Trains.com

Subscriber & Member Login

Login, or register today to interact in our online community, comment on articles, receive our newsletter, manage your account online and more!

rail jokes

12103 views
129 replies
1 rating 2 rating 3 rating 4 rating 5 rating
  • Member since
    April 2008
  • From: New Englend
  • 105 posts
Posted by timbob on Friday, July 18, 2008 7:13 PM
Laugh [(-D]Laugh [(-D]Laugh [(-D]
Modeling modern era free-lanced N scale layout.
  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Bedford, MA, USA
  • 21,481 posts
Posted by MisterBeasley on Friday, July 18, 2008 5:00 PM
 cbq9911a wrote:

Q. Did you hear about the blood test for SPFs (slobbering Pennsy Fans)?

A. Draw the blood; if it's tuscan red you've got a SPF.

Q. Did you hear about the blood test for Vulcan SPFs?

A. Draw the blood; if it's brunswick green you've got a Vulcan SPF.

 

I don't get it.

 

It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse. 

  • Member since
    January 2007
  • From: NYC
  • 551 posts
Posted by corsair7 on Friday, July 18, 2008 4:12 PM
 R. T. POTEET wrote:
 corsair7 wrote:

 jeffrey-wimberly wrote:
I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.

Are there any other kind of Blondes?

OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.

Irv

Be careful! My wife - a natural blonde - sometimes reads this forum looking over my shoulder. I most certainly do not want here beating me severely about the head and shoulders with a cast-iron skillet!

Hey what your wife doesn't know won't hurt you. Whistling [:-^] I don't tell my wife about my model railroead related purchases and I am still alive. Smile,Wink, & Grin [swg]

And as a model railroader I am sure you don't tell her everything.

Irv

  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Friday, July 18, 2008 3:46 PM

Q. why are union pacificslocos painted  yellow?   

A. because there inishals are U P 

  • Member since
    September 2004
  • From: Germany
  • 1,951 posts
Posted by wedudler on Friday, July 18, 2008 3:44 PM

Yes, this is a German page. cartoons   

But the pictures tell themselfes. And: Pictures are linked to a larger view, click on them.

Wolfgang

Pueblo & Salt Lake RR

Come to us http://www.westportterminal.de          my videos        my blog

  • Member since
    December 2001
  • From: Chicagoland
  • 465 posts
Posted by cbq9911a on Friday, July 18, 2008 3:38 PM

Q. Did you hear about the blood test for SPFs (slobbering Pennsy Fans)?

A. Draw the blood; if it's tuscan red you've got a SPF.

Q. Did you hear about the blood test for Vulcan SPFs?

A. Draw the blood; if it's brunswick green you've got a Vulcan SPF.

 

  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Friday, July 18, 2008 3:33 PM
 dale8chevyss wrote:
 Guilford Guy wrote:

I'm going to catch hell for this...

Why are there no Baby Amtraks?

Because they pullout of the station on time... Whistling [:-^]

 

That one IS bad.  ;)

i dont get itSigh [sigh]

  • Member since
    September 2006
  • From: Wayne County Michigan
  • 678 posts
Posted by dale8chevyss on Friday, July 18, 2008 3:03 PM
 Guilford Guy wrote:

I'm going to catch hell for this...

Why are there no Baby Amtraks?

Because they pullout of the station on time... Whistling [:-^]

 

That one IS bad.  ;)

Modeling the N&W freelanced at the height of their steam era in HO.

 Daniel G.

  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Friday, July 18, 2008 2:03 PM

 me no understand foren languege.Dunce [D)]

  • Member since
    April 2006
  • From: THE FAR, FAR REACHES OF THE WILD, WILD WEST!
  • 3,672 posts
Posted by R. T. POTEET on Friday, July 18, 2008 1:18 PM
 corsair7 wrote:

 jeffrey-wimberly wrote:
I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.

Are there any other kind of Blondes?

OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.

Irv

Be careful! My wife - a natural blonde - sometimes reads this forum looking over my shoulder. I most certainly do not want here beating me severely about the head and shoulders with a cast-iron skillet!

From the far, far reaches of the wild, wild west I am: rtpoteet

  • Member since
    June 2004
  • From: Orig: Tyler Texas. Lived in seven countries, now live in Sundown, Louisiana
  • 25,640 posts
Posted by jeffrey-wimberly on Friday, July 18, 2008 1:09 PM
Looks like German to me, but it has been many years.

Running Bear, Sundown, Louisiana
          Joined June, 2004

Dr. Frankendiesel aka Scott Running Bear
Space Mouse for president!
15 year veteran fire fighter
Collector of Apple //e's
Running Bear Enterprises
History Channel Club life member.
beatus homo qui invenit sapientiam


  • Member since
    January 2008
  • From: Elizabeth City, NC
  • 155 posts
Posted by V&AL on Friday, July 18, 2008 1:04 PM
german?
Virginia and Alleghenny Railroad Texas and Gulf Coast Railroad (The Dixie Road) PACE: Pittsburgh Area Commuter Express Texas Express
  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Friday, July 18, 2008 12:29 PM
i dont read frenchWhistling [:-^]
  • Member since
    September 2004
  • From: Germany
  • 1,951 posts
Posted by wedudler on Friday, July 18, 2008 12:25 PM

Here're a few cartoons.

Enjoy it!

