The new and (not very) improved humor thread

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Posted by wanswheel on Thursday, August 18, 2016 8:06 PM
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Posted by tree68 on Thursday, August 18, 2016 9:17 PM

blue streak 1

You have to wonder if Edison had not put his eggs in the DC current basket how much he could have dominated the electric industry ?

Curiously, while his technology wasn't adopted, his name was - Consolidated Edison, Detroit Edison....

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Posted by Deggesty on Thursday, August 18, 2016 9:54 PM

Had he adopted AC before he electrified New York City, life would have been less complicated for the residents--in time, parts of the city used AC while other parts used DC. Any electrical equipment that had a transformer in it could not work on DC. The radios that could work on both AC and DC were quite popular. The "all-American"tube complement was quite popular; the heaters of the tubes were wired in series, so no transformer was necessary, and there was a rectifier so AC could be used. There were, usually, three tubes with 12.6 volt heaters, one with a 35 volt heater, and one with a 50 volt heater. The transformer for use on AC only had three secondaries: 6.3, 5, and 350-0-350 (full wave rectification) volts, usually.

Johnny

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Posted by Paul of Covington on Thursday, August 18, 2016 11:44 PM

    Johnny, you bring back memories-- I worked on many a five-tube AC/DC radio years ago.   Those things could be a dangerous shock hazard.  Depending on which way you plugged them in, the whole chassis could be hot or neutral.

_____________

   "A stranger is just a friend you ain't met yet."  ___ Dave Gardner

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Posted by Electroliner 1935 on Friday, August 19, 2016 9:59 PM

In the 50's, I had little money but wanted a high fidelity system. Bought a Heathkit AM/FM tuner and since I couldn't afford the Amplifier, modified a Monarch table radio (with a hot chasis) putting a switch between its tuner and amp section and bought a 1:1 isolation transformer to keep from killing myself. This gave me FM music. I didn't have to buy records. Then when I gained addition resources, I bought an Heathkit amp and one speaker. Slowly I acquired my Stereo system.

When I moved to Chicago in 61, ComEd still served a lot of buildings in the downtown area with DC systems. They had about a dozen rotary converter sations served by a 25 cycle 9 KV underground system providing 110/220V DC. There were buildings with IBM electric typewriters with DC motors. The elevators used DC motors. Over the next ten or fifteen years the DC network was retired. 

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Posted by blue streak 1 on Friday, August 19, 2016 10:07 PM

Isn't it amazing how long it is taking to eliminate the last vestiges of 25 HZ ?  Still a few legacy industries using 25 HZ.  Then there is Amtrak  !!!

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Posted by Firelock76 on Saturday, August 20, 2016 9:05 AM

Interesting.  I was looking through the pages of a 1930's era Lionel catalog (reprint) and lo and behold Lionel sold a DC to AC conversion unit for those parts of the country using DC current.  I had no idea there were still some areas that were DC as late as the 1960's.

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Posted by wanswheel on Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:25 PM
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Posted by zardoz on Sunday, September 18, 2016 10:52 AM

And now, back to the humor.

 

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

 A time traveler walks into a bar.

*********************************************************

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

*******************************************************

Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, “Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?” And Dick says, “It’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

**********************************************************

This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"? 
The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves. 
The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"? 
The bartender says, "No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves. 
The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no".
The duck asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
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Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Sunday, September 18, 2016 1:48 PM

blue streak 1
Isn't it amazing how long it is taking to eliminate the last vestiges of 25 HZ ?  Still a few legacy industries using 25 HZ.  Then there is Amtrak  !!!

And SEPTA, NJT, and MARC (commuter agencies that run on either Amtrak's ex-PRR NorthEast Corridor, or the former Reading Railroad's commuter lines).  Don't know about the ex-New Haven out of NYC - has that been changed to 60 Hz yet ?

- Paul North. 

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
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Posted by blue streak 1 on Sunday, September 18, 2016 3:41 PM

PDN:

The New Haven  ( MNRR ) converted some years ago to 12.5Kv 60 Hz during one summer's lull over what was about a 2 week (?) period.  Had quite a large amount of diesel trains during that period.  The CAT conversion to constant tension is still proceeding with scheduled completion sometime next spring  As well the Amtra New Haven Hell Gate line from New Rochelle to Gate interlocking ( near SSY )  was converted about 2 (?) years ago to that same power along with constant tension CAT..

 

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Posted by 54light15 on Wednesday, September 21, 2016 6:01 PM

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Guy walks into a restaurant and says "Do you serve crabs?" The waiter says, "This is a gas station, we don't serve food."

Guy says, "What's this fly doing in my soup?" Waiter says, " You ordered fly broth. That meat is one buck extra."

