Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[tree68]

On the front of a T-shirt sent to me by my sister, a Colorado resident:

Pet the Elk
Feed the bears
Climb on the rocks
Pass on double yellow lines
Look at the scenery
instead of the road

We thank you for your support

Estes Park EMT

[cherokee woman]

Good one Jim! Keep 'em comin'.

[Anonymous]

Sunday Funnies. . . . . . . [:D] [:p] [:)]

Anyone want to go for a hike, stopping at the McDonalds first of course? Don't forget the flashlight for finding the reflectors after dark, and for seeing all the spiders. And we don't want any trails that go up the mountain. [;)] [}:)] [:p]

http://www.lukol.com/A.py?R=20040408,19TK


(Zardoz, I remembered the link this time. [:p] [;)] [:D] )

[JoeKoh]

after I let it out "who let the dogs out?" matt says "woof woof woof"
stay safe
Joe

[cherokee woman]

Now THAT'S what you call a BOXER

And Joe, please give the dog some food along with the bone.

[JoeKoh]

Jim
I'll give the dog a bone.
stay safe thanks
joe

[Anonymous]

Saturday's Silly Season . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]

Well this is silly. [8D]

http://www.funnypop.com/pictures/showphoto.php?photo=37

[locomutt]

zarzoz,
sorry if I made you feel that way. If that's the case,put me in the
same category. Think about that one for awhile.[:D]

I guess I just thought I knew what Jim posted.

[zardoz]

jhhtrainsplanes--
thanks for reposting. Locomutt had me feeling extra-dumb today. I kept coming back to your original, thinking, "What the heck am I missing?" [%-)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]

This one is good for Friday. You might want to "think" on this one for a while.

"Mother said read it or else." [;)] [:D]

Uhhh.....I think we're missing something here......

Well I guess that is what I get for posting when I can't see or think straight. lol [B)]

Too tired for my own good early this morning. No wonder I overslept today.

http://www.funnypop.com/jokes/wisdom.html

OK, there we go. (I am somewhat awake now, and have had at least one cup of coffee.) [;)]

[locomutt]

zardoz,
just think about it for awhile;longer[:D]

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]

This one is good for Friday. You might want to "think" on this one for a while.

"Mother said read it or else." [;)] [:D]

Uhhh.....I think we're missing something here......

[Anonymous]

Finally Friday . . . . . . . [:p] [:p]

This one is good for Friday. You might want to "think" on this one for a while.

"Mother said read it or else." [;)] [:D]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw


10. The worst drivers are always seem to be around you.

Shahhhh....like I live in California.....a car is nothing but a conveyance to move cell phones from one location to another sometimes with a person attached.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

Dont forget the Banana's Foster for desert, Thank'yall

Boiled custard.

[Mikeygaw]

Murphy's Laws of Driving

1. You will be stuck on a one lane street behind a person who can barely see over the dash board who is goings 1/3 of the speed limit and in front someone who wants to go 3 times the speed limit.

2. The person in the left lane wants to make a right turn.

3. The person in the right lane wants to make a left turn.

4. The only person who uses a turn signal is the person who goes straight.

5. The roving construction crew sleeps until you are coming through

6. Every construction crew consists of a ratio of atleast 3:1 supervisors to workers

7. No one obeys speed limits... unless there's a cop around.

8. No one ever hears the sirens.

9. When you are in a hurry, you will get every red light. When you are not in a hurry, you will get every green light.

10. The worst drivers are always seem to be around you.

[vsmith]

Dont forget the Banana's Foster for desert, Thank'yall

[cherokee woman]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:)]


Southernisms

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess" (as in "a mess" of greens).

3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly. (generally pronounced dreckly)

5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin')

8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far (pronounced "fur")piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.


Hey I can relate to these.

They forgot the B B Q baked beans. And Southern Fried Catfish is "to die for".

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

Man does fried chicken and banana puddin' sound GOOOOD: along with shelly beans
corn, and buttermilk cornbread!

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

It's an option on new cars that is not available to any car with CA emissions. Apparently the mysterious stick protruding from the steering column makes a clicking sound accompanied by flashing lights on the dashboard. This phenomenon has caused a multitude of accidents in CA with drivers losing control while attempting to dial cell phones to thier auto service while trying to read what the flashing "warning" light was indicating. Additionally, it was found that drivers in adjacent vehicles would become so mesmorized by the repetitive flashing that the confusion that they would start following the vehicle..sometimes for miles.

Driving in any mid-to-large city is an awful experience. It amuses me to see a car commercial on tv where it shows the driver cruising along at high speed with no other cars nearby. Where the heck does that happen? Maybe in northwest Wyoming in winter.

So much rudeness on the roads, so much 'me-first-screw-you-I'm-in-a-hurry' attitude, so much aggression, so much stress. No wonder so many people are buying such large vehicles; some buy them so they can try to intimidate other drivers, others buy them for protection from the aformentioned drivers.

Yes, I know there are many drivers that are such idiots, I wonder just where they BUY their licenses. But does that justify the hostility?




Maybe sometimes. [;)]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

It's an option on new cars that is not available to any car with CA emissions. Apparently the mysterious stick protruding from the steering column makes a clicking sound accompanied by flashing lights on the dashboard. This phenomenon has caused a multitude of accidents in CA with drivers losing control while attempting to dial cell phones to thier auto service while trying to read what the flashing "warning" light was indicating. Additionally, it was found that drivers in adjacent vehicles would become so mesmorized by the repetitive flashing that the confusion that they would start following the vehicle..sometimes for miles.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

You have obviously never experienced fried dough...[;)]

Fish Fry, fried biscuits, fried rolls, don't forget the butter. [:D] [;)] [:D]

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

You have obviously never experienced fried dough...[;)]

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

Whats a turn signal?

Ed
they dont use turn signals just hand signals after they cut you off.[:(!]
stay safe
Joe

[edblysard]

Whats a turn signal?

[Anonymous]

Thursday Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:)]


Southernisms

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess" (as in "a mess" of greens).

3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly. (generally pronounced dreckly)

5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin')

8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far (pronounced "fur")piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.


Hey I can relate to these.

They forgot the B B Q baked beans. And Southern Fried Catfish is "to die for".

And one last "item", any of you Yankees ever deep fried a biscuit or roll? [:D] [:D] [:D]

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:)] [:)] [:)]

http://www.funnies.com/winning.htm

Anyone for a cold Coke? [;)]

[rixflix]

Wooooooooo!!!
Zardoz, that was wonderfully Zardonic.
Wooooooooo!!!

Rix

[zardoz]

A law-abiding man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the honest thing, and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heared a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him."


"I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker,and the chrome plated "Christian fish emblem" on the trunk.

"Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . . . [:)] [:)]


http://www.funnies.com/amish.htm

This is a double good site. Not only do you get to read a funny joke, check out the pic below it called, "Overload Burden". (I might catch a little heck for the pic tho.) [}:)] [;)]

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is perfect for Monday Madness . . [:p]

But I still want one, anyone want to buy it for me? [?] [;)]

Bullet Proof -- yes, but will it survice an impact from an SD40-2 [}:)]

(That was just a joke, ok)


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/04/14/eveningnews/main611897.shtml

[:D] I'm waiting for a bulletproof Hummer.[:D]