The new and (not very) improved humor thread

100954 views
757 replies
1 rating 2 rating 3 rating 4 rating 5 rating
  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:44 AM

A minister was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off from church. He told the assistant minister he wasn't feeling well and drove to a golf course about forty miles away so that no one there would know him.

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to Jesus, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus said, "No, I won't." The minister teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angel looked at Jesus and said, "Why did you do that?" Jesus smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:13 PM

1 October 2010, ARIZONA | The Grand Canyon, one of the seven wonders of the world, recently welcomed home the soul of one of the witless wonders of the world. 

Because of the tiresome problem of tourists falling their way into disaster, the more treacherous overlooks in the Grand Canyon are protected by fences and signs. All of these overlooks are spectacular. Some have towering columns, some have small plateaus that tourists toss coins onto, like dry wishing wells.

One entrepreneur wished for financial success. And there in front of him was a means to an end. He had a brilliant, an obvious, idea. No stranger to danger, the man climbed over the fence with a bag, leapt to one of the precarious, coin-covered perches, and filled the bag with booty. Harvest time!

But. When he tried to leap back to the safe side, he went head to head with physics. Specifically, F = mg. Our entrepreneur had increased his mass, and the force required to lift himself against the pull of gravity was now greater.

The heavy bag of coins arrested his jump, and the birds were treated to a view of his long plunge to the valley floor below, followed by a shower of coins. 

Gravity. More than a good idea, it's The Law.

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:16 PM

(3 November 2006, Michigan) Death by train is almost too common to merit a Darwin Award. Few people are unaware of the three most important facts about trains: 1) Trains cannot stop quickly. 2) Trains cannot swerve. 3) In any collision, the train always wins.

Forgetting these rules, a 20-year old man was walking down the railroad tracks in Comstock Township, near Kalamazoo, Michigan. This, in and of itself, is not even close to Darwinian stupidity. Trains are loud, and they announce their approach from quite a distance, allowing ample time to clear their path. However, our Darwin contender made sure the odds were in the train's favor by wearing a pair of headphones with the music turned up loud. Louder than the train's whistle, apparently.

The news report didn't mention what song he was listening to, but I'm guessing it was "Don't Look Back" by Boston. Not looking back sealed his fate. Despite several loud blasts of the horn by the train engineer, our Darwin contender kept strolling down the rails in musical bliss, until Amtrak removed him from the gene pool. Reference: Kalamazoo Gazette Guest Writer

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:17 PM

Several years ago, an adventurous pair decided to take their ropes and rappel off the Boone Scenic Valley Railroad train bridge over the Des Moines river. Words can't describe how breathtakingly high this narrow train bridge is over the river valley. The open train ride over the abyss is both stunningly beautiful and somewhat nerve-wracking.

Our adventurers had to be completely fearless, because they walked to the middle of this narrow railroad bridge, tied off their ropes, and began to rappel down. When the train came by on it's daily tour of the valley, their one mistake became apparent. They had tied the ropes to the sturdiest support possible: the steel train tracks... 

(Can you Confirm?) -->

  • Member since
    January 2001
  • From: MA
  • 513 posts
Posted by dmoore74 on Saturday, December 25, 2010 1:46 PM

 

 

Romance Novel - 2010 Edition...

 

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.
Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.
He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."
Without warning he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles,
gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily.
My breath caught in my throat.
I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.
His touch was so experienced, so sure
When  his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly  closed my eyes.
My pulse was pounding.
I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.
 And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.
Probing, searching, knowing  what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down  my tingling spine.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant.
This is a man, I thought.
A man used to  taking charge.
A man not used to taking `no' for an answer.
 A man who would tell me what he wanted.
 A man who would look into my soul and say ...
"Okay, ma'am," said a voice. "All done."
My eyes snapped open and he was standing in front of me, smiling, holding out my purse.
"You can board your flight now."
  • Member since
    October 2006
  • From: Allentown, PA
  • 9,624 posts
Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Saturday, December 25, 2010 3:19 PM

High-tech consumer gadgets and applications, somewhat irreverent (not "irrelevant")  and perhaps slightly sacriligeous - but pretty funny all the same, and not offensive, in my view - "The Digital Story of the Nativity".  It's 2 mins. 58 secs. long - it moves pretty quickly with some fast editing and cuts - and pay attention to the details for the full effect. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA&feature=youtu.be 

 Interesting, if you look closely you'll see that Nazareth, PA and Bethlehem PA each show up briefly at a certain point - they're both within 10 - 15 miles of here - and I can literally see Egypt, PA out the window to my left. 

