Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [;)] [}:)] [:p]

Well we have talked a little about History this week so let's talk some about Geography. [8D]

Hey Kathi, where is Wisconsin? [:D] [:p] [;)]


http://www.madblast.com/funflash/swf/map_test.swf


I think everyone will have some fun with this. [:)] If you get 30 or more you beat me. But I am going to try again. [B)] [:p] [:)]

OK, now I get 197. [:D] [:D] [:D]

Enjoy. [^] [;)]

[tree68]

Speaking of the UP of Michigan:

Two guys from Marquette, Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day the
devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens
and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them,
"What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply,
"Vell, ya know, we're from Nordern Michigan, the land of snow and ice and
cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit ya know."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the
heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed
in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot
down here, can't you guys feel that?" Again the two guys reply, "Vell, like
we told you yesterday, we're from Nordern Michigan, the land of snow and
ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a vee bit ya know."

This gets the devil quite steamed so he decides to fix the two guys. He
cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and
screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan
and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking
beer. The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
you two seem to be enjoying yourself." The two Michiganders reply, "Vell,
ya know, we don't get too much varm weather up dere in Marquette, Michigan
we've just got to have a fish fry when the veather's this nice."

The devil is absolutely furious; he can hardly see straight. Finally he
comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been
cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan
and gna***heir teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two
Michiganders. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber
hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and
screaming like mad men. The devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand,
when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're
still happy. What is wrong with you two?"

The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, If
hell froze over dat must mean da Lions von da super bowl!!!"

[Puckdropper]

QUOTE:
31. Your wardrobe changes entirely from heavy sweaters to light sweaters in spring colors to t-shirts and tank tops to light sweaters in fall colors back to heavy sweaters. (Right now I'm living out of my dresser, closet, and three storage boxes, depending on what the weather is going to be at any given moment.)

Happens in IL and IN too... What gets me is the people that live here make it sound like it's a NEW thing!

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Kathi Kube

Plus my own:

31. Your wardrobe changes entirely from heavy sweaters to light sweaters in spring colors to t-shirts and tank tops to light sweaters in fall colors back to heavy sweaters. (Right now I'm living out of my dresser, closet, and three storage boxes, depending on what the weather is going to be at any given moment.)

Happy Spring!

Kathi

When I was there that was the wardrobe needed for one day! depending on where the sun was[:D]

[JoeKoh]

An ice cream place put an add in the paper announcing their re-opening as"The cows came back home"
yummy
stay safe
joe

[Kathi Kube]

Oh, Jim, these are too funny, my buddy to the south.

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin—

You Might Live In Wisconsin If:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.

OK. I've never gone ice fishing, but I know people who have. (I think my sister does...)
>

QUOTE: If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.

I'm not terribly close to Park Falls, but it's nice to see Wisconsin in the news for something other than Dahmer or government scandals.
>

QUOTE: If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy".

I'll check with my sister on that one, too. She lives up der by da Nort' Woods, I think.
>

QUOTE: If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.

Hmmm. I know of one DQ near here that does, and there's a little stand in the town where I live that shuts down for the season.
>

QUOTE: If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year.

Well that one just makes sense. I've never seen a penguin crack its head from falling on ice, but I did--and lost consciousness. Penguins are smart.
>

QUOTE: If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.

Well, of course they do. When I took my daughter to the mall for her birthday, the clerks in one of her favorite stores sang to her.
>

QUOTE: If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.

Well, Dad doesn't wear a hat, but it absolutely stops at the bottom of his neck and halfway down his upper arm.
>

QUOTE: If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese.

Hasn't everyone?
>

QUOTE: If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.

Again, hasn't everyone?
>

QUOTE: If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett".

OK. Not that one. There is a limit, you know.
>

QUOTE: If your town has an equal number of bars and churches.

In some neighborhoods, the bars outnumber the churches.
>

QUOTE: If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

Yeah. That's fun. One time I had a jolly time chatting with a telemarketer who wanted me to change my long-distance provider. Hey, it was on his dime...
>

QUOTE: If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonee & Manitowoc.

Ah, those are pretty easy. But I do get a charge out of reciting my address to non-Wisconsinites. Menomonee becomes Meno. It's funnier when they try to recite it to me to confirm.
>

QUOTE: If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters,.....

Oh, my gosh! I can so hear that running in my mind. And then there are those bar signs that look like the water is rushing past the trout the bear is trying to catch. I used to see them all over when my family would go snowmobiling in Crivitz. Ah, the memories. Hot chocolate and M&Ms at every stop!

QUOTE: ===============================================================>
> Series II. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

Of course.

QUOTE: 2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.

