If the original poster is honest and serious about what was posted to start this thread, then I can honestly say he needs a dose of reality, and some serious therapy. It sounds from his description that instead he was a serious hindrance to a relationship based on the info provided. How dare any woman want attention, or not understand that trains can be all over the house, or that bills from the LHS and online continue to deplete the family's funds !
If this is true, this is a great example of an extreme foamer/train nerd.....no decent woman desrves to be largely ignored and expected to "understand" such selfish, immature and bizzare behavior. People like this make me wonder if I want to have any part of the hobby, thankfully there are many well balanced people out there. If sacraficing time, space and money on your choo choos can't be infringed upon by the needs and opinions of another person you are the one who is reality challenged and need some serious help. Maybe getting off on pictures of trains is really all you need so why mess up someone else's life ?
It would make everything alot easier if women could figure out that boys don't grow up. They just get bigger (more expensive) toys.
Gary
I haven't read this entire thread, it's four pages worth of something that has nothing to do with model railroading, so I don't know if anyone else has this same thought. If what you say in your orginal post is true, this new woman in your life needs to run from you. Honestly, a hobby is more important to you than a lifetime commitment you made to another person?
However, I suspect that you haven't come near giving us all the facts and that this post is your effort at a little humor; at least I hope that's the case.
Ray
Dave Vollmer wrote: They say that women enter into a marriage hoping to change the man, but men enter into it hoping the woman never changes. The truth is that both parties will need to sacrifice some.
They say that women enter into a marriage hoping to change the man, but men enter into it hoping the woman never changes. The truth is that both parties will need to sacrifice some.
That is soo true! It took many years of on again, off again dating for my wife and I to figure that one out.
pastorbob wrote: WN5L wrote: Years ago when I was married, my ex-wife nagged (cranked actually) all the time about my model railroading. Wasn't spending enough time with her, spending to much money, took up all the living space in the house, etc. She had no concept of reality! I was left with no other choice but to run her off!Nowadays, I'm single and can devote all my time, energy, space, and money to the model railroad. much better, much happier! The problem is : I've met a girl who likes to build scenery (Shes actually pretty good at it!) and likes to railfan the narrow gauge on camping trips to Colorado. She seems to have a concept of reality! She brought up the marriage business the other day. Frankly, I don't know what to do?You know, reading this post again, I am struck by your contradiction in your statement. You say after "running off your first wife", you could devote all your time, energy, etc. to model railroad. If that is true, why are you meeting new girls who like to build scenery and mention marriage? In all my years of doing marriage counseling, I have met several like you, and the chances of ever making it in marriage are pretty slim. You may think it is funny, but your attitude makes you macho in the eyes of some, but foolish in the eyes of others.Enjoy your trains, they will be a great comfort in old age.Bob
WN5L wrote: Years ago when I was married, my ex-wife nagged (cranked actually) all the time about my model railroading. Wasn't spending enough time with her, spending to much money, took up all the living space in the house, etc. She had no concept of reality! I was left with no other choice but to run her off!Nowadays, I'm single and can devote all my time, energy, space, and money to the model railroad. much better, much happier! The problem is : I've met a girl who likes to build scenery (Shes actually pretty good at it!) and likes to railfan the narrow gauge on camping trips to Colorado. She seems to have a concept of reality! She brought up the marriage business the other day. Frankly, I don't know what to do?
Years ago when I was married, my ex-wife nagged (cranked actually) all the time about my model railroading. Wasn't spending enough time with her, spending to much money, took up all the living space in the house, etc. She had no concept of reality! I was left with no other choice but to run her off!
Nowadays, I'm single and can devote all my time, energy, space, and money to the model railroad. much better, much happier!
The problem is : I've met a girl who likes to build scenery (Shes actually pretty good at it!) and likes to railfan the narrow gauge on camping trips to Colorado. She seems to have a concept of reality! She brought up the marriage business the other day. Frankly, I don't know what to do?
You know, reading this post again, I am struck by your contradiction in your statement. You say after "running off your first wife", you could devote all your time, energy, etc. to model railroad. If that is true, why are you meeting new girls who like to build scenery and mention marriage? In all my years of doing marriage counseling, I have met several like you, and the chances of ever making it in marriage are pretty slim. You may think it is funny, but your attitude makes you macho in the eyes of some, but foolish in the eyes of others.