A joyous and merry Christmas to all !

- Paul North. 

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
  • Member since
    March 2003
  • From: Central Iowa
  • 5,032 posts
Posted by jeffhergert on Monday, December 27, 2010 4:13 AM

zardoz

Several years ago, an adventurous pair decided to take their ropes and rappel off the Boone Scenic Valley Railroad train bridge over the Des Moines river. Words can't describe how breathtakingly high this narrow train bridge is over the river valley. The open train ride over the abyss is both stunningly beautiful and somewhat nerve-wracking.

Our adventurers had to be completely fearless, because they walked to the middle of this narrow railroad bridge, tied off their ropes, and began to rappel down. When the train came by on it's daily tour of the valley, their one mistake became apparent. They had tied the ropes to the sturdiest support possible: the steel train tracks... 

It was the Kate Shelley High Bridge, not the B&SV high bridge.

Jeff 

  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,379 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Friday, January 28, 2011 7:54 PM

A trucker came into a truck-stop cafe and placed his order.  He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."


The brand-new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards!  What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"


"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs, sunny side up; and a pair of running boards is 2 slices of crisp bacon."


"Oh... OK!" said the blonde.  She thought about it for a moment, then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.


The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied...










"I thought while you were waiting for the tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    February 2005
  • From: hillbilly hide away and campground C, M-ville,ILL
  • 2,153 posts
Posted by inch53 on Saturday, January 29, 2011 7:12 AM

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!

But not everyone is as lucky as I am......
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked,  "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked  "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald's is selling the 1 /4  'ouncer'.
Parents in  Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal.  Oh Great!!   The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $ 1 .5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
 I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, our shrinking 401k Plans and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Life line and was connected to a call center in Pakistan .   When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

http://www.trainboard.com/railimages/showgallery.php/cat/500/ppuser/4309

DISCLAIMER-- This post does not clam anything posted here as fact or truth, but it may be just plain funny
  • Member since
    October 2006
  • From: Allentown, PA
  • 9,624 posts
Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Saturday, January 29, 2011 9:51 AM

Laugh  Laugh  - PDN. 

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
  • Member since
    January 2010
  • 538 posts
Posted by WMNB4THRTL on Friday, February 4, 2011 7:46 PM

JACK'S TELEPHONE NUMBER...

Blonde Caller: "I need to talk with Jack. Can you give me his telephone number?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, who are you talking about."
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
"So what's his number?"

Nance-CCABW/LEI 

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” --Will Rogers

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right! --unknown

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Northern New York
  • 19,875 posts
Posted by tree68 on Monday, February 7, 2011 7:07 AM

You can just imagine the rest of the conversation:

"I don't care how incarcerated he is, he's still in jail...."

LarryWhistling
Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) 
Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you
My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date
Come ride the rails with me!
There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...

  • Member since
    September 2007
  • From: Charlotte, NC
  • 6,096 posts
Posted by Phoebe Vet on Monday, February 7, 2011 8:12 AM

Police Officer:  Good morning, may I see your driver's license and registration please.

Police Officer:   Your license says you must wear corrective lenses.  Where are your glasses?

Motorist:   I have contacts.

Police Officer:   I don't care who you know, you still have to wear your glasses.

Dave

Lackawanna Route of the Phoebe Snow

  • Member since
    November 2003
  • From: Louisville, KY
  • 9,002 posts
Posted by cherokee woman on Sunday, March 6, 2011 12:53 PM

This was in our Courier-Journal newspaper last Sunday, 2/27/11.  I have never seen a wedding announcement like this one:

"Miss Erin Ballard of Crestwood, Kentucky was startled and surprised to announce the marriage of her grandfather, Joe Ballard of Audubon Park to Ms. Toddy Worley of Great Falls, Montana after a short engagement of 27 years.  They were married on February 16, 2011 in the Chanbers of Judge Sean Delahanty.  Joe's personal attorney, Mr. James Vonsick Esq. and a slightly inebriated jail trustee were witnesses.