 

Wait, I got more!

 

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Posted by guetem1 on Thursday, September 22, 2016 1:53 AM

Joke from my favorite movie, as told by Christopher Walken, who was playing a retired lawyer, "whattya call 100 lawyers buried up to thier necks in sand?"  reply, not enough sand.....

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Posted by guetem1 on Thursday, September 22, 2016 3:16 AM
FIAT, Fix It Again, Tony
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Posted by guetem1 on Thursday, September 22, 2016 3:17 AM
FORD, F*%$#d on recent deal
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Posted by 54light15 on Thursday, September 22, 2016 8:21 AM

The Mechanic's Lament

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

If it wasn't for Chevies,

Our tools would rust.

 

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Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Thursday, September 22, 2016 9:46 PM

Sign seen Monday near SEPTA's Philmont station:

"Always and never are two words you should always remember to never use."

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Friday, September 23, 2016 12:04 AM

54light15

The Mechanic's Lament

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

If it wasn't for Chevies,

Our tools would rust. 

Years ago I would go to a transmission parts house from time to time.  On one visit, one of the counter guys said they started each day with a prayer thanking God for the Hydramatic Division of GM.

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Posted by samfp1943 on Friday, September 23, 2016 8:41 AM

And then there is this tale!

An elderly, but hardy, old Railroader from TexasCowboy  once told a young female neighbor
that if she wanted to live a long life the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of
gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.Whistling
 
She did this religiously, and lived to the age of 103.
 
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five
great-great-grandchildren, and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Sam

 

 


 

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Posted by samfp1943 on Friday, September 23, 2016 8:44 AM
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38
revolver so you will always remember me."
 
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch
instead?"
 
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a
beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
 
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!"

Sam

 

 


 

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Posted by zardoz on Friday, September 23, 2016 8:54 PM

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”

The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”

He promptly replied, “Another train.”

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Posted by zardoz on Friday, September 23, 2016 9:00 PM

My friend announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.” 

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Posted by zardoz on Friday, September 23, 2016 9:02 PM

I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Justin when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No, I won’t come over to your place tonight!"

With everyone in the restaurant staring, Justin crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated.

A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized.

"I’m sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, "but I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying human reaction to embarrassing situations."

At the top of his lungs Justin responded, "What do you mean, two hundred dollars?"

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Posted by CShaveRR on Friday, September 23, 2016 10:09 PM

Sam, I'm a little skeptical of that post about the gunpowder on one's oatmeal.  Not sure I could do it, unless I had an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

However, I probably wouldn't mind if my pockets were stuffed with M-80s and other assorted devices before I entered the crematorium.

And all of that, of course, would be after a closed-casket ceremony in which the organist had been instructed to play "Pop Goes the Weasel" at the appropriate time.

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

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Posted by samfp1943 on Saturday, September 24, 2016 12:57 PM

CShaveRR

Sam, I'm a little skeptical of that post about the gunpowder on one's oatmeal.  Not sure I could do it, unless I had an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

However, I probably wouldn't mind if my pockets were stuffed with M-80s and other assorted devices before I entered the crematorium.

And all of that, of course, would be after a closed-casket ceremony in which the organist had been instructed to play "Pop Goes the Weasel" at the appropriate time.

 

   

     Too Funny, [ ROFL, etc.etc.Mischief ] Carl!  LaughLaughLaugh

        It is really good to see that the doctors have not effected your wry sense of humor; while they were 'practicing' on you.  Smile, Wink & Grin

Sam

 

 


 

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Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Saturday, September 24, 2016 4:02 PM

Sign out front of an independent auto repair garage along PA SR 715, about 5 mi. N. of Brodheadsville: 

"We fix cars good.  Some cars we fix real good !"

- Paul North.

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
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Posted by tree68 on Sunday, September 25, 2016 4:12 PM

CShaveRR
Sam, I'm a little skeptical of that post about the gunpowder on one's oatmeal.  Not sure I could do it, unless I had an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

There have been a few reports in the fire trade press involving folks who provided just a little bit too much fuel at the crematorium, requiring a fire department response....

LarryWhistling
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Posted by BOB WITHORN on Monday, September 26, 2016 8:09 AM

Had this sent to me recently;  

Here is a guy reporting to the police that his wife is missing:

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.........

At this point the husband started choking up.. . . .

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

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Posted by blue streak 1 on Friday, September 30, 2016 9:00 PM

Wife says she will probably vote for the candidate who has the best hairdo the night before the election  !!!

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Posted by wanswheel on Saturday, October 01, 2016 9:55 AM

All day I face the barren waste without the taste of liverwurst (except today).

 

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