I first heart the "chicken gun" story in the 70s, it was the U.S. Air Force that built the gun to test the canopies of jet fighters, and a team of not-too-bright technicians who didn't thaw the chicken.
I don't know if I've shared my signs of model railroad addiction on this board before, but in any case, here is the link...
How to To Tell If You're a Model Train Addict
And the thread where people added some of their own in the About.com forum is here.
Best!
vsmith wrote: (one for the Urban Legend Department)NASA DEVICE TESTS HIGH SPEED TRAIN SAFETY: Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab. Horrified Brittons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken".
(one for the Urban Legend Department)NASA DEVICE TESTS HIGH SPEED TRAIN SAFETY:
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.
Horrified Brittons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken".
Don't know about the actual situation but Mythbusters did one like this
Dr. Frankendiesel aka Scott Running BearSpace Mouse for president!15 year veteran fire fighterCollector of Apple //e'sRunning Bear EnterprisesHistory Channel Club life member.beatus homo qui invenit sapientiam
marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.
The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?: the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck
Ok you asked for it,
About the 'Ghan train, a somewhat famous train running to Alice Springs, and before it was rebuilt recently of having quite a reputation for slow service due to very bad track - 20mph max for 800 miles!
Worried and very pregnant woman catches the attention of the conductor on the 'Ghan one fine day:
"Mr conductor, I am very worried that if we do not get to Alice Springs on time, I just might be into labor right here on the train."
"Madam, you should have thought about that when you boarded, being that you are in this condition."
"But sir, when I boarded this train, I wasn't in this condition!"
Why can't the engineer be electrocuted?
Because he's not a conductor!
There was the time that the president of the Maryland and Pennsylvania (short-line) Railroad demanded to get a free pass to ride the Pennsylvania Railroad. In exchange, he said, he'd give the president of the Pennsy a pass over the Ma & Pa.
"What good is that?" asked the PRR's president. "Your railroad is a hundred times shorter than ours!"
"Ah," said the president of the Ma & Pa, "but it's just as wide!"
In the early 20th century, there were many coal mines in the Canadian Rockies, including some in what is now Banff National Park.
On Saturday nights, many miners would ride into Banff and have a cup of tea or glass of lemonade, or just possibly, something stronger.
One Saturday, an inebriated miner missed the last train home. He wandered across to the yard, found an engine in steam, backed it out onto the main line, and drove it to his mine, stopped it, went to the bunk-house, and fell asleep.
He was charged with "theft of a locomotive" by the Canadian Pacific Rly., but he couldn't remember a thing about it.
The trial went like this:
Defense counsel: Was the engine on CPR property before my client moved it?
CPR: Yes.
Def: Was it on CPR tracks when he left it?
Def: Did it at any time leave CPR tracks?
CPR: No.
Def: Then where is the theft?
Magistrate: Case dismissed.
I once heard a story about a railroad crew that befriended a monkey named Bobo. The railroaders would play with Bobo and feed him and really treat him nice. In fact, they taught the monkey to give hand signals and run the engine and to even read a switch list and switch out the cars. Soon Bobo got to be so good at it that the guys would let the monkey do their work while they went fishing. One day the Trainmaster caught the guys fishing while Bobo was doing the work. All of the railroaders got fired on the spot. A couple of months later the railroaders got a letter from the company. It was a great flowery piece and reinstated all of the railroaders to their former positions with all back pay. It was signed by Trainmaster Bobo.
At a station stop, the railroad's president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. "You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!" After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said "you couldn't possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 mph and we never saw you go by us!"
Have fun with your trains
Another pretty old one that still, somehow, feels like it could have been from today ....
TRAVELER: "What's the use of you having a time table if your rotten trains never stick to it?!"
PORTER: " Well, sir... how would you even KNOW they was runnin' late if NOT for the timetable?"
Last one from me - I think :-)
Stein
That much is a censored phrase.
