Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[locomutt]

If I were to invest twice as much in the 401keg plan,
would it be known as an 802k? If so I might be
interested. Someone please let me know.

My recycler says to keep him informed also.

locomutt

[JoeKoh]

ok the big game is tommorow
it is reported that lyoyd carr will be dressing 50 players for the michigan game.the rest of the team will have to get dressed by themselves.
GO BUCKEYES
stay safe
Joe

[Trainnut484]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

OK, another pic for today. [:)] Something tells me this one WON'T make Bergie's Pic of the Day. [:D]

Did someone call a plummer? [:D]

DON'T LOOK ETHYL. [:D] [}:)] [8D] [;)]

HERE WE GO . . . . . .

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?P=20031117

Ethyl YOU LOOKED. [8D]

Hey Jim,

That picture would "crack" up some people LOL.

Sorry I couldn't resist

Take care

Russell

[Anonymous]

HAAHAHAHAHA!!!
i have a quick joke

A guy walks into a bar....






After rubbing his head he exclaims, Who the Hell left that there?

[Puckdropper]

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate
students. It had one question:

"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some
variant. One student, however wrote the following:

"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what
rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I
think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there
are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay
the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay
constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase
until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell
freezes over."

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . . . is here. [:p]

Time for some more good "stuff". [:)]

http://www.send4fun.com/funpages/view.cfm/655

[Anonymous]

Here is another one for a little extra humor today. [:)] This one kinda leaves you . . . auh . . . . . hmmm . . . . . ohhh . . . . . well you will see [:p]


http://www.flowgo.com/flowgo2_view.cfm?page_id=20722

[JoeKoh]

Jim
when someone fiqures that out they will be one rich person!!!
stay safe
Joe

[Mikeygaw]

here's a good set of pics for both the guys http://www.computerpranks.com/download/images/femalebrain.gif

and the gals
http://www.computerpranks.com/download/images/malebrain.gif

[Anonymous]

Hey Mikey [:)] [:p]

You got the guys covered. [:)] You got the ladies covered [8)] But you forgot one covering. [B)] You know the one for "the other". [B)] The group that includes Michael Jackson. [:0] Big can of worms opened now. [8] Mookie, Ed grab those fishing poles. [:D]

[Anonymous]

OK, now it is Sunday. I have a special link for today that is very appropriate for this day. This is not funny. It is serious and hopefully will leave you in a "thinking" mode.

Enjoy it and this day that God has made. [^]



http://www.funone.com/funpages/view.cfm/670

[locomutt]

jhhtrainsplanes

That one is a little to deep for this morning.
Deep,but true[^]

locomutt[8D]















6]

[Anonymous]

Locomutt [^]

Yes, that one is deep. It kinda leaves you in awe, awe of an awesome God. [:)]

[Anonymous]

A few funnies for our Sunday humor paper. [:D]


These are food for thought. Don't eat too much and don't think on them too long. [8D]



Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn in to something acceptable to have dinner with. (This had to be written by a women.)


Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)




Banging your head against a wall uses 150
calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)



Humans and dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)



The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can
pull 30 times its own weight and always falls
over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the
govt. pay for this research??)



Butterflies taste with their feet.
(YUK!!)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.) [:D]



Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that too) [:D] [:p] [}:)] [B)] [:D]




And, the best for last..! ... Turtles can
breathe through their butts.

(And you think some people have bad breath!) [:)] [B)] [:0] [^]

[Anonymous]

I Couldn't figure out where else to post this, or to post anything i'm about to write, so I chose Jim's Comedy thread, and my oh my I do like this thread. You'll all be glad to know that Kevin, Is up north for a few days doing God-knows-what, but one thing I can tell you, theres no computers up there, and there might not even be any power! Seeing as i'm a female, i'm telling you right now, My brain is nothing like that obscure drawing! For example, i'll give you how my brain and the "typical" female brain differ from each other:

A) I think the "SHOES" section is a little small, I mean for goodness sakes, I have at least 25 pairs of shoes (not kidding) and for some reason every time I buy a new pair of shoes, Kevin slaps his head then drags his hand over his face from top to bottom, but he never says a word, smart move on his part!

