Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

LOL

Sorry Jim, I can't Beacuse i have to

Drive My Hot Aunt

Ewwwwww.

[Anonymous]

Saturday Silly Season . . . . . [:o)] [:I] [:o)] [:)] [:o)] [:p]



Here is a link to the "Excuse Generator". If you need some new (and far out) excuses this will give you some ideas. [;)] Walt email this link to me. [:)] (By the way, Walt, Larry, Marty and our other firefighters, past and present, one of the excuses includes a firetruck, sorry though no trains. [:(]


http://www.goofyhumor.com/flash/flash.php?f=excusegen.swf

[Rick Gates]

Patrick O'Riley finds himself with the unhappy task of delivering bad news. He knocks on the door and confronts Mrs. Flannagan. "Lassy, I'm sorry. I have terrible news to bring. There's been an accident at the brewery involving your husband." Oh Lord!" exclaims Mrs. Flannagan, My Sean! Is he dead?" "Aye Lass," replies Patrick. "What happened?" asks the Mrs. Patrick goes one to tell her that in the course of his duties her husband had fallen in one of the large vats of the company's best brew. "My God," exclaims the wife, "Please tell me though Patrick. Was it a quick and painless death for my Sean? Did he suffer?" "Nay Lass." Replies Patrick, "The fact is, he got out to pee three times!"

[Anonymous]

Some more funnies. [:o)] [:I] [8)] [;)] [:)]


A man was searching the dictionary for the word (Dictionary) he
found this meaning: [8D]

Dictionary is the thing which you are holding, Stupid! [:0]

So he searched for the Word (Stupid) he found : is that you again? [B)] lol lol lol



Walt send me this one. [:)]


http://www.funsilly.com/marthamag.html



OK, that is good for now. Enjoy.

[vsmith]

I actually saved this product site, can use it for some of my projects. LOL

[vsmith]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is way toooo funny for words.

[:o)] [:D] [;)]

Nobody ever said that the common criminal was smart. [}:)] [:p]

Check this out. [:D]

http://www.bullguard.com/badnews/

Shouldnt open these at work, get strange looks from people...

Laughed my head off...

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Rick Gates

I think I was locked up with thise guys Jim![(-D][(-D]

LOL Rick, although I really should be laughing, but what you said was Funny.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

You know they have to be trainmasters...
The first one has no idea what's about to happen, the second one screws it all up, neither one of them has a clue what they are doing, and both of them end up screwing themselves over, all without help from a single soul.

Ed

That is almost as funny as watching the vid. [:D] [;)]

[edblysard]

You know they have to be trainmasters...
The first one has no idea what's about to happen, the second one screws it all up, neither one of them has a clue what they are doing, and both of them end up screwing themselves over, all without help from a single soul.

Ed

[tree68]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

How in the world did they get two trainmsters in the same place at the same time, without one of them wearing golf shoes and the other one conducting a "safety test?"
Ed

Ed

The one on the left conducted (and failed) a safety test (the window passed, though). I couldn't tell if the one on the right had golf shoes or not, but he might have!

[edblysard]

How in the world did they get two trainmsters in the same place at the same time, without one of them wearing golf shoes and the other one conducting a "safety test?"
Ed

Ed

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:p]

This came to me from a guy at work. He said it came from Car Talk.


Husband 1.0


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry application, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0 and NBA 3.6.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


Credit: Darrell Knowles


In the Finally Friday's edition I will show the Tech Support reply. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

TECH SUPPORT CONTINUTED


Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: "C:/IThoughYouLovedMe" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8. Whatever you do:DO NOT INSTALL Mother-In-Law 1.9 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and canot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recomment Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is way toooo funny for words.

[:o)] [:D] [;)]

Nobody ever said that the common criminal was smart. [}:)] [:p]

Check this out. [:D]

http://www.bullguard.com/badnews/

That is too funny for words[:D] Zardoz,that is a CLASSIC++++!![:D]
Jim,where the HECK do you find some of these[?][swg]

Some are emailed to me from friends or family, some are emailed from a business and even now and then I find some on my own.


You know, I was just thinking . . . it is too bad there were not three of them. Strike one, strike two, and # 3, your OUT. (Get it -- OUT LOL)

[Rick Gates]

I think I was locked up with thise guys Jim![(-D][(-D]

[cherokee woman]

So does cherokee woman's!! OUCH!!!!!!

[Mookie]

Mookie's mouf hurts from laughing!

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is way toooo funny for words.

[:o)] [:D] [;)]

Nobody ever said that the common criminal was smart. [}:)] [:p]

Check this out. [:D]

http://www.bullguard.com/badnews/

That is too funny for words[:D] Zardoz,that is a CLASSIC++++!![:D]
Jim,where the HECK do you find some of these[?][swg]

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

This is way toooo funny for words.

