SeeYou190 I need help... Rarely do I get "heavy" in the diner, but I have a weird personal situation I need help with. My father married three times. To my mother, then my stepmother when I was 5, then a woman he married when I was 24 years old. My father passed away when I was 26. I only met his third wife twice. I had no relationship with this woman, she did not help raise me, and I barely knew her. She is now in a hospital in Ohio on a ventilator with Covid-19, and not expected to recover. Both of my sisters have contacted me. They are expecting me to help with her estate, funeral, and all kinds of other things you would do for family. My father passed in the mid 1990s, literally half of a lifetime ago. I see no reason for me to get involved with the final disposition of a woman I barely knew over two decades ago. I am terrible at all social conformities, so I do not know what is the right thing to do. Apparently she has no family at all, so my sisters and I might be it. I know she remarried and divorced since my father passed. What is the right thing for me to do? Sorry for harshing the mellow. -Kevin
I need help...
Rarely do I get "heavy" in the diner, but I have a weird personal situation I need help with.
My father married three times. To my mother, then my stepmother when I was 5, then a woman he married when I was 24 years old. My father passed away when I was 26. I only met his third wife twice.
I had no relationship with this woman, she did not help raise me, and I barely knew her.
She is now in a hospital in Ohio on a ventilator with Covid-19, and not expected to recover.
Both of my sisters have contacted me. They are expecting me to help with her estate, funeral, and all kinds of other things you would do for family.
My father passed in the mid 1990s, literally half of a lifetime ago. I see no reason for me to get involved with the final disposition of a woman I barely knew over two decades ago.
I am terrible at all social conformities, so I do not know what is the right thing to do. Apparently she has no family at all, so my sisters and I might be it. I know she remarried and divorced since my father passed.
What is the right thing for me to do?
Sorry for harshing the mellow.
-Kevin
Hey Kevin-
I also try not to jump into heavy discussions because sometimes my opinions seem a little abrupt, maybe even a little harsh. But since you are in distress and asked . . .
Two thoughts come to mind: 1) funerals are for the living, and 2) integrity is what you do when nobody is watching. However briefly and however tangential, she was a part of your family and she died alone. Her estate may also include a part of your father's estate, and you and your sisters might have an interest in its disposition.
Hope this helps.
Robert
LINK to SNSR Blog
BigDaddyI suppose that for someone without any family, all those burdens will fall on the executor of the will, and she may not have had one.
From what I have been told, she has been in a Nursing Home for the last few years, and there are no assets. Since my father died unexpectedly in Texas without a will, she inherited nearly all of his estate (except for some real property that was in Iowa), then her next husband got everything. There is nothing left of my Father's to worry about.
I do not consider a woman I only met twice and have not seen in over twenty years to be "family", but for some reason my sisters do. Perhaps that is because I married into a large close-knit loving family, and they did not.
I guess the real question is how this will effect my relationships with my sisters if I opt-out.
That is something to think about.
Living the dream.
Prayers for Br Lion's and TF's family.
Your sisters feel closer to the woman than you do or at least feel obligated on behalf of your father. There is a lot to be done when someone passes. It's hard to be up for that if you don't feel you even know the person. I suppose that for someone without any family, all those burdens will fall on the executor of the will, and she may not have had one.
How much will this alienate you sisters if you refuse to help? Can you expect them to do their share or do they want you to do the bulk of the work? If there is an estate involved, and you three are the only family, well at least you will be some compensation for your time.
If none of you are that close, why have a funeral. Donate her body to the nearest medical school.
Henry
COB Potomac & Northern
Shenandoah Valley
Good Evening!
A mixed day - not only in terms of the weather. I am so saddened to hear about all the suffering friends and relatives of the Diner patrons are subjected to. In my country, the virus seems to have nearly stopped to do its grim work, but all around us there is still so much misery. Time to light a candle in a prayer for those affedted by the virus:
SeeYou190What is the right thing for me to do?
I think it is an act of human kindness to help if no direct relatives are available. After all, she was your dad´s wife, even if only for a couple of years.
Happy times!
Ulrich (aka The Tin Man)
"You´re never too old for a happy childhood!"
Good Morning,
Sunny but a bit cool right now. Instead of 'rain' we are forecast to just get 'showers'. Oh well I foresee a very high water bill.
TF, sorry to hear about your SIL. Hope she recovers soon. I can see how that would be very stressful for your wife and you especially as she is so far away.
