Why marry? Can't you just live together and be happy?
I'm married since 35 years and I'm still happy to be together with here but the marriage happend at those days only for her (financial) protection. The times have changed and at this time you can avoid the legal and financial risk of a marriage and enjoy a happy partnership.
Reinhard
Chuck Geiger wrote: ... She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
... She loves that I have a hobby like this, keeps me out of jail.
Whenever I see a response like this, it makes me wonder if you had no hobby, would really be out there doing illegal things. I'm sure you're a decent man and know better, so saying that trains keeps you out of trouble is kind of extreme, at least to me it seems extreme. I also get a kick of the ones who say that trains keeps them out of bars and from chasing other women. They're either alcoholic cheaters or not, trains has nothing to do with that.
I'm glad that my girlfriend is understanding of my hobbies. The other night I came home and saw her thumbing through the Walthers sales flyer that comes every month. I guess she's getting ideas on what I may like .
As much as I enjoy being involved with my toys, I realize that there are a lot of things that train can't give me that my girlfriend can (mind out of the gutter). I may consider myself a "lone wolf" when it comes to trains, but not in matters of the heart.
TONY
"If we never take the time, how can we ever have the time." - Merovingian (Matrix Reloaded)
mearrin69 wrote: (Wife) watches a lot of 'crime drama' and documentaries on serial killers (okay, that bit scares me).
(Wife) watches a lot of 'crime drama' and documentaries on serial killers (okay, that bit scares me).
Reminds me of this radio interview I heard where they asked this woman who had been married to the same man for 50 years : "Did you ever consider divorce?".
No idea if the husband was a model railroader, but he might have been.
She replied : "No. But I have occationally considered murder!"
Grin, Stein
Maybe we should turn the question around and ask: "Is a model railroader a hindrance to his wife (or her husband)?" There's always at least two ways of looking at a story.
Tom
https://tstage9.wixsite.com/nyc-modeling
Time...It marches on...without ever turning around to see if anyone is even keeping in step.
Everyone should have a pet bison.
Jeff But it's a dry heat!
Cederstrand wrote:***Anita, is that a pet Bison of yours?Guys & gals, what an entertaining thread this is. Have enjoyed reading (and relating to) many of the comments. Rob
***Anita, is that a pet Bison of yours?
Guys & gals, what an entertaining thread this is. Have enjoyed reading (and relating to) many of the comments. Rob
Yes, that is a pet of ours. We also had a pig at one time. And I'm not talking about my boyfreind. Although he can eat alot.
anita
Marry her?? Nah, as the old saying goes, 'why buy the cow when you're getting the scenery for free??'
BTW today we renegotiated our (well really my) mortgage so we could get $25000 to pay off bills from my wife / her daughter / her mom...but of course I was the one who couldn't control my spending when she found out I had spent $55 on a new locomotive!!
My spouse has rules:
1- Trains one room.
2- Monthly Budget.
3- One Big ticket holiday gift per year.
4- If I dont want a train item, sell on ebay and use money towards replacement or new train item.
5- Never sneak anything into the house.
6- I get two hobby shop runs per month without any nagging or trouble.
7- What to do with the trains stuff if I die before she does.
8- Have fun!
That's about it. We may be adding on at some point in the future to isolate the trains/workshop from rest of house and free up the room for other uses.
Our first Christmas together my first present from her was a Proto 2000 Wabash SW9/1200. Years later when I had all but given up on the idea of having a layout, she kept the ember glowing with regular encouragement. Shortly after our 10th anniversary, when she saw me gawking at a picture of the Kato Super Chiefs, she said "you know you want them, so go ahead". When I said that all my stuff was HO and those were N, she said "so do N". When I said I don't have anywhere to put it, she said "use the diningroom table". When I said we can't afford starting over in another scale, she said "we'll manage".
Hinderance? Not just no, HELL NO!
