R. T. POTEET wrote:Forget working on your spelling; work on your punch lines instead!
Forget working on your spelling; work on your punch lines instead!
Ok, I'll keep that in mind, the funny thing is my grade has a lot of realy smart people, but we're just a bunch of goobers!
Been Nothing Since Frisco wrote:two drunks got on a train, the train started going and the drunks thought that the clickity clack of the cars was the ticking sound of a pipe bom. the first guy said do you here that ticking the second guy said ya and all this time the drunks are talking a man overheres the conversation, so they decide to jump off the train so they open a window and the first guy jumps out sceaming pipe bom! the second guy jumps saying get out now and the guy that over hered yelled out the window saying ya drunks!!!!!!
From the far, far reaches of the wild, wild west I am: rtpoteet
corsair7 wrote: A man is standing on the platform of one of the stations in Long Island, New York waiting for his LIRR commuter train just he has done for the last 40 years when he collapses to floor. A priest, seeing this, immediately runs over to the man. Seeing that the man may be having a coronary, the priest prepares to give th man last rights. Before the priest starts he asks the man:"My son, based on your life experience, do you think you are going to heaven or hell?"The man looks at the priest and says:"Father, I don't really care just so long as I don't have to change at Jamaica."If you've never taken a Long Island Railroad train, you'll never get this one.Irv
A man is standing on the platform of one of the stations in Long Island, New York waiting for his LIRR commuter train just he has done for the last 40 years when he collapses to floor. A priest, seeing this, immediately runs over to the man. Seeing that the man may be having a coronary, the priest prepares to give th man last rights. Before the priest starts he asks the man:
"My son, based on your life experience, do you think you are going to heaven or hell?"
The man looks at the priest and says:
"Father, I don't really care just so long as I don't have to change at Jamaica."
If you've never taken a Long Island Railroad train, you'll never get this one.
Irv
Well done! I grew up along the Port Jefferson branch of the LIRR; nothing like "changing at Jamaica" in a driving snow storm.
Modeling the Rio Grande Southern First District circa 1938-1946 in HOn3.
Varney wrote:With apologies to Flip Wilson:A woman gets on the train carrying a very ugly baby. She sits down across the aisle from a guy who's had enough to drink that he has reached a stage where he is willing to speak his mind. He looks at the baby and says, "Man, that's an ugly baby." The woman is naturally irritated. She pulls the emergency cord and shortly the conductor comes in. "What's going on here?!" he demands. "This man just insulted me!" the woman exclaims. "Madam, I'm very sorry. I want you to know that the railroad values your business and I will do my best to make amends for this man's behavior. If you will accompany me to the dining car, I'll see that you get a free meal. And maybe we can find a banana for your monkey."
With apologies to Flip Wilson:
A woman gets on the train carrying a very ugly baby. She sits down across the aisle from a guy who's had enough to drink that he has reached a stage where he is willing to speak his mind. He looks at the baby and says, "Man, that's an ugly baby." The woman is naturally irritated. She pulls the emergency cord and shortly the conductor comes in. "What's going on here?!" he demands. "This man just insulted me!" the woman exclaims.
"Madam, I'm very sorry. I want you to know that the railroad values your business and I will do my best to make amends for this man's behavior. If you will accompany me to the dining car, I'll see that you get a free meal. And maybe we can find a banana for your monkey."
ROFL!!!!!!!!(rollign on the floor laughing)
the last time I got my blood drawn it was half Tuscan red and half Brunswick green! Does that mean I'm half Human,half Vulcan?
(signed)Mr.Spock.
Q. Did you hear about the blood test for SPFs (slobbering Pennsy Fans)?A. Draw the blood; if it's tuscan red you've got a SPF.Q. Did you hear about the blood test for Vulcan SPFs?A. Draw the blood; if it's brunswick green you've got a Vulcan SPF.
Q. Did you hear about the blood test for SPFs (slobbering Pennsy Fans)?
A. Draw the blood; if it's tuscan red you've got a SPF.
Q. Did you hear about the blood test for Vulcan SPFs?
A. Draw the blood; if it's brunswick green you've got a Vulcan SPF.
RFLMFAO!
