Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[JoeKoh]

hes got pictures too they will keep!
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

Well, this is utterly embarassing. I can't leave the house for 4 days without something going wrong..

To be quite honest, I can't quite remember uhhh saying any of those htings, because while i was gone, i was abducted by aliens and the aliens removed a certain portion of my brain, which means i can't rememebr this stuff anymore.

The aliens were green, and short.

Ok, yes i did say those things, None of which i'm content about or am I proud about, see some of them ere said randomly as a joke, and its amazing how not everyone likes the jokes...

i'd be my usual slef, and say tough cheese, but I know what it's a pain a joke soemone has just said..


....PSYCH! ! No I don't know what it's like, I guess if it's funny I like it, Except when people make fun of my Girlfriend or make a joke about her, then they jsut wind up face first on the platform.. Watch your step!
Unless it's a good joke about her.. like i don't know.. somehting which makes me laugh..

My actions have now been Justifified! oh and no joint checking account, My money is Mine with a capitol M. I'd rather it NOt be spent on useless items (Some above the below have no purpose either)

-More Shoes
- A Laurent Valino hand bag (No, i don't care what his name is)
- more Purses
-Bras

Now that i'm a dead man, i'm going to run, run, run!

I'm glad to be back.. so i Can monitor whats going on!!

[edblysard]

Kipper Big Mac,
eaten to Lazy Rap,
Hold on to your hat,
Kevins back!

[dharmon]

[:D]Kev's got alot of reading to do....heheheheheheheh

[:)][:)][:)][:D]

next time take the laptop......[:D][:D][:D]

[JoeKoh]

Hey Ed
can we build Kevin that doghouse?move over rover!
stay safe
Joe

[edblysard]

I dont know, when SHE gets through with him, that might be too high class!
But I got the tools.
Stay Frosty,
Ed

[Anonymous]

Oh Ed nice rhyming skills, you think your a funny man now?
Yeah yeah, you'll see... i'll get all of you back..


Dan.. Believe me.. that laptop is as good as mine next time!!

[bfsfabs]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

More computer stuff:

Murphy's Laws Of IT
Jim's Laws of Computer Maintenance
10- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

Zardoz,

I have seen a variation of your #10 that goes like this

10.a A computer program will always do what you told it to do, IN SPITE of what you THOUGHT you told it to do.

I've been caught on this hook more than a couple of times . . .

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Oh Ed nice rhyming skills, you think your a funny man now?
Yeah yeah, you'll see... i'll get all of you back..


Dan.. Believe me.. that laptop is as good as mine next time!!

like kev (mac) you can try but like i got this like defense system like called the like diaper defense system like matts been eating real good lately like so be careful and like take care of ME too.maybe you'll like find out in a couple of years.
stay safe[:D]
joe

[edblysard]

You know, I heard a story once, about how a guy helped out a girl who was, well, lets say there had been better days for her to ride a train...
Funny, you still think you picked her!

Buy the way, she let everyone know about your christmas light fetish.
Remind me to send you a photo of my jeep, with the lighted reindeer horns and the flashing nose.

Ed

[Anonymous]

JOE! Stop saying like every 30 secondes!! your doing that dilliberatletly [:D] i'm going to get her back for sure now!

You know usually I associate Fetish with somehting dirty, But A christmas light fetish.. hmm i'm thinking more like "Obsession" a Christmas light obsesssion.. Just because I dispise the word fetish, makes me feel i do weird things with my Girlfriend, perhaps thats solely because I don't understand the full extent of the word.

Ed, do yuo really do that with yout Jeep, thats freakin awesome!!

yeah, you gotta send me a picture!

You know, as I look outside, A) it's snowing, B) the ground is slowely becomming white.
kinda makes me feel like crap. Because I hate snow.. I also Hate kids who whip snowballs at the passenger trains,

BUT on the + side
Looks like were going to Florida this Christmas!! HORAY!!
and i bought a 128 MEG card for my Digital Camera!!
YEY!!

Just to take pictures of hot..uh.. Trains!

[edblysard]

Kev,
A fetish is a object belived to posses spritual powers, or a object of excessive attention or reverence, and lastly, an obsessive attachment or fixation.

Now, if we are talking about trains, or christmas lights, and thats one thing, but if we were talking about, oh, I dont know, high heel shoes, then I would have to wonder.[:D]

Jeep photos on the way..
Stay Frosty,
Ed

[JoeKoh]

Kev
I'll warn my brother your on the way(hehe)
seen south of dayton nextdoor to a donut shop a sewing &craft store with a large sign in front saying"we do alterations" location location location
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

Man I leave for 3 or 4 days and what do yall do? Run poor Mac through the washer, dryer and the old time wringer. I hope he is ok. [:)]

Hey Mac, does this mean we can't have any more funny stories about the life you no longer remember because the aliens "took it" from you? [:)]

Are we all invited to the ceremony? [:D] Or are you going to Florida and having a secret vacation/ceremony? da da da dadada (wedding march music). [:D]

On your return trip home you can take Amtrak to Houston (or close to it) and see Ed and then take the Texas Eagle and come see me. [8D] [:D] [;)]

Then you can take Duchess home with you and have the terror oh I mean dog that she always wanted. [}:)]

Now as far as taking the laptop with you where ever you go. Just remember computers are getting REAL cheap these days and this is the Christmas season where specials abound so another computer in the house is a possibility. And ME might even get her own screen nic and then its Katy bar the door. [}:)] [:p] [;)] [:D]

Oh well, I hope you enjoyed your time off. Did you say hello to Pol-E bear for me? [:D]

[Anonymous]

Now for a little humor . . . . . [:D]



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of
the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now,
class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my
feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."

