I had the exact same experience witht he club I belonged to. Pretty much right down to the reasons and all, except in my case, it was a piece of my home layout, not something I built for the club. I donated it with just one condition - that when it was going to have scenery added, I wanted to help out and learn. Imagine my surprise when next week I went back to the club and it was all done.... is there any wonder why my previous layout never got past having the pink foam covered with brown paint, half the rail painted, and maybe 1/4 ballasted....
And indeed, this is a hobby for relaxation and enjoyment. If you are being stressed, or not getting much joy from participating, it's definitely time to change the circumstances.
--Randy
Modeling the Reading Railroad in the 1950's
Visit my web site at www.readingeastpenn.com for construction updates, DCC Info, and more.
hon30critter... I cannot deal with personal conflict. When someone attacks my personal integrity I become extremely upset.
Just so you know, I'm sure there are many who would feel the same way; you are not alone. I too have lost sleep over the way an overbearing personality has negatively affected me - so has my wife. I suspect there are many who have experienced varying degree's of what you have but may not have been clinically diagnosed as well.
Anyway, Dave, you have personally experienced why clubs can be a difficult type of organization to make work. People often don't get along or can be insensitive or worse. The result in the hobby are "lone wolf" model railroaders. You do your own thing at home and no jerks can be offensive. It isn't unusual for those with type A personalities, even with somewhat narcisistic personalities, end up in charge and the rest must go along or as they way, "it's my way or the highway".
I've heard many stories of clubs with difficult social lissues and had a few experiences myself. In one club I was involved with, I built the corner modules and one of them was to be mine. Unfortunately I was in a failing marriage that eventually ended in divorce and the club took my module from me that I was scenicing. It would have been my first effort at a senic'd module but this group had visions of getting in magazines and building contest winning scenes, and me being a beginner with difficulties at home wasn't up to their standards. Due to that experience, and other life events, it was another 15 years before I got to work on a layout of my own and try my hand again at scenery. The world isn't always a kind or patient place.
Anyway, I am sorry to read the downward turn of things with this club, but if you are in the hobby for enjoyment and stress relief, then the logical thing to do is to say adios, and cest la vie.
Rio Grande. The Action Road - Focus 1977-1983
Well, you certainly merit a lot of thanks and congrats for your contributions to this thread. I did not manage to read all of it, but I did read most of the contributions and learned a lot from it.
Clubs can be a tough environment. Our club was the theatre of major clashes last year, and I left the board to become a regular member again. Was the best decision I made. Because of hockey with my sons, and work, I only go to the club about once a month to see some of the guys I really appreciate. I also lend a hand for a few hours from time to time. There is only one mainline at a club, and that can cause a lot of conflicts. For me, the club is there for the social - the real modeling I prefer to do at home. Life is just too short to argue about model train stuff.
Thanks again and I hope you stick around. I will get lonely here if we lose another HOn30 enthusiast! And a fellow Canadian one too!
Simon
I am slowly extracting myself from the club. I have a ton of scenery materials, structure kits, ME bridge kits and files about everything imaginable that need to be transferred. I'm getting two or three emails each day regarding club business. Fortunately I am still on good terms with one of the Executive Committee members so I am forwarding everything to him.
Of course, I have begun to question my decision to quit, but each time I do I ask myself if I am willing to go back and the answer is 'no'. The crap that went on still bothers me deeply. Maybe I'll go back sometime down the road.
I won't post to the thread anymore unless there is some significant change in the situation. Thanks for all of your interest, suggestions and support!
Cheers!!
Dave
I'm just a dude with a bad back having a lot of fun with model trains, and finally building a layout!
richhotrainDave, step back from all of this and take a deep breath. In fact, take a lot of deep breaths. There is nothing to be gained by leaving the club in your current state of mind and for sure nothing to be gained from leaving the hobby. You may ultimately decide to do either or both but don't do anything right now until you can calm down and get back into the right state of mind.
Hi Rich,
I appreciate your advice very much. I have taken many, many deep breaths but my depression persists. In fact, trying to take deep breaths only increases the level of despair.
I have not felt like this since my son died in 2005. This is now the fifth day. I can barely interact with my wife. She is extremely worried and upset. I have had two meals in five days. Only today was I able to sleep.
The fact is that I can't cope with conflict. The perceived criticisms go right to my core. I can tell myself over and over again that the person didn't mean to upset me, but the depression will not quit. The critical comments trigger a very negative response that I am unable to control. I can't just 'get over myself'. That's just not how it works, and anyone who thinks otherwise has never felt the pain that depression causes.