Interiors and people figures make such a difference. Especially the people.
True Story from the Missouri Pacific... One of the best
There's a town along the Missouri Pacific with 6 grade crossings. One day the crew of the way-freight was working there. The conductor was having drawbar problems while trying to couple. there is an FRA rule where a train cannot block a crossing for more than 5 minutes. After 10 minutes the Sheriff had gotten several complaints so he sent his new Deputy to straighten things out. The Deputy showed up beside the locomotive and demanded the engineer move the train. The engineer radioed the conductor and asked if they were ready. The conductor denied since he was still having trouble with the drawbars. The Deputy ordered the engineer to move the"Goddam' Train." "I have men back there," replied the engineer, at which point the Deputy, infuriated, climbed up onto the loco. The engineer locked the door, and watched amused while the Deputy tried to open it. The Deputy drew his gun, and the engineer, realizing the game was up, unlocked the door. The Deputy cuffed him, and put him in the police car. He locked the engineer up in the jail cell, and walked over to the Sherriff.
"Did you get the train situation figured out" inquired the Sheriff.
"Yup! I got him in the cell right over there!" said the proud Deputy...
"How many of your mother's children lived?" asked the Sheriff.
"Huh?"
"IF THE ENGINEER IS HERE HOW WILL THE TRAIN BE ABLE TO MOVE?!"
The Sheriff walked over to the jail cell.
"Can you move the train yet?"
"Yes I had just got the signal to pull ahead."
The Deputy was ordered to bring the engineer back to the train. Once there, the engineer "thanked" the Deputy, and climbed back into the locomotive. He got back in touch with the conductor, and the train pulled forward, coupled up to the rest of the train and left. Upon arriving back at the Sheriff's office, the Deputy was immediately fired.
Alex
yes frisco, somefolks find that mighty funny...
sounds like something I would do.
Sunday I called a buddy from the RR club who is supposed to take the photos at my wedding... THIS saturday comming. Just to razz him, I started goin off on him about where the heck was he, and that we had to use disposable cameras and such for the wedding pics. after about a minute I clued him in... we both got a good laugh, AND i still have a photographer...
Oh, was i saposta laugh?
Sorry, I couldn't restist asking this one.
This might not qualify as a "joke", but it's one of the best real-life railroad stories I've ever heard.
A friend who long ago retired from the Duluth, South Shore & Atlanitc told me this story.
The "South Shore" used to test crews on their adherence to the rules, and one trick was to to put torpedos on the rail and verify that crews would stop, flag, and proceed with caution in accordance with the rules.
One night in the early 1950's, "Pete" was on a run across Michigan's Upper Peninsula near MacMillan. A "South Shore" Train Master and insurance agent were staked out near the line, and they set up the test. The train detonated the torpedos, stopped, and the flagman was sent out. Ahead at the next road crossing, the train crew could see two sets of automobile headlights, and the train crept ahead. As they got to the crossing , they saw that one car belonged to the Train Master, and the other was a Conservation Officer's car. Apparently, the C.O. heard the torpedos and was sure the Train Master and insurance agent were poaching deer and had stashed their rifles somewhere. The three of them approached the train crew, and the C.O. said something to the affect that "I susect these men have been poaching deer, and they say they are from the railroad conducting some kind of test on you guys". The Train Master blustered and said to Pete, "Tell this Officer who I am!!" Pete replied, "I've never seen this man before in my life." The TM really went on a tirade, not only questioning Pete's future railroad employment, but his ascestry as well. The crew finally busted out laughing, and explained to the C.O. what a torpedo was and how it was used.
The TM never tested Pete's crew again.
Mick Enright
andrechapelon wrote: Two drunks are walking along the RR tracks. The first says "These stairs are killing me" The second says" It's not the stairs - it's the low bannister"!!I don't get it. Think about it. If they have to be explained, they're no longer jokes.A guy drives up to a railroad crossing with one of those really old diamond shaped signs that says, "Railroad Crossing, Look Out For The Cars". Seeing no cars, he starts across the tracks and is hit by on oncoming train.Andre
Two drunks are walking along the RR tracks. The first says "These stairs are killing me" The second says" It's not the stairs - it's the low bannister"!!