Reality...an interesting concept with no successful applications, that should always be accompanied by a "Do not try this at home" warning.
Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.
"Oooh...ahhhh...that's how this all starts...but then there's running...and screaming..."
My wife of 29 years at this moment is down in the train room at 10:40PM installing some new curtains around the railroad under the facia. I am on tour for a Santa Fe modelers meet in KC tomorrow. She has made scenery, made many trees while we travel on the road on business trips, is active in the local NMRA group, handled the women's programming for the NMRA national in KC in 1998, has painted scenery, made more trees, assembled a few kit buildings, and is my sweetheart and the love of my life.
That should answer the question for me.
Bob
From a female's perspective, I'll have to say that we can all be of some hinderance! My partner of 12 years (nov. 12 ,don't forget, monday) enjoys his model railroading whenever he wants for as long as he wants. He spends what he wants and I let him. He earns his money. I help him on his layout, not as much as I use to! I go to shows and conventions 9 out of 10 times. He has a train room, we like to call the office. Ha! Ha! I will have to say we have a pretty sweet set-up. We dated for 7 years, lived on the same property for 3 and now we have a new 2000 sq.ft. house on 2 1/2 acres we call mine! He asked me to marry him 5 years ago and some day we will. No date as of right now! I have a full time job as a supervisor which I commute to 2 hrs a day. I work-out 5 days a week after my job and come home and cook dinner. As long as he's fed I pretty much do what I want. Yes he listens to me female dog! (Never about his trains) I'm worth it. I enjoy creating with my boyfriend it brings us closer together. We can enjoy each others company and use our imagination. We both have a good sense of humor and that makes for a good relationship.
Anita
My husband and I model together. In the beginning, we always worked together on the layout. Now because I work part time, I spend more time on the layout. I goes both ways. My advice? Take your time; tell her your concerns; and ask for patience. If she really loves you, it will last.
Sue
Anything is possible if you do not know what you are talking about.
wm3798 wrote:If the trains are your be all and end all, I suggest you get a dog for companionship.
If the trains are your be all and end all, I suggest you get a dog for companionship.
Even a dog needs to be fed and walked every now and then...
But seriously, my wife and I are four weeks shy of ten years. She couldn't care less about my railroad, unless it starts leaking out of it's assigned location (yes, she's the neat-freak, and I'm the slob less neat one). When I say "I'm going into the Train Room," she says "Okay, don't stay up too late," knowing that I'll be in there until 2 or 3 in the morning. Is having her a good thing? Absolutely!
My best things:
(1) Wife
(2) Daughter
Everything else is replaceable...
Peter
-----------------------------------
Peter Alexander
"Animation can explain whatever the mind of Man can conceive." -- Walt Disney
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke
Do you take time away from your trains to be with her? If you were married would you spend less time with her and more time with your trains? If push came to shove, which would you rather not have in your life?
Answer these questions honestly and you'll have the answer to your dilemma.
Life is simple - eat, drink, play with trains!
Go Big Red!
PA&ERR "If you think you are doing something stupid, you're probably right!"
Just in case you missed it, if he's gonna run, there are guys that would welcome a supportive spouse. Mine was described on another thread about gifts. Supportive, sorta. I'm actually factoring in her needs in the size and shape of the layout. That and the boys need to be able to let the trains just run at their age. So my O scale train runs and compliments her Dept 56 collection and the HO lines run above leaving a ton of storage space beneath for all her seasonal home decorations.
It's all the rest of our lives that are hindering this endeavor.
Marry her or at least give a fellow modeler a chance(not me)at love.
I think it can go both ways...but it can mirror the relationship in general. When my 1st wife and I were married, the trains got plenty of attention from both of us. As that relationship soured over the next 20 years, the trains started becoming a point of contention (like everything else I said, did or thought).
