Would you believe..... (a little humor)

[Anonymous]

Cheese mine and
Nacho average dog


let me think of some on the spot

this is harder then i thought

hmmmm

Oh heck i can't think of any
BLAST!

maybe i can think of a one liner joke

What is E.T short for?









A: he's only got tiny legs

[Anonymous]

OK, here we go again. It's the Finally Friday edition of the Humor Thread Paper. [:D]
I know everyone looks forward to the Finally Friday edition, me especially. [:D] [}:)] [;)]




Last Laugh

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously
when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman
in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If
it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back
of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

[Anonymous]

Three thousand!


oh sorry, i didn't realize the joke was over...

[Anonymous]

It's . . . . . Saturday's Silly Season . . . [:)]


Daily Thoughts

"Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a
surprised mother-in-law." Brook Hays

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

"A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops
noticing the terrible things her children do because
she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her
grandchildren do." Lois Wyse

[Anonymous]

A girl asks her mother for advice on finding "The right man"

"1", she says, "Don't sleep with a man before you're married!"
"2", she adds, "don't marry a man who snores!"

Sounds like a catch-22, eh?

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by raakone

A girl asks her mother for advice on finding "The right man"

"1", she says, "Don't sleep with a man before you're married!"
"2", she adds, "don't marry a man who snores!"

Sounds like a catch-22, eh?

raakone [:)]

Congrats on the new star. [:)]

[Willy2]

Here is a joke a heard on "Corny Joke Day" hosted by Dr. Laura ( I don't know how many of you listen to her ) but anyway here is the joke.

A child was no doing well in public school. He just did not do well. His parents debated and debated over if they should send him to a private catholic school. Finally they did it. When his first report card came back everything was still bad except for math. The parents asked why he was doing so well in math. The child answered "When I saw that guy hanging on the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

Kind of a cruel joke but still funny. I'll see if I can think of any others from that day.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by vsmith

BANG! that's a good joke!

Thought I'd throw this on itno the mix...

Subject: New Words for a New Century

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter and supplying
a new definition. Here are the 2001 winners:



Intaxication:

- Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was
your money to start with.



Reintarnation:

- Coming back to life as a hillbilly.



Foreploy:

- Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.



Giraffiti:

- Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.



Sarchasm:

- The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.



Inoculatte:

- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.



Hipatitis:

- Terminal coolness.



Osteopornosis:

- A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)



Karmageddon:

- It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.



Glibido:

- All talk and no action.



Dopeler Effect:

- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been
smoking marijuana.



And, the pick of the literature:



Ignoranus:

A person who's both stupid and an *** hole.

Hi everyone!

Whew! To find a certain post in this thread, now that is some achievement! Takes some time, but re-reading the jokes isn't bad at all. And why dig this one out? Well, I created a new word:

Wittycat:

A synonym for Mookie (the guys from the Washington Post wouldn't have a clue, but - their loss...)

And maybe Kev is right after all, maybe the singular for sheep should be shep, take the word shepherd for example....or should it be plural?

Have fun!
Oliver

[Anonymous]

It's time for . . . . . . Monday Madness [8D] [:I] [:o)]


I have been thinking (yes, Dan, I occassionally do that) [;)] about my New Years Resolution. I have decided it is time to give 100% at work. So here are the plans to do so. I will give:

12 % on Monday ( you know it is so HARD to get started after the nice weekend)
23 % on Tuesday (getting in the work mode now)
30 % on Wednesday (really on a roll--get out of the way)
20 % on Thursday (starting to make a few plans for the weekend)
15 % on Friday (just can't wait for that 5 o'clock bell and zoom--I'm outta here)

Yes 100 % -- I know it is hard but somebody has got to do it. [:D]

[Anonymous]

My new years Resolution is
To wait until the new yar to make a resolution.

[dharmon]

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

[michaelstevens]

Oliver,

I'm pretty sure that the plural of "it" is "them", or something like that.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

while in the yellow submarine [:D]

[dharmon]

I only track the little yellow submarines....

singing in them is Pops' milleau

[Anonymous]

Wow i just got a postcard..

its a half and half card.. it has a guy who is shoveling snow.. and on the other side it has a guy surrounded by 3 women on the beach with a big title.. Wish you were here?