B) I hate Melrose Place! what a terrible show! It should rightfully be "Dawson's Creek" memory bank. Doies anyone have any clue why Kevin would utterly hate such a good show? Every time he sees me watching he always imitates a new your accent while saying "OH brother!" mind you, it sounds more like "oh Bro-y-ther"

C) I used to hate toilet cleaning, so that is the right sieze. That all changed when Kevin spoke to one of the maintenance men who works at one of the train stations, and he brough home this industrial strength detergent called "TG-17" this stuff will burn your hair in your nose, i'm sure it's completely illegal, and if the pipes could, they would go on strike.. Why am I telling you this, I'm a Woman, therefore i'm allowed.

D) If you've guessed, I think the "Talk" section should occupy about 25% more space then it already does. I like to talk a lot a lot, so much that i've forgotten my entire point..

Uhhh... ummmmm

Ed may have already known this, but Kevin is the ultimate prankster. His spelling is so bad it often takes away from the pranks, yet it's funny..

One time from a pay phone he tried to make a prank call to Thailand and said this to the operator:

"Operator get me Thailand! Thats T - I .. uhh.. and so forth"
Trust me, i didn't stop laughing the whole night.

i'm not sure if i'm making that joke clear.. the T and I is Kevin's horrible attempt to spell Thailand.

see I got carried away again, and I know I had a point. Look i also made it really easy on you by putting everything I write in bright Red, thats about all I know how to do on here but hey it works!

i'm trying to think of a way to sign this, uhhh i'll sign it:

ME!!!!!!

(p.s Sorry for making you all waste your time reading this)

[jchnhtfd]

Kevin's lady -- I love it!

[xtrack42]

First post - Here's a lesson in management for you!


TWO MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

LESSON ONE
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MANAGEMENT LESSON
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

LESSON TWO
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
MANAGEMENT LESSON
Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

LESSON THREE

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there, in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug him out and ate him.
MANAGEMENT LESSON
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS ENDS YOUR TWO MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[edblysard]

You Go Girl!

[Anonymous]

You all should stop encouraging me, because I thrive from encouragement, and am most likely going to say something stupid and then wind up in trouble

AS IF!

oh well, what the heck, you all have me until Thursday night, Maybe even Friday!

But I miss my Kevie!!

You all know how Kevin pulls pranks on me, so Hey I have to retaliate somehow! I remember one time, I took a bag of oreos and spent 45 minutes scraping out the middles (and eating them) and putting Colgate toothpaste in the middle, and watched kevin over 3 days eat the whole bag...

Never complained once.
He did mention the minty taste a few times...

So let's see its Quarter to nine, and as I turn my head i see.. Christmas lights.. AND LOTS of them....
I figure the only thing that we don't have on display is the Santa in the Sleigh.. you know? Kevin hates those, he claims there stupid because they look very fake and are made of plastic, he hates big plastic things. So we have about 10, 000 Christmas lights shining through all our windows, lighting up the hall, bedroom, bathroom, living room.

Kevins a light Junkie..

okay now I know there are A LOT of smart people on this site.. what do the RED pepper lights symbolize?? why do they symbolize Christmas?? Why the freak are they for sale? I don't understand yet we have some up.

Can you believe me.. look at this.. I started off with no point.. I still have no point.. and I've already written about 12 lines.. Wow.. i do talk to much

Oh I know.. how about the time Kevin was on the train and he got a ticket? Oh this is Gold.. He got fined 110 bucks... there was a new inspector, and he didn't know Kevin worked for the Train company... Kevin tried to explain, and he kept being told, "I've heard this one beofre, sir.. would you take your seat now." I was laughing so hard I almost died... Kevin was so enraged He ripped up his ticket (fine ticket) in front of him, stomped on it, rubbed it into the floor with his foot, picket it up and shoved it in the inspector's pocket.. and was then fined 450 bucks.. Can you imagine how funny this was?? (note to the person reading this: Try to put yourself there, it will seem funnier) Now Kevin was livid.. and if you've never seen Kevin livid.. he goes into a tizzy for about 4 minutes, then it's all over.. in 10 minutes he won't even remember what angered him in the first place! ( If your in a rush, you can easily turn that into 5 minutes by sitting him down in front of a hockey game on TV) so we got off the train, Kevin was his usual self again..

i'm not sure how he cleared that up, but he never payed a dime..

