Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[CANADIANPACIFIC2816]

It was a cold February morning and it was snowing outside. Ole and Lena were sitting at their kitchen table listening to the radio and drinking their morning coffee. The local weather man came on the air and announced, "Well folks, we've already got four inches of snow on the ground and there is another two to four inches coming within the next several hours. To make it easier for the snow removal crews to move the accumulated snow, your are advised to park your cars on the south side of the street."
Ole says to Lena, "O.K., I vill go out and move da car."

The following morning Ole and Lena are again sitting at their kitchen table, listening to the radio and drinking their morning coffee. The weatherman comes on the air and he says, "Well folks, we got six inches of snow last night and there is another four to six inches of it on the way before tomorrow morning. To make it easier for the snow removal crews to move the accumulated snow, you are now advised to park your cars on the north side of the street." Ole looks at Lena and says, "O.K., I vill go out and move da car again."

The next morning Ole and Lena are once again at the breakfast table drinking their coffee and listening to the radio. The weatherman comes on and says, "Well folks, we got seven inches of snow last night and we have another six to eight inches on the way before tomorrow morning. To make it easier for the snow removal crews to move the accumulated snow, you want to park your cars on the........."Just then the power fails and the radio goes silent. Ole looks at Lena and he says, "Oh no, Lena, now vhat am I gonna do?" Lena responds by saying, "Oh Ole, vhy don't you yust leave da car in da garage dis time??"

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

[samfp1943]

Canadian Pacific...
Are Ole and Lena Norwegian or Swedish??
In Minnesota they would be Norwegian[?]...I think it must be the COLD!
In Texas it would be Pedro and Pancho stories..[:I][:o)][:o)]
Have a good day!
Sam

[tree68]

Several years past I was a member of an amateur journalism group. Members created various printed items in suitable quantities and the items were included in a monthly mailing to all members. One of the items in one of those "bundles" one month was a book of lawyer jokes. To wit:

A lawyer was questioning one of the witnesses.
"Are you sure my client shot him at close range?"
The witness said, "Very close range."
"Were there any powder marks on him?"
"Yup. Why do you think she shot him?"

or

Children who never come when parents call will grow up to be doctors. Children who come before they're called will grow up to be lawyers.

More to follow, from time to time.

[CANADIANPACIFIC2816]

QUOTE: Originally posted by samfp1943

Canadian Pacific...
Are Ole and Lena Norwegian or Swedish??
In Minnesota they would be Norwegian[?]...I think it must be the COLD!
In Texas it would be Pedro and Pancho stories..[:I][:o)][:o)]
Have a good day!
Sam

Sam,

I am of Norwegian descent, so naturally Ole and Lena would have to be Norwegians. I kind of wi***here was a Smilie waving the Norwegian flag.

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

[zardoz]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987."

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head. "No they're all at the funeral."

[CANADIANPACIFIC2816]

A dumb blonde is driving her brand new sports car when all of a sudden the engine just dies. She is unable to restart her car, so she gets out of the car, and with one hand on the stearing wheel she pushes it into a nearby service station. A mechanic soon lifts the hood and begins to check out the engine. Before long he has the engine running, and running in top condition. The blonde says to the mechanic, "It was running fine for me when I left home and then it just died on me down the street. So what's the story?"
And without even looking at her, he says "Oh, crap in the carbuerator." The dumb blonde responds with, "And just how often must I do THAT??!!"

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

[espeefoamer]

QUOTE: Originally posted by samfp1943

Canadian Pacific...
Are Ole and Lena Norwegian or Swedish??
In Minnesota they would be Norwegian[?]...I think it must be the COLD!
In Texas it would be Pedro and Pancho stories..[:I][:o)][:o)]
Have a good day!
Sam

(Said in a Norwegian-or Sweedish-accent,)I cant see Pedro and Pancho moving thier car because the snowplow is coming[;)][:p]!

[CANADIANPACIFIC2816]

A LITTLE OUTHOUSE HUMOR

Ole and Lena lived on a farm, yah? Yah! They had no running water in the house, yah? Yah! So they had an outhouse in the back yard, yah? Yah!

One day Ole decided it was time to clean the muck out of the pit of the outhouse, yah? Yah! So he grabs his rubber waders, work gloves, a shovel and a bucket and heads for the outhouse. Along comes his neighbor Lars and Lars asks him what he is doing. Ole tells Lars that he is about to clean all the accumulated muck out of the outhouse pit.

Lars tells Ole that there is a much easier and quicker way to accompli***his task, "Go to da hardware store Ole, and buy tree sticks of dynamite. You take da first two sticks of da dynamite, wrap da fuses togedder and ya trow dem into da outhouse. Den, ya trow da tird stick of dynamite down da hole. Da first two sticks of dynamite vill lift da outhouse off da foundation and da tird stick of dynamite will blow all da muck out of da outhouse. It's dat simple!"

