QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Yes, it is Monday and time for . . . . . Monday Madness [:D] Breaststroke Competition There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."
QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 In the spirit (pun intended) of the upcoming night of excess: A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says, "no - he only lives a mile away." About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving, and ask him to get out of the car, and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back, and they hop a fence, and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits, and waits, and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu, and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr."s" is there, and his wife says, "yes." They ask to see him, and she replies, "that he is in bed with the flu, and has been so all day." The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car, and she asks, "why." They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage, and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing. True story, told by the driver at his first Alcoholic's Anonymous Meeting.
Have fun with your trains
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith For all you in the Aircraft industry out there... From the Darwin Awards, confirmed true by Darwin. (23 December 1991, Florida) This account of an aircraft accident is quoted directly from the National Transportation Safety Board report, with comments added in parentheses for clarity. Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, Registration: N47506 Injuries: 2 Fatal. The private pilot and a pilot rated passenger [two pilots] were going to practice simulated instrument flight. Witnesses observed the airplane's right wing fail in a dive and crash. Examination of the wreckage and bodies revealed that both occupants were partially clothed and the front right seat was in the full aft reclining position. [The pilots had converted the co-pilot seat to a bed.] Neither body showed evidence of seatbelts or shoulder harnesses being worn. [They were lying on the bed.] Examination of the individuals' clothing revealed no evidence of ripping or distress to the zippers and belts. [Their lack of clothing seemed to be voluntary.] The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause(s) of this accident as follows: The pilot in command's improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight. [The pilot and co-pilot were having sex, and nobody was flying the plane.] Contributing to the accident was the exceeding of the design limits of the airplane leading to a wing failure. [The lack of a pilot caused the plane to fly erratically, over-stressing the wing and leading to a crash.] [xx(] P.S. This almost exact same story occurred out here on the California coast about 15 years ago. It that instance the plane was flying down from the bay area down the coastline to LA, when it disappeared from Traffic controllers radar. The wreckage was found on the side of a coastal mountain and they determined also that the bodies were found to have been in a similar "condition". The difference was this aircraft had an auto pilot, which was set for proper altitude, but the pilot failed to check his course and before setting its bearing and flew straight into the mountain.[xx(]
QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith QUOTE: Originally posted by tree68 In the spirit (pun intended) of the upcoming night of excess: A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says, "no - he only lives a mile away." About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving, and ask him to get out of the car, and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back, and they hop a fence, and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits, and waits, and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu, and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr."s" is there, and his wife says, "yes." They ask to see him, and she replies, "that he is in bed with the flu, and has been so all day." The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car, and she asks, "why." They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage, and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing. True story, told by the driver at his first Alcoholic's Anonymous Meeting. Another story too good to be true brought to you by URBAN LEGEND INC. !!!! I know cause its in my " Big Book of Urban Legends" and the "Colossal Book of Urban Legends" by Jan Brunvand.
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz Top honors for "Human Projectile of the Month" go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual "Darwin Award". That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they "pieced" together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off", typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of a 1967 Chevy Impala. But it is guessed that -- let's call him "Zippy" ---- didn't know that when he hooked one up to his ride. He apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long, lonely piece of straight highway in good repair. Not guessing that he might need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy's test track had, that far down the track, a gentle rise on a sloping turn. He kicked the tire, lit the fire, ran his Chev up to top cruising speed, and hit the ignition. Investigators know exactly where this happened, judging from the extended patch of burned and melted asphalt. The pocket calculator boys figure Zip reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, punching the Chevy to "well in excess of 350 miles per hour" and continued at "full burn" for another 20 to 25 seconds. Early in that little sprint, at roughly 2.5 miles down the road, the Human Hydro Shock stood on the brakes, melting them completely, blowing the tires and rapidly reducing all four skins to liquefied trails on the pavement. Remember that little rise on the turn? That's where Zippy concluded his land speed record attempt and went for airborne honors, ultimately reaching an altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when his flight was abruptly terminated. We'll never know how far or how high he might have gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in his way, posing a serious reaffirmation of the law of physics vis-a-vis two chunks of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. He gave it hell though, blasting a 6-foot crater. The best modern forensic science could do was ID the car's make and model year. As for Zippy, only trace evidence of bone, teeth, and hair were found in the crater.
QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Yes, it is Monday and time for . . . . . Monday Madness [:D] Breaststroke Competition There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..." I shared this one with my blonde daughter, and she agreed that it should win the booby prize. Her actual reaction: "That's terrible! I'll tell it to [her husband]." Carl Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!) CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM) Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 6:51 AM Tuesday's edition of the Humor Thread Paper is here [8D] [:p] [;)] While we are still in December I am going to throw out one more Santa joke. Last Laugh The department store Santa Claus was more than a trifle surprised when a beautiful young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. But Santa quickly recovered, and started talking to the college-type lass. "And what do you want for Christmas?" asked Santa. "Something for my mother," said the young lady. "Well, that's what I call thoughtful," smiled Santa. "What can I bring for your mother?" After a moment's thought, the girl brightened, turned to Santa, and said: "I'd like for her to get a son-in-law." Edit Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 9:30 AM Attention: Dan Harmon [:p] I have a request for you. You being a Navy man and all, I would like to request that you share a little educational info with our readers and forum friends. [8D] I know the answer to the item I am going to ask you to write about but thought you would like the opportunity to share with us an educational writing--I know you are capable of doing so. [:)] Now for those of you reading about this please do not jump the gun and think it is dirty because it is not. After you hear the story you will understand where the following phrase comes from. OK, Dan, please give us the story and background of the phrase, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". This is a good story and will probally surprise a lot of people who always thoughts the phrase was a little risque. Dan, thank you in advance for sharing. I look forward to the story. [:)] Edit dharmon Member sinceAugust 2003 From: Bottom Left Corner, USA 3,420 posts Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:00 AM Okay......that's an easy one.........[:)] In the old days.....even before I joined the Navy and even befroe Scottydog too.......back when muzzleloading wasn't a sport...it was a way of life..... cannon balls would be stored on a rack called a monkey. As were a lot of metal fixtures on ships in those days, it was made of brass or bronze because of corrosion problems with iron at sea. If it got cold...real cold, the soft metal would contract and bend, casuing the cannon balls to fall and roll around the deck. Hence..cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey...[:D][:D] I thought you were going to ask me something hard, like port and starboard....one is right and one is left or front, or something BUT....after looking on a naval lore site, I have found that I was only half right. The Monkey was made of wood and the cannon balls would supoosedly shink in the cold and fall through the slots on the monkey. Guess I better stick to the flying side of the Navy... Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 11:50 AM Thanks Dan. [;)] The story I read years ago said the brass monkey was just that -- brass. And due to the difference in contraction and expansion of the different materials (iron and brass) this would cause the cannon balls to become loose from their pyramid on the monkey. But either way it makes for a neat story and interesting reading. [:)] I sincerely hope someone enjoyed the story and learned a little something from it. [:)] Edit Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 12:17 PM OK, one more for today. This is an open question and anyone who wants to venture a guess is welcome to. [;)] I am not sure if the phrase is Navy or Army Air Corps (sorry my Air Force friends--you know the official U. S. Air Force came later). Well anyway here it is . . . . the whole nine yards. I have been told a story about this phrase and I would like to see if my story and other versions come close to matching each other. This should be interesting too. [;)] Edit tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,023 posts Posted by tree68 on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 12:40 PM A little research on-line plus your aviation lead-in would lend one to believe that the origin you are thinking of has to do with the RAF. According to what I've read, it had to do with the length of the ammo belt on the Spitfire being 27 feet long. If a fighter pilot emptied his guns, he had used "the whole nine yards". There are a number of other theories relating to clothing and sailing ships, but this one squares best with the period when the phrase came into use. Go Air Force! Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 12:58 PM Originally posted by tree68 A little research on-line plus your aviation lead-in would lend one to believe that the origin you are thinking of has to do with the RAF. According to what I've read, it had to do with the length of the ammo belt on the Spitfire being 27 feet long. If a fighter pilot emptied his guns, he had used "the whole nine yards". Go Air Force! [/quote B I N G O I was never told what plane or what country the phrase came from. However, the Spitfire is just as plausible as any aircraft of that time frame would be. But whichever country and whichever plane, it still is an interesting story. [:)] I don't know about yall, but I love history and these little bits of info are very interesting to me. Anyone having another phrase please feel free to put it here. Oh boy, I can't wait. [:D] [;)] Edit dharmon Member sinceAugust 2003 From: Bottom Left Corner, USA 3,420 posts Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 2:55 PM I have to admit I had to look that one up. I had heard previously that it had to do with a) sails as in the whole nine yards of canvas aloft....and b) loads of dirt and concrete as in a dump truck load. [:)] ironhorseman Member sinceAugust 2002 From: Memory Lane, on the sunny side of the street. 737 posts Posted by ironhorseman on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:49 PM THE TALKING CATEPILLER This guy goes into a pet store and asks the clerk what kind of interesting pets he has. The clerk tells him of this talking catepiller. The man says "alright, I'll take him." The man takes the catepiller home. Later that evening the man asks the catepiller "Hey, catepiller, you wanna go have a drink with me?" Catepiller says nothing. The man figures the catepiller didn't hear him so he speaks louder. "HEY CATEPILLER! YOU WANNA GO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?" The catepiller still doesn't say anything. So the man shouts ]"HEY, CATEPILLER! ARE YOU DEAF? I ASKED IF YOU WANNA GO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?!" The catepiller then turned to the man and said "I heard you the first time I puttin' my shoes on!" yad sdrawkcab s'ti ironhorseman Member sinceAugust 2002 From: Memory Lane, on the sunny side of the street. 737 posts Posted by ironhorseman on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:54 PM My mother-in-law dropped by the other day and I opened the door and asked her: why are you just standing there in the rain? Go home! yad sdrawkcab s'ti locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 2:35 AM Go to the supply shed, and get me a bucket of prop wash,and 50 yards of flight line!!,NOW!!!!! locomutt P.S. did I forget to tell anyone,I'm a former crewchief for UH-1's & UH-60's[?] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,023 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:00 AM Rookie firefighters are not immune from such errands as prop wash and classified line feeds. In an environment filled with imaginary things like "hose stretchers", one tends to become a little skeptical. A new product was introduced to the firefighting world a while back. It promised to flow water better, and especially to help put fires out faster. Imagine the poor newbie sent back to the truck for a bucket of "Wetter Water"...[:O] [:D] DING! Two Stars! [:D] Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:35 AM tree68 [:)] [:D] CONGRATS on the 2 new stars. I guess that officially makes you a "two timer". [;)] [;)] I wish you many more posts and a very happy new year. Edit Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:37 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt Go to the supply shed, and get me a bucket of prop wash,and 50 yards of flight line!!,NOW!!!!! locomutt P.S. did I forget to tell anyone,I'm a former crewchief for UH-1's & UH-60's[?] Hey Crewchief [8D] I need a can of squak remover, now step on it. [}:)] [:p] [;)] Edit cherokee woman Member sinceNovember 2003 From: Louisville, KY 9,002 posts Posted by cherokee woman on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 5:04 PM The commercial that says "Let Mikey try it: he hates everything" is for Life Cereal. [yeah] locomutt wife cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist." « First«16171819202122»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes Yes, it is Monday and time for . . . . . Monday Madness [:D] Breaststroke Competition There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."