I don't get it.
Think about it. If they have to be explained, they're no longer jokes.
A guy drives up to a railroad crossing with one of those really old diamond shaped signs that says, "Railroad Crossing, Look Out For The Cars". Seeing no cars, he starts across the tracks and is hit by on oncoming train.
Andre
Nelson
Ex-Southern 385 Being Hoisted
I don't get it
lvanhen wrote:Two drunks are walking along the RR tracks. The first says "These stairs are killing me" The second says" It's not the stairs - it's the low bannister"!!
trainfan1221 wrote: Guilford Guy wrote:Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am going <20Miles in 2 Hours, Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am painting locomotives, Pan Am Painting Bells (The Canadian Widecab Bells came black... They are now gold, purple, red/white stripes, black/white stripes...), oh and Pan Am not derailing!Listen, you've got to stop being so vague here. Are you implying they have a tendency to derail?
Guilford Guy wrote:Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am going <20Miles in 2 Hours, Pan Am not derailing, Pan Am painting locomotives, Pan Am Painting Bells (The Canadian Widecab Bells came black... They are now gold, purple, red/white stripes, black/white stripes...), oh and Pan Am not derailing!
Why yes... They now have an Orange Bell with a jack o lantern painted on one unit, and a baby blue bell with gold stars...
Dave
Lackawanna Route of the Phoebe Snow
Just be glad you don't have to press "2" for English.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ_ALEdDUB8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hqFS1GZL4s
http://s73.photobucket.com/user/steemtrayn/media/MovingcoalontheDCM.mp4.html?sort=3&o=27
Here's another one. Hopefully, I've cleaned it up enough to pass muster.
A man and a woman were inadvertantly both assigned to an economy bedroom on AMTRAK's Southwest Chief. Unfortunately, all sleeping space was sold out, so the car attendant said that they'd either have to share or one would have to ride in coach. Despite their embarrassment, they agreed to share the bedroom and the man said he would take the upper. About 1/2 hour later, the man complained that he was cold and could the woman get him an extra blanket.
The woman suggested, "Look, why don't we just pretend we're married?" Naturally, the man was rather pleased with the suggestion and quickly agreed, whereupon the woman said, "Get you own blanket, I'm not your servant", turned over, and fell asleep.
Three minutes later, the man emitted a tremendous blast of intestinal gas after which all was silent.
Something like this supposedly actually happened during WWII
A passenger in Albuquerque waiting for an eastbound train hears an announcement that the westbound Grand Canyon is now arriving, checks his timetable and watch and is greatly surprised that the train is arriving on time since wartime traffic has increased delays. He walks up to the ticket counter and tells the clerk, "I'm really impressed that Santa Fe manages to run its trains on time despite the problems of dealing with wartime traffic".
The clerk looks at him and says, "Well, you won't be so impressed to find out that that's yesterday's Grand Canyon. It's exactly 24 hours late".
Yeah...remember when we went railfanning in Ayer, MA... One of the first things we heard on the scanner from Guilford was "Get the big hook" or something to that effect...
Guilford Guy wrote:Is that the Mafia-esque German engine? I think I've seen pictures. The Swiss placed panto's on top of some 0-6-0's.
Could be just to trip signals on electrified tracks.
Joke from the local MR club; Did you hear about the Ghost train?
It Ghost off the tracks.
Vincent
Wants: 1. high-quality, sound equipped, SD40-2s, C636s, C30-7s, and F-units in BN. As for ones that don't cost an arm and a leg, that's out of the question....
2. An end to the limited-production and other crap that makes models harder to get and more expensive.
Phoebe Vet wrote:I'm old, I remember when Orvil made us lay on the wings.
Reminds me of an old Ronald Reagan line:
"Thomas Jefferson once said that you should judge a man by his actions, not his age. After he told me that, I stopped worrying."
