QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR Paula, looking at an old Official Guide, there is a town named Clinton in each of 24 states and two Canadian provinces...but not Arkansas (unless it didn't have a railroad to it). Maybe they'll rename Little Rock...
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes I am FED UP with AOL allowing Porn IM. I was in the middle of typing another post here and got one. I didn't accept it but since I was typing it somehow "accepted itself" and showed up on my screen. Not only did it show up it caused me to lose the post I was typing so I have to start it all over again. [:(!] [:(!] [:(!] AOL is about to get the "Boot" from me. OK, here we go AGAIN. In a news article from the AOL News: When it comes to eating hot dogs, ''The Tsunami'' still blows everybody away. For the fourth straight year, rail-thin Takeru Kobayashi chewed up the competition at the Nathan's Famous hot dog eating competition Sunday, breaking his own previous world record. (A small quote from the article.) This Japanses guy is 26 and comes over here to win the contest. Another Japanese guy was second. Several Americans want to "unseat" him but so far have been unsuccessful. Since this is an AOL News article if you don't have AOL you won't be allowed to see it so I won't posts a link to it. You might find it somewhere else on the net. That is "if" you are interested. [;)]
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR Paula, looking at an old Official Guide, there is a town named Clinton in each of 24 states and two Canadian provinces...but not Arkansas (unless it didn't have a railroad to it). Maybe they'll rename Little Rock... Actually there is a Clinton, Arkansas. It is on Hiway 65 almost halfway between Little Rock and Harrison. I go through there every time I drive to Branson or Springfield. It is a good little town and I usually stop there so Duchess can take care of business and I can get something to eat. Outside of Harrisone there is a little steam engine. I have never seen it run but the link I will posts does show it under steam. http://www.steamlocomotive.com/misc/images/portlandcem4.jpg
QUOTE: Originally posted by macguy QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by CShaveRR Paula, looking at an old Official Guide, there is a town named Clinton in each of 24 states and two Canadian provinces...but not Arkansas (unless it didn't have a railroad to it). Maybe they'll rename Little Rock... Actually there is a Clinton, Arkansas. It is on Hiway 65 almost halfway between Little Rock and Harrison. I go through there every time I drive to Branson or Springfield. It is a good little town and I usually stop there so Duchess can take care of business and I can get something to eat. Outside of Harrisone there is a little steam engine. I have never seen it run but the link I will posts does show it under steam. http://www.steamlocomotive.com/misc/images/portlandcem4.jpg Geography for $600 According to Alex Trebek "Union" is the most common city/town name in America..... I guessed Springfield, nuts!
Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz You know you need a new lawyer when... 1.) During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. 2.) He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." 3.) When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. 4.) He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose." 5.) During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. 6.) He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." 7.) A prison guard is shaving your head. 8.) Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. 9.) He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. 10.) He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. 11.) He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..." 12.) He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra. 13.) Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?" 14.) Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. 15.) His law office sign reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25pm." 16.) Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." 17.) He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help.
QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off.
Have fun with your trains
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
QUOTE: Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 9:48 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... [(-D] Wouldn't want to be haging around that funnel too long, mind you! Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 8:59 AM A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said. "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" "Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!" The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf." Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:02 AM Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:14 AM A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, you husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an expecially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains « First«57585960616263»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. 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Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0]
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... [(-D] Wouldn't want to be haging around that funnel too long, mind you! Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 8:59 AM A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said. "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" "Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!" The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf." Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:02 AM Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:14 AM A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, you husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an expecially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied. Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] Edit zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:18 AM Darwin Awards Urban Legend This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars. His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room. Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet. Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door. The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone. tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:30 PM Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 12:54 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V] Jim, That one IS VERY,VERY SAD! I heard that this morning,and wondered how many MORE of our Favorite Actors are going to leave us. After all,some of us,ARE old enough to remember certain things. Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM Police Dept's Office Alternate Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Gestapo Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention (or else) as we have to update the choices often as more laws are being passed to restrict an individual's constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. Please select one of the following options, and remember, all calls will be traced in the interest of 'National Security'. To offer free donuts and coffee, press 1. To offer bribes, press 2. To butt into someone else's business, press 3. To snitch on your neighbor for doing something in the privacy of their own home that you do not like, press 4. To report a cop sleeping in a desolate area, press 5. To report yet another case of police brutality, press 6. To report a minor situation that the police will escalate into a riot, press 7. To have us raise your children because they have become disolusioned due to the double-standards taught by those in "authority", press 8. If you would like us to stop being so arrogant, press 9 (this call will be traced). To have the police-state stop meddling into the private affairs of individuals press 0 (this call will also be traced). Your call WILL be monitored, mostly because we are into power and control; and remember.....we're here to kick your ***, not to save it! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:00 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D] UH, Jim with all of us,You still post on the Forum don't you[?] [8]Uh,they don't charge to reply, do they[?][xx(] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:04 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains « First«57585960616263»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed....
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0]
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Some sad news to report this morning. I "heard" this on AOL News. James M. Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the '60s "Star Trek" TV series, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, his agent confirmed Tuesday. Doohan is in the beginning stages of the disease, a progressive neurological disorder. Doohan also has suffered for some time with Parkinson's disease, diabetes and fibrosis, the latter due to chemical exposure during World War II when he was a soldier in the Canadian military, Stevens said. Star Trek was a show that influenced many young Americans, including myself, and was the beginning of many "space travel" shows. Scotty was one of my favorites on the original Star Trek, so this is very sad news for me. [:(] [V]
QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes QUOTE: Originally posted by Mikeygaw 1995 -- In Somerset, Pa., in July, Mr. Ali Burke, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at a McDonald's after he squirted ketchup on the nose of the Hamburgler and licked it off. I hope they got him "professional" help. Around here we had a guy who sold shoes and was arrested for sucking on womens toes. [:0] [B)] SOME people's kids. [:0] Toes, noses, get them help. Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] SICKOS [:(!] I am in the wrong business. With all these sickos running around I should have become a mental health therapist. Jim to patient, "Now take 2 Valium and call me next week, that will be $50 dollars. Next." [;)] [:D]
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... ALL, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:07 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains « First«57585960616263»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:17 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day. Even though I was not a police officer,those statments APPLY. That is good![^] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,025 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:06 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains « First«57585960616263»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 Police Dept's Office Answering Machine Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options: To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1. To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5. If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6. To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7. To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9. Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it! Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day.
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)] Never heard. Probably just as well. Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:31 PM the 2002 Darwin Award winner was..... (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. Have fun with your trains vsmith Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Smoggy L.A. 10,743 posts Posted by vsmith on Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:36 PM and the winner of last years Darwin Award was a special dual award... "Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles (3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud... Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down. The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver." The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job. "Does it really matter what these affectionate people do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell Have fun with your trains « First«57585960616263»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith Could be FAR worse...seams like twice every year I read about some guy wrapped head to toe in cellophane with a flashlight, being pulled out of a campgroung toilet pit, apparently they like to climb down and "watch"...[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] True story - Public outhouse at a beach. Guy takes a pipe and rams it through into the pit from out behind the outhouse (a two-holer). Puts a funnel on end of pipe. Waits until someone is really committed to the matter at hand, then says, through the funnel: "Hey could you move over - we're painting down here." Occupant last seen leaving outhouse at high rate of speed.... Larry, Whatever became of the "funnel" or do we want to know[?][:)]
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