So Ole runs to the hardware store and buys three sticks of dynamite. He gets home with the dynamite and does what Lars has told him to do with it. Just as he has lit the fuse on the third stick of dynamite and is throwing it down the hole, Lena comes running from the house with a look of urgency on her face. Ole shouts a warning at Lena, but his warning falls on deaf ears.

KaBOOM!! KaBOOM! The outhouse is lifted skywards with Lena sitting inside it, and when it settles back to earth, it has been shattered, reduced to kindling. Lena surveys the situation around her and says, "Ufda!! It's a good ting I didn't do dat in da house!!!"

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

[CANADIANPACIFIC2816]

Ole was on a construction crew and they were putting up a high-rise office building. One day it was lunch time and Ole and two other construction workers were sitting on an iron beam 25 stories off the ground. The first construction worker opens his lunch box and pulls out a baloney sandwich. He says, "Ugh, I'm getting sick and tired of eating baloney sandwiches day after day, and if I get another baloney sandwich in my lunch tomorrow, I'm gonna jump." The second construction worker pulls a tuna fish sandwich from his lunch box, and he says, "Im with you. I'm getting sick of eating tuna day after day and if I get a tuna fish sandwich in my lunch tomorrow, I too will jump." Ole pulls a peanut butter sandwhich out of his box and he says, "I'm wit you guys too. I'm getting sick and tired of eating peanut butter day after day and if I get anodder peanut butter sandwich in my lunch tomorrow, I vill yump too."

The next day Ole and the two other construction workers are sitting down for lunch, and they are sitting on an Iron beam 27 stories up. The first man pulls a ham and cheese sandwich out of his lunch box and he is happy with what he got for lunch. The second construction worker pulls a roast beef sandwich out of his box, and he too is happy with what he got for lunch. Ole reaches into his lunch box and he pulls out a peanut butter sandwich. "Ugh! Peanut butter! I told you guys dat if I got anodder peanut butter sandwhich in my lunch box, I vould yump!" And with that, Ole stood up, stepped off the iron beam and fell 27 stories to his death.

After a moment of silence, one of the remaining construction workers looked at the other and he said, "That poor Ole. He's been packing his own lunch for months!!"

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

[dmoore74]

REVENGE OF THE BLONDES

> > -----1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
> > (because they are plugged into a genius)
> >
> > 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
> > (they don't have enough time)
> >
> > 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE
> > ONE EGG?
> > (they don't stop to ask directions)
> >
> > 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
> > (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and
> > they vapor lock)
> > (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
> >
> > 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
> > (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails
> > parties)
> >
> > 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
> > (you need a rough draft before you make a final
> > copy)
> >
> > 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT
> > DOWN?
> > (don't know.....it never happened)
> >
> > ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
> >
> > And my personal favorite:
> > 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
> > (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
> >
> > Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
> > and laughter in your
> > heart.....Then you are just an old sour fart.

[zardoz]

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."

[zardoz]

A woman goes into a dentist's office, and after her examination, the dentist says, “I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.”

Horrified, the woman replies, “Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.”

To which the dentist replies, “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.”

[zardoz]

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00am.

The next day at 8:45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The personnel manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around 2 marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test TICKLES".

[blhanel]

QUOTE: Originally posted by CANADIANPACIFIC2816

QUOTE: Originally posted by samfp1943

Canadian Pacific...
Are Ole and Lena Norwegian or Swedish??
In Minnesota they would be Norwegian[?]...I think it must be the COLD!
In Texas it would be Pedro and Pancho stories..[:I][:o)][:o)]
Have a good day!
Sam

Sam,

I am of Norwegian descent, so naturally Ole and Lena would have to be Norwegians. I kind of wi***here was a Smilie waving the Norwegian flag.

CANADIANPACIFIC2816

Actually, most of the early immigrants settling in central and northern Minnesota were Swedish, I think. Northern Wisconsin got the Norwegians.

They say the Minneapolis/St. Paul freeway system was designed by a drunken Swede...

[edbenton]

Actually, most of the early immigrants settling in central and northern Minnesota were Swedish, I think. Northern Wisconsin got the Norwegians.

They say the Minneapolis/St. Paul freeway system was designed by a drunken Swede...

[dmoore74]

True or not it's funny.

Never bring plants into the house.


Garden Grass Snakes (also known as Garter snakes... Thamnophis sirtalis) can be dangerous... Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why...

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, The police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when she shot him.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to let you know the New Homeland Security Bill has passed. Things will be different now and Internet surfing as you know it will be tracked by what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive method." The FBI says you will not notice anything different.



For a demonstration, click on the link below:

http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes/

[chad thomas]

Jim, That is TOOOOO funny. I'm laughing so hard I can't breath.[(-D][(-D][(-D][(-D]

[locomutt]

Well,at least somebody is watching us !!!!

OOPS,WHOA Get those eyes out of my bedroom !!!!!!![}:)]

[zardoz]

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?

If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and a half. But you're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

Then you get into your teens, and now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life you become 21.

Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. You're just a sour-dumpling.

