Happy Halloween
> A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears: > > > Bump... > > > > BUMP... > > BUMP... > > > Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. > > > BUMP... > > > BUMP... > > > BUMP... > >> > Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him > > FASTER... > > > FASTER... > > > BUMP... > > > BUMP... > > > BUMP... > > > > > He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. > > > > However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping > > > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > > > on his heels, the terrified man runs. > > > > Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. > > > > With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. > > > > > > Bumping and clapping toward him! > > > > > > The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! > > > > > > > > > > Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > and, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > (hopefully you're ready for this!!!) > > > > > > The coffin stops.
Semper Vaporo
Pkgs.
Thanks !
Happy Halloween!!
It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
Dang - we need a g-r-o-a-n "smilie"....
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
Agree - but something like this one'll have to do in the meantime . . .
Prepare to groan again.
There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them. Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed. Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring. The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married. Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired." "No problem, dearie," said one of the old ladies. "After all, nothing says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best."
There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them.
Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed.
Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring.
The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married.
Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired."
Just one of those days....http://failblog.org/2010/11/05/epic-fail-photos-classic-railway-track-fail/"><img
If I remember correctly, that was due to an earthquake; not sure I would call that one humorous.
Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!
Before reading Mutt's comment, I thought, "I wonder what the speed limit is." It really is amazing how much the rails seem to have stretched under the strain.
Johnny
dmoore74 Just one of those days....http://failblog.org/2010/11/05/epic-fail-photos-classic-railway-track-fail/"><img
Now that's just kinky!
That is the result of the earthquake in New Zealand in early September (6th or 7th). When I first saw that particular image in a posting on another forum I didn't believe it. The poster then provided other images and others found news reports about it and there were other images of the same damage from other angles. I decided to try to figure out what the earth did to cause that particular kinking. My best guess is that about 100-feet of track was compressed to a length of only about 90.5 feet. It is remarkable that the track remained so flat. Note how the ballast was just flung sideways at the peaks of the kinks.
Thank You.
Test- main page shows this thread as locked?
Thanks to Chris / CopCarSS for my avatar.
Murphy Siding Test- main page shows this thread as locked?
Not now; it was.
Cannibal Nbr. 1: My wife has been disagreeing with me.
Cannibal Nbr. 2: Could be just the garlic or the onions, but here, have an antacid.
Good one. This one might not go under humor but it can relate to the subject.Back in the 60s, the CTA had a little garden at their Kimball yard. Waterfowl and woodland critters would stop by the little slice of nature or make it their home. The employees would use the area as a BBQ type thing. unfortunately, it was removed when they did construction on the yard in the 70s
Two grumpy old men are sitting on a bench in a waiting room in a railroad station.
One says, "I just bought a round trip ticket."
The other says, "Where to?"
The first says, Why right here, you fool!"
And you thought your commuter train was crowded......
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403
zardoz And you thought your commuter train was crowded...... http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403
That wasn't a typical railfan excursion?
ChuckCobleigh zardoz: And you thought your commuter train was crowded...... http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403 That wasn't a typical railfan excursion?
zardoz: And you thought your commuter train was crowded...... http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403
I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.
zardoz I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.
Who needs to see out the front? The train'll stay on the rails, and you'll know when to stop when you get there. I'm sure the frontriders will let you know if there's something in the way...
What the NJT trains to Penn Station NYC will look like in a few years, now that NJ Governor Chris Christie cancelled the ARC = 2 new tunnels under the Hudson River . . .
Paul_D_North_Jr zardoz: And you thought your commuter train was crowded...... http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403 What the NJT trains to Penn Station NYC will look like in a few years, now that NJ Governor Chris Christie cancelled the ARC = 2 new tunnels under the Hudson River . . .
tree68 zardoz: I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window. Who needs to see out the front? The train'll stay on the rails, and you'll know when to stop when you get there. I'm sure the frontriders will let you know if there's something in the way...
zardoz: I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.
"He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But's how's his scholastic work?"
"Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
"Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
"Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."
A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks Little Bear whom he wants to live with. "Well, I don't want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too."
The Judge asks Little Bear if he has any relatives whom he likes. Little Bear says, "No. . .but I would feel safe with the Chicago Bears.....they don't beat anybody".
The priest was preparing a dying man for his voyage into the great beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
The Pope, having been invited to address the United Nations, arrives in New York and is wisked away in a private limo. Unfortunately, security delays have made the Pope late for his speech and he instructs his driver to make up the delay by driving as fast as he can. Even with the driver's best efforts, the Pope knows they are still going to arrive late and insists that the driver make even better time. The driver fears for the Pope's safety and hesitates to drive any faster. Now totally frustrated, the Pope tells the driver to get in the back and let him drive.The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver's side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains "We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters". The officer begs the Pope's pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters."Get me the chief right away!" the officer demands."This is the chief, what's the problem?""Chief, this is Roberts. I've pulled over a big shot, and I'm not so sure what to do" "Who is it, the Mayor?" asks the chief."Bigger than that" says the officer."Don't tell me you pulled over the Governor!" asks the chief."Bigger than the Governor" says the officer."Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?" "Bigger" say the officer."Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!" the chief asks, alarmed. "Chief, I'm not sure who he is, but his driver is the Pope!"
Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.