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The new and (not very) improved humor thread

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  • Member since
    November 2008
  • 86 posts
Posted by MikeInPlano on Monday, December 28, 2020 2:21 PM

Deggesty

 

 
Modelcar
How far can you go into the woods....

 

Half way.

 

Nope. All the way. When you reach the center you're all the way into the woods. Halfway in would be halfway to the center...

  • Member since
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Posted by MikeInPlano on Monday, December 28, 2020 3:21 PM

dmoore74

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?

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Your Honor

 

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start...

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Posted by MikeInPlano on Monday, December 28, 2020 3:29 PM

dmoore74
THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.

' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.

'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.

'Love dress? But you're naked!'

'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.

'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

' What are you doing?' he asked.

'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.

'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
 
 

You left off the punch line:

"The husband is in intensive care and expected to make a full recovery"

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Posted by Overmod on Monday, December 28, 2020 4:12 PM

MikeInPlano
You left off the punch line: "The husband is in intensive care and expected to make a full recovery"

I like the rhyming version of the punchline better,  about the lawyer who was telling the dowager about all the money she was about to inherit by saying "you have a nice fat legacy"...

Remember the chess game in the Seventh Seal ... or checkers in De Dueva?  Well, someone decided it would be safer to challenge Death to a pillow fight.  Oh, how tragically wrong -- he wasn't prepared for the Reaper cushions...

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Posted by Paul of Covington on Saturday, October 1, 2022 11:34 PM

   This happened two or three weeks ago, but I still can't help laughing when I happen to think about it.  The news was on TV, and the closed-captioning option happened to be on.  When the name Pat Cipollone was mentioned, the closed-captioning interpreted it as Patsy baloney.  That's all, folks, but I still can't help laughing.

_____________ 

  "A stranger's just a friend you ain't met yet." --- Dave Gardner

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  • From: Burbank IL (near Clearing)
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Posted by CSSHEGEWISCH on Monday, October 3, 2022 10:07 AM

Paul of Covington

   This happened two or three weeks ago, but I still can't help laughing when I happen to think about it.  The news was on TV, and the closed-captioning option happened to be on.  When the name Pat Cipollone was mentioned, the closed-captioning interpreted it as Patsy baloney.  That's all, folks, but I still can't help laughing.

 
That's not too unusual.  It seems to happen fairly regularly on the reruns of "Frasier" that Lynn watches on a regular basis.
The daily commute is part of everyday life but I get two rides a day out of it. Paul

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