Fast forward several years, my current (and final) wife (whom I should have married 28 years ago) thinks what I do in the hobby is great! She does not participate in the modeling (even though I have tried) but is a great help at shows and at club functions. She posesses a full appreciation for what I call the "artistry of the hobby", and I am trying to make a railfan out of her (slowly). She's very supportive and I am greatful for it. But then again, she's that way with just about everything I do. From home improvement projects, to fixing the cars, to trying to play guitar (with 10 thumbs),to handling my kids, to cutting the grass, she's always there to lend a hand or support. Thats just the way the relationship is.
Funny thing, about the only thing the ex and the wife both agreed on, they would rather me play with my trains than spend my money at the bar!
Now that is a stupid question.
Rich
If you ever fall over in public, pick yourself up and say “sorry it’s been a while since I inhabited a body.” And just walk away.
Wow what a question. Marriage is about so much more than getting along with each other's hobbies. Generally speaking, you're headed for divorce court if you place a hobby before family, I'd say in those first crucial 10 years or so. My wife still works but I'm retired and every friday I clean the house, and I mean clean it good, from the bathrooms to dusting to vacuuming.. the works. Every Friday. Why shouldn't I! She's still in the work force and I'm not. I take her out to eat often. Heck, she's tired when she comes in.
Someone mentioned that she'll change after the ring is on. Don't we all? At 64 I'm nothing like what I was a 24, and that's a good thing. I don't think I could even stand myself. You should accept the fact that, she may.. not necessarily will... NOT like trains after you're married. Liking trains may be just a way to be around you and show she's interested in what you do. You'd be wise to reciprocate.
The short answer is no one really knows, but she sure sounds like a good partner.. provided she's not a serial killer or something like that.. :)
Jarrell
Cederstrand wrote: [being left alone and doing what I want to when ever I want to without someone finding fault with everything I do.]***I can do all that with my first and only wife. We support each other 100%. The only thing I can't do now is date other women. Rob
[being left alone and doing what I want to when ever I want to without someone finding fault with everything I do.]
***I can do all that with my first and only wife. We support each other 100%. The only thing I can't do now is date other women.
Rob
I resemble that!
My wife established what scale and prototype I would model in July 1960. All it took was a brass locomotive for my birthday!
Later that year we were married. Now, 47 years later, the loco is still running - and so is the marriage.
Sometimes you get lucky!
Chuck (modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)
What's a post count? Well, $0.90 and a post count buys a cup of coffee at your favourite coffee shop.
Bob Boudreau and I must have married sisters, because it is exactly the same for me at 31 years of marriage. She watches her one soap that I tape for her every morning when she is at work or out and about, and also watches her CSI clones...upstairs. The computer and my layout are separated by about 10 linear feet, so I hang out in the basement. In fairness, I do a lot of work on the computer, too.
I suggested to my wife this morning that I had a line on a good deal for a N&W Trainmaster with sound. All I got was a grunt. I guess I shouldn't complain because she agreed to give me a Y6b for Christmas. I figure I am lucky because she really does support my ha...hobby.
To the original question: it depends on the wife.
Mine is not a hinderance and is occasionally helpful. I have odd hobbies like wargaming, robotics, game programming, and model railroading. She does taekwondo (got her black belt about a year ago), knits, makes jewelry, and watches a lot of 'crime drama' and documentaries on serial killers (okay, that bit scares me). She's not much interested in my hobbies and I'm not much interested in hers - but we both listen to the other about our interests as much as we can stand to. :)
We're both in the same business, though, and have worked together for half of our married lives - including at our own company - so I guess we do have that in common. We end up in a lot of very geeky business discussions no matter where we go or what we're doing. Fun.