Toddy and Joe had planned a three month honeymoon in the South of France, but oped instead to spend this time in the Bird Sanctuary of Audubon Park.

No reception is planned, but cards of sympathy will be accepted."


Angel cherokee woman "O'Toole's law: Murphy was an optimist."
  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,379 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Thursday, March 10, 2011 7:17 PM

I have to confess that I only heard one side of this conversation today.  This was a Metra conductor, some distance down the aisle from where I was seated:

"I'd have to get permission from Commuter Control, Ma'am.  State and Madison isn't normally one of our stops."

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Thursday, March 10, 2011 8:04 PM

CShaveRR

I have to confess that I only heard one side of this conversation today.  This was a Metra conductor, some distance down the aisle from where I was seated:

"I'd have to get permission from Commuter Control, Ma'am.  State and Madison isn't normally one of our stops."

What did she think, that she was riding the Silver Streak ?

  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,379 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Thursday, March 10, 2011 9:59 PM

I wish I knew what she was thinking--but he delivered that response perfectly deadpan!

Might have been a little more exciting than Silver Streak, what with the river to cross and all...

Did you ever notice that, although the end of the Silver Streak's run was in the Toronto station (so we're told), the shots leading into the trainshed and up to the bumper were the old C&NW station?

 

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Sunny (mostly) San Diego
  • 1,765 posts
Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Thursday, March 10, 2011 10:15 PM

CShaveRR

I have to confess that I only heard one side of this conversation today.  This was a Metra conductor, some distance down the aisle from where I was seated:

"I'd have to get permission from Commuter Control, Ma'am.  State and Madison isn't normally one of our stops."

Isn't that more of a Red Line issue? Smile

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Friday, March 11, 2011 1:35 AM

CShaveRR

Did you ever notice that, although the end of the Silver Streak's run was in the Toronto station (so we're told), the shots leading into the trainshed and up to the bumper were the old C&NW station?

Yes. I was working Suburban the day of the filming. During my layover I watched them making test runs with the Hirail truck into the depot. I went to the Glass House and asked them if anyone was going to clean up all the rubbish on the roadbed of the track in the depot they were using. They said no, and the results of that decision can clearly be seen in the movie.

  • Member since
    August 2005
  • From: At the Crossroads of the West
  • 10,326 posts
Posted by Deggesty on Monday, March 14, 2011 6:06 PM

Our Pastor Emeritus sent this to me, and I thought you maight appreciate it (yes, his wife is a blonde; her hair is quite white--and so is his).

Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lynn was nailing down house siding,
would reach into her nail ,
Pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, '
Why are you Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
about half of Them have the head on the wrong end
& I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset & yelled,
'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective!
They're for the other side of the house!'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you hear about the two blondes
who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

Several years ago, a drive-in near us had a popular long-playing feature: In-car Heaters; it played all winter long)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, &
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants...

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started
Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, & still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!

A blonde was shopping at Target &
came across a shiny silver Thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....
It keeps hot things hot,  And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!'
So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things
Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied......
'Two popsicles &some coffee.'

+++++++++++++

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies,
'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says,
'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it &
I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde.
He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde.
'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'
Blondes Are The Best!!!

Johnny

  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,379 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Monday, March 14, 2011 9:13 PM

Let's hear it for us Emeritus guys!

Johnny, I have two very intelligent daughters, both of whom are blondes (or were--their hair has since darkened somewhat).  One of them is a terrific mother to my grandchildren (and one of those may stay blonde, but will not be the stereotypical blonde).  One of our kids could act the part of the dizzy blonde (and I'm not sure that it was always an act!). 

The joke that we applied to that daughter was:

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one--she holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.

(Just noticed--my spell-check doesn't like "blonde"!  That, however, is the correct female form of "blond".)