-Morgan
I'm going to catch hell for this...
Why are there no Baby Amtraks?
Because they pullout of the station on time...
Alex
I'm not allowed to run the trainThe whistle I can't blow…I'm not allowed to say how farThe railroad cars can go.I'm not allowed to shoot off steam,Nor even clang the bell…But let the *** train jump the trackAnd see who catches Hell!
this ones a blond joke,
there was a blond, bernet and a red head in the woods , they were starving but had a gun. the burnet said "I'm gona get my some food" so she comes back with a deer and the other two ask" were did ya get that?" the burnet said" I saw some tracks, followed the tracks, saw a deer, shot the deer, deer stop dead in its tracks. the red said" I'm gona get me some super, so she came back with an elk and the other two asked were did ya get that, she said" I saw some tracks, followd the tracks, saw an elk, shot the elk. so the bolnd said she was gona her soma food, with brken bones, scrapes and bruzez, so the other to asked were did ya get thoughs? she said," I saw some tracks, followed the tracks, saw a train, shot the train, train dont stop.
It was midnight, as two dumb blonds rounded Horseshoe Curve in the Pennsy's Broadway Limited observation car on top of the Allegehenies.
The natural blond asked her friend: "I wonder which is closer? The moon or Chicago?
The bleached blond replied: "Duh! Can you see Chicago from here?"
Conemaugh Road & Traction circa 1956
twhite wrote: A true story, according to railroad historian Lucius Beebe:Not long after the "Sunset Limited" was inagurated in the early 1900's, a gentleman who had boarded in New Orleans asked the conductor where they were after about four hours of east-bound travel. "Just entering Texas, sir." The next morning, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor. "Just leaving San Antonio, Texas, sir." Late that night, before retiring, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor. "Still in Texas, sir," the Conductor nodded. The gentleman looked at the Conductor and said, "You, sir are a G--D----- LIAR!" Tom
A true story, according to railroad historian Lucius Beebe:
Not long after the "Sunset Limited" was inagurated in the early 1900's, a gentleman who had boarded in New Orleans asked the conductor where they were after about four hours of east-bound travel.
"Just entering Texas, sir."
The next morning, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor.
"Just leaving San Antonio, Texas, sir."
Late that night, before retiring, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor.
"Still in Texas, sir," the Conductor nodded.
The gentleman looked at the Conductor and said, "You, sir are a G--D----- LIAR!"
Tom
Tim: I'm missing the funny. Get the part of Texas being on the wrong side of an Eastbound...
Ibeamlicker wrote:So I place an order with Internettrains,wait thats not funny!
Now that there's funny!
So Kowalski and Bolewicz are out hunting in the woods when they come across a set of tracks...
"Them's is Bear tracks" declares Kowalski.
"You're off your rocker... them's is deer tracks" corrected Bolewicz. They bickered back and forth for almost an hour.
Sadly, before they could resolve the question, they were hit by the train...
Shecky
Route of the Alpha Jets www.wmrywesternlines.net
Two guys are walking through the woods when they encounter a set of tracks.
"Looks like bear tracks," says the first.
"Does not," says the second. "Those are distintly deer tracks."
While they are hashing this issue over they get run over by a train!
From the far, far reaches of the wild, wild west I am: rtpoteet
Dave Vollmer wrote: R. T. POTEET wrote: Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.Your cinicism is showing?Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?Yep, done...http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/theses/available/etd-06242008-170545/Leaving for Omaha next week...!
R. T. POTEET wrote: Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.Your cinicism is showing?Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?
Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.
Your cinicism is showing?
Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?
Yep, done...
http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/theses/available/etd-06242008-170545/
Leaving for Omaha next week...!
From someone who probably should have but never quite made it I extend my hardiest congrats to someone who did; now what is the prospect of a silver leaf in your future? We used to say that a light colonel was a major who polished all the gold off his leafs!