"I am lapidary but not eristic when I use big words." - William F. Buckley
I haven't been sleeping. I'm afraid I'll dream I'm in a coma and then wake up unconscious. -Stephen Wright
Here's another one...
Pan Am actually interchanging.
This space reserved for SpaceMouse's future presidential candidacy advertisements
Guilford Guy wrote: ... since their isn't very much space to sit on the pilot!
Well, you probably don't remember the good old days of air travel, when the airlines only let attractive young ladies under 120 pounds gross weight be "stewardesses." Since they became "flight attendants," the pilots don't want to be sat on anymore.
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
Guilford Guy wrote:
Oh, I get it! The "pilot" isn't in the cockpit, it's up front under the coupler!
Lattayards wrote: 4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.
4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.
Or, if you're on Amtrak, about 15 miles east of New Orleans.
tomikawaTT wrote: Guilford Guy wrote: Been Nothing Since Frisco wrote: traonfreak, whats with the f unit shell on a northern chasy and wheels?Haha, Scott's Steasel is a pretty good joke! Its a Steasel-Steam/Diesel... If you think that model is a good joke, Google Kitson-Still locomotive. There really was a 1:1 scale steasel!Chuck (modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)
Guilford Guy wrote: Been Nothing Since Frisco wrote: traonfreak, whats with the f unit shell on a northern chasy and wheels?Haha, Scott's Steasel is a pretty good joke! Its a Steasel-Steam/Diesel...
Been Nothing Since Frisco wrote: traonfreak, whats with the f unit shell on a northern chasy and wheels?
traonfreak, whats with the f unit shell on a northern chasy and wheels?
Haha, Scott's Steasel is a pretty good joke! Its a Steasel-Steam/Diesel...
If you think that model is a good joke, Google Kitson-Still locomotive. There really was a 1:1 scale steasel!
Chuck (modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)
HEdward wrote: Lattayards wrote: 4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.It's a trick question. One is on the NYCs water level route and the other is running on the Pennsy mainline!
Lattayards wrote: 4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.
Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?
Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.
It's a trick question. One is on the NYCs water level route and the other is running on the Pennsy mainline!
Assuming that they are either both NYC or both PRR, about 14 feet at closest approach.
GraniteRailroader wrote:Hey GG - Your name reminded me of the biggest railroad "joke"... PAN AM.
Hey GG - Your name reminded me of the biggest railroad "joke"...
PAN AM.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...
Been Nothing Since Frisco wrote:traonfreak, whats with the f unit shell on a northern chasy and wheels?
vsmith wrote: user="Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF)"] dale8chevyss wrote: Guilford Guy wrote: I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time... That one IS bad. ;) i dont get it I've never been on an Amtrak train that "pulled out" on time
user="Been Nothing Since Frisco (BNSF)"] dale8chevyss wrote: Guilford Guy wrote: I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time... That one IS bad. ;) i dont get it
dale8chevyss wrote: Guilford Guy wrote: I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time... That one IS bad. ;)
Guilford Guy wrote: I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time...
I'm going to catch hell for this...
Why are there no Baby Amtraks?
Because they pullout of the station on time...
That one IS bad. ;)
i dont get it
I've never been on an Amtrak train that "pulled out" on time
We have two Amtrak trains that originate here in Charlotte.
They pretty much always pull out on time.
... now ARRIVING on time is a different story.
Lattayards wrote: Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.
Depends on the spacing between the parallel tracks.
Scott - Dispatcher, Norfolk Southern
Have fun with your trains
..or maybe they never make it into the station on time?
Been Nothing Since Frisco - BNSF wrote:Q. why are union pacificslocos painted yellow? A. because there inishals are U P
Q. why are union pacificslocos painted yellow?
A. because there inishals are U P
Dr. Frankendiesel aka Scott Running BearSpace Mouse for president!15 year veteran fire fighterCollector of Apple //e'sRunning Bear EnterprisesHistory Channel Club life member.beatus homo qui invenit sapientiam
cbq9911a wrote: Q. Did you hear about the blood test for SPFs (slobbering Pennsy Fans)?A. Draw the blood; if it's tuscan red you've got a SPF.Q. Did you hear about the blood test for Vulcan SPFs?A. Draw the blood; if it's brunswick green you've got a Vulcan SPF.