We were both 20 when we got married and just hit year 17. It's not always 100% smooth but I guess I got pretty lucky. Plus she makes *bank* so I put up with her. ;)
M
wm3798 wrote:This is timely, because this evening my wife and I are celebrating 23 years of marriage.It sounds like your first wife gave up because you probably didn't spend enough time with her, and any man who puts his hobbies ahead of his relationship with his wife is probably not ready for that kind of commitment.That's not to say that you were all wrong and she was all right, but it does sound like neither of you really wanted to work very hard at being married.And make no mistake about it, being married is hard work. We've been through plenty of ups and downs over the years, but we do our best to work through the lows so we can really enjoy the highs. If you throw in the towel over some small thing, again, you're not ready to be married.I enjoy my hobbies, and my wife (generally) is supportive. She doesn't share my interest in trains, but then I don't ride rollercoasters with her. She likes to vacation at a beach house with a zillion relatives, I'd just as soon put my tent in the trunk and the bike on the rack and disappear for four days. But I go to the beach when the time comes, and she likes to camp, but usually only when there's rollercoasters nearby!Together, we enjoy working on our house, raising our kids, and being involved in our community. We have a really good partnership.Will she change after you get married? Count on it. The key is you have to change too. If you accept the fact that you have to make a transition to love and support her, then it's a lot easier to accept that she's going to look at the world differently once you establish your partnership. That's called growing together. If you expect to be the same man at 40 or 50 that you were at 20, again, you're not ready to live with another human being. If the trains are your be all and end all, I suggest you get a dog for companionship.Lee
This is timely, because this evening my wife and I are celebrating 23 years of marriage.
It sounds like your first wife gave up because you probably didn't spend enough time with her, and any man who puts his hobbies ahead of his relationship with his wife is probably not ready for that kind of commitment.
That's not to say that you were all wrong and she was all right, but it does sound like neither of you really wanted to work very hard at being married.
And make no mistake about it, being married is hard work. We've been through plenty of ups and downs over the years, but we do our best to work through the lows so we can really enjoy the highs. If you throw in the towel over some small thing, again, you're not ready to be married.
I enjoy my hobbies, and my wife (generally) is supportive. She doesn't share my interest in trains, but then I don't ride rollercoasters with her. She likes to vacation at a beach house with a zillion relatives, I'd just as soon put my tent in the trunk and the bike on the rack and disappear for four days. But I go to the beach when the time comes, and she likes to camp, but usually only when there's rollercoasters nearby!
Together, we enjoy working on our house, raising our kids, and being involved in our community. We have a really good partnership.
Will she change after you get married? Count on it. The key is you have to change too. If you accept the fact that you have to make a transition to love and support her, then it's a lot easier to accept that she's going to look at the world differently once you establish your partnership. That's called growing together.
If you expect to be the same man at 40 or 50 that you were at 20, again, you're not ready to live with another human being. If the trains are your be all and end all, I suggest you get a dog for companionship.
Lee
This sums it up for me..my last wife was not into my hobby at all...at least my current spouse is supportive but not really as into it as I am...and I stop or limit my time to devote to my family...they will always be more important.
Bob Berger, C.O.O. N-ovation & Northwestern R.R. My patio layout....SEE IT HERE
There's no place like ~/ ;)
When it comes down to it, it's really up to you. No one here can tell you what to do which I'm sure you realize.
I personally won't ever get married again. I learned about women a long time ago and have no illusions about them or what they can do to a guys life. I like being single, being left alone and doing what I want to when ever I want to without someone finding fault with everything I do. As for the guys that are into being married, having kids and always saying how much they love their wives and all that jazz, good for them. It's just not for me.
And that folks is another point added to my post count.
Tracklayer
Route of the Alpha Jets www.wmrywesternlines.net
canazar wrote: I am pretty lucky as my wife is very supportive of the hobby...
I am pretty lucky as my wife is very supportive of the hobby...
Really?? We hadn't noticed... (sweetie)
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If it feels right do it. Besides what's the worse thing that could happen? Hostile Takeover??
Fergie
http://www.trainboard.com/railimages/showgallery.php?cat=500&ppuser=5959
If one could roll back the hands of time... They would be waiting for the next train into the future. A. H. Francey 1921-2007