Canadian Nantional...
trainboyH16-44 wrote: Oh, Atmo, I have a quote just for you. There was a display with some tankers in a gorge, and this little kid asked me who put them there. My loud, clear, and overly stage-voice responce: "E. Hunter Harrison, Chief Executive Officer of CN rail!" Then I left.
Oh, Atmo, I have a quote just for you. There was a display with some tankers in a gorge, and this little kid asked me who put them there. My loud, clear, and overly stage-voice responce: "E. Hunter Harrison, Chief Executive Officer of CN rail!" Then I left.
My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/JR7582 My Flickr Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wcfan/
Tom View my layout photos! http://s299.photobucket.com/albums/mm310/TWhite-014/Rio%20Grande%20Yuba%20River%20Sub One can NEVER have too many Articulateds!
3 scientists and 3 lawyers are lined up at the ticket booth. The lawyers buy 1 ticket each, and the scientists buy 1 ticket between all 3 of them. "What are you doing?" said the lawyers. "Don't you each need a ticket?"
"Watch and learn," replied the scientists. "Watch and learn."
As the conductor entered the car, the 3 scientists all went down to the other end, and all squeezed into the lavatory together. The conductor knocked on the door, saying "Ticket, please," and they slipped out their 1 ticket to him through a slot in the door.
On the way back, the 3 lawyers winked at each other, and only bought 1 ticket. But, they noticed that the 3 scientists didn't buy any at all. "What now?" asked the lawyers.
"Watch and learn," repeated the scientists. "Watch and learn."
On the car, the scientists went into one lavatory, and the lawyers into the other. One of the scientists then left the lavatory, went to the other, knocked and said, "Ticket please."
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
"Shhhh, don't let that locomotive hear you."
"Huh? Locomotives can't hear."
"Sure they can. They have engine ears."
Another one from down under:
This bloke got on the Southern Aurora in Melbourne, planning to get off in Albury. When the conductor came around and checked his ticket, he was alarmed to learn that the train didn't stop at Albury! "But it is imperative that I get off at Albury", but passenger complained. "Couldn't you get the train to stop and let me off?", he pleaded. The conductor thought for a moment then suggested, "No, we are definitely not allowed to stop there, but I've got an idea. I'll ask the driver to slow down as much as possible, and I'll help you get off the train on the move. If you just jump off, you will land flat on your face and badly injure yourself, so I will hold you out the door and you start running. When your legs are running fast enough, I'll lower you onto the platform. Just make sure that you stop running before we get to the end of the platform!". The passenger agreed to this, so as they entered the platform and the driver slowed down, the conductor held the bloke out the door as he said he would. The bloke started running furiously, but the train was about half way up the platform before the conductor lowered him. He managed to keep his balance as he raced towards the end of the platform, gradually slowing down. Just as the rear of the train passed him, a hand grabbed his collar and he was yanked back into the train! He turned around to see the guard with a big grin on his face saying to him, "Thought you missed it, didn't you?!"
Smile, Stein
A couple of announcements that were supposed to have been heard over the Public Address system in a British railway station: "Will the passengers who took the 3:15 to Ipswich please bring it back? It's needed." "The 4:00 to Brighton is now standing on Platform 9: but we hope, in the due course of time, to have it back on the tracks again." "The train now arriving on tracks 3, 4, 5, and 6... is coming in sideways!"
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[About the 'Ghan train, a somewhat famous train running to Alice Springs, and having quite a reputation for slow service due to very bad track - 20mph max for 800 miles!] Worried and very pregnant woman catches the attention of the conductor on the 'Ghan one fine day: "Mr conductor, I am very worried that if we do not get to Alice Springs on time, I just might be into labor right here on the train." "Madam, you should have thought about that when you boarded, being that you are in this condition." "But sir, when I boarded this train, I wasn't in this condition!"
GARRY
HEARTLAND DIVISION, CB&Q RR
EVERYWHERE LOST; WE HUSTLE OUR CABOOSE FOR YOU