R. T. POTEET wrote: corsair7 wrote: jeffrey-wimberly wrote:I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.Are there any other kind of Blondes?OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.IrvBe careful! My wife - a natural blonde - sometimes reads this forum looking over my shoulder. I most certainly do not want here beating me severely about the head and shoulders with a cast-iron skillet!
corsair7 wrote: jeffrey-wimberly wrote:I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.Are there any other kind of Blondes?OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.Irv
jeffrey-wimberly wrote:I've heard that one, but with two dumb blondes.
Are there any other kind of Blondes?
OOPS. I better not let my D.I.L. read that one. She's blonde and she was smart enough to catch my wirst born.
Be careful! My wife - a natural blonde - sometimes reads this forum looking over my shoulder. I most certainly do not want here beating me severely about the head and shoulders with a cast-iron skillet!
Hey what your wife doesn't know won't hurt you. I don't tell my wife about my model railroead related purchases and I am still alive.
And as a model railroader I am sure you don't tell her everything.
Yes, this is a German page. cartoons
But the pictures tell themselfes. And: Pictures are linked to a larger view, click on them.
Wolfgang
Pueblo & Salt Lake RR
Come to us http://www.westportterminal.de my videos my blog
dale8chevyss wrote: Guilford Guy wrote:I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time... That one IS bad. ;)
Guilford Guy wrote:I'm going to catch hell for this...Why are there no Baby Amtraks?Because they pullout of the station on time...
Modeling the N&W freelanced at the height of their steam era in HO.
Daniel G.
me no understand foren languege.
Here're a few cartoons.
Enjoy it!
cwclark wrote: marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it...
marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.
The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it...
Flashwave wrote: marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.That much is a censored phrase.
That much is a censored phrase.
loathar wrote: cwclark wrote: marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?: the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuckI've driven across Texas. I definitely got THAT joke!
cwclark wrote: marknewton wrote:I don't get it either. What's a "G--D-----" when it's at home?Cheers,Mark.The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?: the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck
The joke is that Texas is such a big state that it takes a few days to travel thru it....Have you not heard the words of wit?: the sun has risen, the sun has set, and here we are in Texas yet....gee...i'm a poet and don't even know it!....chuck
I've driven across Texas. I definitely got THAT joke!
Lattayards wrote:4 hours of eastbound train travel from New Orleans would probably put you in Florida.Kind of reminds me of the problem I give my Algebra students: a train leaves NYC heading west at 50 mph and an hour later a train leaves Chicago heading east on a parallel track at 40 mph. If it's 800 miles between NYC and Chicago, how far apart are the trains when they meet?Don't work too hard on this one, remember the subject of this post.
Just a few feet!!
Q: Why are some flatcars depressed?
A: Because they have a low opinion of themselves.
Two fellows who stayed way-too-long at a New York City bar try to make their way home. As they stagger down the sidewalk, one accidentally goes down a subway entrance and emerges several blocks away, rejoining his friend.
"Hey, where 'ya been?" says his friend.
"Man!" said the other, "I've just been stumbling around in some guy's basement, and you should see his train set!!!"
Jim
The difference between a fairie tale and a railroad story:
A fairie tale begins "Once upon a time"; A railroad story begins "This aint no s**t"
New Yorker: Where does this train track go, farmer?
Vermonter: Don't go nowhere. It's been in the same place since I was born.
Israel is a small country as countries go but you reminded of this story.
A Texan goes to visit a Kibbutz (cooperative farm) in Israel to see how they do things there. While taking to his guide he says the following:
Ya know I've got so much land back in Texas that I can get into my car and ride in it all day and still not come to the end of my land.
The Israeli answers:
"I once had a car like that!"