Enjoy your trains, they will be a great comfort in old age.
Bob
I kinda thought the same thing pastorbob. Some guys mistake macho for "el jerko." A woman's make-up includes time where she needs to be loved, needs to be felt as if she is needed, and needs valuable time spent with her (Time not involving trains every waking hour of the day.) If all of that time is spent in a trainroom especially when some of that time could be spent with the miss'us, then for sure, the marriage won't go too far. Maybe our friend here may need to just look at being single the rest of his life if he's that devoted to his trains. No sense in getting into another relationship which will end in hurting her too.
I too have been there in my youth. Getting so wrapped up in the trains that I forget about my family, friends, and responsibilites that that inccurs. It wasn't the nail in the coffin so to speak, but was a contributing factor in why my first marriage didn't work out. When I met my now, new wife and made the decision to marry her, I made a vow to make sure she was taken care of and she will always come before the trains. Even if i have to give up a Saturday or two to do what she likes. Trains are fun no doubt, but not at the cost of losing a family you are supposed to be in love with....chuck
When my wife and I started dating I informed her right away that there would trains around the house. That I intended to build a layout and that any house we get would have to have that taken into consideration. She was fine with that, with three stipulations. 1.) I could model whatever era I wanted, so long as the motive power was steam. 2.) She got a circus train, about 2 rings worth. 3.) that our kids would be able to play on the layout with THIER engines and our supervision.
To that end we now have a two ring circus, circus wagons, more steam than I thought I would ever own, and now I want more steam. WE have agreed that any rolling stock or engine (I started into electrics) built beyond 1955 is not going to be knowingly purchased for the layout, and I try and limit it to 1939-1941 but some cars are just too tempting. Cars would generally be from the midwest or midwest lines, with some exceptions, Cattle Cars, tank cars, and chemical cars, and one in 6 box car, flat, refeer and coal cars would be from outside. (I now have a very good inventory of what I have)
Now when we go to train shows or to the hobby stores she is the one that is scouring through the kits and RTR stuff for things that would look good on the layout. Myself it's hmmm, I have a DM&IR engine, need a caboose, didn't find one than I don't need to purchase any thing. My wife, "ohhh this is cute, and so is this and this. Here you go hon, we'll get these and you put them together."
So no I don't think my wife has hindered my hobby at all. I think she had aided and abetted it. Contributed to the reclusiveness of her husband and generally figured out a way that I want to stay home. besides which I like working on the club layout with her. She is a much better landscape designer than I am.
Well said, Paster Bob. I obviously don't know anything personally about the OP or some of the other responders, but I was somewhat taken aback by some of the posts in this thread.
In order to avoid the risk of igniting a flame war as best I can, I'll just say that marrying my first (and so far only) wife was the greatest decision I've ever made, and I feel like she was a gift from (fill in your choice of diety or non-diety here; mine is God). That she's been so supportive of my hobby has only made me love her more.
They say that women enter into a marriage hoping to change the man, but men enter into it hoping the woman never changes. The truth is that both parties will need to sacrifice some. But if one party expects the other to make major personality changes in order to make the marriage work, it seems to me that it won't.
Short answer is if your lady doesn't accept your trains now, she never will. If she does now and doesn't expect you to change, she's probably better suited for you. Just help her out a bit and spend as much time with here as you do your trains!
Good luck.
Modeling the Rio Grande Southern First District circa 1938-1946 in HOn3.
My wife wasn't too thrilled about my hobby until I somehow incorporated it into family time with my kids. My wife is supportive of my spending more time with the kids, and model railroading allows me to do that. Your wife probably won't be supportive if you take off on your own for long stretches of time...maybe leaving her to fend for herself with the household chores and kids. You should be able to work out a compromise...
If you are going to make your decision based on the advise of "virtual" anonymous friends on a forum, then cut her loose. She deserves someone better. Now: about her phone number......
Dave
Lackawanna Route of the Phoebe Snow
Chuck Geiger wrote: If my wife of 32 years says "your choo choo's" one more time....TO THE MOON ALICE. She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
If my wife of 32 years says "your choo choo's" one more time....TO THE MOON ALICE. She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
The phrase shows your age.
