The new and (not very) improved humor thread

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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 12:48 PM

tree68
One advantage of living in an area with a fair French presence is being able to pronounce the words...  

Visiting a Sears store in Burlington VT 20-some years ago, I noticed that there were, just like in SW California, tons of bilingual signs, except in française instead of español.

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Posted by Paul of Covington on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 3:58 PM

RME

 

 
tree68
Not far from here is a town named after James LeRay de Chaumont. Some would be tempted to say "CHOW mont." It's sha MOH.

 

Which is even stranger when you consider the French pronunciation ought to be much closer to "show-mon(g)."  

 

    I don't speak any French, but listening to Louisiana French, it sounds nothing like France's French (or Canadian).   I don't remember ever seeing the name "Chaumont" down here, but going by similar names I would say it would be pronounced more like RME's way.

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Posted by tree68 on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 5:45 PM

Paul of Covington
it sounds nothing like France's French (or Canadian). 

France's French and Canadian French don't sound much alike, either.

Reminds me of a story I once heard about a European complaining that Americans only knew one language.  The reply was to the effect of "I can speak a pretty good Brooklyn, my Texas isn't bad, and neither is my Mississippi."

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Posted by Phoebe Vet on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 5:50 PM

tree68

 

 
Paul of Covington
it sounds nothing like France's French (or Canadian). 

 

France's French and Canadian French don't sound much alike, either.

Reminds me of a story I once heard about a European complaining that Americans only knew one language.  The reply was to the effect of "I can speak a pretty good Brooklyn, my Texas isn't bad, and neither is my Mississippi."

 

 
I have that routine on a Bill Cosby comedy record. 
...and yes, it is a record  33 1/3 RPM.

Dave

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Posted by NKP guy on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 9:11 PM

  I'm paraphrasing George Bernard Shaw, but he said that the English and the Americans were two peoples separated by a common language.

   Recently I watched a good movie, set in Los Angeles, in which the characters were from a variety of ethnic backgrounds and spoke what most us us would consider the authentic language of the streets.  If it hadn't have been for the closed captions (!) I'd have never been able to really understand all, let alone the nuances, of the English they were speaking.  

   I'll bet I'm not the only one here who sometimes uses CC when watching TV.

   

 

 

 

   

 

 

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Posted by Paul of Covington on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 10:03 PM

NKP guy
I'll bet I'm not the only one here who sometimes uses CC when watching TV.

   I use it occasionally.   I suspect that the digitizing and I don't what other processing causes the words to seem garbled sometimes, not to mention the poor sound quality of the TV set.   I have no problem listening to the radio, so I don't think it's just me.

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Posted by Semper Vaporo on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 10:48 PM

Paul of Covington
 
NKP guy
I'll bet I'm not the only one here who sometimes uses CC when watching TV. 

    I use it occasionally.   I suspect that the digitizing and I don't what other processing causes the words to seem garbled sometimes, not to mention the poor sound quality of the TV set.   I have no problem listening to the radio, so I don't think it's just me.

 

I use CC too, but mainly for the humor factor of what the CC shows vs what the actor/newscaster/advertiser actually "said".  Especially funny for the news and weather casts.  Sometimes the weather CC goes by so fast it can hardly be read and what I can get from it is often different than what the weather prevaricator speaks.
CC of some politician speech is so far off I pity the poor person that is hard of hearing... they must assume the politician is nutz... well... I could hear what he said, and I think he is nutz, too, but for an entirely different reason!

Semper Vaporo

Pkgs.

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Posted by zardoz on Monday, June 19, 2017 3:50 PM

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it".

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Posted by Deggesty on Monday, June 19, 2017 9:42 PM

tree68

 

 
Paul of Covington
it sounds nothing like France's French (or Canadian). 

 

France's French and Canadian French don't sound much alike, either.

Reminds me of a story I once heard about a European complaining that Americans only knew one language.  The reply was to the effect of "I can speak a pretty good Brooklyn, my Texas isn't bad, and neither is my Mississippi."

 

When I lived in Reform, Alabama, I knew two ladies who were born  and grew up in Columbus, Mississippi (about 25 miles away) they did not speak the same as the natives. Their husbands did understand them.

Johnny

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Posted by IslandMan on Wednesday, June 21, 2017 3:13 AM

Writer Bill Bryson was on a much-delayed commuter train in England. Seated opposite him was a man with a very bushy beard.

BB: "How long has this train been delayed?"

Beard: "I don't know but I was clean-shaven when I got on it!"