Wolfgang

Pueblo & Salt Lake RR

Come to us http://www.westportterminal.de          my videos        my blog

  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Friday, July 18, 2008 11:53 AM
there was to guys on the plat form waiting for the train and the first guy said you wana know how to get a free train ride? the other guy said ya, so the train pulls up  and guy #1 dissapears, then later in the ride the second guy goes to the bathroom and he turns on the sink and guy #1 appears. guy #2 asks how did you do that? guy #1 says well, no one ever checks for smugglers in the sinks.
  • Member since
    January 2008
  • From: Elizabeth City, NC
  • 155 posts
Posted by V&AL on Friday, July 18, 2008 7:36 AM
a less nasty term would be Gosh Darnit!
Virginia and Alleghenny Railroad Texas and Gulf Coast Railroad (The Dixie Road) PACE: Pittsburgh Area Commuter Express Texas Express
  • Member since
    December 2002
  • From: Sydney, Australia
  • 1,939 posts
Posted by marknewton on Friday, July 18, 2008 4:41 AM
 cwclark wrote:

 marknewton wrote:
I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?

Cheers,

Mark.

The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it...


Yeah, got that bit. What I didn't get was the phrase "G--D-----", still trying to work that out.

Mark.


  • Member since
    December 2002
  • From: Sydney, Australia
  • 1,939 posts
Posted by marknewton on Friday, July 18, 2008 4:36 AM
 Flashwave wrote:

 marknewton wrote:
I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?

Cheers,

Mark.

That much is a censored phrase.


Yes, I gathered that. But I'm wracking my brains trying to work out what the actual phrase was...

Mark.
  • Member since
    June 2004
  • From: Orig: Tyler Texas. Lived in seven countries, now live in Sundown, Louisiana
  • 25,640 posts
Posted by jeffrey-wimberly on Friday, July 18, 2008 4:16 AM
 loathar wrote:
 cwclark wrote:

 marknewton wrote:
I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?

Cheers,

Mark.

The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?:  the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck

I've driven across Texas. I definitely got THAT joke!

So did I. That's my home state.

Running Bear, Sundown, Louisiana
          Joined June, 2004

Dr. Frankendiesel aka Scott Running Bear
Space Mouse for president!
15 year veteran fire fighter
Collector of Apple //e's
Running Bear Enterprises
History Channel Club life member.
beatus homo qui invenit sapientiam


  • Member since
    January 2008
  • From: Elizabeth City, NC
  • 155 posts
Posted by V&AL on Thursday, July 17, 2008 10:39 PM
 Lattayards wrote:

4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.

Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?

Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.

Just a few feet!!

Virginia and Alleghenny Railroad Texas and Gulf Coast Railroad (The Dixie Road) PACE: Pittsburgh Area Commuter Express Texas Express
  • Member since
    July 2002
  • From: Jersey City
  • 1,925 posts
Posted by steemtrayn on Thursday, July 17, 2008 10:17 PM

Q: Why are some flatcars depressed?

A: Because they have a low opinion of themselves.

  • Member since
    August 2006
  • From: Nashville, TN area
  • 713 posts
Posted by hardcoalcase on Thursday, July 17, 2008 9:57 PM

Two fellows who stayed way-too-long at a New York City bar try to make their way home.  As they stagger down the sidewalk, one accidentally goes down a subway entrance and emerges several blocks away, rejoining his friend.

"Hey, where 'ya been?" says his friend.

"Man!"  said the other,  "I've just been stumbling around in some guy's basement, and you should see his train set!!!"

Jim

  • Member since
    September 2007
  • 23 posts
Posted by Lattayards on Thursday, July 17, 2008 9:08 PM

4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.

Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?

Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.

  • Member since
    August 2004
  • From: Amish country Tenn.
  • 10,027 posts
Posted by loathar on Thursday, July 17, 2008 6:31 PM
 cwclark wrote:

 marknewton wrote:
I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?

Cheers,

Mark.

The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?:  the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck

I've driven across Texas. I definitely got THAT joke!

  • Member since
    November 2004
  • 10 posts
Posted by grumpy61 on Thursday, July 17, 2008 6:23 PM

The difference between a fairie tale and a railroad story:

A fairie tale begins "Once upon a time";  A railroad story begins  "This aint no s**t"

  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Bedford, MA, USA
  • 21,481 posts
Posted by MisterBeasley on Thursday, July 17, 2008 5:17 PM

New Yorker:  Where does this train track go, farmer?

Vermonter:  Don't go nowhere.  It's been in the same place since I was born.

It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse. 

  • Member since
    July 2008
  • From: missouri
  • 430 posts
Posted by Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF) on Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:48 PM
i had to read that one twice to get it.
  • Member since
    January 2007
  • From: NYC
  • 551 posts
Posted by corsair7 on Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:40 PM
 cwclark wrote:

 marknewton wrote:
I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?

Cheers,

Mark.

The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?:  the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck

Israel is a small country as countries go but you reminded of this story.

A Texan goes to visit a Kibbutz (cooperative farm) in Israel to see how they do things there. While taking to his guide he says the following:

Ya know I've got so much land back in Texas that I can get into my car and ride in it all day and still not come to the end of my land.

The Israeli answers:

"I once had a car like that!"

Irv

  • Member since
    January 2007
  • From: NYC
  • 551 posts
Posted by corsair7 on Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:30 PM

 jeffrey-wimberly wrote:
I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.

Are there any other kind of Blondes?

OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.

Irv

  • Member since
    February 2006
  • 177 posts
Posted by steveiow on Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:07 PM

I like the 'chicken' one,but it could'nt have happened on a UK HST-if shot from the front,an unthawed chicken would have finished up in the Diner,4 cars back,most of the front was Fibre-glassWhistling [:-^]

Steve

Subscriber & Member Login

Login, or register today to interact in our online community, comment on articles, receive our newsletter, manage your account online and more!

Users Online

There are no community member online

Search the Community

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Model Railroader Newsletter See all
Sign up for our FREE e-newsletter and get model railroad news in your inbox!