It evolved over the years.
Original: "One of these days, Alice... Pow, right to the moon."
Middle of the run: "To the moon, Alice ... To the moon."
Toward the end: "Bang ... zoom!"
lol.
***Ryan, that's a great story. Yup, you have a winner wife there for sure.
***Glenn, my wife would rather be out in the pasture with her miniature Zebu cows than around most people anyday. She calls it: getting her "bovine therapy" after working in the ER.
Rob
HEdward wrote: spectratone wrote: HEdward wrote: Vail and Southwestern RR wrote: Everyone should have a pet bison. Do they use a litter box or do you have to walk them?my friend and I have 6 of them . They will eat out of my hand and let me pet them but I,m not getting in there with them. You would not believe how fast and strong they are. But I would rather be with them then my first wife any day. They don,t smoke, drink, or do drugs and have all their hair and less wrinkles.glenn Fair enough, but do they block the tracks of your garden railway?
spectratone wrote: HEdward wrote: Vail and Southwestern RR wrote: Everyone should have a pet bison. Do they use a litter box or do you have to walk them?my friend and I have 6 of them . They will eat out of my hand and let me pet them but I,m not getting in there with them. You would not believe how fast and strong they are. But I would rather be with them then my first wife any day. They don,t smoke, drink, or do drugs and have all their hair and less wrinkles.glenn
HEdward wrote: Vail and Southwestern RR wrote: Everyone should have a pet bison. Do they use a litter box or do you have to walk them?
Vail and Southwestern RR wrote: Everyone should have a pet bison.
Everyone should have a pet bison.
Do they use a litter box or do you have to walk them?
my friend and I have 6 of them . They will eat out of my hand and let me pet them but I,m not getting in there with them. You would not believe how fast and strong they are. But I would rather be with them then my first wife any day. They don,t smoke, drink, or do drugs and have all their hair and less wrinkles.
glenn
Fair enough, but do they block the tracks of your garden railway?
I wish I had that problem.
A wife can be very supportive, like mine. She knew going in that I was a train buff and model railroader way before we tied the knot! My second layout was already in full swing when we first met, as a matter of fact she was excited about it too.
Heck, last weekend she and I and my son spent 3 hours at the train show, heck, she even brought one of her co-worker friends along too!
Here is another neat story, yesterday on the way home from work I called Kim at Train Buddy to see if any of my back ordered items had come in yet and chatted with him for about 10 minutes. Come to find out later that night at dinner my mother-in-law surprises me with a late birthday gift from non other than.....Train Buddy. She and my wife had gone to Train Buddy earlier in the day and spent an hour and half in the morning getting me the surprise train gift, now if that ain't love, I don't know what is. My wife called up to make sure they were open and they set the whole thing and were able maintain the well kept secret all day, even with my phone call to Kim the same day.
Gotta love my wife, not only does she support model railroading, but she encourages it too!
My mother-in-law wants me to get into some Burlington Northern stuff since her dad worked the railroad years ago. "The way of the Zepher"
Ryan BoudreauxThe Piedmont Division Modeling The Southern Railway, Norfolk & Western & Norfolk Southern in HO during the merger eraCajun Chef Ryan
If i were you i'd wait for awhile and really get to know her. My mistake with my first wife was that we were extremely young and only knew each other a few weeks and made the stupidest decision of our lives to get married. Our interests and personalities were the difference between night and day and towards the end of the marriage we were about to kill each other before it was all said and done. (She took a baseball bat to my layout and you don't know how close I came to putting the same said weapon upside her head when she did that.) The thought of being Bubba's bunkmate in prison for the rest of my life was the only thing keeping me from bashing in her brains like she did to my layout.
I remarried, but the second time around we dated for over a year before tying the knot. We got to know each other real well before saying the I do's. Everyone has some quirks and the perfect mate is a thing from a fiction story book. 9 times out of 10 we agree on just about everything and the quirks are so small that it's not worth the hassle arguing about.