I like the 'chicken' one,but it could'nt have happened on a UK HST-if shot from the front,an unthawed chicken would have finished up in the Diner,4 cars back,most of the front was Fibre-glass
Steve
I first heart the "chicken gun" story in the 70s, it was the U.S. Air Force that built the gun to test the canopies of jet fighters, and a team of not-too-bright technicians who didn't thaw the chicken.
I don't know if I've shared my signs of model railroad addiction on this board before, but in any case, here is the link...
How to To Tell If You're a Model Train Addict
And the thread where people added some of their own in the About.com forum is here.
Best!
vsmith wrote: (one for the Urban Legend Department)NASA DEVICE TESTS HIGH SPEED TRAIN SAFETY: Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab. Horrified Brittons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken".
(one for the Urban Legend Department)NASA DEVICE TESTS HIGH SPEED TRAIN SAFETY:
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.
Horrified Brittons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken".
Don't know about the actual situation but Mythbusters did one like this
Ok you asked for it,
About the 'Ghan train, a somewhat famous train running to Alice Springs, and before it was rebuilt recently of having quite a reputation for slow service due to very bad track - 20mph max for 800 miles!
Worried and very pregnant woman catches the attention of the conductor on the 'Ghan one fine day:
"Mr conductor, I am very worried that if we do not get to Alice Springs on time, I just might be into labor right here on the train."
"Madam, you should have thought about that when you boarded, being that you are in this condition."
"But sir, when I boarded this train, I wasn't in this condition!"
Why can't the engineer be electrocuted?
Because he's not a conductor!
There was the time that the president of the Maryland and Pennsylvania (short-line) Railroad demanded to get a free pass to ride the Pennsylvania Railroad. In exchange, he said, he'd give the president of the Pennsy a pass over the Ma & Pa.
"What good is that?" asked the PRR's president. "Your railroad is a hundred times shorter than ours!"
"Ah," said the president of the Ma & Pa, "but it's just as wide!"
In the early 20th century, there were many coal mines in the Canadian Rockies, including some in what is now Banff National Park.
On Saturday nights, many miners would ride into Banff and have a cup of tea or glass of lemonade, or just possibly, something stronger.
One Saturday, an inebriated miner missed the last train home. He wandered across to the yard, found an engine in steam, backed it out onto the main line, and drove it to his mine, stopped it, went to the bunk-house, and fell asleep.
He was charged with "theft of a locomotive" by the Canadian Pacific Rly., but he couldn't remember a thing about it.
The trial went like this:
Defense counsel: Was the engine on CPR property before my client moved it?
CPR: Yes.
Def: Was it on CPR tracks when he left it?
Def: Did it at any time leave CPR tracks?
CPR: No.
Def: Then where is the theft?
Magistrate: Case dismissed.
I once heard a story about a railroad crew that befriended a monkey named Bobo. The railroaders would play with Bobo and feed him and really treat him nice. In fact, they taught the monkey to give hand signals and run the engine and to even read a switch list and switch out the cars. Soon Bobo got to be so good at it that the guys would let the monkey do their work while they went fishing. One day the Trainmaster caught the guys fishing while Bobo was doing the work. All of the railroaders got fired on the spot. A couple of months later the railroaders got a letter from the company. It was a great flowery piece and reinstated all of the railroaders to their former positions with all back pay. It was signed by Trainmaster Bobo.
At a station stop, the railroad's president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. "You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!" After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said "you couldn't possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 mph and we never saw you go by us!"
Another pretty old one that still, somehow, feels like it could have been from today ....
TRAVELER: "What's the use of you having a time table if your rotten trains never stick to it?!"
PORTER: " Well, sir... how would you even KNOW they was runnin' late if NOT for the timetable?"