Carl
Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)
CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)
Originally posted by tree68 A little research on-line plus your aviation lead-in would lend one to believe that the origin you are thinking of has to do with the RAF. According to what I've read, it had to do with the length of the ammo belt on the Spitfire being 27 feet long. If a fighter pilot emptied his guns, he had used "the whole nine yards". Go Air Force! [/quote B I N G O I was never told what plane or what country the phrase came from. However, the Spitfire is just as plausible as any aircraft of that time frame would be. But whichever country and whichever plane, it still is an interesting story. [:)] I don't know about yall, but I love history and these little bits of info are very interesting to me. Anyone having another phrase please feel free to put it here. Oh boy, I can't wait. [:D] [;)] Edit dharmon Member sinceAugust 2003 From: Bottom Left Corner, USA 3,420 posts Posted by dharmon on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 2:55 PM I have to admit I had to look that one up. I had heard previously that it had to do with a) sails as in the whole nine yards of canvas aloft....and b) loads of dirt and concrete as in a dump truck load. [:)] ironhorseman Member sinceAugust 2002 From: Memory Lane, on the sunny side of the street. 737 posts Posted by ironhorseman on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:49 PM THE TALKING CATEPILLER This guy goes into a pet store and asks the clerk what kind of interesting pets he has. The clerk tells him of this talking catepiller. The man says "alright, I'll take him." The man takes the catepiller home. Later that evening the man asks the catepiller "Hey, catepiller, you wanna go have a drink with me?" Catepiller says nothing. The man figures the catepiller didn't hear him so he speaks louder. "HEY CATEPILLER! YOU WANNA GO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?" The catepiller still doesn't say anything. So the man shouts ]"HEY, CATEPILLER! ARE YOU DEAF? I ASKED IF YOU WANNA GO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?!" The catepiller then turned to the man and said "I heard you the first time I puttin' my shoes on!" yad sdrawkcab s'ti ironhorseman Member sinceAugust 2002 From: Memory Lane, on the sunny side of the street. 737 posts Posted by ironhorseman on Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:54 PM My mother-in-law dropped by the other day and I opened the door and asked her: why are you just standing there in the rain? Go home! yad sdrawkcab s'ti locomutt Member sinceSeptember 2003 From: Louisville,Ky. 5,077 posts Posted by locomutt on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 2:35 AM Go to the supply shed, and get me a bucket of prop wash,and 50 yards of flight line!!,NOW!!!!! locomutt P.S. did I forget to tell anyone,I'm a former crewchief for UH-1's & UH-60's[?] Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!! tree68 Member sinceDecember 2001 From: Northern New York 25,023 posts Posted by tree68 on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:00 AM Rookie firefighters are not immune from such errands as prop wash and classified line feeds. In an environment filled with imaginary things like "hose stretchers", one tends to become a little skeptical. A new product was introduced to the firefighting world a while back. It promised to flow water better, and especially to help put fires out faster. Imagine the poor newbie sent back to the truck for a bucket of "Wetter Water"...[:O] [:D] DING! Two Stars! [:D] Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it... Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:35 AM tree68 [:)] [:D] CONGRATS on the 2 new stars. I guess that officially makes you a "two timer". [;)] [;)] I wish you many more posts and a very happy new year. Edit Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:37 AM QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt Go to the supply shed, and get me a bucket of prop wash,and 50 yards of flight line!!,NOW!!!!! locomutt P.S. did I forget to tell anyone,I'm a former crewchief for UH-1's & UH-60's[?] Hey Crewchief [8D] I need a can of squak remover, now step on it. [}:)] [:p] [;)] Edit cherokee woman Member sinceNovember 2003 From: Louisville, KY 9,002 posts Posted by cherokee woman on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 5:04 PM The commercial that says "Let Mikey try it: he hates everything" is for Life Cereal. [yeah] locomutt wife cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist." « First«16171819202122»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
yad sdrawkcab s'ti
Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt Go to the supply shed, and get me a bucket of prop wash,and 50 yards of flight line!!,NOW!!!!! locomutt P.S. did I forget to tell anyone,I'm a former crewchief for UH-1's & UH-60's[?]
Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.