I did well when remarrying and i couldn't have asked for a better mate this time around but the reason why this marriage is good is that we got to know each other and didn't rush into it. My wife isn't into the trains like me but she supports my hobby 100%, she can cook, takes care of the house, and loves me with all her heart. What more could a guy ask for?...chuck
Seek a counsler not a train forum for advice
My wife got me started in the hobby (though she didn't quite realize it at the time). When she was pregnant with our first son I told her that the first Christmas he would get a train. She jumped the gun and gave me a train while she was pregnant. The next day I found a copy of MR on the newstand and learned that there was a hobby called model railroading.
Over the years she has tolerated the hobby and even gone to a few train shows and some railfanning. From time to time she has even bought me some more trains for Christmas. But then I always put her and the boys ahead of the trains.
Well two of the boys are on their own and the last one is finishing up college, so it's her and me as we head into retirement in a couple of years. Married 39 years, she still comes before the trains and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Enjoy
Paul
jasperofzeal wrote: Chuck Geiger wrote: ... She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail. Whenever I see a response like this, it makes me wonder if you had no hobby, would really be out there doing illegal things. I'm sure you're a decent man and know better, so saying that trains keeps you out of trouble is kind of extreme, at least to me it seems extreme. I also get a kick of the ones who say that trains keeps them out of bars and from chasing other women. They're either alcoholic cheaters or not, trains has nothing to do with that.I'm glad that my girlfriend is understanding of my hobbies. The other night I came home and saw her thumbing through the Walthers sales flyer that comes every month. I guess she's getting ideas on what I may like .As much as I enjoy being involved with my toys, I realize that there are a lot of things that train can't give me that my girlfriend can (mind out of the gutter). I may consider myself a "lone wolf" when it comes to trains, but not in matters of the heart.
Chuck Geiger wrote: ... She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
... She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
Whenever I see a response like this, it makes me wonder if you had no hobby, would really be out there doing illegal things. I'm sure you're a decent man and know better, so saying that trains keeps you out of trouble is kind of extreme, at least to me it seems extreme. I also get a kick of the ones who say that trains keeps them out of bars and from chasing other women. They're either alcoholic cheaters or not, trains has nothing to do with that.
I'm glad that my girlfriend is understanding of my hobbies. The other night I came home and saw her thumbing through the Walthers sales flyer that comes every month. I guess she's getting ideas on what I may like .
As much as I enjoy being involved with my toys, I realize that there are a lot of things that train can't give me that my girlfriend can (mind out of the gutter). I may consider myself a "lone wolf" when it comes to trains, but not in matters of the heart.
Here in this home, I cannot get arrested playing with trains and there is no trouble after sunset. It's a happy home. Downtown things get dangerous after sundown sooo... having a pursuit that keeps one off the street is the best way.
In fact, the spouse approved a glass topped corner table for the work bench so I can continue to build stuff for the train layout. With that kind of support, it's kinda hard to find issues.
However, I will say that if you have wedding bells calling, you better have the train stuff rolling long before the girlfriend "Future wife" gets into your life. You dont want to be bring in trains AFTER the vows.
I told my wife when we were dating that there will be trains in the home. At first it was "Aww how cute" then "Wow.. how MUCH!?" then.. WHAT's ALL THIS?
After the smoke cleared the trains were still there but with rules lol.
WN5L,
The young lady you have met is someone you obviously have a lot in common with. Furthermore, she supports you and encourages you in areas that few other people might do.
Something you must concider; a wife is to be a helpmate. Do you see your girlfriend in this way? Is she a partner, a total equal, in your life? Can you imagine life without her now that you've come to know her? Can you picture in your mind how you would feel if she were to be taken from you, and is that an almost unthinkable emotion? Can you imagine her life without you? Would the absence of you cause those same horrible feelings to well up within her?
These are important questions for you to concider. And the answer to your question lies in the answers to the questions I've asked of you.
The issue of money is not an issue when it comes to marriage as some have suggested. Yes, you have to deal with money as a married person, but the selfish attitude that can surround money is not something that you want to base a decision of a marriage on. Too many marriages have been destroyed over the love of money rather then the love for a spouse. Divorce, people living together without commiting to marriage, bitter & cold marriages that are devoid of real love and emotion, prenuptial agreements; these are the results of the love of money above the love for another person. Marriage is an issue of the heart, and money just doesn't belong in the heart.