Last one from me - I think :-)
Stein
-Morgan
I'm not allowed to run the trainThe whistle I can't blow…I'm not allowed to say how farThe railroad cars can go.I'm not allowed to shoot off steam,Nor even clang the bell…But let the *** train jump the trackAnd see who catches Hell!
this ones a blond joke,
there was a blond, bernet and a red head in the woods , they were starving but had a gun. the burnet said "I'm gona get my some food" so she comes back with a deer and the other two ask" were did ya get that?" the burnet said" I saw some tracks, followed the tracks, saw a deer, shot the deer, deer stop dead in its tracks. the red said" I'm gona get me some super, so she came back with an elk and the other two asked were did ya get that, she said" I saw some tracks, followd the tracks, saw an elk, shot the elk. so the bolnd said she was gona her soma food, with brken bones, scrapes and bruzez, so the other to asked were did ya get thoughs? she said," I saw some tracks, followed the tracks, saw a train, shot the train, train dont stop.
It was midnight, as two dumb blonds rounded Horseshoe Curve in the Pennsy's Broadway Limited observation car on top of the Allegehenies.
The natural blond asked her friend: "I wonder which is closer? The moon or Chicago?
The bleached blond replied: "Duh! Can you see Chicago from here?"
Conemaugh Road & Traction circa 1956
twhite wrote: A true story, according to railroad historian Lucius Beebe:Not long after the "Sunset Limited" was inagurated in the early 1900's, a gentleman who had boarded in New Orleans asked the conductor where they were after about four hours of east-bound travel. "Just entering Texas, sir." The next morning, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor. "Just leaving San Antonio, Texas, sir." Late that night, before retiring, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor. "Still in Texas, sir," the Conductor nodded. The gentleman looked at the Conductor and said, "You, sir are a G--D----- LIAR!" Tom
A true story, according to railroad historian Lucius Beebe:
Not long after the "Sunset Limited" was inagurated in the early 1900's, a gentleman who had boarded in New Orleans asked the conductor where they were after about four hours of east-bound travel.
"Just entering Texas, sir."
The next morning, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor.
"Just leaving San Antonio, Texas, sir."
Late that night, before retiring, the gentleman again inquired of the conductor.
"Still in Texas, sir," the Conductor nodded.
The gentleman looked at the Conductor and said, "You, sir are a G--D----- LIAR!"
Tom
Tim: I'm missing the funny. Get the part of Texas being on the wrong side of an Eastbound...
Ibeamlicker wrote:So I place an order with Internettrains,wait thats not funny!
Now that there's funny!
So Kowalski and Bolewicz are out hunting in the woods when they come across a set of tracks...
"Them's is Bear tracks" declares Kowalski.
"You're off your rocker... them's is deer tracks" corrected Bolewicz. They bickered back and forth for almost an hour.
Sadly, before they could resolve the question, they were hit by the train...
Shecky
Route of the Alpha Jets www.wmrywesternlines.net
Two guys are walking through the woods when they encounter a set of tracks.
"Looks like bear tracks," says the first.
"Does not," says the second. "Those are distintly deer tracks."
While they are hashing this issue over they get run over by a train!
Dave Vollmer wrote: R. T. POTEET wrote: Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.Your cinicism is showing?Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?Yep, done...http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/theses/available/etd-06242008-170545/Leaving for Omaha next week...!
R. T. POTEET wrote: Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.Your cinicism is showing?Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?
Dave Vollmer wrote:Precision Craft Models' N scale line.
Your cinicism is showing?
Did you successfully defend your dis? and, if so, are you in Omaha-ha-ha yet?
Yep, done...
http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/theses/available/etd-06242008-170545/
Leaving for Omaha next week...!
From someone who probably should have but never quite made it I extend my hardiest congrats to someone who did; now what is the prospect of a silver leaf in your future? We used to say that a light colonel was a major who polished all the gold off his leafs!
Canadian Nantional...
trainboyH16-44 wrote: Oh, Atmo, I have a quote just for you. There was a display with some tankers in a gorge, and this little kid asked me who put them there. My loud, clear, and overly stage-voice responce: "E. Hunter Harrison, Chief Executive Officer of CN rail!" Then I left.
Oh, Atmo, I have a quote just for you. There was a display with some tankers in a gorge, and this little kid asked me who put them there. My loud, clear, and overly stage-voice responce: "E. Hunter Harrison, Chief Executive Officer of CN rail!" Then I left.