Lion, that is sad news about your brother and wife. The sister of a good friend of ours was one of the 7 people in Manitoba who died of covid and that was in March. Luckily there isn't anyone currently in the hospital here with it. I think it is because our city is actually fairly isolated from the rest of Canada and isn't exactly a major tourist destination.
A fellow is coming over today to give an estimate on the fence replacement. We had planned on going early to a nursery but my wife didn't sleep at all last night so that is postponed until tomorrow. I also need to get more elm seeds cleaned up otherwise they will sprout when it rains. Our tree must produce millions of seeds. They are small and flat so hard to clean out of grass.
Garry, I always find it amazing that some childhood experiences remain so vivid. I even remember the engine number of the loco that usually hauled the daily train to Victoria Beach. It was 5097. When we later moved to Rainy River, Ontario in the spring of 1961 there was a dead line of steam locos waiting to go to scrap and in that line was 5097. I have a photo of it. It was an oil burning J4 class Pacific according to my info which means a small engine. CN had quite a few Pacifics but they were on the small side.
Time to head out and get at those elm seeds. I should also clean them out of the evestroughs too before it rains. That will ensure it doesn't.
CN Charlie
Good morning, everybody .... Coffee and a donut, please.
CN Charlie .... Thanks for the information about passenger train service that once operated between The Twin Cities and Winnepeg. Thanks for telling about your boyhood expeirence with the Midland Railway.
TF ..... Glad you received the Kato Zephyr. Prayers continue for Kelly. Adding prayers for Shayla. .... I like your photos. The Soo LIne caboose is nice.
Lion .... Prayers continue for your brother and his son. Very sad story.
Sandjam .... You are welcome.
...
Another passenger train serving the Twin Cities was the Zephyr-Rocket. It was operated jointly by Burlingtion Roate and Rock Island Railroad. It was an overnight train between the Twin Cities and St Louis. Locomtives and passenger cars were owned bt each of the two railroads. Typcially, it had one E-unit and 6 to 8 passenger cars including head-end cars.
GARRY
HEARTLAND DIVISION, CB&Q RR
EVERYWHERE LOST; WE HUSTLE OUR CABOOSE FOR YOU
A rough night.
Still no improvement for Kelly and now Judy's niece Shayla was brought to the hospital early this morning. The virus is spreading at a high rate in New Orleans. More prayers are needed. It's going to be a tough day.
You and your family are in our prayers Lion. I feel so helpless as this is all we can all do.
John
Track fiddler Horse pucky I just had a little spat with my Judy...The spat was for her. Can you believe the fact that her sister could possibly die and her mother is really mad at Judy now for not telling her in time because Judy was worried about her mother for having heart problems. I just do not understand when times get at their worst and then family is at their worst. You would think it would be at its best. I would think we all would just think of Kelly now God you guys, I can't believe this crap I'm going through late in the evening here. Please somebody post a positive post and get me the hell away from here. TF Makes no sense to me, I will have that Frito pie now!
Horse pucky
I just had a little spat with my Judy...The spat was for her.
Can you believe the fact that her sister could possibly die and her mother is really mad at Judy now for not telling her in time because Judy was worried about her mother for having heart problems.
I just do not understand when times get at their worst and then family is at their worst. You would think it would be at its best. I would think we all would just think of Kelly now
God you guys, I can't believe this crap I'm going through late in the evening here.
Please somebody post a positive post and get me the hell away from here.
TF
Makes no sense to me, I will have that Frito pie now!
Well, my brother is in rehab with COVID-19 and his wife died of it a few months ago.
They still haven't told their adult son about it yet.
Of course the boy is bi-polar and in a group home. Brian wanted to be the one to tell him, and family on that side of the family has been respecting that, but Brian has been in rehab longer than they had thought for. There may be permannent lung damage.
ROAR
The Route of the Broadway Lion The Largest Subway Layout in North Dakota.
Here there be cats. LIONS with CAMERAS
BigDaddy Lazers what is Gravity Well? Frito pie sounds like nachos with more salt. Before I was married, I retired and my future bride was still working. I did all the food shopping and cooking. Now she is retired and does all the shopping and cooking. Somehow she manages to consistently find kaiser rolls and baguettes the consistency of wonder bread. I never used that emoticon before, I'm surprised it's available.
Lazers what is Gravity Well?
Frito pie sounds like nachos with more salt.
Before I was married, I retired and my future bride was still working. I did all the food shopping and cooking. Now she is retired and does all the shopping and cooking. Somehow she manages to consistently find kaiser rolls and baguettes the consistency of wonder bread. I never used that emoticon before, I'm surprised it's available.