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    January 2010
  • 538 posts
Posted by WMNB4THRTL on Monday, March 14, 2011 9:22 PM

A blonde gets on an airplane and it's her first time flying. She, of course, has no idea where she is supposed to sit. As she starts to walk past first class, she hears a flight attendant ask another passenger what they would like for a snack and a drink. Well, the blonde decides this is the place for her!


She plops herself right down in a seat and gets comfy. When the ticketed passenger arrives at his seat, he politely tells her he thinks she's in the wrong seat, but to no avail. Now this is holding up the entire plane from loading. So the man goes and gets a flight crew member. She comes back and requests the blonde's ticket, at which time the blonde informs her she knows she's in the wrong seat but that she is special and she deserves special treatment, too!


At this point, with almost the entire plane still waiting to board, the female crew member goes up and asks the captain to come back and deal with the blonde. He walks back to her, introduces himself, and promptly bends down to whisper something in her ear. She immediately lets out a small exclamation, jumps up, dashes down the aisle, and plunks herself in the last row of the plane. Puzzled, the crew member asks what the captain could have possibly said to her?! "Simple," he replied, "I told her first class doesn't go to Miami!"

Nance-CCABW/LEI 

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” --Will Rogers

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right! --unknown

  • Member since
    August 2005
  • From: At the Crossroads of the West
  • 10,326 posts
Posted by Deggesty on Monday, March 14, 2011 9:53 PM

Not long after car manufacturers began replacing the floor headlight dimmer switch with a switch mounted on the steering column, the number of wrecks caused by blonde drivers increased drastically--they had a lot of trouble using their feet to dim their headlights.

A personal note--I, too, am now blonde, as my brown hair and red beard turned white. Four and a half years ago, after chemotherapy, some of the color began coming back, but you have to look carefully to see it; I don't think it is worth another course or two of chemotherapy to get the color back.Smile

Johnny

  • Member since
    January 2010
  • 538 posts
Posted by WMNB4THRTL on Monday, March 14, 2011 10:03 PM

Not to mention all the blondes who've been fired for ruining their work computers by plastering white-out all over their screens!

Nance-CCABW/LEI 

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” --Will Rogers

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right! --unknown

  • Member since
    August 2005
  • From: At the Crossroads of the West
  • 10,326 posts
Posted by Deggesty on Monday, March 14, 2011 10:03 PM

Not long after car manufacturers began replacing the floor headlight dimmer switch with a switch mounted on the steering column, the number of wrecks caused by blonde drivers increased drastically--they had a lot of trouble using their feet to dim their headlights.

A personal note--I, too, am now blonde, as my brown hair and red beard turned white. Four and a half years ago, after chemotherapy, some of the color began coming back, but you have to look carefully to see it; I don't think it is worth another course or two of chemotherapy to get the color back.Smile

Johnny

  • Member since
    August 2005
  • From: At the Crossroads of the West
  • 10,326 posts
Posted by Deggesty on Monday, March 14, 2011 10:07 PM

Well, so much for the program that prevents duplicate posts--or does it allow itself to duplicate and triplicate?Big Smile

Johnny

  • Member since
    August 2005
  • From: At the Crossroads of the West
  • 10,326 posts
Posted by Deggesty on Monday, March 14, 2011 10:07 PM

Well, so much for the program that prevents duplicate posts--or does it allow itself to duplicate and triplicate?Big Smile

Johnny

  • Member since
    June 2001
  • From: Lombard (west of Chicago), Illinois
  • 13,379 posts
Posted by CShaveRR on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 9:02 AM

Johnny, anything as good as some of your jokes is worth repeating!

As for silver-blonds, I resemble that remark a little...and have been married to a silver-blonde for quite a while.

Carl

Railroader Emeritus (practiced railroading for 46 years--and in 2010 I finally got it right!)

CAACSCOCOM--I don't want to behave improperly, so I just won't behave at all. (SM)

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 9:42 AM

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.

"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner angrily.

"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.

Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come back!"

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been working here anyway?"

"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a pizza!"

  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Kenosha, WI
  • 6,547 posts
Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 9:44 AM

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The attorney stated "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice "What would you like it to be?"

Join our Community!

Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.

Search the Community

Newsletter Sign-Up

By signing up you may also receive occasional reader surveys and special offers from Trains magazine.Please view our privacy policy