Even when I get back to 'normal', there will still be 'the next time'. That means I have two choices. One is to stay in a situation where 'the next time' is highly likely to occur. The other is to say that I don't wish to take that chance.
I appreciate everyone's support very much. Sorry if I am repeating myself.
hon30critter Thank you for your support Ulrich. It means a great deal to me. I'm still sitting here in a daze wondering why things have gone so sour so quickly with the club. I guess I stepped on somebody's ego. I thought he was a friend. In fact, two years ago he asked me to join him in leading the club out of the quagmire it was in. I can only surmize that what I did offended him as deeply as his response has hurt me. It never intended to hurt him. I only tried to do what I thought was best for the club. Dave
Thank you for your support Ulrich. It means a great deal to me.
I'm still sitting here in a daze wondering why things have gone so sour so quickly with the club. I guess I stepped on somebody's ego. I thought he was a friend. In fact, two years ago he asked me to join him in leading the club out of the quagmire it was in. I can only surmize that what I did offended him as deeply as his response has hurt me. It never intended to hurt him. I only tried to do what I thought was best for the club.
It may not mean much right now, but based on your postings here, you sure did do a lot of positive things for the club. In your first posts about this, you had a group who seemed so indecisive about doing anything that they were doing exactly nothing. A nice home for a layout, but no one seemed to be able to get it together enough to get started. You got them going, and all moving in generally the same direction. Now there's a layout. And you helped get through all that crazy government paperwork. You definitely had a huge positive impact on the club. Hopefully they continue to florish.
hon30critter Hi folks, Well, all good things must come to an end. I have resigned from the club for reasons of protecting my mental health.
Hi folks,
Well, all good things must come to an end. I have resigned from the club for reasons of protecting my mental health.
Before I read your post, I started the morning by reading the latest post on this thread only to discover that you were leaving the club and maybe the hobby.
Dave, step back from all of this and take a deep breath. In fact, take a lot of deep breaths. There is nothing to be gained by leaving the club in your current state of mind and for sure nothing to be gained from leaving the hobby. You may ultimately decide to do either or both but don't do anything right now until you can calm down and get back into the right state of mind.
Your passion for the hobby should be paramount in your thinking right now. It should remain that way. You are a good hearted soul, and I say that from my personal experience and interaction with you. Hang in there, and we will support you. You just need to get past this moment.
Rich
Alton Junction
Dave, I guess you did too good a job, so he felt set back by your success. His fault, not yours! One lesson I learned in my life is that sharing the same interest doesn´t make a friend. It takes much more than that.
Happy times!
Ulrich (aka The Tin Man)
"You´re never too old for a happy childhood!"
Dave, as sad as it is, but you´ve made the right choice!
I was a member of a model railroading club some 40 years ago. When "club life" got in the way of enjoying the hobby, I left - and never looked back.
Thanks Isaac,
Club members tend to change and that’s just how life is! The club my grandpa is part of has very few members, but has quite a few people who were once members and periodically come back and help out if the is an issue which needs their specific expertise!
So Dave, in your case I think you’be made a good choice, but don’t leave the hobby or leave social parts of the hobby. I find interaction with other modelers to be the most enjoyable part of the hobby, and wouldn’t want you to miss out on that! I’m sure you’ll find other ways to enjoy the hobby, and maybe someday the club will change, and maybe it won’t. Either way I hope you’ll keep enjoying your trains!
Sad to see this thread coming to a close, but that’s how things are! I guess when you reach 30+ pages it’s time for something new! Maybe you’ll have to make a new thread for your new layout...
Regards, Isaac
I model my railroad and you model yours! I model my way and you model yours!
Thank you Wayne, Ed and Randy,
Your support is helping me deal with this situation enormously.
I will not give up on the hobby. I am already considering my options.
One is to build a simple double track 5' x 9' oval with both HO and HOn30 tracks so I can run my creations. Years ago I had planned on building a large layout but my back problems have precluded that, but I am willing to try something along that vane ala Darth Santa Fe.
The other is to get involved with the Niagara Region NMRA. I have met several of the members including Richard Hatton, the President, and they are all nice people.
Very sorry to hear how this has ended up, but you are most definitely doing the right thing. Your health is far more important than some model railroad club. Take care of yousrself. You do indeed have a bunch of people here who are behind you.
I'm behind you 100% Dave. You have picked up a few of my own comments on the experiences I had with the small group I was involved in. Egos, politics, one-upmanship, jealousy. It was amazing to see what were presumably "mature adults" behave like bullys in a sandbox.