Henry, I just Googled Minnesota Local Brewed Craft Beers. I thought 'Gravity Well' Stout would go along with the Gravity Switching, I'd just been watching. Paul
"It's the South Shore Line, Jim - but not as we know it".
gmpullmanOne of the first sites to come up for buying asparagus crowns in Canada is not too far from you, Dave! http://sandyshore.ca/asparagus-crowns/ It might be a little late in the year but maybe not too late to plant?
Thanks for the lead on the asparagus crown suppliers. I'll pass it on to Dianne.
We used to live in Chatham, Ontario which was right next door to some of the most productive asparagus fields in North America. Spring time was a real treat because you could pick all you wanted for peanuts!
Now, where did I put my recipe for Bearnaise sauce?!? We will need that after we char them slightly on a hot BBQ. Just add a little olive oil, some garlic powder, and..... darn, now I'm hungry!!
Dave
I'm just a dude with a bad back having a lot of fun with model trains, and finally building a layout!
hon30critterHi Ed, I thought that asparagus took seven years to establish itself. Am I wrong? I would love to grow it!
We put our first beds in maybe ten years ago. We had a decent crop, not huge mind you, but plenty by the second following spring. We used to let the chickens run through it after it had begun to flower in order to pick the bugs and aphids out of it.
Then about two years ago I had to move one of the beds so I used the tractor bucket to lift the crowns out and I placed them in a temporary bed so now it was time to bring some back to the new bed.
I say get some sort of raised bed setup and get planting. The first harvest or two will be a little skimpy but after that you'll get fat, tender stalks. Shop around some garden centers where you might be able to find established plants (crowns), that will save you a season or two over planting from seed.
The "crowns" we just transplanted are about the size of a soccer ball.
This is the original bed we planted some years ago (the bushy, fern-like stuff toward the right) when it "flowers" it grows very tall and thick.
Asparagus_2015 by Edmund, on Flickr
My Master Gardener Dee Ann has turned in so I can't confer with her as to what type we have but your planting zone is about the same as ours so — go for it
One of the first sites to come up for buying asparagus crowns in Canada is not too far from you, Dave!
http://sandyshore.ca/asparagus-crowns/
It might be a little late in the year but maybe not too late to plant?
Cheers, Ed
hon30critter gmpullman Today I finished up a new (additional) asparagus bed. I love fresh asparagus out of the garden. Hi Ed, I thought that asparagus took seven years to establish itself. Am I wrong? I would love to grow it! Dave
gmpullman Today I finished up a new (additional) asparagus bed. I love fresh asparagus out of the garden.
Hi Ed,
I thought that asparagus took seven years to establish itself. Am I wrong? I would love to grow it!
That is exactly correct Dave and you get to dig the holes about four foot deep to plant them
Asparagus is no easy game
I don't have too much.
And neither do we all and that's why it's so great to be so positive these days
gmpullmanToday I finished up a new (additional) asparagus bed. I love fresh asparagus out of the garden.
gmpullman I love fresh asparagus out of the garden.
Truly that is a wonderful treat.
I hope to get my garden planted next year. Too much other household work going on this year to deal with a garden.
Stormbird's we used to call them and still do
herrinchokerRobins calls are different just before, and after, a rain storm. My wife Mary would sit on the deck in the evening, and listen to their calls.
I'm glad you take the time to remember, Herringchoker. Same here.
This is the summer of R&R around my place. Robins and Rabbits. Both populations are in great abundance. I have about a dozen robin nests and most, if not all of them are being reused for momma's second clutch of eggs.
Rabbits are everywhere. If I walk through the yard I encounter at least a half-dozen. They let you walk up close before scampering off. They all look pudgy and well fed
Today I finished up a new (additional) asparagus bed. I love fresh asparagus out of the garden.
Asparagus1 by Edmund, on Flickr
Didn't get a photo after the soil and crowns were placed, sun was setting fast
ricktrains4824Ed - Even when I sold the Huskvarmits I disliked their riding mowers. Our congregation went with one a few years back, and it has not been quite right from day 1. (Seems a bit uneasy with the one hill in the lawn we have.) Whenever I help with the yard maintenance there, I run the push mower! Guess I was just spoiled by always having either a Craftsman that was older than me, (from when they were not the MTD stuff), or a JD actually made by JD instead of the MTD crap. Speaking of, if the Deere is sold by Homedespot or Lowest, it actually is only a green MTD. They are not the same! Get a official, genuine Deere. It's much better!