Not quite. See No. 19.

QUOTE: 3. You measure distance in hours.

Isn't that just more logical? Wouldn't you rather know it would take three hours to get somewhere than that it's so many miles away?

QUOTE: 4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

Heck, yeah. Once you've hit one, you don't bother fixing the car until after the season's over.

QUOTE: 5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

Only nearly every day between mid-April and July, then mid-August and early October.

QUOTE: 6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.

Works for me. Especially if we're hosting the weekly Packer Party.

QUOTE: 7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

Tru dat. And those that can't oughtta stay home. [;)]

QUOTE: 8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events. (including weddings and funerals )

Well, it wasn' t camo, but a lot of people at my sister's wedding wore Harley ... everything.

QUOTE: 9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

No on all counts.

QUOTE: 11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

Absolutely on all counts. Especially the Halloween costume. I went through that argument more than a few times as my girls were growing up.

QUOTE: 15. You refer to the Packers as "we."

Not always.

QUOTE: 16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and Road construction.
17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau and Fond Du Lac.

You know it.

QUOTE: 19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.

I don't know if I'd say it's exactly "exotic," but my family has vacationed at the mall the past several years over Memorial Day. I know it's weird, but we've got two teenage girls. It's a pretty cheap vacation and keeps everyone happy. Jim likes the Nascar Experience thingy best.

QUOTE: 20. You know how to polka.

It's mandatory at nearly every wedding I've ever attended. And most of them also offer raw ground beef and onions to put on dark rye bread.

QUOTE: 21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

Not personally, but I see at least a herd-ful on my drive home every day.

QUOTE: 22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

I rarely drink, but the drinking age was 18 when I was in high school.

QUOTE: 23. Down South to you means Illnions .
24. A brat is something you eat.

Yupper, on both counts! The brat's best when soaked in beer before grilling, then buried in sour ***. Mmmmm.

QUOTE: 25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

Hmm. I've never heard of that one.

QUOTE: 26. You go out to fish fry every Friday

I did. And my parents still do.

QUOTE: 27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
29. You find minus twenty degrees "a little chilly."

Yup, been there,. froze that.

QUOTE: 30. You actually understand these jokes.

Totally!

Plus my own:

31. Your wardrobe changes entirely from heavy sweaters to light sweaters in spring colors to t-shirts and tank tops to light sweaters in fall colors back to heavy sweaters. (Right now I'm living out of my dresser, closet, and three storage boxes, depending on what the weather is going to be at any given moment.)

Happy Spring!

Kathi

[Anonymous]

I went through WisCONNNNNNSin on the way to the UP of Michigan. [:p]

I better sit down and shut up or I might get a snowball thrown at me. [}:)] [;)]

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz


30. You actually understand these jokes.

THE HORROR!

I GET THEM!!!! AND I ONLY BEEN TO WISCONSIN TWICE!!!!!!!!

Must fight overwhelming urge to wear plaid parka and carry ice saw!......

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin#8212;

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

I have worked at a major theme park, plus also worked restaurant and retail management. So when it comes to talking with total strangers, I have no problem. [:D]

Now, having said that here is a short Jim Story (we really haven't had one in a while [:p] ).


One day I was busy but the phone rang. I didn't have time to answer it and let it ring. After checking the caller ID the name seemed familiar. So I called the number. It turned out it wasn't who I thought it was. Now get this. North Little Rock is a population of 50,000 to 60,000 people. Than add another 175,000 or so (might be more I just don't remember) for Little Rock. The number I dialed wasn't WHO I thought it was, it was his grandpa. His grandpa was a total stranger to me. We talked for about 20 minutes. Later that day I went over to his house and he sharpened my lawnmower blade for me. Then some time after that one of my neighbors bought a new lawnmower and gave me their old mower. I had one already in better condition so I gave it to "the grandpa". Every now and then I stop by and say hello now, he is a widower and enjoys some company. [:)] And that "is the rest of the story". [;)]

[CShaveRR]

Not from Wisconsin, but one of the first signs of spring here is when the local Dairy Queen opens, in mid-February.

Thanks to two years of college in Appleton, our daughter became very fluent in Wisconsinese. Some of these things ring very true...you wouldn't believe the number of road-kill deer one can find along the road in the right season!

[zardoz]

Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin—

You Might Live In Wisconsin If:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.
>
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
>
If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy".
>
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
>
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year.
>
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
>
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
>
If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese.
>
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
>
If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett".
>
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
>
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
>
If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonee & Manitowoc.
>
If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters,.....
===============================================================>
> Series II. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events. (including weddings and funerals )
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Packers as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and Road construction.
17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau and Fond Du Lac.
19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
20. You know how to polka.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down South to you means Illnions .
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday
27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
29. You find minus twenty degrees "a little chilly."
30. You actually understand these jokes.