I'm glad you took a step away. It is truly the intelligent thing to do.
Give yourself credit for preserving your sanity and, in turn, making your life with Dianne wholesome and rewarding.
Get back to running your own layout for relief.
Regards, Ed
Dave, it's disappointing that it has come to this after you've put so much effort into it, but I would suggest that you not let this experience drive you completely from the hobby.
Like Sheldon, I'm not much of a joiner, but I do enjoy getting together with like-minded friends, although not a whole bunch of them at one time.A layout for yourself, and perhaps for a friend or two to visit occasionally, plus simply doing the modelling work that most layouts entail could be a good therapeutic option to settle yourself back to a better state of mind. You certainly have the talent, so don't let it go to waste.
Wayne
Sorry to hear this, Dave.
You have to do what is best for you, and please don't worry what others may think.
You have a lot of friends on this forum, and I hope you know they care for you.
York1 John
Dave, so sorry this has not turned out to be a good experiance.
I have never been much of a joiner, as I explained early in this thread......
I belonged to one model railroad club when I was younger, from age 16 until I was about 25. It was fine, I learned a lot, but had to decide how my time was best spent.
Much later I belonged to a round robin group. A great group of guys, but again, time conflicts with work and family, and a feeling that my time was not always well spent lead me to stop participating.
It is a shame that civility is in such short supply in our culture these days.
I like people in small doses, and prefer one on one interaction rather than groups.
Once I get the new layout going, I will invite the round robin group for a visit or two, as well as other modeler friends, but regular commitments are not something I want at this point.
Good luck, best wishes no matter what you choose to do regarding the hobby.
Sheldon
Wow I am sorry Dave.
I've only belonged to three clubs. The first was a scuba diving club in my teens and 20's. No complaints, moving and work killed the hobby.
Next was a club mentioned in the 1st 2 amendment, in the Bill of Rights. There were some fabulous veterans from WW2 and Korea and there was a click of people that controled the club. The last meeting I attended was several years before I quit, but not that long ago. Many were smoking while a couple members had oxygen generators or amputations related to diabetes.
I belong to a motorcycle club and to quote someone you might know, everything is perfect.
I looked at famous local model railroad club. Several guys were standing bulling around and 2 guy were running trains over what seemed like dirty track. I did not go back.
One of my best friends from the motorcycle club was leading a tour in his native South Africa and stuck his front wheel in the sand and broke his neck. A second friend drove from Florida to Alaska and back, then totaled his bike. I am done with motorcycles but not the club or it's members
While I don't belong to a MR club, the loss of a club would not drive me out of the hobby
Henry
COB Potomac & Northern
Shenandoah Valley
Thanks Dave
Dave:
Sorry to hear this. Your health is more important than anything a club could do for you.
Stay happy, and think some about staying in the hobby.
To explain:
I suffer from severe clinical depression. In my case, that means that I cannot deal with personal conflict. When someone attacks my personal integrity I become extremely upset. Over the past 1 1/2 years one senior member of the club has criticised me harshly on three occassions because he disagreed with something that I had done that I thought was for the benefit of the club. The most recent episode was with regard to the provision of hot food at our next show.
Normally if I have a depressive episode it only lasts for a couple of hours. In each of the three cases with this member's comments, the depressive episodes have lasted for days. This last episode is no different. Since last Wednesday I have been extremely distraught, I have been nauseas, I have barely been able to eat or sleep, and in fact I have barely been able to move. Last night was the final straw. Dianne was in tears out of concern for my well being.
After the second incident I did try to explain to this individual how difficult a time I had dealing with his comments. He proclaimed that it was never his intention to upset me, and I believe that. However, he apparently didn't get my message and I am absolutely unable, given my current state of mind, to raise the issue with him again. Nor am I willing to take on the risk of him upsetting me again in the future. No amount of train running is worth going through this again. That is why I have to leave the club.
Such is the nature of clinical depression. Skeptics would tell me to get over myself and stop being a suck. I have tried desperately to do that. It just doesn't work. The drugs that normally keep me in an upbeat state of mind don't work when things get this bad.
I hope that my openness will help some people to understand mental illness who were previously dismissive of it.
I'm not sure if I am going to stay in the hobby. I have approached a person who buys collections to see what I can get for the bulk of my stuff. I will keep certain items that are important to me.
Thank you for listening. I apologise to everyone for having to bring this thread to a close.