[Mikeygaw]

Thinnest Books


The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton


The Amish Phone Directory


Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette


George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names


French Hospitality


Everything Women Know About Men


Everything Men Know About Women


Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches


Different Ways To Spell Bob


Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors


America's Most Popular Lawyers


Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean


The Wild Years-By Al Gore


Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman


Human Rights Advances In China


To All The Men I've Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres


The Engineer's Guide To Fashion


My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson


How To Land A Plane At Martha's Vineyard - By Jfk, Jr.

[Mikeygaw]

The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School


1. To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.


2. To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald's manager uses daily.


3.No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.


4. After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.


5. So someone else can deal with the psychotic little punks


6. Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.


7. Easier to run escort service out of home when they're not around.


8. To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect Engli***o the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!


9. To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M.Lewinsky only!).

10. To actually learn to count to ten, which something there person who came up with this list can't do, as they can only posted 9 reasons!

Things To Think About Our Government:


29 Members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse.


7 Have been arrested for fraud.


19 Have been accused of writing bad checks.


117 Have bankrupted at least two businesses.


3 Have been arrested for assault.


71 Have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card.


14 Have been arrested on drug related charges.


8 Have been arrested for shoplifting,


21 Are current defendants in lawsuits.


84 Were stopped for drunk driving in 1998 alone, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity.

Useless Inventions


Non stick Cellotape


Solar Powered Flash Light


A black highlighter pen


Glow in the dark sunglasses


Inflatable Anchor


Smooth Sandpaper


Waterproof sponge


Waterproof Teabags


AC adapter for Solar powered calculators


Fireproof Matches


Fireproof Cigarettes


Battery powered Battery Charger


Seatbelts for Motorbikes


Hand powered Chainsaw


Inflatable Dartboard


Silent Alarm Clock


A Pedal powered wheelchair


Braille Drivers Manual


Double sided playing cards


Ejector seats for Helicopters




You Know You're In California When...


The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.


You were born somewhere else.


You know how to eat an artichoke.


The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.


Your car has bulletproof windows.


Left is right and right is wrong.


Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.


Your mouse has only one ball.


You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.


You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.


You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.


You drive to your neighborhood block party.


Your family tree contains 'significant others'.


Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.


You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.


You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.


More than clothes come out of the closets.


When 'the Dead' are best live.


You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.


Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.


More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.


Smoking in your office is not optional.


When you can't schedule a meeting because you must 'do lunch'.


Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.


Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.


You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.


You consult your horoscope before planning your day.


A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.


When all highways into the state say: 'no fruits'.


All highways out of the state say: 'Go back'.


You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

lists taken from http://www.ahajokes.com

[Mikeygaw]

New Yorkers arrived
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.

walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,

there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".

God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"

"Who, the New Yorkers?".

"No, the Pearly Gates."

Like, I think it's time for me to, like let someone else post for once

[Anonymous]

Our little Thanksgiving vacation has come and gone so now it is time to get back into the daily grind. To help us do so is the next edition of our paper. It is time for . .. . . . . .Monday Madness [:)]



Daily Thoughts

Bills go through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.

"I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up...
they have no holidays." Henny Youngman

If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

[Anonymous]

Then I must be Hard, Slow, and burnt.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

Then I must be Hard, Slow, and burnt.

You will be for sure when ME finds out about the red . . . . ah . . . oh never mind. [:D]

[Anonymous]

Well now, THIS is a special post for me, it is my 1000th post. [:p]

So on with the show/paper. [8D]



A State Police Trooper pulls a sweet little old lady over for her driving. She was going 23 on a 70 mph highway. He walks up to the car as she rolls down her window.

"Lady why are you driving so slow" he asks?

She replied, "Officier, the speed limit is 23 on this highway".

"No madam, 23 is the highway you are on, the speed limit is 70. You have mistaken the highway sign for a speed limit sign" he states.

She replies, "Officier, I am so sorry. I will do better now that you have corrected me".

As the officier begins to say goodbye to her he notices her passengers are all white as newly laundried sheets. He asks the lady, "Why do the other ladies in the car with you look like they have just seen a ghost"?

She replies, "Well Officier, we just got off of Highway 115".

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Well now, THIS is a special post for me, it is my 1000th post. [:p]

congrats on four admiral jim

[Mookie]

I wondered what those trumpets were that I heard!!!!

Congrats

Mookie

[edblysard]

Between you Alex and Joe, we ought to have quite a few .
Congrats...
Ed

[vsmith]

Congrates to your forth star, got this sent from a friend, and had to share it.

-From the mouth of our Fearless Leader . . .

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
one word is 'to be prepared'."
- Governor George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in
the future."
- Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- Governor George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a
firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
- Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
- Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- Governor George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Governor George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- Governor George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
- Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
- Governor George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- Governor George W. Bush

[Anonymous]

Poor George . . . was born with a Texas sized foot in his mouth. [:D] [:D] [:D]

(And a wallet full of cash.) [:0]

[dharmon]

Aghh Jim...the four gold stars are blinding me, must avert my gaze a s I t r y a n d typ e ........I' m not wor t h y ...

[locomutt]

Congrats on the 4 stars[:D]
Maybe next time You will do better next time [?][:D][}:)]
locomutt[[8D]

























]

[Anonymous]

Congrats on your fourth star, I'm next in case you were wondering