Have fun with your trains
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz NEW COMPUTER VIRUSES The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen. The Ronald Reagan Virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory. The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back. The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes. The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB. The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted. The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files. The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows.
Dave Howarth Jr. Livin' On Former CNW Spur From Manitowoc To Appleton In Reedsville, WI
- Formerly From The Home of Wisconsin Central's 5,000,000th Carload
- Manitowoc Cranes, Manitowoc Ice Machines, Burger Boat
QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie Zardoz - I am printing out the cat/dog one and giving it to the real Mookie!
Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!
She who has no signature! cinscocom-tmw
QUOTE: Originally posted by espeefoamer Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.The bartender asks,"olive,or twist"?
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot cage and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's arm. "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" Happy Thanksgiving!!
QUOTE: Originally posted by locomutt QUOTE: Originally posted by Sterling1 Originally posted by Sterling1 QUOTE: Originally posted by Overmod *These quotes are off of the Riddle forum on trains.com* Eventhough these came from our sister forum,which is good, THEY SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE!!!![:D] Ah yes the junk fro mlong ago, wonder if I should dispose of it? "There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.] Anonymous Member sinceApril 2003 305,205 posts Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, December 2, 2004 7:36 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz Hilarious Classified Ads FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites ================= FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog ================= FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog ================= GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free ================= FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat been out awhile.. Better be reward. ================= COWS, CALVES, NEVER BRED... Also 1 gay bull for sale. ================= NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby ================= GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb. ================= NICE PARACHUTE: Never opened used once ================= JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300 ================= FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything. [(-D][(-D] Actually from my local newspaper: "WANTED: Taxi driver, miust have driver license and criminal record" Edit Sterling1 Member sinceFebruary 2002 From: Traveling in Middle Earth 795 posts Posted by Sterling1 on Thursday, December 2, 2004 7:33 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz A police officer sent this to me. It is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the URL. It is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper taken shortly after he landed. It shows him with his insides now on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders. The faces of the bystanders is why I believe this is real... http://home.att.net/~songs2/Jumper.jpg Listen SHUT up! no really I have seen it before but to peal back my mind would put you in both stiches and in contispation . . . "There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.] Sterling1 Member sinceFebruary 2002 From: Traveling in Middle Earth 795 posts Posted by Sterling1 on Thursday, December 2, 2004 7:22 PM QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz Sending Old Men To War If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough o be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we actually like soft food. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes. Nice one zardoz I don't want to send and pay money to a bunch of jack___ who fund terrorists just to get oil to gas up our cars and our lifestyles . . . "There is nothing in life that compares with running a locomotive at 80-plus mph with the windows open, the traction motors screaming, the air horns fighting the rush of incoming air to make any sound at all, automobiles on adjacent highways trying and failing to catch up with you, and the unmistakable presence of raw power. You ride with fear in the pit of your stomach knowing you do not really have control of this beast." - D.C. Battle [Trains 10/2002 issue, p74.] espeefoamer Member sinceNovember 2003 From: West Coast 4,122 posts Posted by espeefoamer on Thursday, December 2, 2004 4:27 PM Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.The bartender asks,"olive,or twist"? Ride Amtrak. Cats Rule, Dogs Drool. zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 9:10 AM Hilarious Classified Ads FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites ================= FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog ================= FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog ================= GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free ================= FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat been out awhile.. Better be reward. ================= COWS, CALVES, NEVER BRED... Also 1 gay bull for sale. ================= NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby ================= GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb. ================= NICE PARACHUTE: Never opened used once ================= JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300 ================= FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything. zardoz Member sinceJanuary 2003 From: Kenosha, WI 6,567 posts Posted by zardoz on Wednesday, November 24, 2004 11:09 AM A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot cage and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's arm. "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" Happy Thanksgiving!! « First«42434445464748»Last » Join our Community! Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account. Login » Register » Search the Community Newsletter Sign-Up By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy More great sites from Kalmbach Media Terms Of Use | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy
QUOTE: Originally posted by Sterling1 Originally posted by Sterling1 QUOTE: Originally posted by Overmod *These quotes are off of the Riddle forum on trains.com* Eventhough these came from our sister forum,which is good, THEY SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE!!!![:D]
Originally posted by Sterling1 QUOTE: Originally posted by Overmod *These quotes are off of the Riddle forum on trains.com*
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz Hilarious Classified Ads FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites ================= FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog ================= FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog ================= GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free ================= FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat been out awhile.. Better be reward. ================= COWS, CALVES, NEVER BRED... Also 1 gay bull for sale. ================= NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby ================= GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb. ================= NICE PARACHUTE: Never opened used once ================= JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300 ================= FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz A police officer sent this to me. It is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the URL. It is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper taken shortly after he landed. It shows him with his insides now on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders. The faces of the bystanders is why I believe this is real... http://home.att.net/~songs2/Jumper.jpg
QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz Sending Old Men To War If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough o be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we actually like soft food. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
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