Regards,
rrinker Maybe it's just me, but I'd be disappointed going to a show and not being able to get a reasonable lunch right there on-premise, overpriced though it may be. I think I'd be MORE annoyed if I was there with a family of small kids. Maybe everying is healthier up there and they don't care of they have food readily at hand, could be why we always complain about aisle space at show
Randy:
More Southern Ontario shows do not have food availible for visitors than do. Government regulations pretty much preclude food being sold without a permanent kitchen and licence. Curling rinks, hockey rink O.K., school OK if you use their cafeteria and staff. Other places, just no go.
hon30critterThe good news is that the committee members who quit have come back on board and we all agreed to drop the issue so the dust should settle.
Yes, this brings back memories of the trials and tribulations we went through when the Middlefield club was running. One fellow who was the former president refused to set foot in any establishment that served alcohol.
Well, several of us enjoyed visiting the Towne Taverne (classy joint, notice the "e" at the end of the words) after a Tuesday night work session and it was a nice time to discuss operations and, well, it was kind of like the Diner is here.
It wasn't long before we were accused of "plotting" against the others. "You fellows go over there and get all liquored-up and make crazy plans and exclude anybody else".
Really? Grown adults?
Egos can be so fragile.
I do miss some of it. The rest, not so much.
Middlefield_0001 by Edmund, on Flickr
I would think that just being relieved of the liability of serving the food would be worth having the caterer take care of things.
I hope everyone comes to their senses, Dave. I suspect you are the voice of reason.
Cheers, Ed
So here we are after two days of my trying to be thick skinned, and I will confess that I was totally kidding myself. Some of the comments that were made upset me deeply. The good news is that the committee members who quit have come back on board and we all agreed to drop the issue so the dust should settle.
Or not! The caterer just came back with an offer of cash for letting her serve at the show. That answers all of our needs. The question is: Are the other committee members willing to listen?
I could write a soap opera!
Maybe you are developing a thick skin, but it seems a couple of your members aren't. Realistically, how much revenue would be lost paying the caterer? Considering you got all the other free extras from the venue so that you have more room to have more vendors? Even having to pay a caterer to supervise the food stand, it probably still works out to a net gain for the club, just not as big a one. But a gain is a gain, and forward marketing is still important. Maybe it's just me, but I'd be disappointed going to a show and not being able to get a reasonable lunch right there on-premise, overpriced though it may be. I think I'd be MORE annoyed if I was there with a family of small kids. Maybe everying is healthier up there and they don't care of they have food readily at hand, could be why we always complain about aisle space at shows.
rrinker You must be the first model railroad club that isn't a bunch of chow hounds At least half our people would complain if we set up at a show where there was no food other than bags of chips and things. I'd put it to them that way - would THEY be happy with what they are proposing to offer your customers and vendors?
Good question!
The cafeteria issue blew up in my face today! All I did was offer an alternative idea which had not occurred to me during the Show Committee meeting last night that would allow us to use the caterer without losing revenue. Two of the committee members took great offense to me trying to reopen the discussion after we had made a 'final' decision, and they quit the committee. I won't go into the details.
Now I get to see how good I am at being the President. At first I was quite upset, but I quickly decided to calm down and work very hard at bringing them back on board. I am actually a bit pleased with myself. I never used to have a very thick skin.
You must be the first model railroad club that isn't a bunch of chow hounds At least half our people would complain if we set up at a show where there was no food other than bags of chips and things. I'd put it to them that way - would THEY be happy with what they are proposing to offer your customers and vendors?
rrinker I don't know what visitors have come to expect at your show, but around here, most atendees expect to be able to get a breakfast sandwich or a donut and a cup of coffee in the morning, and later on a hot dog or hamburger and a soda. Switching to only prepackaged snacks (and I think serving hot coffee would be the one thing that would cause you to require the permit) I think would (hmm, not trying for hyperbole but can't think of another way to say it) turn people away and sour them on the show. Especially if the only other option requires them to leave and drive somewhere else for 'real' food.
Hi Randy,
I fully agree! Unfortunately the majority of the Show Committee members don't think that is a big issue. I'm hoping the we don't find out that they are wrong the hard way!
I'm trying to think of ways to change their minds.
BigDaddyYou could invite a couple food trucks.
Hi Henry,
I looked into that last year. There are very few food trucks that operate in the winter outside of downtown Toronto. The ones that might be willing to come to Barrie in February charge a fee upfront and if they don't meet their minimum sales target they expect us to make up the difference. The caterer I have been talking to does not charge any fees and has no minimum sales requirements. In fact, she is willing to give discounts to the exhibitors and vendors.