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Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, June 21, 2017 7:12 AM

Deggesty
Their husbands did understand them.

Or so they said.....  Devil

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Posted by wanswheel on Wednesday, June 21, 2017 7:04 PM

Jones was having difficulty with the telephone.  “Ottiwell,” he was saying. “I want to speak to Reginald Ottiwell.”‖

And the operator said predictably, “Would you spell the last name?”‖

Jones sighed and began, “O as in Oscar; T as in Thomas; T as in Thomas again; I as in Ida; W as in Wallace—”

Whereupon the operator interrupted, “W as in what?”‖

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Posted by RME on Friday, June 23, 2017 2:06 PM

I heard a very different version of this -- related linguistically, a bit, to the old Italian spelling of Mississippi.

Fellow was spelling his name out for the operator:  O double T, I double U, E double L, double U, double O, D.

Operator has trouble with this doubletalk and finally asks with exasperation "What IS your name?"

Ottiwell Wood.

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Posted by wanswheel on Friday, June 23, 2017 4:52 PM
RME
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Posted by RME on Friday, June 23, 2017 5:37 PM

I recently became aware of another example of the irony in the law of unintended consequences.  With the extension of autonomous vehicle technology into work and commercial vehicles, and the development of artificially-intelligent 'human virtual companions' for people...

...we will soon have country songs in which poor Merle's girlfriend has broken down and his truck has left him.

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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Friday, June 23, 2017 8:14 PM

WW, that almost had me doubled over with laughter!

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Posted by Maine_Central_guy on Saturday, June 24, 2017 9:34 AM

a true Mainer can cuss and swear for 20 minutes and not us ethe same word twiceLaugh

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Posted by Maine_Central_guy on Saturday, June 24, 2017 9:34 AM

a true Mainer can  cuss and swear for 20 minutes and not us ethe same word twiceLaugh

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Posted by schlimm on Tuesday, June 27, 2017 10:19 AM

Maine_Central_guy

a true Mainer can  cuss and swear for 20 minutes and not us ethe same word twiceLaugh

 

You managed to use the same 17 words twice in under one minute!

C&NW, CA&E, MILW, CGW and IC fan

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Posted by Deggesty on Tuesday, June 27, 2017 11:01 AM

Aah, he just wanted to be sure you heard him.Smile

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Posted by tree68 on Tuesday, June 27, 2017 11:08 AM

True story - 

The phone company (and probably others) had a terrible time with voice recognition "Down East" due to the pronounciation of some of some numbers.  Four, for instance, is pronounced "foh-ah" by a true Mainer.  Five becomes "fie-uv."

I never did pick up a copy of "How to Speak New Hampshah" when visiting there with my ex, who grew up in the area...

LarryWhistling
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Posted by CShaveRR on Wednesday, June 28, 2017 3:57 PM

Namsha?

Carl

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Posted by tree68 on Friday, June 30, 2017 7:00 AM

Unlike "Nawlins," the "ahs" mostly come from the Rs.  Hence "Go to Bahstahn and pahk the cah in the grahj..."

 

LarryWhistling
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Posted by Maine_Central_guy on Wednesday, July 12, 2017 5:00 PM

whoops

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Posted by 54light15 on Thursday, July 13, 2017 7:00 PM

Pahk the cah in Hahvahd yahd and we'll go to the bah whea they got quata beahs. Then we'll go to the Gahden and watch Bobby Aw and the Broons. 

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Posted by Murphy Siding on Thursday, July 13, 2017 7:35 PM

     On a business marquee here in town: "Khakis- what you need to start the cah in Bahstan."

Thanks to Chris / CopCarSS for my avatar.

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Posted by Maine_Central_guy on Friday, July 14, 2017 12:10 PM

clicked the button twice  lol

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Posted by zardoz on Friday, July 14, 2017 9:57 PM

Mother: "Are you talking back to me?!"
Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? 
A: Big hands.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works.
Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?"
The husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse then tells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

The nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?"

St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell on Earth. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice."

The man then asks, "So where is Donald Trump's clock?"

St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"

Whistling

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Posted by BaltACD on Thursday, July 27, 2017 9:55 PM

RIP June Foray voice actor and voice of Rocky and Natasha among hundreds of other characters.  

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/27/arts/television/june-foray-prolific-voice-of-rocky-the-flying-squirrel-dies-at-99.html

Story is not a comment on today, but who would've guessed that over 50 years ago - 

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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Thursday, July 27, 2017 10:41 PM

Balt:

No brain, no effect.

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