My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/JR7582 My Flickr Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wcfan/
Tom View my layout photos! http://s299.photobucket.com/albums/mm310/TWhite-014/Rio%20Grande%20Yuba%20River%20Sub One can NEVER have too many Articulateds!
3 scientists and 3 lawyers are lined up at the ticket booth. The lawyers buy 1 ticket each, and the scientists buy 1 ticket between all 3 of them. "What are you doing?" said the lawyers. "Don't you each need a ticket?"
"Watch and learn," replied the scientists. "Watch and learn."
As the conductor entered the car, the 3 scientists all went down to the other end, and all squeezed into the lavatory together. The conductor knocked on the door, saying "Ticket, please," and they slipped out their 1 ticket to him through a slot in the door.
On the way back, the 3 lawyers winked at each other, and only bought 1 ticket. But, they noticed that the 3 scientists didn't buy any at all. "What now?" asked the lawyers.
"Watch and learn," repeated the scientists. "Watch and learn."
On the car, the scientists went into one lavatory, and the lawyers into the other. One of the scientists then left the lavatory, went to the other, knocked and said, "Ticket please."
"Shhhh, don't let that locomotive hear you."
"Huh? Locomotives can't hear."
"Sure they can. They have engine ears."
Another one from down under:
This bloke got on the Southern Aurora in Melbourne, planning to get off in Albury. When the conductor came around and checked his ticket, he was alarmed to learn that the train didn't stop at Albury! "But it is imperative that I get off at Albury", but passenger complained. "Couldn't you get the train to stop and let me off?", he pleaded. The conductor thought for a moment then suggested, "No, we are definitely not allowed to stop there, but I've got an idea. I'll ask the driver to slow down as much as possible, and I'll help you get off the train on the move. If you just jump off, you will land flat on your face and badly injure yourself, so I will hold you out the door and you start running. When your legs are running fast enough, I'll lower you onto the platform. Just make sure that you stop running before we get to the end of the platform!". The passenger agreed to this, so as they entered the platform and the driver slowed down, the conductor held the bloke out the door as he said he would. The bloke started running furiously, but the train was about half way up the platform before the conductor lowered him. He managed to keep his balance as he raced towards the end of the platform, gradually slowing down. Just as the rear of the train passed him, a hand grabbed his collar and he was yanked back into the train! He turned around to see the guard with a big grin on his face saying to him, "Thought you missed it, didn't you?!"
Smile, Stein
A couple of announcements that were supposed to have been heard over the Public Address system in a British railway station: "Will the passengers who took the 3:15 to Ipswich please bring it back? It's needed." "The 4:00 to Brighton is now standing on Platform 9: but we hope, in the due course of time, to have it back on the tracks again." "The train now arriving on tracks 3, 4, 5, and 6... is coming in sideways!"
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[About the 'Ghan train, a somewhat famous train running to Alice Springs, and having quite a reputation for slow service due to very bad track - 20mph max for 800 miles!] Worried and very pregnant woman catches the attention of the conductor on the 'Ghan one fine day: "Mr conductor, I am very worried that if we do not get to Alice Springs on time, I just might be into labor right here on the train." "Madam, you should have thought about that when you boarded, being that you are in this condition." "But sir, when I boarded this train, I wasn't in this condition!"
GARRY
HEARTLAND DIVISION, CB&Q RR
EVERYWHERE LOST; WE HUSTLE OUR CABOOSE FOR YOU
WHy do Thomas and Percy wobble from side to side when they roll down the tracks?
Because they're tank(ed).
And you thought YOURS was bad!
Chuck [modeling Central Japan in September, 1964 - with LOTS of (sober) tank locos)
A lady was on a train bound to Grand Central Terminal. When the conductor passed her by, she stopped him to ask, "Conductor, does this train stop at Grand Central?"
The conductor, straight faced, replied, "Lady if it doesn't there's gonna be one hell of a wreck."
Why couldn't the steam engine sit down?
Because it had a tender behind.
I know its bad!
loathar wrote:TYCO! And Penn Central...
...rolled into one.