What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes ... it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50, and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would! Then you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards ... "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"


May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

[zardoz]

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often ... long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. Then, when necessary, let the tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love ...whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. If it's beyond help, make the best of what you have.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall .... even to the next county, to a foreign country, anywhere, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[tree68]

Hey Zardoz - your movie was on the other night (about 3 in the morning - I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep). Interesting how the name originated!

[germanium]

Zardoz - excellent post. (How to stay Young).Some of the moaners and somewhat disagreeable individuals on these forums would improve their lives (and ours) if they to this to heart.

[zardoz]

tree68,
sure is a strange movie, ins't it? Did you get to see the entire movie? You can get the DVD from CDUniverse for about $8.

gemanium,
Thanks. I didn't know where else to post that item; it's not intended as humor, so I suppose I should not have put it in the humor thread. Oh well. BTW--I agree.

I guess I was feeling a bit philosophical today.

[zardoz]

Getting old:

Three old guys are out walking along the canal.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

=====================================================

A man was telling his neighbor at bingo, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really?" answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty" answered the man.

============================================

A little old man shuffled slowly into the ice cream parlor, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis".

[zardoz]

A bit poitical, but I can't resist:

For Cheney friends that are planning to join him on his next shooting adventure, it might pay to remember that “duck” is a verb.

Meanwhile officials said Cheney was in violation of the game laws of Texas when he accidentally shot and wounded his hunting companion because his licence lacked a required state hunting stamp. I didn't know you need a 'hunting stamp' for a lawyer!

Maybe those 4 military deferments weren't such a bad idea after all.

---------------------------------------------------
BLAM
Chaney: "4!"
SS agent: "Wrong sport sir"
Chaney: "Oh yeah, DUCK!"
BLAM
SS agent: "Sir maybe you shouldn't yell duck. We are hunting with laywers."
Chaney: "Oh yeah, Hey Wettington back up, and don't just shoot if you hear Duck."
BLAM
Chaney: "STUPID LAYWER!"
BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM
SS agent:"Sir why did you shoot the lawyer?"
Chaney: "I heard lawyer and it just went off."
SS agent:"Sir but why did you reload?"
Chaney: "I missed."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The White House just announced a new strategy in the War on Terrorism. Deciding to accept Bin Laden's offer of a truce, President Bush has extended an invitation to the terrorist leader to visit the United States. The highlight of the visit will be a hunting trip with Vice President Cheney....

And in late-breaking news, Vice President Cheney has invited Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Al Gore and Cindy Sheehan to go deer hunting with him.

Cheney's lack of military experience is catching up to him. (Note to VP: old guys in bright orange jackets are not ducks.) I guess that he will not be charged with a crime because he shot a lawyer. OK, I can see that, but that's not the best way to get your poll numbers up.

Yes, ladies and gents, this is the man responsible for our continued war efforts.

All of the above are quotes taken from the Dilbert blog. http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

[germanium]

Perhaps they should go hunting lawyers instead of quail. I'm sure many people would pleased to offer a bounty for a brace of dead lawyers - not as digestible as quail, but extremely beneficial to the environment !!!

[espeefoamer]

The problem with eating lawyer,you will spend the night offering sacrifices to the porcelin god[xx(].

[vsmith]

I'll add this to the mix...

LOS ANGELES - Television talk shows took aim Monday at Vice President . *** Cheney's accidental weekend shooting in Texas of a hunting companion. Here are a few of the jokes.

___

"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS:

• "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's *** Cheney."

• "But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

• "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

• "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

__

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC:

• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., *** Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.

• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... *** Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"

• "*** Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new *** Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

___

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central:

• "Vice President *** Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

• "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted — it's just not worth it."

___

"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS:

• "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."

• "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "

• "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."

[dmoore74]

> CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE
>
>
> Believed Shooting Victim Was Zawahiri, Veep Says.
>
> Vice President *** Cheney revealed today that he shot a fellow
> hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend because he

> believed the man was the fugitive terror mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri.
>
> Mr. Cheney acknowledged that the man he sprayed with pellets on
> Saturday was not al-Zawahiri but rather Harry Whittington, a
> 78-year-old millionaire lawyer from Austin, blaming the mix-up on
> "faulty intelligence."
>
> "I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had
> infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying
> me with pellets," Mr. Cheney told reporters. "Only after I shot Harry
> in the face and he shouted 'Cheney, you ***' did I realize that
> this intelligence was faulty."
>
> Moments after Mr. Cheney's assault on Mr. Whittington, Mr.
> al-Zawahiri appeared in a new videotape broadcast on al-Jazeera to
> announce that he was uninjured in the vice president's attack because,
> in his words, "I was in Pakistan."
>
> An aide to the vice president said he believed that the American
> people would believe Mr. Cheney's version of events, but added, "If he
> was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it's a shame it wasn't
> Jack Abramoff."
>
> At the White House, President George W. Bush defended his vice
> president's shooting of a fellow hunter, saying that the attack sent
> "a strong message to terrorists everywhere."
>
> "The message is, if *** Cheney is willing to shoot an innocent
> American citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he'll do to you,"
> Mr. Bush said.