FRigga..frackin..liga..rinkin...dinga..ramngign

Well we jsut had a snow storm that dumbed 13 inches on us, thats the cruel irony of that post card.

[dharmon]

Look on the bright side Kev

1. It had a picture of women on it.......[}:)]

2. You can use it to scrape the snow off your windshield.[:)]

[Anonymous]

Haha

[edblysard]

So your the Walrus at the end of the Long and Winding Road?

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

while in the yellow submarine [:D]

[vsmith]

Need a laugh...?

> Subject: Singles Ad
>
>
> The following ad was in The Atlanta Journal. This has got to be one of the
> best "singles ads" ever published.
>
>
> SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
> very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
> riding
> in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter
nights
> lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand.
> Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when
> you
> get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm
yours.
> Call [phone] and ask for Daisy.
>
>
> There's more............................
>
>
>
>
>
> Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society
about
> an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
> Men are so easy.

[edblysard]

And we are cheap, too!
Ed

[Anonymous]

HEY! I bought my Girlfriend an LV bag, i don't know what the LV stands for, but I know it hurt my Wallet..


I am not Cheap!

Although I can smell a sale from 9 miles away...

I ain't Cheap

[:D]

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

So your the Walrus at the end of the Long and Winding Road?

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

while in the yellow submarine [:D]

Possibly, I have a moustache....and an extra layer of ..warmth.....I swim well.

[dharmon]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

HEY! I bought my Girlfriend an LV bag, i don't know what the LV stands for, but I know it hurt my Wallet..


I am not Cheap!

Although I can smell a sale from 9 miles away...

I ain't Cheap

[:D]

LV sounds like the Roman numerals for the price

[Anonymous]

shes sound asleep so she can't correct me

I wish it would have cost LV

Think it's
Laurent Valino
Laurent Valouckie
Lawrence Vanguino
Lawrence of Arabia

(ok not the last one)

Expensive as heck

oh yeah and that one too.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

So your the Walrus at the end of the Long and Winding Road?

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

while in the yellow submarine [:D]

Possibly, I have a moustache....and an extra layer of ..warmth.....I swim well.

Oh yeah, well everybody has something to hide except for me and my monkey, back here in the USSR

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

QUOTE: Originally posted by edblysard

So your the Walrus at the end of the Long and Winding Road?

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by dharmon

If your talking bout a resolution, hey we all want to change the world......

sorry wrong song

while in the yellow submarine [:D]

Possibly, I have a moustache....and an extra layer of ..warmth.....I swim well.

Oh yeah, well everybody has something to hide except for me and my monkey, back here in the USSR

OK . . OK . . OK

IT'S TIME TO . . . . .


LET IT BE [;)]

[Anonymous]

Well now , I thought this was the humor thread but all I hear is . . . . .

The Sound Of Music [8D]


The Hillllssss are alive with the sound of Musicccccccccccccccccccccccccccc.

OK , I stop singing. [}:)]

[Anonymous]

It is now time for the next edition of the Hunor Thread Paper [:)]


This is a true story.


One time at church several of the ladies were discussing wearing makeup and not wearing makeup. Some for "for" and some were "against". The discussion continued for some time with neither side giving in. The pastor just happened to walk into the area where the discussion was taking place. Poor man became caught in the middle. So they ask the pastor point blank his decision on wearing makeup.
After a few seconds of thought he said, "A little paint will make any old barn look better". [:D]

[edblysard]

Hey Jim,
If you printed all these jokes up, and put them together in a binder, you could call yourself a Paperback Writer.
You could do so without any Help at all.
It would make for a Hard Days Night, but when you were done, you could to get with Kevin to get a Ticket to Ride, and go with him Back to the USSR, where I am sure the joke book would be such a big hit it might cause a Revolution.
Stay Frosty,
Ed

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

shes sound asleep so she can't correct me

I wish it would have cost LV

Think it's
Laurent Valino
Laurent Valouckie
Lawrence Vanguino
Lawrence of Arabia

(ok not the last one)

Expensive as heck

oh yeah and that one too.

but she loves You now you know that can"t be bad
she loves YOU and you know you should be glad ooooooooooooooo!
ouch I better call the doctor![:)]
stay safe
Joe