Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Well haven't we had some good topics here lately and some good discussion? We even had a mild skirmish, Ed has now been promoted to Sheriff lol. We will have to wait and see if he accepts the job or not. My money is on NOT. You know I like the title of Marshall better. It is more fitting of a man from Texas.

Anyway I have a cute little "funny" for you today. Just follow the link get rid of any pop-ups and enjoy the little cartoon joke/feature. I have to give credit to Jeff (Ironhorseman) he originally included this in his emoticon test several months ago.


http://www.send4fun.com/smileytrain.htm

Enjoy

[Anonymous]

I just checked the link, IT WORKS. While I was watching the little joke I had a silly little brainstorm. Does anyone have MISSOURI's email address? [:D] [:D] [:D]

[edblysard]

No no no...
Dont want the job, wouldnt take it if you paid me twice what its worth and doubled the days off.
Had a job that came with a gun and a badge.
Never used the first, was tied to the second.
Stll Frosty,
Ed

[Mookie]

ok - Mookie will make a contribution!

Found floating through cyberspace:

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science, tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of peons!

You know - I think I finally understand !

Mz Mookie

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

ok - Mookie will make a contribution!

Found floating through cyberspace:

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science, tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of peons!

You know - I think I finally understand !

Mz Mookie

I believe we should "neuter" all the neutrons. They should not be allowed to reproduce. We really don't need an explosion of the element. And might as well do the same with the other "trons". You can't be too careful with this dangerous thing.

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

ok - Mookie will make a contribution!

Found floating through cyberspace:

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science, tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of peons!

You know - I think I finally understand !

Mz Mookie

That it a classic, Mook!! I love it!

The Student becomes the Master! [;)]

[Mookie]

Ah so - I am Sensi Mookie at our house - looking for Shihan next!

[Kathi Kube]

OK, gang, I've got one courtesy of my darling, if somewhat silly, husband.

Dr. Smith had been a proctologist for years, but was losing interest in it and wanted a complete career change. He'd always been interested in cars, so he set out to attend classes to be an auto mechanic.

But the poor dear was struggling. As well as he'd done in medical school, he just couldn't quite grasp the different concepts involved in caring for cars instead of people.

Before long, it was time for his final exam and he had to get an "A" to pass the course. He stayed up all night studying for his exam, which had two parts: He had to correctly assemble an engine, and it had to start when he turned the key.

All the other students had finished long before Dr. Smith, but he didn't give up. When he finally finished, he walked tentatively to the ignition and turned the key. The engine started, and he looked happily and hopefully at his instructor.

"That was incredible," said the instructor. "Dr. Smith, I'm going to give you extra credit so you can graduate with honors."

"But why?" asked Smith.

"Well, it's the darnedest thing," he replied. "That's the first time I've ever seen an entire engine assembled through the tail pipe."

[xx(][:p][xx(]

[Mookie]

Isn't this just a hoot!

Mook!

[edblysard]

You know, I have always wondered when I go for my yearly physical, exactly what is he looking for up there?
And what can he do if he finds whats he looking for?
But I no longer make jokes about my wifes visits to her OBGYN.
Some how, it just aint as funny anymore!
Ed

[Anonymous]

I may just wind up regretting asking this, but hey, what the hell, i'll shoot anyways

What is an OBGYN?

I already regret asking, because i just have that feeling this will come back to haunt me..

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

I may just wind up regretting asking this, but hey, what the hell, i'll shoot anyways

What is an OBGYN?

I already regret asking, because i just have that feeling this will come back to haunt me..

Kev [:D] [:)] [8D]

It is one of those Dr.s that you and I will never need personally. If you catch my drift. [:D] [}:)] [;)] [8D]

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season is here . . .I have a good one for you this day. [:D]


Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer
wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter
informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they
would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was
the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg?
They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring
Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this
guy would bring with him, decided to make the question
a little harder: "How many people died on
the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the
movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."


__________________________________

[Anonymous]

Challenger is back! I'm really sorry I haven't been posting more jokes in a while. OK, now that that's over with, here's another one:

There are 4 old men sitting around and talking about what the fastest thing in the world is.

One says, "It's blinking because you blink 30 000 times a day and don't even notice."

The second one says, "Nope, it's electricity because when you flick the light switch the electricity comes on automatically."

The third says, "No, you're both wrong, it's thinking. When you think of something it just appears in your head."

But the fourth one says, "No, you're all wrong, it's diahreha (hope that's spelled right). I had it one night and I had to go before I could blink, turn the lights on or think for a second."

[Anonymous]

In the last letter I got from my son in Beirut, he told me of an incident concerning one of his men,
It seems the marines had erected a chicken wire fence around their compound that was always being breached and it seems our glorious allies the Israeliis were the worst offenders. Now John had a little west Texas boy in his platoon that took no s--- from noone.
One day, two Israeli APCs breached the fence in this kid's sector. the kid immediately ran over pointed his rifle and said,
"Back them motherf------ things outahere rat now"
The hatch popped on one and a man appeared,
"Excuse me," he said in a heavy accent. " Who do you think you are talking to."
"Well now, iffen y'all are the only fu---- in there, I suppose am talking to you" replied the kid.
The man grew red in the face and shouted,
"Do you realize you are talking to an Israeli officer."
The kid stood his ground and said,
"Ah don give a f--- if am talking to f------ Moses hisself. Back those mother------- out of here."
And I guess they did.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

I just checked the link, IT WORKS. While I was watching the little joke I had a silly little brainstorm. Does anyone have MISSOURI's email address? [:D] [:D] [:D]

This is scary, but I found it on the net! I remember before when he was active searching for " "Robert Pines" Missouri" on Google. I did it again and found some stuff.

www.csx-sucks.com/?topic=safe (for the record, I don't think that CSX sucks, the site's just here because it has Missouri's e-mail address on it)

It also seems he had a wife who has passed away and has two sons. There's an obituary for her at on the Sullivan Missouri website. He was married in 1978.