Thanks for that, Rick. I'm planning to get the X-590 and the snow blower. For living in a rural area, Deere dealers are pretty sparse around here. Deere probably controls the franchisee tightly.
I bought the Husqvarna at an "Authorized Dealer". The deck was a little bigger but the rest was very cheaply made. Fortunately I can weld and machine parts.
I had a Deere 214 some years back. Should have kept it
Bless your heart Herrinchoker, You are a man of my principles
Wisconsin Minnesota North Dakota
The Midwest
I won't forget what this thread is about
This is Wisconsin Minnesota & North Dakota
Here is Wisconsin
Stone Lake Wisconsin that is And who doesn't like a little red caboose .... and Mike and Terry live there and that is huge on my map
Minnesota That's easy
Who don't like that
North Dakota (Lions state)
Probably the Best Bridge
TF,
Robins calls are different just before, and after, a rain storm. My wife Mary would sit on the deck in the evening, and listen to their calls. She had a way with all animals, she had a pet doe that was around for three years. Everyone on the Island knew Mary's deer, and were protective of her. I have been blessed with another wonderful wife, but I still miss Mary.
Lady slippers have started blooming, always nice to see them. We are fortunate in that we have a few yellow, along with the pink. The Canada Lilly that I transplanted twenty-five years ago has started growing. I was concerned that it might have winter-killed. I found two of them growing on the flood plain of the Catahance River in Bowdoinham coming back from a call while I was working for Sagadahoc S.O., did not know what they were, so dug them up, and re-planted them in simular soil. They are a light yellow in color, and hang down from a short stem. Mine blossom in clusters of four.
Ken
In the last two years I have cracked seven of my ribs, so I have empathy for what you are going through. At present, Uncle Arthur has decided to pay a visit. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. In addition to pain relief, one evening I tried some of my 200 proof on rail car clean up. I just might start marketing it as "Model Blast", a pre-conditioning agent for painting/weathering, etc. Just keep it away from sparks, open flame, or other ignition sources. And---what ever is left over can be used for medicinal applications.
Dame Agatha has discovered June Bugs. Brown popcorn for dogs. I told Barbara about the time she crunches a bumblebee that has the early morning "groggies" her view of edables is going to greatly change. She just reciently modified one of my D&RGW box cars, looks like it was played with by a T-Rex.
Ulrich
I hope your house hunting comes to fruition for you. Your most recient looks to be quite nice.
Barbara made a very good taco salad the other night, 2# of hamburg mixed with taco seasoning and bucu veggies, a bag++ of Doritos, and Southwest Chipotle dressing. Yes, I had two helpings.
Prayers for all in need----
herrinchoker
I'm sorry, I am going on like psychobabble. Going through some tough stuff here. We can't go visit and help Kelly at the hospital so I think I'm going to have to bring Judy to Wisconsin tomorrow
Back in the day I was in a dart league at Murphy's Back Door Lounge in North Cape Coral.
After being on the league for months, and never drinking, they finally asked to se my ID. When they founmd out I was 19, no more darts for me.
TOP OF THE PAGE... everyone have a cold bottled Lager with me.
Post-hog
It came today!
It's taking everything within me keeping it hidden where I hid it.
I don't want to play the devil made me do it card. I just find it easier to keep it hidden because she goes to work tomorrow and everything she has on her plate right now.
It's the Silver Streak and I haven't even seen it yet and it's driving me nuts. I could get away with putting it on the table but for some reason I'm just finding it easier to keep it hidden. Probably because of everything she has in her plate right now.
Things are going to work out just right as the other times I have always known before. I feel in my heart Judy sister Kelly will be just fine and that's the way it is
Yep, ... It's driving me nuts.
Maybe I can unwrap it and sneak this one out to you gentlemen if she hits the rack early enough I do feel so bad for her.
But I'm like a Little kid at Christmas
Have you ever noticed the way the Robin's chirp is different at dusk, ... I have for quite a few years, Listen, They chirp differently and then they laugh
Maybe it's because they know it is what it is and there's nothing you can do about it
You can only let God
It's the only legal way to swear on the Forum Henry and you just did
Don't you remember when your Mother told you she would wash your mouth out with soap?
P.S. Testing 1 2 3, Testing
Dart days, yes! Sometimes I find it unfortunate that we can't go back
Sleep well Paul as you hit the rack. Look forward to hearing from you the next time