[Anonymous]

Heres' a good one, I thought you might like it:

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to a banquet, so they decided to give Jeeves, their butler, the night off. An hour later, the wife found the banquet to be quite boring so she left while her husband was still conversing with some of his friends. When she got home, she saw Jeeves sitting at the dining room table alone. She took him up to the master bedroom, and locked the door.
''Jeeves, take off my hat,'' she said, which Jeeves promptly did. Next she told him to take off her jewelry and gloves, and he did. ''Jeeves, take off my dress,'' she ordered, and he did what he was told. ''Jeeves, take off my bra and underwear,'' she said, and he nervously followed her order.
''Jeeves,'' she started, ''I never want to see you wearing my clothes again, or you're fired.''

[Anonymous]

Two for Tuesday . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]

(I love History [:)] )



http://www.funnypop.com/pictures/showphoto.php?photo=301


http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20040329,19CN


(Sentimental old romantic aren't I [:D] [;)] )

[zardoz]

jhhtrainsplanes-

Those were very interesting and informative. Even if some of those are not true, they certainly make good reading!

When I was younger and in grade & high school, I found history to be very dull and irrelevant. Now, with my age has come some degree of wisdom, and now I find history to be very interesting, although not quite as interesting as science.

[espeefoamer]

One fine day thePope was being driven on an errand.The Pope says to his driver,Since it's such a nice day,how about letting me drive for a while?"The driver agrees,andthe Pope soon has the car running very fast .About the time he hits 90 MPH,he notices blue lights flashing in the rear view mirror.He pulls over,and the officer takes one look inside the car and says,One minute,I'll have to call this in."The officer says to his dispatcher,"I've really got sombody big here,Idon't know what to do." The dispatcher replies "how big is this guy?"The officer says,"I don't know,but he has the Pope as his chauffer!"

[Anonymous]

Monday Madness . . . . . . . [8D]

I don't know how much of the following is true but it does make you think about it. [:)]


LIFE IN THE 1500'S

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s: These are interesting. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children, last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet , so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep the their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was >placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold." (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer." And that's the truth... Now , whoever said that History was boring ! [B)] [}:)] [:p] [8D] [:D]

[locomutt]

SCOTS are very Thrifty people,THEY even like to Filter their Scotch!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies . . . [:)]

Who wants a boat ride? [}:)] [;)]

http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20040320,18X8

[UPTRAIN]

I always thought the Canadians were ahead of our time!!!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

Very Funny it's true

DOGGY

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

Hmmmmmmm, Kevin in a bikini, PERI***HE THOUGHT. [}:)] [:p] [;)] [8D] [:D]

<Jim wonders if it has POLKA-DOTS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [:0] [:)] [:p] >

No, but on the more Serious side, I did apply at "bikini village" for a summer job...

Still waiting on their call.....

I figure, i can only look at so many freight cars a day before i want to gouge my eyes out with a cattle prod, but theres infinate amount of....

I think you get where i'm heading with this.

[cherokee woman]

Way to go Jim!! That is SO FUNNNYYY!!

Another good one from Jimbo.

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . [:o)] [:)]


And YOU think you are having a bad day. [;)]

http://c.send4fun.com/redir.cfm/2317/18141/2222/262645

[UPTRAIN]

I agree with edblysard.

[edblysard]

Tragicly true, and funny at the same time....
Ed

QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

jhhtrainsplanes,

Where do you get these? They are so corny!

ZARDOZ:

Jim has some stock invested in KELLOG'S

[espeefoamer]

An engineer calls the dispatcher and asks,"what time is it?"The dispatcher replies,"what railroad are you?"The engineer asks,"why does it matter?"The disatcher answers,"if your Santa Fe,it's 1:00PM.If your'e Canadian National, it's 13:00,if your Southern Pacific,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1, if youre Amtrak, it's Friday."[:)][:)][:D][8D][8D][:p][:p]

[cherokee woman]

Hmmm, Let's all hope Kevin is referring to Christa and not himself[}:)]

BTY, where is she? Haven't seen any posts from her lately.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

Hmmmmmmm, Kevin in a bikini, PERI***HE THOUGHT. [}:)] [:p] [;)] [8D] [:D]

<Jim wonders if it has POLKA-DOTS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [:0] [:)] [:p] >

[Anonymous]

LOL hahahahahaha
LOL hahahahahaha

it's funny because the bathing suit joke hits close to home, [B)] [:O] [B)] [B)]

My advice, when asked for advice, just shutie-upa.