Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
If several Wealthy Lawyers Purchased a Short Line, What would it be Called?
The SUE Line!
Employee of the month.
FAMOUS (and real) LAST WORDS
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the h*** wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." -- Gary Cooper, on his decision to not take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." -- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist in his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." -- Orville Wright.
Penguin joke? OK
An Emporer penguin walks into a bar. He says "Has my dad been in here today?" Bartender says, " I don't know. What does he look like?"
So this penguin is driving down the road when his car starts knocking and kicking. He pulls into a service station, and after explaining the problem to the mechanic, he's told to come back in about an hour.
The penguin walks down the street a little ways and enters a 7-11. He reads the magazines for a while and then buys an ice cream sandwich. And of course, because he has flippers instead of hands he gets many drips of ice cream on his chest.
He walks back to the station and upon entering the garage and the mechanic seeing him, the mechanic says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal", to which the penguin responded, "Oh, no, that's just ice cream."
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.
The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, & hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says: "Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle. . . .it makes your nose look too short!"Love, Grandma
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a birdMoses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
A man is driving down the freeway with his two pet penguins when he gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. After the cop hands over the speeding ticket to the driver, he notices the 2 penguins. The cop informs the driver that he must take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agrees to do so.
Two months later, the same man is pulled over by the same cop for speeding. The cop notices the penguins again only now they are wearing sun glasses and eating ice cream.
The cop says, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo."
The man responds, "I did take them to the zoo, now I'm taking them to the beach."
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.
Among them were:
His obnoxious brother, Please GoghHis dizzy aunt,Verti GoghThe brother who ate prunes, Gotta GoghThe brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop'n GoghThe grandfather from Yugoslavia, U. GoghThe brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue GoghThe cousin from Illinois, Chica GoghHis magician uncle, Wherediddy GoghHis Mexican cousin, Amee GoghThe Mexican cousin's American half-brother, Grin GoghThe nephew who drove a stagecoach, Wellsfar GoghThe constipated uncle, Cant GoghThe ballroom dancing aunt, Tan GoghThe bird lover uncle, Flamin GoghHis nephew, psychoanalyst E. GoghThe fruit loving cousin, Man GoghAn aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto GoghThe little bouncy nephew, Poe GoghA sister who loved disco, Go GoghHis Italian uncle, Day GoghAnd his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.
His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt,Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop'n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U. Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother, Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stagecoach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
His nephew, psychoanalyst E. Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.
This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Carl
Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)
CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)
Mookie wrote:QUOTE: Originally posted by zardozWell, Mookie, I get up at 0400 CDT, and start work at 0500. But I usually have too much work to do for the first few hours. By the time I can do the web, its usually around 0900.SOME of us have actual work to do Hiss!!!!!!!!Gotcha' beat by 10 min - alarm goes off at 3:50 - at work by 5:30 - have an hour for forums, not nearly long enough usually. But I am off by 3 pm and turn off lights for night about 8:30 - asleep at 8:30.5 And you don't think writing the sensitive, thoughtful, insightful material I write for the forums isn't ACTUAL work.....Think about it!!!!! Indignant Mookie Ann
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardozWell, Mookie, I get up at 0400 CDT, and start work at 0500. But I usually have too much work to do for the first few hours. By the time I can do the web, its usually around 0900.SOME of us have actual work to do
zardoz wrote:Trivia (part 1)No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half.
Trivia (part 1)No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half.
Actually the Mythbusters proved that a sufficiently large sheet of paper can in fact be folded in half more than 7 times. I believe the sheet they used was at least the size of a basketball court.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender
"I'll tell you," he replies. "You know, I liveby the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a youngwoman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went andcut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! Wemade love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top,sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the bartender . "You lucky guy. Was shepretty?"
"Dunno...never found the head."
Remember: In South Carolina, North is southeast of Due West... HIOAg /Bill
Useful non-committal responses:
Situation: A coworker goes on and on about a lame place they visited. Response: "I can totally see you having fun there." Situation: A friend tells you about a horrible band he just loves. Response: "I hear they have many fans." Situation: Someone gushes about a bad TV show or movie. Response: "That's so right up your alley."