My wife has been very supportive. She's even helpd me display my layout at shows! She's always been more interested in layoit construction than operation; in spite of having helped with the basic benchwork and scenery (my last layout had a rather large mountain that was all her work), she has yet to ever crack a throttle.
Nevertheless, she knew when she "signed on" 12 years ago that trains were part of the whole Dave package. She never tried to change that. In fact, she helped refocus my somewhat scrambled modeling (turn of the century, Colorado and Pennsylvania) efforts back to my childhood fascination with the Standard Railroad of the World.
While she was at first not thrilled with my scale change from HO to N (she's the keeper of the budget, so she had a better idea than I did about what I had spent), she eventually came around. Especially when she saw that people at swap meets and on eBay were willing to pay top dollar for my HO structures, cars, and locomotives.
Now the only "hinderance" is that I have to run large purchases (like locomotives) past her, again because she is the keeper of the budget. With Chirstmas coming up, and the fact that we will need to put our house on the market next summer (probably at a loss-thanks, housing market crash!), my hobby spending budget is almost nil at the moment. Spare cash will go toward necessary repairs to the house prior to selling.
The good news is that next year we'll be heading to the Omaha, NE area (Offutt Air Force Base), and the cost of living will be much more affordable than here in central NC (this area's pretty upscale-not meant for a GI's paycheck like mine! Plus, the nearest military base is over an hour away). Plus there I'll have the Air Force base functions like the BX and commissary so I can save even more money. Add my 12-year service raise in the Spring, and I'm hoping I can expand my loco roster next year.
As long as the wife OKs it...!
Good Morning!
My short answer to your question is to leave out "model railroading" from your decision to keep things as they are or to get married or whatever. It sounds like at the very least, your girlfriend will support your MR hobby - and at the very best, will actively participate. So you can't lose in this regard, but every other factor should be weighed carefully before you decide.
My "new and improved" second wife of 7 years is very supportive of the hobby and my collection of Lionel postwar and room filling HO layout and other RR stuff. Having her support is all I really want, and I return it in kind supporting her hobbies (computer graphics, etc.). Fortunately, money is not an issue in all this, and I certainly understand that it could be a major factor in husband/wife relationships with modelrailroading.
As an aside, in my 40s and early 50s, I dated for 16 years and often used my HO layout as a dating "test". Most women when they saw it said, "oh, that's nice" or the usual non-model railroader comments. But one woman said as her very first words, "how much did all that cost?" Even though she was the wealthiest woman I dated, that was the beginning of the end.
But when my current wife saw it, she just oooohed and ahhhed over it and even took some HO scale figures and animals home to paint for me. And, she did a terrific job on them! Yes, I married her.
ENJOY,
Mobilman44
ENJOY !
Living in southeast Texas, formerly modeling the "postwar" Santa Fe and Illinois Central
After reading a few of these it just goes to show how important it is to share interest in each others hobbys and life. I know my first wife and I had very little in common . I stuck it out for the kids sake. But when I found Anita my whole life changed for the better. One of her hobbys is sewing. So when she needs a new machine or something I buy it for her. It makes her happy and her hobby more injoyable. Plus I designed my curtains for my 'office' to resemble a parlor car and she made them for me. she makes the grandkids train pajamas. She likes everything I like. Trains, nascar, fishing, camping, She even watchs westerns with me (when she wants to take a afternoon nap). Her daughter will be 17 in dec, I have known her since she was 4. she likes the trains too and is going to build her own section on the layout soon. Her girlfriends think the railroad is cool but her boyfriends arn,t to sure about it. I hope she learns a lesson here.
Glenn ( every dog has his day)
Sounds to me like the first one left a bad taste in your mouth, and you're a bit "gun shy" about the next one. If it were me, I would tell the girlfriend that I got burned real bad by the first marriage, and want to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again. Not that I would be for or against re-marriage, just needed to be sure that I would not be making another mistake.
Now in my case.......uhh, we won't discuss that.
Brad
EMD - Every Model Different
ALCO - Always Leaking Coolant and Oil
CSX - Coal Spilling eXperts