[Anonymous]

And now back to the jokes. Challenger is making a comeback!

There were these three Irishmen who were walking home from the pub and came across a cemetery. They stopped to look at some of the gravestones.

"Look here," one says. "This is old Jimmy O'Toole's grave. Poor man was 77 years old when he passed on."

"Well, here's a fellow that was 98," another says. "Shameas O'Riley's his name."

"That's nothing," the third says. "This fellow was 326!"

"Who's he?" one of the others asked.

"Miles from Dublin," he replies.

[Anonymous]

Here's another goodie:

A guy was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen the guy says to his friend, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years you've been married that you still call your wife all those pet names." His buddy replies, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

[Anonymous]

Here's a newsflash:

Police station toilet stolen.....cops have nothing to go on.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

In the last letter I got from my son in Beirut, he told me of an incident concerning one of his men,
It seems the marines had erected a chicken wire fence around their compound that was always being breached and it seems our glorious allies the Israeliis were the worst offenders. Now John had a little west Texas boy in his platoon that took no s--- from noone.
One day, two Israeli APCs breached the fence in this kid's sector. the kid immediately ran over pointed his rifle and said,
"Back them motherf------ things outahere rat now"
The hatch popped on one and a man appeared,
"Excuse me," he said in a heavy accent. " Who do you think you are talking to."
"Well now, iffen y'all are the only fu---- in there, I suppose am talking to you" replied the kid.
The man grew red in the face and shouted,
"Do you realize you are talking to an Israeli officer."
The kid stood his ground and said,
"Ah don give a f--- if am talking to f------ Moses hisself. Back those mother------- out of here."
And I guess they did.

Man do I ever like that one. [:D] That would have been one of those "Kodak Moments". [:)]

[Puckdropper]

A priest and a rabbi had a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

In the last letter I got from my son in Beirut, he told me of an incident concerning one of his men,
It seems the marines had erected a chicken wire fence around their compound that was always being breached and it seems our glorious allies the Israeliis were the worst offenders. Now John had a little west Texas boy in his platoon that took no s--- from noone.
One day, two Israeli APCs breached the fence in this kid's sector. the kid immediately ran over pointed his rifle and said,
"Back them motherf------ things outahere rat now"
The hatch popped on one and a man appeared,
"Excuse me," he said in a heavy accent. " Who do you think you are talking to."
"Well now, iffen y'all are the only fu---- in there, I suppose am talking to you" replied the kid.
The man grew red in the face and shouted,
"Do you realize you are talking to an Israeli officer."
The kid stood his ground and said,
"Ah don give a f--- if am talking to f------ Moses hisself. Back those mother------- out of here."
And I guess they did.

Pops,

Please tell me that when you say last letter, you mean last one before he came home safely.

Dan

[Anonymous]

Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]

[Anonymous]

Time for the Sunday Funnies . . . [:D]



Exercising


Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85
years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per
month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear
heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't
lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures
out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who
annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small
country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice
jump right out of my glass.



You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it
to them!

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]

Wrist surgery. Typing w/ evil left hand.

[Anonymous]

No Dan, he was one of the ones we lost that October day in '83.

[dharmon]

Sorry Pops, didn't mean to open wounds. I was hoping your reply was going to be the other. I can't type very well right now, but I hope you know the words i mean to say.

v/r
Dan

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

No Dan, he was one of the ones we lost that October day in '83.

I knew that answer was coming. I remember the other thread where it was discussed. I believe it was my thread about pictures in graveyards.

It is always sad to loose one "of the boys". My heart goes out to all of them both living and dead. The recent helicopter tragedy is terrible. Again my heart goes out to them.

I have always and will always support the troops. I may not do so with their leaders but to the guys and gals in the field I will always suppport them.

Again my condolences to you Scottydog.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Dan [:)]

Up late doing some possume hunting? [:D]

I just hate it when I can't sleep on Saturday night. [:(] Sure makes it hard to make church on Sunday. [xx(] I don't know about you but I need to be there. [B)]

Wrist surgery. Typing w/ evil left hand.

Dan [:(]

Sorry to hear about your wrist. Get well soon. You can't fly or hunt possumes with only one hand now, so get well. Them nasty critters await a good marksman like you. [;)]

[Anonymous]

Thank you Jim once more, and Dan, no wounds. All my kids have been military one way or the other and I am prouder than hell of them. Dan you know, you and my daughter have something in common, the difference is you stay with your plane at all costs. This dopey broad jumped out of perfectly good flying aircraft and when I asked her why, she would give me a look and say, "Dad, I'm AIRBORNE."