Just remember when he gets back to make fun of him...alot... and when he askes who told you.. tell him.. I DID..
(P.S he knows he's got to take what I deal, and like it!)

I didn't imagine i could have so much fun here!

I'll think of more embarassing stories!

until then, I figure if I start unplugging these lights..well it's 9:06 now.. I should be done by midnight!

Got to Fly..

Signed: ME!!!!

[Nora]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

A) I think the "SHOES" section is a little small, I mean for goodness sakes, I have at least 25 pairs of shoes (not kidding) and for some reason every time I buy a new pair of shoes, Kevin slaps his head then drags his hand over his face from top to bottom, but he never says a word, smart move on his part!

I thought the shoes section was way too big. I only have one pair of shoes. Then again have you ever checked out the women's size 11 section of the shoe store? For some reason it's usually full of crap like high heeled sneakers and shiny purple leopard skin heels.

--Nora

[locomutt]

For the shoes section,try my wife. She is 4'-7" tall
and takes a size 1-1/2 to 2 in childerns no less.
If she needs a pair of"grown-up" shoes, we damn near
go bankrupt to buy them[:)]

Also I'm figuring out that you haven't heard the story
of "Joe Schitt"[:O] Try Floglo or Send for fun to read this[^] [:)] [:D]

Oh yeah,Kevin,or ME!! watch for the[B)] you [8]

locomutt[}:)]

[locomutt]

By the way Joe how did yestersday game go[?]
I really hope you dressed yourself,and didn't let what's his face
help[:O] I know you are a Buckeye fan so I will be nice enough
to say that you do know the difference between a Buckeye and
a piece of************[}:)]

And Louisville did export(kick him out) of Louisville just for
that purpose. Oh, I didn't tell you,I'm a KENTUCKY(GO BIG BLUE) fan
Forget Louisville,Michigan or Ohio[:)]

Later guys,I'm getting[l)]
locomutt[:o)]

[Anonymous]

Well there we have it, we are going to call HER . . . . . Me. [:)] [8D] [;)]

Me, hello [:D] [:I] [:o)] [8)] [:X]

I would say welcome to the forums but you really are not new to them. But welcome to the forums anyway. [:)]

Keep telling us these stories, we need to hear them. One of these days we might want to remind Kev about one of them. [:p] [:0] [B)] [8] [}:)] [;)]

I like candles, so does Kev like candles too? BTW I put up my Christmas lights about 3 years ago. They stay up. Why take them down just to put them back up next year. It just seems like SUCH a waste of time. [:0]

Keep us posted. [:D]

[Anonymous]

All right now . . . . . time for the Monday Madness edition of the Humor Thread Paper. [:)]


Mookie, next time you need a "cat nap" [:)] at work you might try this trick. Come to think of it you might already know it. I know there are times I sure could have put it to use. [8D] I don't think it will work for Wabash, or any of our engineers while on the train.

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?P=20031122

[JoeKoh]

hello me
us pick on kevin?never!(Ha ha) just save his pics for him more on the way.
locomutt
i didnt hear too much from any of the michigan fans down the street or at work hmmm.
oh well
stay safe
joe

[Anonymous]

I remember when... and you already know this is gonna be good..

The squirrels decided one day to have a "Christmas light pie" complete with metal, wires and glass. I think Kevin almost killed the squirrel that ate his Christmas lights..

Candels.. I like them, Kevin hates the smelly ones.. he hates anyhting perfum scented.

This keyboard in the library is so loud.. Everyone keeps glaring at me!
Kevin would say somehting lewd right now to the people who stare. He always has soemthing terrible to say, Never subject your kids to Kevin, (Note: so i don't slander him, that is mostly a joke, he's really not that bad!) however, he ahs his moments. One time we were in the Jewish part of Montreal, kevin is partially Jewish.. yet sometimes he doesn't realise that people can take offence to his jokes..

the story is as follows, and please don't take offence if your Jewish.. don't hate Kevin either.. This would be socially acceptable in France.. I think. The stoey goes like this:

One day, we were shopping at a Jewish store.. and Kein sees some Kipas for sale (please tell me I spelt that right) Kevin picks up a stack, puts them on his head and says: "hey look, A big mac!" I think every Jewish person wanted to kill Kevin, needless to say we left quickly.

