hand now, so get well. Them nasty critters await a good marksman like you. [;)]
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 2:19 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

No Dan, he was one of the ones we lost that October day in '83.


I knew that answer was coming. I remember the other thread where it was discussed. I believe it was my thread about pictures in graveyards.

It is always sad to loose one "of the boys". My heart goes out to all of them both living and dead. The recent helicopter tragedy is terrible. Again my heart goes out to them.

I have always and will always support the troops. I may not do so with their leaders but to the guys and gals in the field I will always suppport them.

Again my condolences to you Scottydog.
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Posted by dharmon on Sunday, November 16, 2003 2:11 PM
Sorry Pops, didn't mean to open wounds. I was hoping your reply was going to be the other. I can't type very well right now, but I hope you know the words i mean to say.

v/r
Dan
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 1:43 PM
No Dan, he was one of the ones we lost that October day in '83.
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Posted by dharmon on Sunday, November 16, 2003 12:23 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]




Wrist surgery. Typing w/ evil left hand.
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 7:57 AM
Time for the Sunday Funnies . . . [:D]



Exercising


Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85
years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per
month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear
heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't
lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures
out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who
annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small
country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice
jump right out of my glass.



You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it
to them!
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Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 7:51 AM
Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]

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Posted by dharmon on Sunday, November 16, 2003 2:22 AM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

In the last letter I got from my son in Beirut, he told me of an incident concerning one of his men,
It seems the marines had erected a chicken wire fence around their compound that was always being breached and it seems our glorious allies the Israeliis were the worst offenders. Now John had a little west Texas boy in his platoon that took no s--- from noone.
One day, two Israeli APCs breached the fence in this kid's sector. the kid immediately ran over pointed his rifle and said,
"Back them motherf------ things outahere rat now"
The hatch popped on one and a man appeared,
"Excuse me," he said in a heavy accent. " Who do you think you are talking to."
"Well now, iffen y'all are the only fu---- in there, I suppose am talking to you" replied the kid.
The man grew red in the face and shouted,
"Do you realize you are talking to an Israeli officer."
The kid stood his ground and said,
"Ah don give a f--- if am talking to f------ Moses hisself. Back those mother------- out of here."
And I guess they did.



Pops,

Please tell me that when you say last letter, you mean last one before he came home safely.

Dan
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Posted by Puckdropper on Saturday, November 15, 2003 9:15 PM
A priest and a rabbi had a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, November 15, 2003 8:53 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

In the last letter I got from my son in Beirut, he told me of an incident concerning one of his men,
It seems the marines had erected a chicken wire fence around their compound that was always being breached and it seems our glorious allies the Israeliis were the worst offenders. Now John had a little west Texas boy in his platoon that took no s--- from noone.
One day, two Israeli APCs breached the fence in this kid's sector. the kid immediately ran over pointed his rifle and said,
"Back them motherf------ things outahere rat now"
The hatch popped on one and a man appeared,
"Excuse me," he said in a heavy accent. " Who do you think you are talking to."
"Well now, iffen y'all are the only fu---- in there, I suppose am talking to you" replied the kid.
The man grew red in the face and shouted,
"Do you realize you are talking to an Israeli officer."
The kid stood his ground and said,
"Ah don give a f--- if am talking to f------ Moses hisself. Back those mother------- out of here."
And I guess they did.



Man do I ever like that one. [:D] That would have been one of those "Kodak Moments". [:)]
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Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, November 15, 2003 7:38 PM
Here's a newsflash:

Police station toilet stolen.....cops have nothing to go on.

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