Situation: Cell phone-obsessed friend asks, "Hey, guess my ringtone?"Response: "Don't know, but my 13-year-old cousin would love this game."Situation: You're barraged with Atkins-based dieting advice. Response: "Doctors say you should have your cholesterol checked regularly." Situation: A woman friend asks your opinion on her god-awful outfit. Response: "I bet you'll get a lot of wear out of that." Situation: The viewing of a less than attractive newborn. Response: "Wow, what a baby!" Situation: A buddy asks what you think about his new ugly girlfriend. Response: "Dude, she seems really into you." Situation: A gal pal asks what you think about her new ugly boyfriend. Response: "He seems like the type that won't cheat." Situation: You discover your boyfriend is small in the pants.Response: "It's the perfect size." Situation: A good friend shows you his cheesy website.Response: "I don't know which animation to look at first!" Situation: A guy at a party boasts about his boring job. Response: "Holy cow, I could never do what you do!" Situation: Someone asks, "I love Sopranos! What's your favorite episode?" Response: "I'm really looking forward to the last one." Situation: A friend gabs about her upcoming wedding for months on end. Response: "I cannot wait 'til you get married. We're all counting the days."Situation: You are served horrible food at a friend's house. Response: "I can tell this is homemade."Situation: An acquaintance asks what you think about her new hair style.Response: "You know, not everyone can pull that off."
Trivia (part 1)
A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.
A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation.
A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth.
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein.
A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though.
A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average.
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
A ‘jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.
After eating, a housefly regurgitates its food and then eats it again.
Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings.
Bulls are colorblind, therefore will usually charge at a matador's waving cape no matter what color it is - be it red or neon yellow.
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
Cat urine glows under a black-light.
Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed... or is that paws?.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half.
Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints.
One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen.
Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.
Porcupines float in water.
Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing.
Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight.
The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons.
The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches.
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.
The Earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
The most used letter in the English alphabet is ‘E', and ‘Z' is the least used.
The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.
The original name for the butterfly was ‘flutterby'.
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times.
The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet.
The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur.
The state of Florida is bigger than England.
The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth.
The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
What does a Texas tornado And an Arkansas divorce. have in common?
Someone is going to lose a trailer.
Corporate America
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
Dick Cheney and Harry Whittington are once again hunting quail out in the woods when Whittington grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.Cheney whips out his cell phone and calls the Secret Service. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Then Cheney's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"
-----------------------
Did you hear Cheney and Whittington are back hunting Quail again?
Yeah but Dan keeps getting away.
Have fun with your trains
Your friendly neighborhood CNW fan.
My Nephew in the Illinois National Guard sent me this regarding cutbacks in funding.
Spokyone,
I deleted the post.
Difference Between Republicans and Democrats
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.
State MottosAlabama: Heck Yes, We Have ElectricityAlaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!Arizona: But It's A Dry HeatArkansas: Literacy Ain't EverythingCalifornia: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your HondaColorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't BotherConnecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-YetDelaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our WaterFlorida: Ask Us About Our GrandkidsGeorgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist ExtremismHawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But LeaveYour Money)Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes SureAre Real GoodIllinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave FreeIowa: We Do Amazing Things With CornKansas: First Of The Rectangle StatesKentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last NamesLouisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism CampaignMaine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap LobsterMaryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax ItMassachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The CanadiansMinnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 MosquitoesMississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own StateMissouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At WorkMontana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little ElseNebraska: Ask About Our State Motto ContestNevada: Hookers and Poker!New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us AloneNew Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent petsNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney....North Carolina: Tobacco Is A VegetableNorth Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!Ohio: At Least We're Not MichiganOklahoma: Like The Play, Only No SingingOregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For DinnerPennsylvania: Cook With CoalRhode Island: We're Not REALLY An IslandSouth Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually SurrenderSouth Dakota: Closer Than North DakotaTennessee: The Educashun StateTexas: Si' Hablo Ing'lesUtah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your JesusVermont: YepVirginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!Wisconsin: Come Cut The CheeseWyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared.
You know you're really trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"Your Junior / Senior prom had a daycare.You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
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