Oh and yes, I taught him what Never to do again.

Once again, sorry for those who are offended. Just thought i'd share that story, But i'm trying to think of a train realted story.Oh i know.. I heard this one from a fellow engineer

one day Kevin was walking to one of the exits (doors) on the train to go outside and make sure that all passengers had borded. The train was just stopping at the station, and Kevin tripped fell down the stairsand landed like head first on the stairs body against the door.. But before Kevin could get up, then the sliding doors opened and kevin went crash on the platform.. It was night time so not many people saw, but the few who did laughed. The engineer thought someone had picked Kevin up and threw him out the door. But like most times, it was his own stupidity.. It took a while to figure out what the cause was, it seems Kevin forogt to tie his shoe laces, therefore the moral of this story is....

Tie your shoe laces!

By the way this keyboard is so darn loud.. and i don't have time to proof read my work, so my spelling tonight will be exactly like "kevisn speling."
None of those stories were truly funny, so I will do my best to come up with stuff even funnier.. It happens on a daily basis.. so it's really not that hard..

2 Things Kevin hates in this worls, and truly hates:
(i.e do this to annoy him)

A) like someone who like uses like every like 12 secondes.

B) Burnt out Christmas lights. I gurantee you every one works at my house, because kevin has personally checked them all.. therfore you better have all your lights working


This corny moment brought to you by Kevin't Girlfriend!
Jim don't encourage me! your making me type.. It's you!!. Ahhh encouragement!! ahh!!

see you all later, this keyboard is insane.
oh and by the way, Female Rule is now in day two.

PEACE!

[JoeKoh]

more stories more stories more stories(pics are being developed)matt helps with the lights i can wonder what he will do to the tree!!!
stay safe
Joe

[edblysard]

A kipper Big Mac............

Ok, my sides have quit hurting.
So, Kevins what, 12 going on 20?
A Big Mac.
Wow.
Stay Frosty,
Ed[:D]

[Anonymous]

more like 2 going on 20
Great! you see what i've done now, i've exposed the truth, I think we should name this after an MTV series or something like that Kevin Exposed!! And now on episode three (fot those of you wondering, I always start my sentances with and) I'm thinking of something really bad that kevin did. it's like the same principal..

Okay back 2 years ago, Kevin was 4 years old.. not really, just kidding. But i'm talking Mental age We sometimes hoped to our neighbours to the South, Messina, New York. for a little shopping. For those of you who don't know the area, there is a big Native American reserve right there, and most the people that shop there are Native American.

OH OH... it get's bad, rememebr once again, sorry in advance

Well we were at JC Penney.. I love that Store!! And i was looking at make up.. while Kevin was changing Departments he saw me looking at various shades (HEY! it's a girl thing, OKAY?!!) and he kinda stoped and said very loudly, in a french English accent

"OH NO! You don't need anymore War Paint!"
(imagine it said in a french accent)

The shop litteraly died. and everyone was silent, and they were all looking at Kevin, So i did my usual save the day, and grab him and took him out to the big mall, where I couldn't help laughing.

yeah, however very embarassing.

Hows the weather down south, i.e Texas?

Why because i need a new place to tan, oh speaking of tanning places.. we were doing a tour of various (We being myself and Kev) member only tanning salons, (A lady needs to Tan!) and the lady was showing us at one place what the ups were, and we came to the first tanning bed. and guess who had to open his big yammer and say "Wow, Cancer now comes in a funny shaped box!"

So Ed is it tanning weather still down south?

and yes 70 is tanning weather. It's what 40 up here? with a terrible wind too!

I got to stop, my theory of talking way to much is looking like its a true theory.

Its too late to proof read, so ignore the errors.

yeha I'm tired, Ed did I cause any permanent damage?
sorry if i did, and sorry if you can't go to work tommorow..
Blame Kevin, and Jim and Joe for encouraging me.

Cheers all

[edblysard]

Its will top out at 53, then drop to below freezing tonight, our month of winter is here.

No permanent damage done.
Aimee is still chuckling though.

I wonder why you go out in public with Kevin?
Do you just like being embarassed to death?

And if JC Pennys gets you excited, then you would have a stroke over Dillards and Foleys, they make Pennys look like K Mart.
Ed