[:o)] [:D] [;)]

Nobody ever said that the common criminal was smart. [}:)] [:p]

Check this out. [:D]

http://www.bullguard.com/badnews/

Truly a classic!!

[Anonymous]

This is way toooo funny for words.

[:o)] [:D] [;)]

Nobody ever said that the common criminal was smart. [}:)] [:p]

Check this out. [:D]

http://www.bullguard.com/badnews/

[Anonymous]

Thursday's Humor Paper . . . . . . . [:p]

This came to me from a guy at work. He said it came from Car Talk.


Husband 1.0


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry application, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0 and NBA 3.6.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


Credit: Darrell Knowles


In the Finally Friday's edition I will show the Tech Support reply. [}:)] [:p] [;)]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

As a Guiness drinker I particularly like this one...

It seems that there was a Beer Competition taking place in a Mid-Eastern city, one that drew contestants from all over the world. On the evening before the awards announcments, the presidents of the four largest beer brewers in the world got together for a night out on the town.

The president of Anheiser-Busch orders a Bud, loudly proclaim that he was drinking the best beer in the world; after all, "Bud is the king of beers."

The president of the Coors orders a Coors beer, also proclaiming it to be the best in the world. Ditto for the president of Miller Brewing company.

The only foreigner in the room was from the Guinness brewery. He orders a whiskey, neat. The others are all aghast at him - "What, you're not gonna order a Guinness?!"

"Naw" the Irishman says. "If you guys are not gonna have a beer, then I guess I won't have one either!!"

Very good!![:p]

[vsmith]

As a Guiness drinker I particularly like this one...

It seems that there was a Beer Competition taking place in a Mid-Eastern city, one that drew contestants from all over the world. On the evening before the awards announcments, the presidents of the four largest beer brewers in the world got together for a night out on the town.

The president of Anheiser-Busch orders a Bud, loudly proclaim that he was drinking the best beer in the world; after all, "Bud is the king of beers."

The president of the Coors orders a Coors beer, also proclaiming it to be the best in the world. Ditto for the president of Miller Brewing company.

The only foreigner in the room was from the Guinness brewery. He orders a whiskey, neat. The others are all aghast at him - "What, you're not gonna order a Guinness?!"

"Naw" the Irishman says. "If you guys are not gonna have a beer, then I guess I won't have one either!!"

[tree68]

They're below the smoke, too, so they can see......

[cherokee woman]

They want the short ones in front so they know they got them out.

[Anonymous]

Hump Day Helpers . . . . . . . [:p]


Questions for thought [:0]


Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of
old age.


"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to
line up quietly in a single file line from the
smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people
burn slower?" Warren Hutcherson

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

Two For Tuesday . . . . . [:p] [:p]


I think most of us can relate to the first joke. [;)]


Employee....."I'm sorry but I can't come into work due
to a condition called "Anal Glaucoma."

Boss............"Anal Glaucoma? What IS that?"

Employee....."I can't see my butt coming to work
today..."




Grammer 101

An Engli***eacher at Iowa State University spent a
lot of time marking grammatical errors in her
students' written work. She wasn't sure how much
impact she was having until one overly busy day when
she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?"

"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again... "What
was the matter? What has been the matter? What might
have been the matter..."



Ed, MudChicken, Vic, Jim, get ready to explain that last one. You know Who, is bound to ask about it. lol [}:)] [:p] [;)]


[?] Owl loose in here? Who?

[Anonymous]

Two For Tuesday . . . . . [:p] [:p]


I think most of us can relate to the first joke. [;)]


Employee....."I'm sorry but I can't come into work due
to a condition called "Anal Glaucoma."

Boss............"Anal Glaucoma? What IS that?"

Employee....."I can't see my butt coming to work
today..."




Grammer 101

An Engli***eacher at Iowa State University spent a
lot of time marking grammatical errors in her
students' written work. She wasn't sure how much
impact she was having until one overly busy day when
she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?"

"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again... "What
was the matter? What has been the matter? What might
have been the matter..."



Ed, MudChicken, Vic, Jim, get ready to explain that last one. You know Who, is bound to ask about it. lol [}:)] [:p] [;)]

[Anonymous]

NOw i've never done ANYTHING like that in Jim's Story,

That should prove to you, Larry That i'm Not blonde.

[:D]

[rrnut282]

Jim
I should have checked that reference b4 posting, but was too rushed. Maybe that's from the NIV (New Internet Version) of the Bible. [oops]

[CShaveRR]

No, but just think how drunk you have to get to be like a stereotypical blonde (or blond, in this case)!